Ashton Kutcher Forces His Son to Walk by Ellen and Portia’s House


You know, hosting the
show is such a joy. And I like to spread
the joy around, so I’ve asked my friend, my neighbor,
my hall pass to co-host. I think you’re going
to like it a whole lot. Please welcome Ashton Kutcher. [MUSIC – CHAMILLIONAIRE FT.
KRAYZIE BONE, “RIDIN'”] Trying to catch me riding dirty. Trying to catch me riding dirty. Trying to catch me riding dirty. Trying to catch me riding dirty. Police think they
can see me lean. I’m tint so it ain’t
easy to be seen. When you see me ride by they
can see the gleam and my shine on the deck and the TV screen. Riding with a new chick,
she like, hold up. Next to the
PlayStation controller is a full clip in my pistola. Turn a jacker into a coma. Girl you ain’t know, I’m
crazy like Krayzie Bone. Just trying to bone, ain’t
trying to have no babies. Rock clean as hell
so I pull in ladies. Law’s on patrol and
you know they hate me. Music turned all the way
up until the maximum, got trying to jack for some,
but we packing something that we have for them. We’ll have locked up
in a maximum security cell I’m gripping oak. Music loud and I’m tipping slow. Twin steady, twisting
like hit this dough. Police pull up right behind
and it’s in his throat. Windows down, gotta
stop pollution. CD’s change, like who
is that producing? Hiya. Hello. Hey, neighbor. Hey, neighbor. So I knew, I thought
you’d like this. Yeah. This is one of my gifts for
you, is that he’s here today. [CHEERING] So Ashton and Mila, and
Portia and I, are neighbors. Yes. And we see each
other often, and– I’m a little upset, though. What happened? Well you had that, you
did the anniversary thing, with the plane and the banner
for the happy anniversary thing– Right. Were you in town? I wasn’t in town,
but I didn’t even get an invite to this thing. And I feel like, I don’t
know, we’re neighbors, I feel like we’re becoming clo– I feel like Mila and I are
kind of like the glue in you guy’s relationship, and
to not have us there. Yeah It really was like (SURPRISED
SHOUT), it was a jolt for me. It was just in
front of our house. He went back and
forth a few times. He didn’t, we couldn’t
see it from our house, so you sure couldn’t have
seen it from your house. Well I know, and
now it’s messed up. Because now every
time I’m at the beach, I’m going to be looking up
to see what’s coming next, and I’m going to
miss the dolphins. Yeah. Well, you didn’t miss anything. You should only look
at the dolphins. But if I– if you’d have had me
involved, I would’ve made sure the font was the right size. I would would’ve been up in
the plane, I would’ve done it. Yeah. So Ashton and Mila,
they’re so cute, they walk in the morning
with their pajamas on, and their dogs
and their kids. Now the daughter is 8, right? Is she 8? She’s 4. [LAUGHTER] Close. Neighborhood. She talks really good, though. I mean she’s a real good talker. She seems like she’s 8. She comes off as 8. Why did I think she was 8? It was in the note that– I was like, she’s not 8, is she? Anyway. All right, so she’s 4. She’s 4. And the young boy that
never walks is how old? He walks, he’s 2. So hold– no, no, no. He never puts him down,
he’s always on his back. OK, wait, I now have
a complex about this. Because I have this, like one
of those hiking backpack things, that I put him in the
hiker to go down the beach. So he, so we can actually
go down the beach. Otherwise it’s like a whole
wrangling session with the kid. And then you came out and you
were like, oh does he walk? And I was like, yes, he walks. Because I had seen it five
times, had never seen him walk. OK, so now I take
him out of the thing, like once we get to
purview of your house and I’m like go, go, go. I can’t– you grab–
run little sucker. And I’m like trying
to dish him along so I don’t have to
hear about it anymore. Yeah. Well, he should just walk
more often, because he’s– This kid’s going to
be an Olympian, man, because I’m going to be behind
him like (GRUNTING) it’s Ellen’s house. She’s watching. Gladys. He’s– (LAUGHS) no, Mila called
me Gladys, because that ski– there was a guy on a jet
ski going way too fast too close to the shore, and
there are dolphins out there, and then– Oh, these are rich
people problems. [LAUGHTER] Well, no that’s not,
you can be on any beach and see jet skis there. But anyway, so Mila called me. All right, so Ashton
(LAUGHS) I know there’s a picture of you that– you shouldn’t be proud
of this, and yet you are. This is a paparazzi
picture of Ashton. Why? Why are you proud
of that picture? I’m not, it’s not that I’m proud
of– that’s like a good week. That shows me that I’m
having a great week. So I fluctuate about
10 pounds, right, I got a 10 pound
flux that happens. I think we all do. Right, and so I’m either
ripping at like 198 or like 188. And somewhere in this– so when the pants
are coming down, that means that’s a 188 week. Oh, I see. I’m feeling great. Well, now I understand. I understand. This is like. A gift for me, a gift for
you, it’s the holidays. Yes. Put it out there. I understand now. Ashton. I know you’re excited
about my holiday episode of Game of Games. I’m all fired up. We’ve made a holiday version
of all of my favorite games. This is a little taste of Danger
Word that we’ll be airing. Here’s my friend Kristen Bell
to tell the people at home what the danger word is. [MUSIC PLAYING] The winning word is ice,
the danger word is frozen. Brian, you will go first. [MUSIC PLAYING] Cube. Ice. Yes! Yes, Go Mom! Yes, Ryan. Yes. Good job! That was a good clue. That was a really good job. All right, so that’s
your first strike. I am forced to push
this right here. And– Oh no. Oh no! I’m terribly sorry. I’m sorry, Earl. [BEEPING, BOOM] Oh my goodness. Cranberry. Cranberry. Ashton tell everyone when
they can see the whole thing. Let me tell you when you
can see the whole thing. If I were you, I would watch
Ellen’s Game of Games holiday spectacular Wednesday
at 8:00 on NBC. That’s when, they’ll
watch it then.

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