At Dinner With Donald Trump, Mitt Romney Ate Crow


WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW.” SO GLAD YOU’RE HERE. I’M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. IT’S LOVELY TO BE BACK. WE HAVEN’T SEEN YOU GUYS FOR A
WEEK. I HOPE YOU GUYS– EVERYBODY HAVE
A GOOD THANKSGIVING? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I DID, TOO. I HAD A FANTASTIC– JON, YOU
WERE THERE.>>Jon: YEAH.>>Stephen: HERE’S SOMETHING I
DISCOVERED THIS THANKSGIVING. I DISCOVERED IF YOU BURY YOUR
FACE IN THE PECAN PIE, IT ABSORBS YOUR SCREAMS. ( LAUGHTER )
AND BEST PART IS, AFTER YOU– IT’S TRUE– AFTER YOU PUT YOUR
FACE IN IT, YOU GET TO HAVE THE WHOLE PIE. YOU JUST KEEP SHOVEL IT IN
THERE, AND IF YOU KEEP THE PIE IN YOUR MOUTH, YOU DON’T HAVE
TIME TO YELL AT RICK.>>Jon: I REMEMBER THAT.>>Stephen: SO, ANYWAY, WHAT’S
HAPPENING, GUYS? SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL IS
GOING ON? ( LAUGHTER )
I HAVEN’T BEEN WATCHING THE NEWS MUCH, THE LAST WEEK, AND I JUST
KIND OF DIPPED MY WICK BACK IN IT LAST NIGHT, AND
I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF OUR PRESIDENT-ELECT. YEAH, IT’S HARD TO KNOW WHAT
HE’S DOING. AND HERE’S ONE OF THE REASONS. THE LAST TIME DONALD TRUMP HELD
A NEWS CONFERENCE WAS JULY 27. REMEMBER THOSE DAYS? THE CONVENTIONS WERE IN FULL
SWING, RIHANNA WAS DANCING WITH DRAKE AND INTO OUR HEARTS. MIKE AND DAVE HAD NOT YET
FOUND WEDDING DATES. BUT HERE’S THE THING– DONALD
TRUMP, EVEN THOUGH HE IS NOW THE PRESIDENT-ELECT, IS STILL NOT
LETTING REPORTERS FOLLOW HIM. TRUMP IS DITCHING THE WHITE
HOUSE PRESS CORPS LIKE THEY’RE PAPARAZZI. JOURNALISTS HAVE TO TRICK THEIR
WAY INTO REPORTING ON THE MAN WHO’S GOING TO HAVE THE NUCLEAR
LAUNCH CODES.>>RIGHT NOW, IN A NEW YORK
RESTAURANT– NOT FAR FROM HERE, IN FACT– PRESIDENT-ELECT TRUMP
IS HAVING DINNER WITH MITT ROMNEY. HOW DID YOU GET INTO THE
RESTAURANT?>>WE HAD GOTTEN A TIP,
ANDERSON, BEFORE THIS DINNER THAT IT WAS POSSIBLE THEY COULD
BE HERE. SO LIKE ANY ENTERPRISING
REPORTER, WE DECIDED TO GO AHEAD AND MAKE A RESERVATION. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: YES, IT’S ALL ABOUT RESERVATIONS. AND I HAVE ALOT OF THEM. ( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP AND ROMNEY LAST NIGHT WERE DINING AT A FOUR-STAR FRENCH
RESTAURANT CALLED JEAN-GEORGES. SOUNDS FANCY, BUT JEAN-GEORGES
COULD BE FRENCH FOR “WAFFLE HOUSE.” AND THEY WERE JOINED BY REINCE
PRIEBUS, WHO IS TRUMP’S CHIEF OF STAFF AND NOT, AS YOU MAY THINK,
AN ITEM ON THE MENU. “WOULD YOU CARE TO START WITH
SOME PRIEBUS? IT HAS BEEN LIGHTLY REINCE’D.” ( LAUGHTER )
THE BILLIONAIRE OF THE PEOPLE ORDERED YOUNG GARLIC SOUP WITH
THYME AND SAUTEÉED FROGS LEGS. I THOUGHT HE SAID HE WAS GOING
TO DRAIN THE SWAMP, NOT EAT ITS CONTENTS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Jon: EASY BEING GREEN, BABY.>>Stephen: SOUND GOOD,
THOUGH, SOUNDS GOOD.>>Jon: THAT’S RIGHT.>>Stephen: HERE’S THE THING–
MITT ROMNEY AT DINNER WITH TRUMP. NO. I KNOW MITT IS UP FOR SECRETARY
OF STATE, BUT I ALSO KNOW WHAT MITT SAID DURING THE CAMPAIGN.>>DONALD TRUMP IS A PHONY, A
FRAUD. HIS PROMISES ARE AS WORTHLESS AS
A DEGREE FROM TRUMP UNIVERSITY. HE’S PLAYING THE MEMBERS OF THE
AMERICAN PUBLIC FOR SUCKERS. HE GETS A FREE RIDE TO THE WHITE
HOUSE, AND ALL WE GET IS A LOUSY HAT.>>Stephen: YES, ALL WE GET IS
A LOUSY HAT, AND THE YOUNG GARLIC SOUP AND THE FROGS LEGS. I BET THOSE FROGS LEGS TASTE A
LITTLE BIT LIKE TRUMP’S (BLEEP).>>Jon: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
WHOA! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: NOW, DID. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
DID TRUMP ENJOY THIS PUBLIC DISPLAY OF HIS MOST PROMINENT
REPUBLICAN CRITIC BENDING THE KNEE? I DON’T KNOW. LET’S JUST CHECK OUT A PHOTO OF
TRUMP AT THE DINNER. YEAH, I THINK HE DID. I’M GLAD THEY SHOT THAT FROM THE
WAIST UP. BECAUSE HE SEEMS VERY HAPPY. NOW, SOME PEOPLE THINK IN THIS
PHOTO TRUMP LOOKS LIKE THE DEVIL HERE. I THINK HE LOOKS LIKE THE GUY
WHO FIRED THE DEVIL ONE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS. “YOU CAN’T FIRE ME ONE WEEK
BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS. YOU’RE A MONSTER. WHAT ABOUT MY SON DAMIEN? YOU KNOW HE HAS ASTHMA. HE WAS COUNTING ON THAT TRIP TO
HARPY POTTER WORLD.” THAT’S MY DEVIL. SO TRUMP LOOKS LIKE HE’S
FEASTING ON BABY SOULS IN THAT PHOTO, BUT WHAT ABOUT ROMNEY? LET’S TAKE A LOOK. OH! OH MITT! OH, MITT! I KNOW HE ORDERED THE FROG, BUT
IT LOOKS LIKE HE’S EATING CROW. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) I KNOW, THIS IS HOW– THIS IS
KIND OF HOW I FEEL ALL THE TIME. THAT FACE– I FIND MYSELF MAKING
THAT FACE A LOT SINCE THE ELECTION. ( LAUGHTER )
WHAT’S HAPPENING? WHAT’S HAPPENING? WHAT’S HAPPENING? I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING. ( LAUGHTER )
I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH WE’RE GOING TO KEEP ON THIS FOR
BROADCAST, BUT MOST OF– I THINK WE’RE OFF THE AIR AT THIS POINT,
AREN’T WE? ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT I DON’T
NECESSARILY UNDERSTAND. HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE RECOUNT
GOING ON IN WISCONSIN. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVEN’T
HEARD, JILL STEIN, THE GREEN PARTY’S PRESIDENTIAL
CANDIDATE AND GRANDMA’S NEW ROOMMATE, IS SEEKING A RECOUNT
IN WISCONSIN, MICHIGAN, AND PENNSYLVANIA. BUT SHE’S NOT LOOKING TO CHANGE
THE RESULTS. STEIN EXPLICITLY SAYS ON HER
WEBSITE: “OUR EFFORT TO RECOUNT VOTES IS NOT INTENDED TO HELP
HILLARY CLINTON.”>>IT’S ALL SUMMED UP IN HER
CAMPAIGN SLOGAN– JILL STEIN:I’M NOT HELPING. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE ISN’T
HELPING, DONALD TRUMP’S TWEETS. HE’S GOTTEN HIS PHONE BACK,
EVIDENTLY, AND HE APPARENTLY HAS A LOT OF FREE TIME. WHAT’S GOING TOW HAPPEN NOW? IS THIS HOW WE LEARN ABOUT
THINGS FROM THE PRESIDENT? ARE WE JUST GOING TO HAVE A
TWEET OF THE UNION? #STRONG. TRUMP TWEETED PLENTY OH, THE
CRAY-CRAY THIS PAST WEEK. BUT THE CRAZIEST WAS THIS
GENTLEMEN: NOW, WHEN ASKED FOR PROOF THAT
THERE WERE MILLIONS OF ILLEGAL VOTES, TRUMP SAID HE COULDN’T
PROVIDE IT BECAUSE HIS MILLIONS OF DOGS ATE IT. AND, YESTERDAY, TRUMP TOOK MORE
TIME OFF FROM SETTING UP– AGAIN, THE GOVERNMENT OF
THE UNITED STATES– TO TWEET THIS:
OK, FIRST OF ALL, THOSE AREN’T EQUIVALENT THINGS. LOSS OF CITIZENSHIP-YEAR IN
JAIL. THAT’S LIKE YOUR DAD SAYING
“JOHNNY, YOU TOOK THE CAR OUT WITHOUT PERMISSION. SO YOU’RE EITHER GROUNDED OR
CASTRATED.” YOU CHOOSE. NO, NO. THAT’S IT, SNIP, SNIP. SNIP, SNIP. AND IT LOOKED LIKE TRUMP BROUGHT
UP FLAG BURNING OUT OF NOWHERE. UNTIL SOMEONE NOTICED THAT
“‘FOX AND FRIENDS'” DID A SEGMENT ON FLAG BURNING JUST
BEFORE TRUMP’S TWEET.” SO THERE’S A CHANCE THE
PRESIDENT-ELECT IS JUST FIRING OFF TWEETS ABOUT THE LAST THING
HE SAW ON TV, WHICH EXPLAINS TRUMP’S OTHER TWEET, “BRITISH
GECKOS ARE STEALING INSURANCE COMMERCIAL JOBS FROM AMERICAN
AMPHIBIANS. #DRAINTHESWAMP.” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?>>Jon: I REMEMBER THAT. I SAW THAT ONE, TOO. I SAW THAT ONE, TOO.>>Stephen: THE THING IS, NO
MATTER HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT FLAG BURNING– AND FOR THE RECORD I’M
NOT A FAN– I AGREE THAT THE AMERICAN FLAG SHOULD NOT BE
DISRESPECTED. IT IS A SACRED SYMBOL THAT
SHOULD BE HONORED, WHETHER IT BE ON PAPER PLATES OR NAPKINS OR
BANANA HAMMOCKS. WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. WHEN WE RETURN, WE’LL HAVE SOME
“MIDNIGHT CONFESSIONS,” SO STICK AROUND.

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Comments

  1. It's hilarious to me that guys like this have the nerve to ridicule patriotism. Let me ask you this. If we ever were attacked on American soil do you think this pansy would help anyone? He would be the first one to go and hide with his tail between his legs. Guys like this are sissy's and they help spread disinformation and division among the people. It's really funny guy but this is real life not a game. Real patriots, the ones everyone hates, will be the people defending your sorry ___

  2. Tweet of the union.
    Stole my joke, but really, impossible to not.

    THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS:
    "@hillaryclinton Dear Loser and Haters. Fuck you all. I won. PS Fuck you! #FU"

  3. 7:19
    He has supported a TOTAL ban from regions that "support" terror.
    The next sentence is that if the want to get in, they have to go through "extreme vetting".

    These two concepts can not exist in the same universe.

  4. burning the flag is one way to practice first amendment rights. a president-elect who wants to ban it in any way is demonstrating a dismissal of our Constitution, which is far more important to democracy than our flag is.

  5. The flag is sacred y'all…just like the Christian cross on jean pockets, purses, advertising billboards, birthday cake, bumper stickers, and of course dangling from rear-view mirrors everywhere. Because nothing is more sacred than profit!

  6. He is way off the facts for laughs. Hope people don't think this is actually factual info. It's a comedy skit… At least john Stewart stuck to the facts. Just to point out, in two videos I watched – 1) he jokes that carrier consequences for keeping jobs in America was a 7mil tax break. Doesn't mention that they spent the past 1.5 years building massive multi million plant and infrastructure and Millions in overhead to move operations. Huge cost. That 7mil isn't a drop in the bucket. 2) he

  7. In Denmark, it's illegal to burn foreign flags, but the national flag is fine. You can protest against your own, but you damn well respect other people. That's a far better message.

  8. I love Colbert tons but it bothers me how he just keeps cutting off the musician John or just not listening to him or letting him talk at all. And It keeps happening, why?? I understand hes got a lot to say but he should have at least a little time to let John get in a word or 2 uninterrupted. Learn and listen

  9. Should Mr. Trump publicly announce an easy out for Americans in the future?  You mean all I have to do to shed my citizenship is burn a flag?  That sounds so much easier than the hassle of paperwork.

  10. You didn't think Donald would lose the soul of America with a dick touching contest with Zack Galifianakis and you, DID YOU?

  11. While Colbert's sarcasm is fun for us Clinton voters, it trivializes public service in a way that Clinton voters, in particular, need to understand and honor. If all I had to do to resurrect the Community Services Administration and subsume HUD, HHS, SBA, FHA into its instrumental mission was to suck Donald Trump's alleged penis in a live stream from Times Square on New Years Eve, it would double the pleasure. I mean, WTF: Ambassador Stevens got his ass permanently killed doing his job in the public sector so we can elect a president by tantrum.

    What Romney is saying is that he is not a phony. He is into it for the servant leadership of public employment.

  12. Who better to serve in the new admin than Romney who is one Republican who saw through and called Trump's bs. We need people who can keep Trump reality based, or at least try.

  13. Its an age old timeless ass kissing contest like in high school when the most popular kids set the tone,no difference in politics, u kiss the ass of the one in a higher position.Lots of Ass Kissing in the White House on 1-20

  14. Trump's supporters got scammed and now they refuse to admit it. Well, get ready to bend over and spread those cheeks, because it's only going to get worse.

  15. Man Colbert really isn't funny anymore. I mean the eating crow thing was funny but the persona he adopted for this show is just sadly unfunny

  16. How this stupid and pompous guy still have this job is beyond me. He's never been funny and he's so insecure he keeps looking at a band for approval. Yes, the days of greats like Johnny Carson and Dave Letterman are over!
    Sad……

  17. You know how in that new South Park episode Trump/Garrison tracks down the people who insulted and doubted him during his campaign, and then uses innuendo until the person realizes they're about to be made to suck his dick? This picture looks like it was taken at one of those exact moments. Somebody ask Romney if Trump tastes like pumpkin spice.

  18. What I find hilarious is that Rudy Giuliani and Chris Christie were whoring themselves all over the networks, hoping for good appointments if Trump was elected, and they got diddley squat.

  19. I don't like it but I'm going to agree you shouldn't be legally allowed to burn the flag, as a veteran I understand that it's freedom of expression, a freedom my brothers and sisters of the armed forces died for… but as a veteran I understand that countless people died for the freedoms americans have and shouldn't be allowed to shit all over their deaths (because that was the banner they carried throughout the battle)

  20. Reading this comment section makes me sick to my fucking stomach. You liberals are the foulest, most economically illiterate entitled unappreciative pieces of shit to ever walk this planet. I won't elaborate because like the old saying goes, you can lead a liberal to knowledge but you can't make the piece of shit think.

  21. Oh no, In Boy Scouts we burned the American Flag, I guess that means I should lose my citizenship or spend one year in jail. I can understand Trump not knowing that burning the American flag is protected under the first amendment, but not knowing that it's how old flags are retired? Honestly I'm not surprised he didn't know that either.

  22. trump to republican hypocrites: hey fetch my balls !!! now shelve it in your mouth
    should have stick to your words instead of falling for his balls

  23. As I watch more and more of these monologues, I've come to believe that John's job there is only partially to play music — his main job is keeping Stephen in check by reminding him he's on CBS lmao. he's that one friend who's always surprised at how savage the nice guy in the group can be

  24. The only way forward that I can see is to keep riding this horse to the finish line where the EP brings in all the malcontents who have nowhere else to go, b/c H & B will have made themselves completely irrelevant, along with DJT & cabinet making the corrupt oligarchy visible & obsolete so WTP CAN FINALLY INSTALL R AGENDA.
    If this is not what U are looking for, SC, then please, by ALL means, keep being vague & I'll keep guessing what U cannot clearly state.

  25. Oh what a year it's been… I'm still with you sir, 1000% team Colbert!

    Don't EVER stop telling jokes or mocking how people talk, you're epic!

  26. 6:30 Very ironic because during his actual State of the Union he said, "the State of our Union is strong because our people are strong" #StrongState?

  27. Trump does indeed look as if he has feasted on baby souls, but Romney got that expression that your mother wears when she finds a condom in the pocket of your jeans.

  28. Because Romney insulted our President, here are just a few of my negative opinions of Romney. … 1. As a start: Thank God he didn’t become President – He would have failed our country perhaps as much as Obama failed — tainting the Republican Party reputation…. 2. I voted for him only because he was “the lesser of two evils” – and not voting for Romney would have been a vote for Obama…. 3. The best judge of Romney’s “character” was during his T.V. debate with Obama. It was Romney’s turn to talk, Romney was talking, and Obama gets up from his seat, slowly saunters up to be as near to the photographers as Romney, and Obama starts yapping right over Romney’s voice. Romney immediately stops talking, looks at the moderator (a female – Wasserman?) who does Nothing to stop Obama – and she allows Obama to continue talking. Aside from Romney's despicable turn against our President – who backed Romney in his run for Senator – Romney is way too polite to deal with today’s Dem hyenas…. 4. As for Romney saying that he found the behavior of the Trump admin., incl. Trump “sickening” “dishonest” “misdirected” “appalling”: This is Proof that Romney is a Wimp and belongs back in the last century. Some of the Dems, especially in the House, are a new breed of politicians – even “the old breed” – when Romney ran and lost – totally destroyed Romney by their lies. Trump and his base will not let that happen to OUR administration. Thousands of Trump supporters have made their viewpoints similar to mine. About one year into the Russia ‘Investigation’ We Demanded that the Mueller Report be ended one way or another – after a year or so of Nothing. Trump does what his supporters want – No, it’s not the reverse – We are sympatico, since Trump wants the same things.. But the Fake News doesn’t dare take on Trump’s now over two hundred sixty three million supporters…. . 5. For years there have been "Hate Russia" undertones. Yet now the Fake News has blown that up to preposterous proportions I want to know WHY should we hate Russia? It's absolute nonsense and PROPAGANDA. When Romney states that “the campaign chairman was actively promoting Russian interests in Ukraine.” SO WHAT?…. 6. Just two days ago RT has an article saying that the Russian gov. did not interfere – nor is there any proof that the Russian gov. interfered in the 2016 election – Nor did the Mueller Report say that the Russian gov. interfered w/the 2016 election. Just because 6 Russian agents were involved does not Prove that they acted under the direction of the Russian government. Did Struck, Page, & the other FBI Hillary-lovers act according to the direction of the FBI? Of course not! …. ++++ In summary: There are too many people who aren’t able to make sense out of all the ‘noise’ surrounding the Mueller Report – and the Fake News is doing everything to take advantage of that…..>>> Back to Romney – He’s a Flake, and belongs alongside the Fake News.

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