6 Talks to Win in Money and Marriage 🏆


So I have six money talks
that every couple needs to have. One of those is the story talk. Now the story talk is all
about understanding your spouse and where they’ve come from. You know a lot of people
say that growing up your household was your classroom. And for a lot of us
there’s lessons we learned in the classroom that we
want to take into adulthood and use in our marriage and it’s great. And there’s some lessons
that we want to unlearn. And I think we all have those, don’t we? But understanding where
your spouse has come from in regards to money is so key ’cause then you suddenly
understand their heart and why they view money the way they do. So to jump-start the story talk, there’s a statement with a blank that is important for you and your spouse both to fill out and to talk about. So what the statement is, is: In my house, growing
up money was blank. And just start that conversation
and you’ll be amazed if you haven’t had this
conversation already where your spouse has come from. Now another money talk you
need to have is the fear talk. So when it comes to money
there is this sense of fear with a lot of people. And fear makes us do crazy things. This is why some people get
a secret checking account or a secret credit card. The fear of their spouse
knowing what they’re buying, you know, just paralyzes them and they do all these crazy things. So, fear is something that’s
really important to understand and to understand what your
spouse’s greatest fear is. So there’s a few fears around money that actually Dr. Les Parrott wrote about and they’re brilliant and
so I took that content and I was like Les, I
have got to teach on this ’cause it is so good. So here are a couple of
fears that you might have. Number one, the fear of
just the lack of influence that you have in your money. I find that a lot of
women have this feeling of like, “Okay, he’s banker,
he knows what he’s doing. I mean, who am I to talk about money?” You have this idea that your
influence is not important. So that is a fear for a lot of women. There also is a fear of a lack of respect. And I find this with a lot of men. They’ll say things like, “Well
she does the grocery shopping and all the shopping
for all of our things we need in our house, and so I don’t know how much things cost, she’s
not gonna listen to me.” And so there’s just this idea that there’s not a ton
of respect on your part. And this could go male or female, but I hear a lot of men talk about this. There’s also the fear
of the lack of security. And this is the idea that
if something were to happen if there was a medical emergency or someone lost their job
there’s not enough money to take care of you and your family. And that’s a real fear
for a lot of people. And there’s also the fear of
not realizing your dreams. You know you think back
when you were dating and you’re like, one of my
dream in life was to live on at least six acres, I
just wanted to live on land. And now you’re stuck in a
neighborhood at 45 years old and you don’t see the
possibility of that happening. Or maybe it’s you always
wanted to race cars and it was a hobby you used to have and you thought, “Oh,
that’s all I want to do. I want to enjoy my time and race cars.” And now you’re not able to do that. And it’s just this fear
that you have this dream, but it’s not gonna come true. And so these fears, again, dictate many of our money decisions and how we interact with our spouse. So, get with your spouse
and fill in this statement: My greatest financial fear is blank. And it can be one of the
four we just talked about or something totally different. But, have that conversation
and again many of you will be very surprised
at what your spouse says. Also have the giving talk. Giving is a crucial part
of what we teach about when it comes to money. And being able to do this together and as a team is very, very crucial. Because when you start giving
when it comes to your money and you start living with that open hand that attitude is so contagious
and suddenly you’re giving in other areas of your life. You start serving your spouse more. I mean there’s really
this contagious feeling when it comes to giving and something that everyone needs to experience. So if you haven’t already, I would definitely challenge you to that. But, when it comes to giving,
a lot of spouses have conflict because one of you is probably
a more emotionally led giver, that’s me, you know
where you see something, you’re moved by something and you’re like, “Okay, I just want to be
able help, we have money, we can just give some money this way.” And you very much are emotionally led. Where others of you, more of Winston,
more of a calculated giver. Winston and I when we really
started formalizing our giving a few years ago and taking
it really seriously, we had a big conversation because he said that he took such this
responsibility, this weight he felt, that we look into where
we give so critically and so deeply as much as we
do our retirement accounts and our investments. We take as much time
there with our giving. So are you more of an
emotionally led giver or a calculated giver? So, talk to your spouse about that. And there’s also the grace talk. So why is grace important? Because we have all made money mistakes. And we will all continue to make mistakes. We’re not gonna be perfect. No one is gonna be perfect. Winston and I, we still
make money mistakes, okay? So you have to understand
that’s going to happen. But there is this fine line between grace when it comes to money
specifically with your spouse because too many rules around everything and everything’s just so structured it gets so legalistic. And it’s like, “Oh my
gosh, chill out” right? But then other times when you just say, “Oh, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay.” And they keep overspending and
overspending and overspending or they have a secret
credit card or whatever and you’re like, “That’s okay, that’s okay.” That starts to be enabling bad behavior. So there is this balance
when it comes to it where yes, we’re gonna make mistakes. But the key is, we have to
learn from our mistakes. But with your spouse, give them grace. So, what you can do is
fill in this statement with your spouse: When
I make a money mistake, I love it when you blank. So, these are just four of
the money talks you can have. If you want more, click the
link in the description below for my conversation starter cheat sheet. Or if you really want to have
a fun date night experience, come see Dr. Les Parrott and myself at our Money & Marriage events. We are all over the country, so make sure to click the link below and get tickets and come out.

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  2. I just have an aha moment watching this video in that I could fill in the blank for these things myself as a single person, as a way to reflect and better understand myself and my relationship with money!

  3. What's the difference between the fear of "lack of influence" and "lack of respect"? The examples you gave for each make them seem the same.

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