Hello my wonderful chums and welcome
back I hope you’re all really really well today we are gonna have a crazy
little story time as voted for by you so thanks for that this story is about
eight years old so it’s an oldie but a goodie but I have never spoken about
this I’ve never really spoken out like publicly about it or even really told
many friends about this particular story. I think it’s because when these things
happen to you you need to process them, you need to kind of let them go and you
need to kind of feel okay about sitting at first it kind of hurt me and I needed
to kind of like feel at peace from it. but here we go (Music) About eight years ago
Daisy was a little tot and she was going to play group, and she was invited to
her little friends party so I think she was about three or four and I went
along to their house and we are sat there in the kitchen,
I say sat there I was there and then people were kind of like congregated
around in the kitchen, I didn’t know anyone very well at, all you only people
that I knew there were the people who were hosting the party and then the rest
of the people that were there were complete strangers, and so it’s all like
you know the the polite conversation “Oh so what do you do?” “how olds your little one?” “Oh yeah does she sleep through the night?” You know the
kind of stuff that I’m talking about ,and we’re just making polite conversation in
the kitchen Daisy’s out in the garden playing quite, happily and then in walks
this guy through the back door (Said the actress to the bishop.) I actually can’t remember
this guy’s name but we’re gonna call him Kevin
so in walks Kevin and they’re like “Yaya ohh kev!! mate yeah how’s it going? They weren’t
actually like that they were quite posh kind of thing like “oh hi kev
yeah nice you know great to see you” and it’s apparent that Kevin is like the
life and soul of the party and and he knows everyone and he’s clearly quite a
popular type of person. do you know the person I mean? Who kind of just walks into the
room everyone takes notice that he’s very and they’re like really popular
that was instant kind of feeling that I got. So Im there and then he starts
telling this story and he’s holding court and everyone is hanging on his
every word we’re all sat there in the kitchen and then, he’s telling this story
about his friend who is a farmer and this farmer is quite “trigger” happy and he’s
saying “oh yeah like he’ll shoot anything you know like anything that’s a little
bit lame, he’d even shoot you!” (Drmatic pause) And at that point I
kind of stopped like and I have this huge wave of hotness rush over me and I
can feel tears stinging and my nose stinging and like I’m swallowing and I’m
holding it together but at which point he delivers his punchline the whole crowd
he is with erupt into enormous laughter and I’m just I just want the world to
swallow me up. I felt horrendous so he’s kind of like comparing me to an animal
that’s lame that should be put down. At this point
actually I had this fight-or-flight kind of emotion and to be honest I just
wanted to get up storm out and leave and never ever be seen again and not say
another word to anybody. Now being disabled you might know that we can’t
storm out and make an elaborate exit it’s really really freaking difficult. It
was difficult enough trying to get through the house and then you got to go
you like through the corridors through to the kitchen out the back. Daisy’s out
in the garden she’s playing really really nicely and if anyone has got
little ones it’s very hard to extract them from a play date let alone party
and also the garden wasn’t wheelchair accessible it had like steps all the way
down, and I’m thinking this I’m trapped the next thing I remember is
I had just removed myself from the whole situation and I went and sat that in the
lounge, and I was sat there and i felt horrendously uncomfortable. I didn’t
really want to be around these people that found that funny and who didn’t
even know me like gives them the right to say that you know? and then I thought
kind of like pull yourself together gem you’re probably being too sensitive get
over it and get on with it .So I kind of did I didn’t really say anything to
anyone except myself to myself which is a really me I’m always up for making
small talk polite conversation it’s it’s it’s one of my talents. I do quite
enjoy it but I did it and waited till we had birthday cake wait until we got the
party bags and then I made an exit (sighs) So I got home and I told Shaun about what have
just happened and he was like “you’re lucky I wasn’t there” kind of
thing I needed to share it with him because I had to I kind of questioned
myself was I being too sensitive was the joke funny, maybe maybe some
people could take that as a joke but it doesn’t matter it’s about how it makes
you feel and what you think is right and you know maybe if I had known someone
for a long time and they knew me and they had said that joke you might have
been a little bit more “bearable ,”but it doesn’t matter it’s how it made me feel
and it made me feel uncomfortable and upset and no one should make you feel
like that ,and it’s not fair, and we shouldn’t be the brunt of other people’s
jokes . So the next week we go to playgroup and I see the mum of the child
who was there and I was a bit off ish with her and I and as I was going back
to my car we were kind of talking and I was like look I’ve just got to I’ve got
to say this now at this point I was kind of shaking and like a really really
really nervous because I really don’t stick up for myself or speak up for
myself or confront people and you like that as well? I hate it so I said look,
what your friend said to me at that party I felt was very wrong and very
hurtful and he didn’t have the right to say that he didn’t even know me and for
you to all stand there in the kitchen and laugh at me
and the situation I felt very very uncomfortable about, (Im like this inside) and she was like oh
yeah he actually thought you were so-and-so”s ,sister who had broken her leg a while
ago and we all laughed because we felt so uncomfortable and nervous
fair point, okay that’s why kind of thing, and I was like I had said my bit I had
said how I had felt, and that was that and I got in my car. And then I think the
next day Kevin sends me a card and in the card he had written a very long very
heartfelt apology and he had felt awful about what he had said and he said
“you know I feel so bad that I have made another human being feel that way, I
didn’t know who you were I didn’t know your circumstances and I am so so sorry
and I hope that you will forgive me? from the bottom of my heart I can only
apologize.” kudos to Kevin for actually
acknowledging that he had said something wrong and he apologized to me and at the
end of the day he must be a good guy if he is gonna do that and of course I
accept his apology but at the time it felt horrendous. I think I did see the
the lady who owned the house and who had the child at the party and I
said you know I got the card thank you so much and yes of course, no hard
feelings and move on. Sadly I never really saw
them again they went to a different school and I’d be quite happy to sit
down and be her friend but I think that she felt too awkward about the whole
situation and had to sort of we, had to part ways which was a shame because I
did like her and I know we did get on well. So that’s that’s annoying I
thought I would share that story with you because you know you do go to
parties you do go out people don’t know you and they say those ridiculous things
the most ridiculous things we’ve all got the story to tell
many many many stories to tell, I have many many videos with many many stories
so please feel free to go and check those out if you want a little bit of a
laugh because some of them are quite But it doesn’t matter if you think if your
question is it right was I being too sensitive da da da da da no it’s how it
made you feel deep inside and I think that’s what I wanted to get the message
across today it’s not whether someone else thinks it’s right or wrong it’s how
it makes you feel and if it makes you feel a comfortable makes you feel sad
makes you feel upset you need to get away from that situation you know I said
I’m sorry but I don’t like your opinion I don’t like your story, I don’t like
what you just said to me it made me feel uncomfortable.
N o one should give you the right to feel like that
so Harris endeth the lesson earth quick little story quick little video hope you
enjoyed it thumbs up if you did. Make sure to subscribe and watch some more
videos after you have watched this one because there might be something that
you have missed may I recommend stupid things people actually said to me about
my disability this video is shoutout goes to grace wheeler grace thank you so
much for watching and I look forward to seeing everyone in my next video bye

About the author




  2. I'm glad he at least apologised and acknowledged afterwards. It was super offensive and at the time would always be a situation where you will have felt hurt and the awkwardness it caused. But situations like this are all too common and so many mad stories occur in most of our lives.


  4. Awesome vid Gem!!! I’ve had similar experiences. One time I was at a friend’s birthday party ( I was around 7 at the time ), and there was this magician and he needed volunteers for this magic trick. Of course I put my hand up. Then the magician calls me up to the front ( I have a limp due to muscular dystrophy) and he suddenly said. “Let the penguin have a go!” Everyone else starts laughing hysterically. I was just in pure shock. After he performed the magic trick, I’d had enough and persuaded my mum to take me home. Later on my school mates decided to call me a penguin from then all the way to the end of primary school. Very embarrassing and quite rude if you ask me.

  5. OKay that we might have our internal jokes inside the community whis can be kind of dark humor. Like when I was on a camp with Young Rheumatics here in Sweden we joked that "no one likes us, not even we selves" as we all had one or more autoimmune deceases. But that does not make it okay for someone outside to make fun of it, especially if it is someone you just met.

  6. Between me and my friends a joke like that would be normal, BUT we are all friends, they know my situation and why I use a wheelchair and the big thing is we are all horse people and back when I was still able to walk a reasonable amount and handle the horses there was a running gag that I couldn’t present horses to the vet because I was so lame I put the vet off. But that is between very good friends, not the same at all.
    One of the most hurtful I have had is from a lady on the bus as I was parking myself in the wheelchair area she said to me ‘I don’t know how YOU PEOPLE do it’ that one hurt. When I was pregnant with my first I was still walking but my disorder effects more than just my mobility and somebody, a practical stranger with no real knowledge of my condition told me that ‘people like you shouldn’t even have kids’ that was 15 years ago, still stings.

  7. I don't think you were being too sensitive at all. I think I would've reacted in the same way. The 'joke' felt very eugenic-sy, I really don't see how 'joking' about shooting a disabled person is funny, especially in the kind of context that you're talking about, i.e a kids birthday, where he doesn't even know you… (I don't know if there's any situation where a joke like that would ever be funny, but as you said, maybe if it was among good friends, i.e playing a game like cards against humanity, it would be more bearable.) There's a lot of problematic stuff loaded to that 'joke' about his perception of disabled lives and comparing you to a lame animal is also disgusting. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm disabled myself and still remember someone calling me a waste of the NHS' money as a 'joke'. Words can be so painful sometimes. It is really good that you've put a video up about this, because I think people need to realise that these kinds of comments are not acceptable xx

  8. Gem you where right to feel that. I would probably have flipped.
    ( whispers "at 3 min (dramatic effect ) there's a spelling wupsi in your captions") No offence meant!! I did a similar thing in the subtitles I made the other day)

  9. I'm so glad "Kevin" redeemed himself. Not many people would have had the introspect to see the error of their ways and then take the time to write a personal note. Many years ago I was brand new to my job and was introduced to one of the engineers who immediately called me an "invalid". This was one of only two times in 20+ years that I took offense to something someone said to me regarding disability. Instead of getting upset, I explained to him that in the US (he was from South Africa), we don't use that term when referring to disabled people. I showed him how the word really means "in-valid", "not valid","less than" etc. Just because the accent is on a different syllable in that word doesn't make it appropriate to use when talking to or about disability. I didn't see him around much after that, and he left the company about a year later, but I hope I taught him something about how to see disabled people.

  10. Here’s my story of an insensitive joke: Background: I’m seemingly able bodied but have a service dog.
    Story: I was running a couple minutes late to a college class (first day, new building) and the professor has already started class. I quickly go to take my seat when he said “oh no! Hope no one has any drugs on them! The K9 is here!” Making almost all 100 people turn to look at me and make comments about my service dog.
    All I could say was “all she’ll do is tell you when you’re about to pass out and hit your head on concrete. Sorry!”
    The professor got an awkward look on his face but kept teaching. I sat down and the person I sat down next to apologized for how awkward it was.
    I just wanted to run to the bathroom and cry. He was a total stranger and knew nothing of why I had a service dog.

  11. People can be so cruel, and what’s really sad is when you become disabled you seem to lose a lot of your friends if not all. I have probably lost about 99.9% of my friends

  12. Personally If someone had said that to me I would have rammed my chair into them and break their legs so that they would know what it felt like for them being in a wheelchair and have that said to them.

  13. I’m in a wheelchair too Gem and have many stories of rude ignorant people but this story broke my heart, I’m sorry you were treated so poorly but you handled it so much better than I would have. I’m only a few years into needing my wheelchair and really struggle still with just how thoughtless people can be. Normies really don’t know how to behave around us and that’s crazy to me in this day and age! You are such an inspiration to me! Thankyou for all your great content and making a difference in the education and raising disability awareness ♥️ You are such a Gem 😝 LoL groan 🤣

  14. An idiot in the post office queue decided to make a joke about how I got there and I obviously didn't walk…
    No, I came by car I said, so he repeated that I didn't walk there etc I just glared at him so he said "I'm only trying to cheer you up"
    I'm already perfectly happy thanks I said and we left the queue with everyone glaring at this idiot.

  15. Today I learned that lame does indeed mean something else than just "boring". At first I didn't understand why it was such a big deal until I googled it. English is interesting and I seem to still have a lot to learn.
    Messed up guy, that Kevin. Glad to hear he kind of redeemed himself though

  16. omg I have tourettes and the condition is the punchline in so many stupid jokes. people just say it in a joke and people laugh, there laughing at me, my condition feel its only a joke not a real neurological condition or people trying to set off my tics. so been there so many times

  17. I have a story about being the butt of a persons joke too that happened about a week ago

    Background: I have a traumatic head injury from when I was 7, a door fell on my head and it’s affected my memory and other stuff like my hands and speaking. (I still don’t know if I would be considered disabled or not)

    Story: I was in drama class and I was practicing my lines with my group when I had a mind blank moment and forgot how to speak properly.

    So I was making noises with my mouth trying to kickstart my mouth into being able to formulate words again, when one of the people in the group called me a caveman and started mocking the noises I was making while I was getting upset because I can’t speak to defend myself while they’re doing this to me

  18. I hardly know what to say.
    In my view, there is no excuse for saying something so terribly insensitive. No matter who he (may have) thought you were.

  19. Hi Gem! I absolutely agree with you. It took me many many years to finally stand up for myself. People always tend to joke about anxiety and depression and brush it off or make you feel like it's all made up. Sometimes even though I know my husband tries his best I even have to break my feelings down for him. I know this is kind of a different situation but I think we can apply this to all of us because we have valid feelings. We have a right to the way we feel and people can't tell us how to feel.

  20. #angryface I'm a wheelchair user myself an to be honest I would of stuck up for myself and I would of given him a mouthful but that's just me

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