Arranged Marriage x Love Marriage | Crossroads Ep 2


Hi my name is Rati Girish I am 37 years old can you believe it Hi I am Janvi I am 32 years old I work as a consultant and I’ve been a Mumbaikar, excited to be here I’m an independent writer, voice over artist, a mom to 2 human beings and one four legged being So I just wanted to hear somebody else
talk about a subject that I don’t really think about anymore I’m just as honest as I can be and like I said I love being on camera and talking about stuff so ya that works in my favour What’s your love story? So once I turned 25 my dad started putting out these ads on these websites So it’s a very professional setup so we had these magazines and it just passed on from one family to another And you’ve got these horoscopes in there you’ve got you know, wanted bride wanted groom that sort of thing that’s how you know his rishta give to my house long story short we first met in June and we were
married in Jan Oh wow! So mine is not really a very straight forward love story but I mean there’s a little bit of twist because I actually knew my husband
when I was a kid Janam janam ka saath! So I was in Spain I was doing my PhD and I had put out this Facebook post with said I wish there was some food here which had spice in it because I’m kinda tired of eating the same thing over and over again So he sent me message because he used to live in Spain and sent me a message saying “Hey you know what I know a few places that you may actually like” and that’s how we started talking So it’s like a long-ish love story Ya it’s a long-ish love story! How did your friends and family
react to your decision? This is a good one So I was in the middle of my PhD and the first question my mum asked is What about your PhD? And my parents also were really happy because they knew that I was happy and that I’d made a choice that I felt very confident about So when I announced that this is the person I was going to marry Two of my closest friends were in a relationship at that time you know with their respective husbands and they were like But you don’t know him! But are you sure? And he’s so far away and you haven’t even met him Is this going to be right for you? Are you sure? How do you know? And I just said, “I don’t” But I was met with a lot of “Are you sure?”s But of course now years later things have changed Of course they have. And how! And how! I chose this because You guess, I chose, to have a love marriage because… I guess this is a layered answer I mean yes I chose to be with my life partner but even arranged marriages are a choice I mean they’re not forced marriages as sometimes how Western culture see arranged marriages I think everybody has a choice but there is
also an element of things falling in place when they do So we were raised, my sister and I we were raised saying you know This is what’s going to happen, you’re going to be 25, we’re going to start looking out for you So you grow up like that and it becomes this sort of ego thing for your parents My daughter listened to me and had an arranged marriage Found the guy that we chose for her
that sort of thing So it was just at that point in time it was just like ya OK go ahead do whatever you want And even when you’re having and arranged marriage it’s not like your dad and mom chose somebody for you And they’re like ya that’s the guy you gotta marry I must have seen like 45 profiles, met 20+ men Untill I finally found the one I want to marry so it’s not like pretty much like you could say I saw 20 people had a conversation with them met them for coffee they just didn’t seem right but suddenly this person comes along and you’re like OK there’s something here and you wanna explore The biggest hurdle I’ve had to face is So I think it was a more mental thing So the funny thing is, so the Tamil Brahmin community 90% of the grooms are in the US and that was a country I did not want to go to so when I found one was living in Germany I said “Oh somebody who chose a different country” I said “Oh wow! Travel Europe” so we did all of that and we were in Germany for a year Before we got an offer to move to the US At that point in time it was more “I have to be in India my career my career my
career” That was my identity sort It was sort of who I was and just to break that and to take this leap into something completely unknown and in the last 10 years do stuff that you know I’m actually could add more than what I had studied to do you know so I was trained to do this It’s just been amazing so to get over that mental block, that was a big hurdle So the biggest hurdle for us was the long
distance because we both had you know competing professional priorities at that point and we realised that this is something that we just have to power through My lowest low has been The lowest low was when was when I found out that I had to move back to Spain right after we got married I think it was a really low point when I found out my advisor was really sick and I was like Finally we get to be together in the same place but in 2 months I had to pack my bags and leave Especially when you have an arranged marriage everyday is sort of a
learning process because you’ve basically just corresponded on email and phone and text before When you’re finally living with that person you’re like Oh he’s not as clean as I thought he would be and he’s not you know tidy and he doesn’t know how to cook and he hates whatever, something that you love And just a lot of this initial a lot of friction
initially like the first month we must have just had so many of these like small little fights And at the end of that month I was just like “Ok this has gotta stop” you know “We’re here, we’re away from family there’s nobody I can complain to and” So that was like a really low point at that time if I can remember it correctly and it’s just And we just had a conversation saying “Listen we’ve got to start getting to know each other, we’ve got to start working off of each other’s strengths and sort of build each other up because if we want this to work it’s gonna have to be like that because literally we’re all that we have My greatest high has been… Wow! So I think the greatest high has been that we’ve been able to connecton such a level with three of our kids We have a dog and two sons and they are our greatest joys because
we just we always see eye to eye when it comes to those three I don’t know how we don’t agree on anything else but we see eye to eye when it’s those three and it’s just weird because it shouldn’t be that way I don’t know how it just shouldn’t work out that way but it has and it’s just such a high when have these, so we celebrate parenting wins now and its been a journey from getting to where we were, the lowest low to just celebrating the three of our kids It’s ya I would say that’s a high I guess for us for it’s travelling the world together I think that’s been awesome I remember so I was in South America on a fellowship and he visited me in Kuko and we went to machu Picchu together So that was like literally high We’ve been to these really cool restaurants after having researched so much and had these experiences together you know which is which makes like we have these pictures from all these different places and I’m like Oh My God I feel like you know it’s nice to have your best friend be a participant of something fun so we’ve been there for each other when we are having our own individual highs which is fabulous One thing I was wrong about I was wrong about everything I was wrong about the way in which I thought a love marriage would be meaning that I thought everything will
be hunky dory and in that you know I will be like all sing and dance I don’t have I guess I had the wrong expectation in general about marriage so I was wrong about that However I was right about the fact that
if you find the right person and you trust each other you are able to you know get
through so much together What was I wrong about? I guess it would be my whole idea of living, what would my in-laws would expect I was brought up to think that these are the expectations a daughter-in-law has in on her and these are the things that she’s got to do and you gotta be a certain way and you got to be this that that’s wrong, my in-laws are great It’s nothing like what I thought I was supposed to be doing you know that was one big thing And other than that I just thought it would be a lot more effort lot more work to be put into this and it hasn’t been. It’s just been us making our own rules as we go and you know, living by our own stuff and doing what is comfortable for us
and not really caring about what everybody else is thinking If you could switch places would you? Ya why not ya I mean so you know, why not? Your story is just amazing if it that could happen to me, why not? I absolutely think love marriages don’t have sometimes is this idea of compromise You know I think I guess I never mentioned this before but the truth is that every marriage is a compromise whether it’s love arrange whatever other different tags you want to give it you have to compromise for the other individual which is you’re married and I think that’s something that I wish someone had told me What do you envy about the person sitting in front of you? I guess, I don’t envy but I really admire your clarity of thought I just like the fact that you are able to clearly articulate a lot of things I really admire that Wow! Thanks ya I mean I often feel like I don’t have clarity of thought so that’s good that somebody else is seeing it in me I mean, South America, Spain, the US Bay area where have you not been, you know? The very fact that you know you were able to have that strength of your relationship to say To have that long distance relationship that’s that’s fantastic, I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to do that So early on in your realtionship to have that strength to do it and to travel these different countries with him to be travelling with your best friend that’s such a lovely thing to say My choice makes me feel… My choice makes me feel, I mean I’ve married 10 years so my choice makes me feel now that I’m glad I made it you know? Anything could have gone wrong with my choice as well but 10 years down the line I think it was one of the best things that I did And I just went for it on a gut feeling and ya I’m just glad I did So I guess I feel that it’s I feel very fortunate that he and I have a connection where we are able to kind of talk to each other is friends when things
are not going well and talk to each other and share really fun things with each other because you know we are each other’s best friends So this was fun wasn’t it, Janvi? It was a total ball I didn’t know what to expect coming in like Rati it was awesome connecting with you, getting to know your story and ya I think that it’s two women connecting and you know kind of sharing Did you think that you know arranged marriage could have this much romance in it? Absolutely, I always knew that Romance is between two people Type of marriage has nothing to do with it I was just so much fun to have this chat Vitamin Stree has been, it’s been fun Matchmaker

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Comments

  1. Love VITAMIN STREE ….they give the content I crave for!! Everytime! ! Never fails! ! And I love the loads of efforts you put in your sketches

  2. Me wanting… Love cum Arrange marriage
    You get your own dream partner and at the same time you dont upset your parents.

    The ugly truth …We dont get it what we think of.

  3. Lady in the sari has features similar to nandita das! Both girls are very elegant and conduct themselves well, very civil. Also how respectful they are towards each other and it's nice to see them actually listening to each other. Thank you for this!

  4. This channel is criminally underrated, it's damn good content, you'll get the recognition you deserve soon enough 💝

  5. I don't want to be a Debby Downer but there's a totally dark side to arrange marriages that sadly, in 2020 still exists in India. It might not happen in most families in cities like delhi and mumbai but sadly in parts of india, young people are forced to marry based on parent's choice alone, caste and all sorts of nonsense.

  6. I like the line….we hv 3 kids…2 sons n my dog…seriously too good…its like when someone lives with u whether it is animal or human…it is our family….

  7. I don't know but I found this whole interview is a little awkward …like sitting infront of a complete stranger and explaining things..eww

  8. Good concept….but in my opinion maybe these women are from high class background…by high class I mean high encome household and they live in urban areas….the condition of middle and lower background are drastically different from them in both cases…. I don't think that what they said was realistic….this is the story of maybe some 10-15% households which are more educated or for the lack of a better word privileged (not to offend anyone)….as a women from middle class rural household I don't think that that's how I would describe love or arrange marriage….again good concept but next time please include the view of more middle or lower background…..I love your videos…they are very informative….this is the first video I have slight disagreement with…other than this good job👍👍

  9. Thanx for the video ….this proved me wrong about the wrong misconceptions about marriage and most arrange marriage

  10. WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!! Sucha classy & lovely video! Lovely women! Please make more of such videos! I subscribed 2days ago & I'm absolutely loving vitamin stree❤❤❤

  11. Mrs Rati Girish (the one in an arranged marriage) resembles this lovely actress Nandita Das.
    Good content. Keep it up!

  12. Sorry but i just want to know that if it's just me Or she really looks like priyanka chopra . Little bit from facial features

  13. The 32 yr old consultant looks older than the 37 old writer. This clearly shows the toll it takes from our stressful jobs.

  14. My parents had a typical arrange marriage and they had very bad times financially but they were always there for each other till my father passed way.

  15. I feel its nothing about arrange or love marriage…its about the mutual undrstndin respect n priorities … Both the person needs to understnd ..now there journey will b diffrnt and u have to give everyday something..

  16. Interview was lovely but the part where she says "Tamil Brahmin community" is extremely noxious. What was the point of the mention even?

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