3 Steps for Handling Conflict in Marriage (Relationships)

– Hey everyone, welcome to the Christian and
Tiffany Channel. We’re excited to have you with us. Today, we’re gonna be talking about
arguing, conflict and fighting in marriage. – Disagreements and I’ll tell you what in
our household, we have a lot of disagreements because we both have strong personalities. – True that. – We both have a lot of opinions and we tend
to be forceful about our opinions sometimes. – Because they’re right. – Mine are, yeah. So we had to learn how to
communicate effectively through those disagreements so that we come out better in the end, closer
in the end, not distant. That sort of thing. So, stick with us, we’re gonna give you some
helpful tips and steps and even a free resource to show you how to turn your communication
with your spouse from fighting to just great conversation. Okay, so first we’re gonna talk
about the difference between fighting and disagreeing. Disagreeing happens all the time.
It’s okay to have a different opinion than your spouse. Right? – Yeah. I’m right a lot of the time so I definitely
agree with that. – No, not true. So, a fight though, is when
you allow those disagreements to go undiscussed and you kind of stuff ’em down and then they
kind of build back up until you have this, like breaking moment and then you have an
emotional outburst. And you’re like, “I’m fed up. I can’t handle it anymore.” And then
you just – throw stuff? – No, I was going to say verbally vomit on
your spouse. All the things that have been building up that if you had talked about them
as they came up, it never would have built up to that point of erupting and so the key
is to communicate often. When you have a disagreement, talk through it. Don’t let it build up and
get to the point where it’s no longer a disagreement, now it’s just an all out fight. So we’re gonna
give you three steps to work through that communication process, to prevent a disagreement
from turning into a fight. – Love it. Do I read to the make up part yet? – No that’s at the very end. – Ahh. – Slow your roll. – Step one. Ask yourself some questions. Why
are you so upset? Right, I have to ask myself that. What’s really on the inside that’s bothering
me in the situation? – I think, sometimes, we can just be irritated,
be frustrated, have a hard day and we take it out on each other. And, you know, it’s
not necessarily something that needs to end up in a deep discussion but then there’s times
when it’s like we really need to talk this out. Here’s the thing. I learned that when
I’m really upset and my emotions are getting in the way and I’m either really angry like,
throwing a laundry basket angry or really emotional, like crying, blubbering and he
can’t understand the words coming out of my mouth emotional. If I write it down, it helps
me to clarify my thoughts, makes it easier for me to communicate to him exactly what’s
going on and what I need him to do to help me. – When I see it, I see, I get past all those
tears and snot and screaming and all that kind of stuff that happened. And, you know,
throwing stuff. I’ve never thrown anything. – One time, I threw a laundry basket and not
at him, just, I like threw it down on the floor. – It’s so, anyways, you could see those sentences
and it just brings clarity. For me, it’s like, “Oh, okay. You need this.” or “You need that.”
It just makes it really, really easy and simple, breaks it down and it’s like, “Of course I
can fix that.” – Yeah. – Right? If I get that the next day, there’s
no argument attached to it. There’s not emotions that are heated to it. I read those three
things and I’m like, “They’re just three tasks. You know us guys, we’re like, three pumps,
I can check those off right now, fixed.” – Fixed. So we actually created a tool for
you that you can have for free. There’s a link down in the description. It’s just a
discussion template to help you sort of sort through those disagreements, kind of write
it all out so that it’s really easy for you to talk it out which is coming up next. Step
two is talk it out. So you’ve gone through all the effort of calming down your emotions
and writing down the pointers and next thing is to find the right time to really talk it
out with your spouse. Not right after work. Not first thing in the morning. When everything
is calm and silent. When kids are entertained or in bed. When you’ve got some free time.
When you can really start talking through and hashing out stuff without interruption,
that’s the best time to talk it out. And here’s the most important thing, it’s not just about
getting your thoughts out, it’s about your spouse having the chance to respond with something
like, “What I hear you saying is…” Or “When you say this, it makes me feel like I’m not
doing a good job.” You have to allow time for both of you to be able to share openly
so take time to listen as well as share. – Step three, always, and I do mean always,
as often as you possibly can – [Christina and Tiffany] Make up. – That’s right, it’s really important that
when all is said and done, you’ve talked, you’ve cried if necessary, you worked through
your issues, you’ve come to an agreement, you’ve compromised, you’ve decided that you’re
gonna do less or do more or whatever it is, that you’ve come together – For cuddle time. – In love. – Cuddle time. – And it doesn’t have to end in cuddle time
but affection guys, you gotta seal it with affection. – [Christian whispers] Cuddle time. Code,
cuddle time. – Code? – We talked about fighting. We talked about
arguing. We talked about resolution. We talked about the new tool that we’re gonna give you
to be able to write it out. Gentlemen, so that you can get it taken care of. So that
you too can have more cuddle time. – Hopefully, you’ll find this video helpful
for you. Don’t forget to download that free resource for working through your disagreements
and please like this video. Subscribe to our channel. Share this video on social media
if you think your friends or family might find some helpful tips from it. And don’t
forget to ring the bell. [Theme Music] – Step three clear. [Christian chuckling] – I mean, – You know, cuddle time. – But like, you’re talking – It’s cuddle time. – has to lead a resolution. – If I’m like trying to bear my heart and
soul to you, and you’re like, you know, broke to me that, “Can we make out yet?” I’m gonna
be like, “We haven’t loose off this yet, brother.” Hm-mm. Right? So [Tiffany Chuckling]. – Why don’t you keep going? That was great.

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