Can Separation From Your Spouse Help Save Your Marriage


Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to my latest
marriage-saving advice video. I am Brad Browning, a breakup and marriage
coach from Canada… Preventing divorces and healing broken marriages
is one of my passions, and it’s also what I’ve been doing every day for 11 years or
so. In this video, which I’m going to keep as
brief as possible, I’ll answer one of the more interesting questions I’ve received
from a client this week… “can separating from your spouse actually help you save your
marriage?”. It’s a great question indeed, and a controversial
one among marriage counselors and therapists. Some experts and academics think separating
can help a couple recognize what they’d lose if they were to get divorced, others
think it’s an unproductive and dangerous waste of time. First of all, I’d like to clarify one thing:
it would, obviously, be ideal to avoid letting your marriage slip to the point where you’re
considering separation, or even already separated and considering divorce, in the first place. But you knew that already, didn’t you? So, aside from getting into Marty McFly’s
Delorean time machine, you can’t undo the past. You’re stuck with a marriage in crisis. Your spouse suggests separation…. Or maybe you’re considering it…. Or you’re separated already even though
you never wanted to be apart in the first place. What does this mean for your chances at re-building
a happy, lasting marriage? In my opinion, in many circumstances, a bit
of time apart can be extremely helpful. Now, don’t put me in the “separation is
helpful” camp just yet, because I don’t really feel that way in all situations…. But I do think that it can be a positive thing
in some cases. Why? Well, for starters, a marriage that’s falling
apart is usually stuck in a negative feedback loop. In layman’s terms, you and your spouse keep
doing the same things — things that are damaging your marriage in one way or another, whether
your realize it or not — and until you break the cycle and get out of that rut, nothing
is going to change. And an unhappy marriage needs to change, or
it won’t survive. So separation is obviously one way to break
the cycle, at least temporarily. Let’s say, for example, your jealousy was
a major cause of your spouse’s unhappiness in the marriage… you often became jealous,
lashed out, created a toxic environment of mistrust, and that led to your spouse feeling
chained down and frustrated. Right, and taking a break from the negative
cycle that you and your spouse have been trapped in can help. But it won’t help save your marriage in
the long term if you pick right up where you left off immediately upon moving back in together…
then you’ll soon find yourself in the same situation with all the same problems. So separation can help in the short term,
but you need to make changes to break the cycle permanently if you want to solve things
and remain happily married for years to come. Another benefit to spending time apart? You can put an end to bickering, fights, and
petty disputes that sometimes come to dominate day-to-day life. It’s hard for your wife to get mad about
you failing to wash the dishes after dinner if there are no dirty dishes to wash…. And it’s hard to bicker over stupid little
things, the way many couples do incessantly after years together, if you’re not actually
together. That sort of thing may eventually make its
way back into your marriage once you begin living together again, but a break from the
day to day drama and conflicts can be a huge help that sometimes rejuvenates a relationship
enough to get both spouses to put in more effort and make the marriage work. If you struggle from that kind of bickering,
petty arguments, and general hostility towards one another, I suggest you employ some of
the simple techniques I describe in the full video on my website, MarriageGuy.com… watch
to the end to learn a few super simple ways you can defuse or prevent those arguments,
without needing to separate. Again, my dispute defusing tips are at www.MarriageGuy.com,
so watch that video after this one is over. Lastly… and perhaps most importantly, separation
can give you perspective and clearly demonstrate how much worse life can be when your spouse
is not around. We tend to take our partners for granted after
years together, and fall into a “grass is greener” mindset — you might think, or
maybe your spouse does, that divorce will lead to an overall happier life. But are you sure about that? How do you know? Often a few weeks or months separated from
your spouse can show you that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, and make
you feel a sense of gratitude for the positive things that your spouse or partner brings
into your daily life. So, that’s it, then? Separation is a good way to save a marriage? No. If you don’t need to separate, don’t. At the very least, look at separation as a
last-ditch effort once you’ve tried everything else… because it can just as often make
matters worse. If you’re separated for a few months, for
instance, and your spouse finds that they’re actually just as happy with life when you’re
not around…? In that kind of situation, where separating
doesn’t lead to gratitude or a new perspective on all the positive things your spouse brings
to your life… then it’s usually just step 1 on the path to divorce. In many places, separation is also a legal
requirement for divorce. Yes, I am ready to make a ruling on the case. Here’s the bottom line: while separation
can actually work out for the best, it’s not a situation I would suggest you actively
pursue… if your spouse is dead set on separating, then you can accept that and hopefully use
it to your advantage to right the ship and save your marriage before it truly falls apart. But otherwise, I don’t advocate separation
as a way to fix your marital problems until you’ve tried everything else. My program, Mend the Marriage, is basically
designed to be a one-stop guide to saving any marriage… even if your spouse is convinced
that divorce is the only option. If you haven’t yet tried all the simple
techniques in my program or in the free video on my website, then that’s your next step…
often times, you’ll be able to turn things around and re-build a loving marriage long
before you need to resort to separation. And yes, as you’ll see if you watch that
video on my website, MarriageGuy.com, this is all completely possible without your spouse’s
help… you can save your marriage on your own. I see this happen on a daily basis with my
coaching clients, so I know most of you watching this video can do the same thing. Hope all of you found this video helpful…
if you want to ask questions about your situation, or if you want to flatter me with compliments
and praise, please use the comments section below. I read and reply to pretty much every comment
if you keep it short, and I love hearing your feedback on every one of my videos. Thanks for watching, thanks for supporting
my YouTube channel, and here’s to you re-building a happy and lasting marriage! See you next time.

About the author

Comments

  1. You told me to get over my ex and I did, soon after I used some of the tricks you gave in your videos and I fell for a guy. He ended up liking me and we're together! All thanks to you~

  2. Hi.. anyone for advice? i was in long distance relationship with my gf (im 17 shes 16) for around 5 moths well i wasnt the best boyfriend and stuff we couldnt see each other soo much maybe 2-4days a month and when we were apart she wanted to talk about sex stuff and i wasnt in the right mindset for that in that time i dont know why so i kept rejecting her. then i went on holidays to her for about 5 days and i discovered that she didnt felt the desire from me and she loves a guy in her school cause u know she can see him every day she has been with him for like 3weeks but when i discovered that and told her i know she was crying af she told me that the relationship shes in may not last forever and she knows where to go if it fails… i said ill wait for her and that night we even had sex laughed and talked a lot.. but what can i do now? shes with him 5 days a week she will be with him on valentyn day and she will fall in love with him even more all i can do is talk to her on facebook.. we still talk a lot on fb we talk about our dirty stuff we did in bed and laught at it stuff but i feel like just because of the distance that she cant see me that much and can see him so much more is the dealbreaker and i have no chance just the thinking of her being with another man is tearing my stomach appart… anyone to help me?

  3. Heyyy bradd i did the no contact for 30 days and gave her enough space. This time she said she has moved on and doesnt see us getting back together. She said that both of us should be friends forever. However, i asked for a meetup to catch up and she agreed. My question is how do i change her mind and want me again? Thanks bradd

  4. My husband had in mind separation when he just told me that I was visiting my parents, once I was here he asked me for a divorce, sure I started that because he never paid attention to me, but he cried because he had in mind that I wasn't coming back, I tried the no contact rule but my sister asked him for a favor and he came to me because he wasn't (supposedly) gonna be able to help her (he could she talk to him at that time and he answered) so I just said yes and keep the no contact rule, my question is do I still have chances of getting him back? I decided to use this month to move on, but I still need to have contact with him because of financial circumstances, the thing is that he said he wanted to move on but that he was being patient to see what was gonna happen; he still get jealous over guys chasing me, (because there are one or two, one even gave me a kitty lol, you know a single woman is fresh meat) but he hasn't make advances and even kinda cut communication with my sis, he does communicate with her but not as much, my question is do I still have a chance to get him back? I'm using the no contact rule, and it worked last time but I messed it up so I'm using other one for a whole month, so do I have chances to get him back? The quiz got the result fading fast so I wonder if it's worth it. Brad I need your help, if you answer I would appreciate it because I'm desperate to make a decision. Thank you and nice video by the way

  5. Hi Brad, after following ua advices i managed to get my love back three weeks ago. The problem is that he is not charming like b4 he has changed so much, he is not the man i used to know and wen i asked him he said he is ok and he loves me so much yet i feel there is something he might b hiding from me. What do i do.

  6. Brad your coaching has changed my perspective so much with my separation! I thank you so much for all the advice you’ve provided me with over the last several months. Although my husband hasn’t come back yet because of GIGS, I finally feel like I can focus on myself and be the best version of myself and hopefully when he wakes up it will help him come back and ask for forgiveness! I’ve managed to move to a new country, go through separation, land A new job, lose weight, change my appearance and better my anxiety all while adulting. All party of the process. Much love man ✌🏽

  7. Hi brad! I have this thing that we got into breakup two weeks ago.i live with my ex right now but we get seperated after two weeks, I ve tryied to start limited no contact but it havent work so well,because we have to talk about moving and selling things and rules while we live togheter. Should i start no contact again when i move out in two weeks?

  8. Hi. What should I do now that I have done everything that I should do, and my ex is staring at me every time we are in proximity of each other until I look at her? If anyone knows what i should do, please let me know because she is confusing me like crazy.

  9. Hey brad do ive been in no contact for about a week but my ex is always out everyday with her cousins and she also smokes weed so I feel like like she's too busy to even think about me.

  10. My wife has asked for a divorce. She doesn't have money for her to move out but is saving. Until then we are living together as "friends" – no touching, saying I love you or things that a loving husband should do. She says this makes her feel worse. This is hard but I am doing my best to do as she asks. We are not fighting our arguing and are being civil towards each other. I'm working on changing me as I know I need to do. But in the meantime there is a hope within me that her heart will soften and she'll change her mind before she has the money to move out. Any advice other than to keep doing what I'm doing?

  11. Listening is an important skill, both for a counselor and a spouse. But a broken marriage needs leadership. After listening, someone has to have the courage and experience to say. Marriages change not because of what people say or how well they listen; marriages change because of what people do.

  12. Brad. I have a problem. why I'm so feeling very jealous, if I see my girlfriend in Facebook if they have a other man in picture. I told my girlfriend, why you have man in your picture. and my girlfriend told it's not expected the other man picture in wrong time and I have no man only you. but Brad. why I'm feeling very jealous? how to control it?

  13. Hey Brad, I've been watching the videos on your channel. You're the best breakup expert out there imo.

    To what extent does your advice apply to people who weren't actually dating? I was hooking up with my girl for 6 months and asked if she wanted to get more serious. She said no to the relationship and to any more casual sex. However I know for a fact that she was emotionally attracted. I'm applying the no contact rule. How should I approach her after no contact? Is that different than a gf?

  14. Hi Brad, I started the no contact rule but 6 days in I ran into my ex at a coffee shop, we had a quick chat, I stayed calm, happy, didn’t discuss the breakup and she spoke the most, I flirted a bit, even dropped a subtle inside joke we had and she blushed, it went really well, after a couple of minutes I said I better get going but it was great to see you. I haven’t contacted her and it’s been two days since that encounter, did I do the right thing? Thank you for all your help.

  15. Hello @BradBrowning ! So me and my girlfriend brokeup 1month ago, after the new year… We've been together for 4 years and a half. She told me that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore and it would be unfair for me to not be loved so she decided to breakup. We talked after the breakup, i did sometimes the bad thing to remind her of our relationship and be overemotional, but she said that she want to be just friends because she doesn't love me anymore. I know that i made some mistakes throughout the relationship, but i really want to get her back. I never cheated or talked to other girl. When i heard that her feelings faded i was feeling that i was dying inside(worst pain i ever experienced). She also told me that she wants to move on and just be friends, but i don't believe what she says because she is still texting me and talking to me like we were in a relationship. It's very confusing. I really want her back. What should i do? What is your opinion?
    ***Update–I met with her today and went eating and buying something from a store. We were talking about random stuff. We didn't talk about the relationship or something like this. I made her laugh a lot, i saw in her eyes that she loved talking to me and the strange thing was that at some point she put her hand over my hand, it felt pretty awkward and she said "sorry" and i carried on the conversation, not saying anything about what happened. I told her about a starbucks that just opened and showed her pictures with the place. She taught that the place was very nice and SHE told me: "Let's go there next week". This is very confusing. What should i do? Should i go with her there and still talk to her whenever she initiates conversation or should i start the No Contact strategy? pls help…

  16. i paid for your program. lost my id and password….sent emails..no response….and the link to recover my password is broken…

  17. By any chance do you have any ways to get over a ex that you still have strong feelings for? Or am I pretty much screwed?

  18. Bradn, i need your help! my ex dumped me 3 jan and 3w later she moved in with the new guy, i told her that i cant have her on social media when she posted pictures from outside his house and going to work from his metro-station so i asked her to block me for 30 days, i told her that if she wants me as a friend she could contact me on the 4th of mars.
    i want her back but what should i do?…..
    help

  19. My ex is blowing up my phone by calling and pleading me to pick up 2 days after no contact. (we brokeup 2 days ago too) she says she wants to fix things. ive been ignoring the texts and not picking up the calls. should i still do no contact?

  20. Hey @Brad Browing, I saw your video of how to get your ex back after cheating and I have a problem and I NEED HELP!! So this isn't my first time cheating on her it's a second but this one is differen. She broke up with me cuz about a year ago I was commenting or as she believes flirting with her and all I said was that the dress made the other beauty stand out. I was with my girlfriend for 1year and 3months and she broke up with me all cuz of that. I need help man please do you think I still have a chance? Please I need it email me please or send or call me for the bigger image. 657-272-5410 that's my number or email me please, thanks

  21. Hey, Brad. I just got back with my girl after I followed your advice. And I'll be damned if I loose her again. How can I prevent it, and keep the relationship going strong? I love her more than any other girl I've ever been with. She's amazing and I don't want to have to say good bye to her ever again. We're long distance by the way, and as of right now, takeing it slow. And not rushing things.

  22. My girlfriend cheated on me with 8 guys already in our 2,5 years relationship with multiple reasons about me being cold, not being equaly and not so mature etc ( but all of her parents and friends like me due to my "almost perfect" personalitity and i can cleary see i'm doing everything right to be a good boyfriend that's perfect for a girl) . I forgive her everytime without saying anything hard to her, i just want her to realize how much i love her and understand her but she kept cheating no matter what. The last time we broke up i was suffering enough so i broke up with her the first time in 2,5 years. She cheated and went on with that guy for 2 months, we were still hanging out for a while, had sex and cut contact for 3 weeks. The next thing i know, they broke up because that guy found out she is still hanging out with me while being with him. I know i'm stupid. The day she broke up with him, she was heartbroken, she said she was inlove with him so much. I was there for her again… It was like the old days of us, we were like never broken up, we spent all day long together and had sex. She promised she will change, we cried a lot. The next day she turned cold to me and rejected all the promises and said she is not into a relationship now. I now i was wrong for pushing to fast on the day we met again. She is not a good person but i'm so in to her. I believe there's a hope for her to change. What should i do to get her back and keep her? ( we are same age).

  23. Hey Brad. Thanks for all your advice on Breakups. I followed your methods and it worked like magic especially the no contact rule. My ex came back begging after dumping me. I was pursuing too much after we started dating again which caused to lose her. I tried the no contact, being patient, pretending the breakup was a good idea. This was going so well n she started pursuing until I used one of my girlfriend's pic as my profile pic one valentine day n this really hurt her. I tried setting a date today n she told me no. I need your help now coz I'm confused. I really don't want to lose her.

  24. My ex broke up with me about two years ago, i think bc i was really unaffectioned. It was my first relationship ever and i'm an introvert, so for me it was really difficult to open up. We kept in touch and for a long time it was clear he was still in love with me. Then i had another relationship, that got me over my anxiety of physical/emotional contact. Now im single again, but in the last year, we barely spoke. Now he was being really secretive with our mutual friend, talking about me and asking about my love life. The friend said we had some things to discuss… Does he want me back? He hasn't tried making small talk and i haven't talked to him for nearly a week, i think maybe he's scared or to proud to make a move

  25. Ive today just finished 30 days NC again, the first time i reached out and ended up having sex, but she went cold again, how can i give myself the best chance of keeping her? she surely knows if i reach out why i will be doing so

  26. Hey Brad Love the videos really helpful. I’m in big trouble right now with my wife.!! We had an disagreement the other day and I called her out her name. What I said was very wrong and I regret it, my feelings were hurt from the comments she was throwing at me so I was in the heat of the moment unable to control myself. She’s been staying at her cousins house for the last 3nights now. I really need guidance to fixing this.

  27. Hi brad, i know this isn't about marriage, its about exes but.. I need you, I've been in no contact.. On and off for a month and a bit now, once a week at least my ex tried to reach out and.. Well i was weak, and responded and started a conversation, and well.. Hear what i fount, last week she was with that one guy, who is.. Wow, totally under my legue, and they even kissed and now together! What the hell.. I need your help, i know i done mistakes, but i need your help, anyone else who see this may also help, i would have any help, even a friend talk.. My facebook name is liad sing, my profile is with a surfboard, i just need someone to talk about it, especially you brad.. I need it now more then ever

  28. Brad I have been in a 3 year 9 month relationship we where vary happy we have been apart for a little over a month and I have been applying your no contact for about 3 and ahalf weeks the last time I saw her she kiss me and kept the promise ring I gave her. Plz help and tell me what to do I really love this girl and won't let her go.! We are both 17 and live about a hour apart but i go to school 6 hours aways we have been friends for around 7 years and I mean best friends! Plz help me get her back. I got your Ex Faxtor and just can't get your 1v1 plz help -alec

  29. What this guy says makes a lotta sense! Thank you, Brad, for all the advice! Please continue making these very helpful videos!

  30. Brad , I have begged for my ex to come back a lot and after seeing your videos I made up my mind to maintain the no contact period. I sent him a clean slate text and he replied saying “okay”. Is that a good sign or a bad sign ? Please reply Brad !

  31. So my case we have been separated for almost a year, and now he has expressed that he has realized that what he wanted he had all along, easy for him to say he moved in with another woman! now he wants to start over and move in back together, what to do? how to know? it was hell and back for me, but i do feel for him still and part of me wants to try one last time, is it worth it??

  32. My Husband Decide We Are Separated At The Moment But He Occasionally Talks To Me.He Bought Me A Flower The Other Day For Our Anniversary. Ive Joined The Gym And Some Classes To Focus On Myself.He Said He Needs To Focus On Him And I Need To Focus On Myself.I Just Don't Know What It Means For Us Or The Right Thing To Do So I Dont Lose Him.

  33. Hey Brad will no contact help..??? If u were in long-distance relationship for 3 months (haven't met each other?) N pleaded a lot for 5 days after breakup then used clean slate???? Will it

  34. Brad, my fiance and I have hit a rough patch. The thing is I was blind sided by it. On Valentines Day I received gifts and everything was normal. Then we had a fight over the fact that he might be cheating on me. I found a condom in his wallet, and we were supposed to be trying for baby number 2. He swears to me he just found an old condom from some that he used to have when we first got together. Personally I don't believe his story, but I still love him and want to make things work. The problem is, he went from acting fine to saying that now we just can't be together anymore. He says we aren't happy and he loves me but we just don't work together. He is saying that he is going to find an apartment and just walk out on me and our daughter, basically. I know there was a lot of built up tension that finally broke. I know his decision was based on fighting over time. But we would always fight and then get over it. There never seemed to be any lingering anger once things were resolved. So this whole situation blind sided me. We have not tried all our options yet. We have not had counseling. I can't really get him to open up to any ideas. I did the whole begging and pleading thing until I read that it changes nothing. Nothing I've been able to say has convinced him. I want to try to make this work before he moves out, because Im not comfortable with him seeing other people. That would feel like a slap to my face. I would rather try to save things before he walks out. Could you give me some advice? Im a stay at home mom so I depend on him for everything. If he walked out, it could wreck my life and our daughter's life as well. I have told him that Im willing to give him the things he needs to be happy. However some of those things also make me a bit scared and nervous that I will be cheated on. Last night he said he was willing to think about all this because I finally broke and stopped being selfish with my needs. Could you give me any videos, advice, etc? sorry for writing a novel

  35. Hey brad i need your help me and my husband have now been separated for 1yr we were together for 10 years we have a 6 yr old son he says he no longer wants anything to do with me as in a relationship type of way, we are still currently married by law and i still do love him what should i do? And how do i have a no contact rule with him if we have a 6 yr old?

  36. My wife of 13 years filed for divorce she plans on moving out but can't afford or find a place in the beginning I made the mistakes of begging I really love her I'm going to therpy and trying to get her to go she refuses to go she says she doesn't know what the future will bring but a co worker of hers took her husband back after doing worse things than me we have a son together and wants to be friends for his sake……. please help

  37. Hey Brad, im in crisis… My hus amd of 10years from dropped a bomb on our family… The he is "unhappy" and is leaving me with our 3 little boys… This was a something he said with no plan in place.. I know my anxiety issue have taken a tool on us… But im now getting help for those… But he seems dead set on separating… But is still wearing his wedding band… And in conversation will call me bebe… Yesterday while spending time with kids… He reached out for me to look at something at his hands where i had to touch them… Im very confused and want to save our marriage… I think he is dealing with depression or something as well… As he looses his patience very easily with even our kids… Even though he isnt around them much… How can I save our family, our marriage?

  38. Brad my wife wants to separate I tell her she deserves a break from me we have been married for 10yrs and in a couple of days I am moving out, I am so scared to loose her she is the best girl I have ever been with please help what can I do???

  39. What if your spouse is constantly going out and surrounding themselves with people that don't support the marriage during the separation? What are you supposed to do then?

  40. My wife is military. We are overseas. We’ve been in a weird funk for a long time. No kids. We are considering separating meaning I would go back to the states and she would stay here. I really don’t know what we are supposed to do.

  41. I just found your channel tonight. I recently figured out that my husband is abusive (not physically). I'm moving out to get the therapy I need but can't get while in his household (he makes too much money for me to get it free, but not enough that it's affordable). I'm desperate to move out, but I'm stuck on a waiting list. When I started this process, it was in hopes of healing myself, him & our marriage. He doesn't think the marriage fixable, isn't really interested in counseling for the marriage or the abuse, & has made things very difficult at times, but easier at others. At this point, I don't know if I want to try to save our marriage, but I never considered divorce an option for myself. Marriage was until death. Do you have any advice?

  42. Hi Brad, my wife and I are currently separated and she told me she wants to miss me and wants her space. What is my next step? I miss her everyday. I just feel like this separation is so easy for her, while I’m out here losing my mind. How do I stay patient and trust the process when I see no progress. I feel like if I don’t pursue saving it she’s gonna forget about me. Please help

  43. My wife wants distance to "fix things with ourselves" but she still wants me to stay in the house and sleep in the same bed and act like a family just not in a romantic type way. I'm trying to give her space but we have a daughter and I cannot do no contact or anything like that. What should i do? I'm working on things i need to work on with myself but idk how long she needs distance

  44. Some body can answer my question? Please tell me. If the two person together for 8 years and has 1 son. But they are not married. And the girl is cheating on him and get pregnant from other guy. Ther is a law for that? What case should file?

  45. So I share a car and children with my spouse. She wanted the separation, and I found out she was talking to another guy. I am out of work due to an injury and she’s mad I haven’t gotten anything new and from that point on she’s hyper focused on everything I did wrong in the relationship. First day I begged and cried. 3 days after I have 3 job offers, I’m on the verge of selling the house and I have changed my tune from anger and fear to being supportive, helpful, compassionate and respectful of her space. It’s been a couple weeks and I haven’t been pushing for anything but I also don’t know if I’m doing the right thing or not. Results so far are no talks of divorce, I told her I was seeing a Marriage counselor for my self but she was welcome to come, she’s considering it which 2 weeks ago it was a hell no. She and I kiss and hug sometimes but when it starts to get heated she pushes away. Our interactions are very good and there is a lot of laughter. I think she ghosted the other guy but I’m not certain. And sometimes when we’re hanging out she will make future plans for our new apartment, but then change her tune when she catches herself. Are these all god signs? Do I continue on this course or am I building this thing to fall harder? When would be a good time to pull out the big guns. She was receptive earlier in our relationship when I made big gestures and gifted her really thoughtful things. Her bday is in a few months and I think she would like it if I wrote her a song and performed it. You think that would be to much?

  46. Hi Brad, my wife and I been married for 15 years, we have three beautiful kids and we have just bought a house. we both work long stressful hours, but can't say that we don't have a good life.. we eat, watch tv and go out with the kids but neglected to invest in our personal intimate relation ship. Now and for the past three months she has been insisting that we separate and she is telling everyone that she has fallen out of love with me despite the fact that she is not capable to manage financially nor psychically on her own with the kids. her health hasn't been great – depressed – anxious. I have been working on changing as she accused me of being not easy going and neglectful to he for years… I love her even though she is giving me the cold shoulder and not wanting to resolve this. many thanks to you

  47. My wife left me over a misunderstanding that spiraled out of control when my mom acrimoniously intervened without understanding what the arguement was about. I didn't

    intend to carry on my feeling about the misunderstanding with my wife since I knew my wife didn't want to talk about, however, when my mom got loud & told me some

    things about myself that wasn't true it made it more of a challenge to keep my mouth shut. Therefore, I let myself selfishly & defensively succumb to the temptaion to

    carry an argument with my mom about the frivolous issue I had with my wife. Moreover even though most of the argument was between me & my mom my wife was sitting right

    across the table from us and was, therefore, affected anyway. Furthermore, my wife eventually had enough of listing to the fruitless bickering & left me & has been

    gone for over 3 weeks now. Nearly the entire time she's been gone she's given me the silient treatment & doesn't want me to contact her. She's even checked herself

    into a women's shelter that required her to sign a nondisclore agreement to not let me nor anyone else know exactly were she is. Fortunately, she can still leave & go

    as she pleases & isn't strictly confined to the place. Therefore, while she's not there she could opt to contact me but chooses not. Moreover, I assume that my best &

    only recourse is to keep my distance, don't try to contact her at all, and give her space. However, my counselor told me that I should at post some of the positive

    aspects of my life to my wife, spec. going to church & what the sermon was about. Anybody out there that may read this what do think ~ any advice you have to offer

    would be greatly appreciated.

  48. I’ve been debating commenting on one of your videos for a while now but things have gotten to the point where we are now going through each other’s parents to deal with the children. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 5 and for the past two or so years we’ve argued, we have three children together and he claims things have been tough for longer than they seemed to have been, he moved out of the family home to live with his mother 3 weeks ago and as of last week we had another argument and he has refused all contact with me, won’t answer my calls or even reply to messages (about us or kids) I am beyond desperate to fix my marriage and now he’s unfriended me on Facebook/Twitter etc and im completely lost, I am determined to fix it, have him come home and have my family whole again but he simply won’t talk to me anymore about anything. Do I just let the dust settle and hope he contacts me after I stop all contact or is it a complete lost cause? I am willing to go the extra mile and get us out of this slump, he’s said it’s over and when asked if he wants a divorce he’s said yes but I don’t know if that’s anger or just wanting me to stop talking. I am desperate for help and finding doing no contact hard because I miss him so much. I’m in tears most days and some days I’m completely positive while others I’m a mess, we both have mental health problems. Do I work harder with the no contact and stay determined? I’d give the world to have my family whole and under the same roof again.

  49. My wife and I have lived apart for years. I don't care what ANYone says, you cannot keep the passion alive seeing one person day in and day out more than …about 5 years. Funny how over and over people lose the passion, start to fight, find another person and do it all over. The only way this succeeds is if you become "buddies"..roommates. which is the opposite of passion. I suppose there are a few who do it…somewhere, but I've never seen it. The problem is we have an image of what marriage SHOULD be, and try to live the role, even if it sucks. I look forward to seeing my wife, picking her up and taking her out. We did this with kids by the way starting when the kids were about 10 and 13. Here's one for you. Whats better for your kids..divorce? the same old marriage, or STILL having mom and dad and two places to live?

  50. Me and my husband are separated temporarily but I'm still scared our anniversary is next month and I pray and that we come back together instead waiting for 6 months 💔😭

  51. My husband left me 2 weeks ago. He says he still loves me but he needs space to figure out what he wants. I made the begging mistake and investing my emotions on him. I feel like a sitting duck. I'm a strong person and I've been through a break up before and I know I will come out the other side. I've decided to try the no contact rule and go out and work on a better version of me. I'm scared I'll heal over time and not want him back.

  52. Beta males don't take in to account that NONE of the bickering, arguing, complaining, toxic environment etc etc is produced by the MAN. These are all female problems she brings to the marriage or relationship.

  53. I been sperated since December. I need advice as my Wife is cold and distant and torn. She said she cant say she loves me and all i did was deal with chronic pain and deppression. So i distant myself for a few years. I never cheated didnt kill no one and i have done ao much as get off this med that made me this way. Found spiritual growth by being saved again starting Church. Getting counseling im night and day and ready ro fight but she says she isnt. Yesterday she text me saying it was a hard day. But i get coldness alot. She isnt set on divorce she said she just wants to take one day at a time. She is torn I know she still loves me she just thinks ill be the same person in a week or a few months if I come back.

  54. Me and my wife been separated more than together in 2 years of marriage and that's because of her sneaking around hanging around other guys, infidelity issues, trust and lying and making up stories to gain credibility as to why we are separated when they are clearly not true. She goes to work but doesn't come home and cleans and Cooks. She hangs around the wrong circle of friends that try to put our marriage at risk. She is also dependent on drugs and alcohol as well. I need advice what should I do in this type of situation???

  55. What is your recommendation to couples who seem to fight about the same things and both feel alone, isolated and worn down from years of fighting. Our whole relationship has been fighting and its really wearing us down. How do we stop the viscious cycle and be able to communicate like healthy adults? We both came from broken abusive homes so neither of us were modeled healthy adult relationships.

  56. I’m going to add my opinion on this being in a 23yr marriage! In 2012 I left him because I found out he was going to strip bars without me and I let it eat me alive I tried to forgive but I felt it would not stop unless I left him! I left it killed him he couldn’t take it I went out with another man and I know he was with other girls (of course denied) we got back together 4 months later and it’s been 7 yrs and we both still have a hard time with what went on in that separation…and you can’t tell me (most) men won’t see other girls in that time! Idk just my opinion

  57. Hi Brad… I'm so lost… My husband and I have been together 15 years, married 7. We were 19&20 when we first got together, the first 4.5 years were on and off, but the last 10 steady, until he decided to leave.
    He left this past fall, said he needed space to figure stuff out (I wasn't doing the best mentally, had pushed him away etc) and he jumped into a relationship, a few weeks later said he wasn't coming back and moved with this girl….
    I know he acts happy most the time, but we have kids and history, is there any hope getting him back… It's been 5 months since he initially left… Thanks for any advice

  58. I am into a week of separation so far. You made made some very helpful points that really hit on some issues in our relationship. Thank you.

  59. Staying separate saved ma marriage he stopped his alcohol his philandering ways stopped. He actually started respecting me n got a fear of losing me. N I go everyweekend now to him n he is very gud to me now

  60. In order to get a divorce from my wife because I do love her but however financially the burden is all on me I've tried to encourage her to go to school or get a job she does not trust me with my son he's 3 years old and I would never hurt him because in my life I was abused I don't know what to do anymore we're always bickering and arguing and fighting the point to almost where it gets physical and is as of 4/1/19 I broke my foot on January 26 2016 and have been using my tax return to pay all my bills don't have much money just need help figure out what I can do to save my marriage

  61. Hello Brad. My wife is moving back to Canada and I will be in Buffalo. We have been married for almost 11 years and she said she hasn’t been happy for the last two years. Now she wants to leave and see if she will miss me. She says she doesn’t want a divorce, that she doesn’t want to throw away 11 years and that she hopes it’s just a trial separation but I don’t know that I believe her. I love her more than anything and want to do whatever I can to save the marriage. Is the separation going to be the nail in the coffin? Thanks for any advice.

  62. Ill let u know if it works, but it smells like bullshit. I mean how can one perspn, who wants it to work, have to walk away feeling unwanted, make the other person feel wanted?

  63. I separated from my girl of 12 years at the time. 2 weeks later she had her legs up over her head smashing one of our "friends". So i banged her sister and every girl I could get. We are back together now with a child. Its mine lol. But we shouldnt have gotten back together. Now im really stuck

  64. Hi brad, me and my wife have been separated for 2 months and recently she moved in with her parents.I moved back in our apartment with our kids. We fought a lot during separation but same time had sex too. I want to try to save our marriage, do you think it can be saved?

  65. My husband file for divoice.. but living togather and yes its damaging me mentaliy so finally i am going for separation…move on ..

  66. My husband has left for the third time. Mad over something that happened before him. His brother and I where Intimate before I ever knew my husband. I told him two years into our marriage four years ago. And he has been angry and hurt for a while now. Which causes him to be emotionally abusive. We have three kids together who miss him a lot. Two weeks now since he’s been gone.

  67. I've recently packed my bags an moved out of my home. As I found out my wife has been messing with the neighbor. I had a feeling about this for the past 4 weeks. As she was starting to act strange, hiding her phone, going the extra mile regarding her appearance an so forth. Constantly looking for arguments with me for no reason. Then suddenly out of the blue she tells me she never loved me in the 11 years we've been together an wants a divorce. I tried to suggest counseling and she simply said no. I made the mistakes of trying to do anything that makes her happy hopping this would get her back but didnt. Everyday in that home was toxic as she would belittle me and make me out to be the joke as she has someone else in her life. Shed go out an return at 5am in the morning. Not worrying about our daughter. I've come to the point in my life where I'm in a situation do I try fix this or do I give up and move on.

  68. I'll keep this short. My wife loves me, but she isn't in love with me. This has been going on for months. We have been to counseling and it didn't help. Im still very in love with her. I decided to move into the guest room. Basically a separation within our home. Any advice?

  69. My husband decided to seperate with me today. As in today he said he needs time and space to think, The reason i know he's cheating on me and when i told him about that i saw to his phone how he contacted the Mistress , He get angry to the point he angry to everyone . Now he asking for temporarily seperation he said it work if we will do that. But i think he gonna lived with his mistress. Now i know that seperation isn't working. Thankyou for the video!

    Update today : August 17 he doesn't come back to me , And he change all his number 😢 Meaning he just tell that separation is the best way to think for what wrong we did but that's his reason to left me here.
    After i petition him got visa and help him to get a job He just left me.
    He use the word seperation that it is working? Absolutely For my marriage ISN'T WORKING. 😢😢😭

  70. Hello there so my husband and I have been separated for a little now and he decided to block me off all social media and have no contact . We have a 2 year old son and I want to know if it’s best to give him space , move on or what to do . I’m stuck idk what I should do at this point . I moved out of our apartment and we haven’t spoke . Seems like he’s out partying and living his life . At this point I’m not sure if he has someone else . What should I do ? I love him with all my heart . We’ve been together for 4 years and almost married for 2

  71. In a separation time right now, and while it has seemed beneficial, it does also seem like I am not truly missed and there has been less affection than there was even soon after the separation. Any ways that you can think of to help or to focus on during this time apart so that I do not become bitter or jaded?

  72. I recently left my husband because we just fought and argued too much I tried talking to him about it but he just didn’t get it….About 2 weeks later I came back to him and told him let’s just take things slow and steady and get our marriage back n order he said no and that he wants a divorce I begged & cried my eyes out and he was just being mean & nasty to me and it really hurt my feelings cause he’s never acted like that towards me before so I went ahead and gave him the keys back and left we haven’t spoken in 3 days now and it’s killing me inside…..I just want him to reach out and say something to me show me some type of compassion or love!!!….I’m really confused hoping he was saying all those mean things out of anger cause we know “hurt people , hurt people” but I don’t know if he really means it or not!!!…..smh 😢

  73. I have been married for last seven months..Everything was going ok back then even if there were many things i wasn't satishfied of i tried to understan d and took everything as a part of lifes ups nd downs.We both belong to an average family type but my husband family never thinks me of their part of a family ….i need to count on me myself if i have to go to hospital ,clothes everything Otherhand ,they aspects every domestic works to be handled by me.I feel so humilated and unfit for what they makes me feel.I even hate and forget to smile when around them.They just treats me as a maid.But i do love my husband..And here he has a different character,he says he loves me ,he says he hell knows how his family been treating me ,he says he does understand and loves me dearly but can't make a single appeal or talk abt mine comfortenss with his family.He says he loves me ,he has seen me dying crying all day night but never puts a single effort for me to stay.What should i do ,do i need to move on ?

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