Celebrating Father’s Day Without My Dad || Mayim Bialik

– Father’s Day is upon us. And I don’t have a father. I mean, I did have a father, but he died. Every year for the rest of
the time that I am alive, I will have to confront Father’s Day and decide how I feel about it. Like, am I sad? Am I wistful? Am I bitter? Am I melancholy? Sometimes I feel like
I’m all of these things, sometimes at once. In honor of Father’s Day, I have decided to take a stroll down photo memory lane and find some of the amazing things that photos of me and my
dad have stirred up for me. This is a photo from 1976. I was born in 1975, at the end of 1975. So I’m a baby, I’m a tiny baby. I’d say I’m about six months old. You know, the things that I see is that my dad’s really young. He’s playing the harmonica. And I grew up in a very musical household, so I’m laughing, I’m clearly loving that my dad is playing
the harmonica for me. And when I look at the way
his hand is holding me, that’s the same hand that
he had my whole life. You know, I remember when he was dying, his hand still looked like that. This is a picture of me
at about, I don’t know, four years old. My dad is dipping me, my
dad taught me to dance. He would put on old music from the 50s and he would teach me the dances that he and my mom did
when they were dating. I loved dancing with my father, and I just love this picture. He looks really strong,
and I’m really tiny. This is a picture from June 1979, so I’m four and my brother is eight, and this must have been Father’s Day, because my dad’s birthday is in December and the only time that we
would wake my dad in bed was his birthday or Father’s Day. This is Father’s Day 1979. I look absolutely just tickled
that I got to wake my father. He looks not happy to be woken up, but he always was happy
to be woken up by us on occasions like this. This is a picture of me and my dad on one of the many
father-daughter road trips that we took when I was a teenager. I had just cut my hair off, so this was right when Blossom ended. This is my dad holding the camera out. We’re somewhere in the middle of America with a weird, you know,
like elk sculpture. Yeah, my dad was a photographer and I wonder what he would
think of the selfie craze, ’cause this is how we took
selfies back in the 90s. This is one of my favorite
pictures of me and my dad. I’m in college and my
mother called our name at the same exact time. And if you look very carefully, we are turning at exactly the same angle. We have the same exact body language, our faces are making the
same exact expression. It’s just an amazing picture to me. I had my dad’s body, and it’s just an amazing photo to me of us literally doing the
same thing physically. Our eyebrows are raised
the same way at my mom. It’s just an amazing, amazing photo of DNA, really. This photo is one that I’m not in. It’s an important aspect of the memories that I have of my dad. This is, this is my parents
before I was conceived, with my brother. My brother’s four years older than me, so he’s probably two in this picture. You know, this photo holds
memories of a time before I was, when my brother was
already having memories and my parents had a whole
life, you know, without me. But I’m in this picture, too. I’m waiting, I’m waiting in my mom’s body to become the child that
was their second-born. And my dad’s really
handsome in this picture, and my mom is beautiful, and this was them, you know, before me. This was their us. There’s not an us anymore
for me and my dad. But these kinds of photos, these memories, they’re the ones that I hold
in my brain and my heart, and I get to keep those forever, the same way I hope my boys will keep the memories that they have
of me as our us, forever. So on this Father’s Day,
yes, I miss my father. I also miss my father every day. And the healing that we get to do is made up of so many memories
and so many photos and so many images, so many
dreams that we had, and that we continue to have. And our ability to heal is based on not only what we remember,
but also sometimes, what we choose to forget. Happy Father’s Day to all of you, and if you’re missing your
dad, you’re not alone. Please leave your comments below. Tell me who your dad was. Thank you for watching this video, share it, like it if you liked it, subscribe to my channel. I’ll see you next time.

About the author


  1. Thanks for sharing. This was the first Father's Day with out my dad. It was rough, and stirred up all the emotions you talked about. Boy oh boy do I miss him.

  2. Mayim, I'm sorry about the loss of your Father. I lost my Daddy when I was 26-years old. I'm 56 now. In the earlier years, each fathers day, Christmas, his birthday, etc., was really hard for many years. Know I still remember him on those days and other days, especially when I need advice. I try to remember the funny, happy memories. That and God has helped me through it. In the beginning I visited my cousins and talked about it and felt better. I pray this helps you.

  3. 4:33 that is the most powerful statement! My dad was killed when I was 16 in 1988 in a house explosion. I was blessed with an amazing step father that I love very much but I miss the good in my real dad. He wasn’t always a good man but I “choose to forget” a lot of the bad. My parents divorced when I was 10 and that was the best thing that could have ever happened at the time. My dad was a sick man who needed help and finally found it before he died but was unwilling for many years. I hold on to the good years we shared, not the bad ones that came before. Even in the middle of the bad years were small dots of happy times I cherish. I do miss my dad, my good dad.

  4. I just experienced my first fathers day without my dad who passed August 2017. The day is over and I still feel a bit sad that I didn't get to celebrate. I wasnt strong enough to be able to go through photos or videos.

  5. I lost my mom, dad, sister and dog all in less than a year each died from different causes. I know what it feels like to be Job of Uz

  6. I appreciated the raw and organic way you presented your feelings. On an entirely different note, that shirt is flattering to your hair, eyes and personality.

  7. I'm in the same situation my dad passed away in 2014 when I was only 16. He died of type 2 diabetes he didn't even know he had. And I found his body. It was probably the most horrible experience of my life. 4 years on I still miss my dad and I still cry sometimes thinking about how much I wish he could be here still. My dad wasn't just a dad to me he was my best friend. We used to sit and talk for hours when I would go to his house (my parents were separated nearly all my life). I really miss talking to him.

  8. Love this one, it made me cry. I lost my dad in 2014 and it is still hard. I miss him every day, but my memories always put a smile on my face and take some of the pain away.

    This video meant a lot to me. Thank you ❤️❤️

  9. If it's any consolation, my parents turned on me when a sociopath broke me and caused mental illness. They are very much alive and yet I haven't been allowed to see them in over 5 years. They even sold their house, threw my stuff away, moved, and changed their number. Now I stay locked in my house.

  10. Mayim my dad was Adolf Gottlieb Johr.. I love him dearly and will always still remember him. Just celebrated Father's day again and it was hard. But when I watched your video.. it made me feel lighter.. thank you!

  11. I come onto this channel when i am having a bad day. mayim bialik always makes me feel better. because i know i will never be as hideous as her.

  12. My dad was a VERY accomplished pistol shooter and instructor with the Marine Corps. He retired after 23 years and went to college with my younger brother. They graduated together and then my dad went to work for the Federal Government. After retiring from the GAO he became the president of the Christian Motorcycle Association (CMA) and started singing. He sang at retirement homes, churches and local events. Mostly gospel. When he passed away at 72 from colon cancer there were 100 motorcycles at his funeral driving to the burial site. His minister led the procession driving dad's bike. He's been gone 11 years now….and I miss him every day.

  13. I haven’t seen my dad since I was 9 years old. I’m 27 now. Long story short, he was violent towards us. My mum always tried to protect me from him. When I was 8, they told me that they were planning to get divorced. This must have made my dad angry, though he didn’t show it around me. Soon after, he beat up my grandma outside our doorstep when she came round to take me to school. He was jailed for 2 years, which finally gave us the chance to get away from him and we moved far away.

  14. This was very powerful for me. I lost my mom in 1999 and my dad in 2010. There isn't a day that goes by that they don't flit through my thoughts and the things that trigger powerful floods of emotions still amaze me. Your comment about your dad's hands was one of those things. I remember my dad's hands…powerful, rugged hands, scarred from a life of work yet still capable of tenderness like patting the back of a grandchild. I hate that my youngest daughter will never get the chance to learn from and to know these amazing people, but I will endeavor to show her how they live through her. Thank you for your words of remembrance and love.

  15. Me too. Today is 10 th aniversary of his passing. He was a solstice sacrifice for my evil mother.

  16. My Dad passed away on December 18, 1989. Far, far too soon. My parents divorced when I was 10 years old. I went to live with my Dad when I was 15, my siblings stay with my Mom so it was just me and Dad. He was far from perfect but he was my hero..I miss him even after all these years

  17. Thank you for this, sorry it took so long to watch it, I did see it on father's day, but this is a hard one. 20 years…?! Ugh, it made me smile, and remember some remarkable things, due to my PTSD my brain had erased some memories and photos.
    My dad was hard working, free spirit. He loved to do anything with his hands, thank you for bringing that out with the ✋ .
    He always had a smoke hanging out his mouth, and used to whistle Areosmith.
    I remember one year, I wanted to be in ballet, and they rejected me because of my weight, so my dad took me to a store, and instead got me the best bike ever, by somehow literally giving the store owner the shirt off his back. (This was nothing to dad, haha he was mostly shirtless anyway.)
    You inspire me.
    I love that you mentioned letting memories go, thank you. I really needed to hear this, and am kinda mad I didn't listen to my gut on father's day and watch.
    Keep rocking girl! And these are special! Thank you.

  18. my dad passed away 3 years ago this coming December as his birthday in may and fathers day in June and losing step dad too this past nov. its hard. my dad was former alcoholic with nerve issues and agoraphobic, daddy liked 50 -60s music every Saturday night solid gold Saturday night. member him dancing with my mom. I put one of favorite pictures of us as family on fb remembering us when young, sometimes listen to his favorite buddy holly songs. but it makes me cry. this year I ate his fav. nuddy buddy bar and rc cola he liked and a moon pie on fathers day. so many memories. he used to bowl a lot and when we were little when we drove home pretended to be sound asleep so daddy would carry me inside. maybe I'll go bowling God willing if still alive and kicking next year, he loved the beach my sister made this box stand look like a pier and put seashells and and fake sand around the small urn like he was on beach. when we drove beach my dad would pass gas and blame it on us kids lol, he was a handful. funny thing my dad his dad and his grandfather all passed away around same day Dec. 2 I told my older brother to be wary of that day lol, I got one year on you Mayim, born in 74. and been recovering from divorce for years too so I feel ya. What keeps me strong is my faith in God. He's a father to me seen me through so many struggles and difficulties he can carry me on even when I'm older,crankier, and fatter now lol.

  19. My dad was so big in my eyes that when I set the table I would always give him the a stake knife a serving fork and spoon. And he'd always say: "Awe Bear." With that slight southern drawl. He would always take me on long drives and then we'd go kayaking, the whole way we would listened to Pink floyd.

  20. My dad passed away when I was 13. Now I am 16 and still cannot believe it. He was so unbeliveable strong and just a brave man. He was a rali car racer and we went on car trips together and also he built houses and stadiums as a hobby. Sometimes I cry for a last hug or a last smile from him, but I know that I cannot have one. His last gift for me was a trip to Bali…those were my best 12 days in my life. He passed away after our trip. It is good to know that I am not alone and everyone should spread love because life can get extremely hard in just a moment. I am here to enyone who needs help <3

  21. My dad passed away a year ago but he left far earlier (I was 4). He was in the military and had an event that caused him to have severe ptsd. It was to the point that he would not return to being an active part of our lives. I have long ago come to terms with the reasons it all happened but I miss the “could have been” moments that I will never get. I did get one though. He gave me away at my wedding. You would think that by now (51) I would have gotten past all of this, but I don’t think you really ever do. I am so glad you have all of those memories of your father and I will be grateful for my one. It is priceless and it is mine 💕

  22. I never celebrate my father on Father’s Day because he was not a good father and he’s no longer in my life, but my maternal grandfather is the person I celebrate and I miss the most. He was the center of the universe in our family. He kept the peace, he kept us accountable, and he taught my brother and I so much about how to independently navigate the world. He took on the role of father and was an amazing example of fatherhood to us. I miss him all the time, especially Father’s Day.

  23. My Daddy was an amazing man. He was a Marine, a father to 2 baby boys that passed away 1 @ almost 2 years and 1 at 5 months. He was a Daddy to me and my younger sister. If you've ever heard the song Daddys Hands by Holly Dunn that song could be about my Daddy. He was known to work 2 or more jobs to make sure we had everything we needed and most of what we wanted. He literally would work until his hands cracked and bled and he would continue to work. He was a truck driver but he refused to go over the road and leave his girls. He painted houses, fixed cars, dug ditches you name it he would do it. I love that man with my entire being. He passed in Feb 2012 my Mama his wife of 40 years passed 38 days later in March 2012. He was 62 She was 57. I miss them every day.

  24. My Father passed away a few months ago from illness, i am in my late 20s and this is the first year that i don't have him around. Your video is very relatable and i still feel very emotional (it's only been 3 months that his gone).

  25. Thanks Mayim!!! for the video, There isn't a day when i don't miss my father…I am fortunate that I got to spend 18years of my life with my dad!!! i miss his laugh, his smile, his anger and everything about him!
    I miss him tremendously on his birthday, father's day, and each time I accomplish something in my life, I wish he was around to share it with!
    Parents love is irreplaceable! Take good of care of them when they are around guys!
    lots of love ♥

  26. My Dad died over 40 years ago – when I was 21 and I'm 62 now.  I had so much in the 21 years that when he died I spent the next 40 plus years thinking about him every day and wondering how he would feel about who I am as a person.  The parts of me that I feel are like my Father make me feel like a stronger person.  I don't have much emotion on Fathers Day anymore, but I think of my Dad every day anyway so Fathers Day is no exception.  Love you videos.  They are full of emotion and are comical and make me laugh always.

  27. I can relate. My father died when I was 13. I dont really celebrate fathers day since he has been gone. I have a ton of great memories of him though and I think about him often. 😀😀

  28. Thank you for caring about a bunch of strangers like us. Strangers who are united with you in their pain & suffering. Thank you for being so thoughtful & brave Mayim ❤️. My dad was my most loyal fan. I miss him so damn much – it physically hurts. It’s been a year.

  29. My first photo was at my aunts wedding. My mother was holding my unhappy brother, my father next to her, and me,…well, I'm the bump in her stomach that my brother was sitting on.

    I was told at 12 that I may not have a mother when I turned 13. On dec 24th, '08 (I was 28) I lost my Mom. Though I'm grateful for the extra years, a decade has not dulled the loss of her.

  30. Absolutely loved this! My mom passed away a little over a year ago. My dad has not been in the picture since I was 9 months old. My mom, who I called Tot, was such an amazing woman. I always celebrated Fathers Day with her because not only did she teach me womanly things like cooking but she taught me to change oil in my car and how to fix things around the house. I swear, any dilemma I had she had a solution. She was my best friend, genuinely my best friend. I have anxiety and have never made friends easily so it was always her and me. This Fathers Day hit me unexpectedly hard. I am never sure how such significant days will affect me. I look at old photos a lot and it makes me smile so much! Of course there are tears but it's just because I miss her so much. Thanks for sharing this. Pretty tough topic to talk about❤

  31. Thank you Miss M for this touching video. I enjoy your videos immensely. Watching this shows me we have a few things in common. I was born late in ‘75 into a musical family. I have a picture of my mom dated 10-12-75 which is a month to the day before I was born. To see her before I existed was odd yet profound. My dad passed in April of 2016. Not a day goes by I don’t think of him and miss him. Fathers days that year was especially down and hard. But I believe he is with me so much now. Therapy helped quite honestly with grieving. I choose to embrace my time with him and not the fact he is gone. That’s helps too. Thank you for your honesty and humor. Thank you for being you and sharing that with the rest of us.

  32. Mayim I have never watched a video anywhere that had an impact on me like this one. You are so lucky to have those precious precious memories of you and your father. I never knew mine, my mother left him when I was 2yrs old and he never came looking for me. I ironically never missed having a Daddy until later in life and realized how very much I had missed out on. Thank you for making this video I will cherish it. But on another note my friend … I have LOVED you since Beaches …lol

  33. I lost my dad to cancer in 2001. He was my best friend. I still miss him every day and the pain is still there-sometimes it still takes my breath away. He was funny, amazing, frustrating, infuriating, annoying, wonderful, supportive, -the best dad anyone could ask for.

  34. My dad was around in my life untill i was around 5 years old. My parents devorced and he remarried. The bond between us faded has he didnt make much efforts with me and my bio syblings anymore. And eventually at age 12 the contact stopped.

    Its bitter sweet farthers day has i wish my dad loved me. Hes alive always known where i am but yet never comes. Ive not seen him in 14 years

  35. My dad served in the Air Force before starting a graphics business off of our family farm. In 1984 he became quadriplegic after a car accident, but managed to keep his business run and his family fed. I'm his name sake, his oldest son, and his spitting image. I got my love for music and music ability from him. He could sing like Elvis, and he passed that on to me as well. He had a stroke in late 2015, and I was there when he died. I felt his spirit pass on inside of me, and that reminds me that he is always going to be there with me for the rest of my life. Thanks so much for opening up to us, Mayim, for having taken of yourself and having shared with us. And thanks for reminding me that my father is with me always.

  36. Thank you so much for this video. I lost my daddy too in 2010. He taught me so many things and I was so afraid to loose memory of everything. Now I have a little one on my own (by the way thx for the book Beyond the sling; just making my way through it, it’s amazing so far). Every day I play, cuddle and talk to my little son, all of the games, cuddles and good talks I had with my daddy are coming into my mind. Nothing is lost, everything is still there and so my daddy is always with us like he was with me – just a call away. 💕

  37. My Father died in January sad, as he died quickly and he was a healthy person in his years, although people will say he had a long life stop!!! My Dad played the trombone with me and all babies to see what personality they had?

  38. I feel for. You lost my dad he was oly 48 and I can never have children all holidays are hard special mother's day and fAthers day luv ur pics God bless

  39. She's the only star out of Big Bang Theory I can see people relating to. Sorry for your loss, I always thought celebrities where private but my theory is wrong. Let's see Jim Parson's try to disprove that. I just wish there was more seasons to the show. But life goes on. He raised you right :).

  40. Oh Baba, such a sweet video and what an Amazing, Special and Loving relationship You had with Your Father. That says a LOT that Your father was happy to be woken up. Shaaa. I also love the part when You said You were still in Your Mothers tummy waiting to be created and born. SO Beautiful, Mayim xoxox

  41. Thank you, that was awesome. I had the most amazing father, he never believed in physical discipline, he would talk to his kids at every phase of their lives. ( my mom on the other hand was the disciplinarian) I truly believed we lived like brothers. He never hold resentment or grudges, he forgive those whom wronged him, laugh often. I grieved 12 years for him.

  42. Just had the pleasure of watching this. My father passed in 1993. I was 16. I’m 41 now and I still look at pictures and smile….you truly never forget that feeling.

  43. My dad died at the end of 2017 from cancer. He was emaciated and pretty much a shell of his former self at that point. My memories of him are still from when he was vibrant and healthy. Funny how your brain blocks out the bad stuff.

  44. My father passed away October 2014 and I miss him every day. I have immense guilt because I wasn’t with him when he died or even in the same state I was on a vacation in Florida when I got the call that my father fell broke his femur and had surgery and basically stroked out and step mom decided to end my father‘s life By turning off his life support before I could get on the plane and get back home. But I think in a small way my dad may have been glad I wasn’t there to see him in such a fragile state because he was always so strong 💪 And in charge. My father was fighting dementia and he knew what was happening to him and I think that when he fell and broke his leg he kind of gave up and looked at it is a way out. My father always try to protect me from bad things and this was a bad thing and I think that even though I feel guilty I wasn’t there it was the way it was supposed to play out with my father died. I have this habit when I was a small child before my dad would leave for work I would ask for three things. A hug, a kiss, and the smell. My father always dressed so nice for work and he was a great hugger and I loved his cologne. I wish I could’ve got one last hug one,last kiss, and one last smell. Anyway, thank you for allowing me to share my story about me and my daddy.

  45. Just watched this video, and it hit home. I just lost my dad 4 months ago. My dad was an awesome dad, father in law to my husband, friend, husband to my mom, son to my grandparents, and step dad to my brother and sister. My mom has many health issues and my dad stopped working to take care of her. When he passed it left my mom and I both very lost. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of him or miss him with ever beat of my heart.

  46. Ooh my parents have passed so I know how you’re feeling. My dad was the one person I could go to and without saying a word he knew what was wrong. When I was little and would become frightened during the night I would here him up in the kitchen making coffee, he was a nighttime worker so he often was awake at night even on his nights off work, but hearing him made everything alright. My dad loved Christmas and now Christmas is kind of bittersweet for me because my mom loved Christmas as well, but I do all I can to make the same beautiful memories with my kids. My dad was a quiet man but when he spoke he spoke with profound wisdom, my dad was also a preacher and I remember as a child sitting in church and listening to my dad preach and think to myself, my dad is very brave to stand in front of all these people and speck. I miss both my mom and dad terribly, I have good days and bad days. I pray for you all who have experienced the death of a parent. God Bless!
    * both my parents have passed away.

  47. Today would have been my Father's 58th birthday had he not taken his life, 9 years ago.
    He was a very interesting man. He had his quirks, but he had an intelligence I always strived to be able to replicate. A sense of humour and an ability to feel joy, that he thankfully passed to me. He was a long-haul truck driver for over 25 years, in order to support our family.
    Every year, two dates are hard for me, Father's day and his birthday. I never know how it will affect me, either.
    Thanks for the video, it helped today!

  48. Well it's October and I'm watching this video and it brought me to tears. The anniversary of my father's death is next month. He was a Vietnam vet, received a purple heart and lots of other awards, he was a POW and it greatly affected him. My parents marriage didn't survive the war and I was raised by a single mom whom I now care for. My relationship with my father was difficult and at times strained but thankfully that changed for the better before he passed. Unfortunately due to my mother's serious illness at the time I wasn't there when my father passed. No one was…..this is a guilt and weight on me that I have never been able to shake off. Today with this video I felt a lil less alone and I thank you for that.

  49. My fathers day consists of Just me on my own as my teenage daughter cant be bothered to make the effort every year.

  50. Thank you for this video! My Dad died in 2017 and I miss him every minute of every single day. I feel guilt because of things that were left unsaid. This pain is a pain that I don’t think will ever heal for me. It’s like a whole in my heart that can’t ever be filled. My Father was a strong intelligent man that commanded respect. He taught my sisters and I that we could do whatever we put our minds to. I miss his strength and guidance. 💔

  51. this years father's day was the last one I had the opportunity to celebrate with my dad. He lost his battle to kidney cancer this past Sept. I miss him every day. as I was looking through photos, I could see how much my dad cared for me. i believe he is taking care of me, he's in my heart. it's a struggle that he left from my life too soon.💔 My father was a very great man who cared for his family and did his best to navigate the obstacles in life.❤

  52. So cute. Dad's matter… thank you for sharing this with us. I have alway had a terrible relationship with my dad, but I wish I didnt. I wish he wasn't a monster… I want to adopt and give a kid a father I never had.

  53. Omg this video made my cry hahahaha It's so nice to see someone who cherish these kind of memories so much. My father died when I was only 1 year old and therefore I don't have any memories of him. I do have though some pictures of us that I deeply love. This video brought me so many feelings hahahahaha and I thank you for it <3

  54. Mayim I have not long subscribed to your site and you are such a lovely sincere and funny person and very clever. I lost my Dad when I was 15yrs old he was 51yrs old he had a brain haemorrhage and seeing your photos it was a memory  I had of my dad I loved him with all my heart and life was never same without him. but it beautiful your dad and yourself had music  love Julia xxx

  55. Beautiful way to articulate that, Mayim. My father was also a wonderful man… sometimes. He was… not well. He was an alcoholic. But he was handsome, talented, sensitive and caring most of the time. Some of the sad, bad parts of his life/ our lives were due to WWII and toxins that affected his mind. But my dad was smart, he tried hard to give me a real sense of heritage and connection with my extended family. I can't even imagine who I might have become had he died earlier. I was a late baby… my brothers got the young dad. So in many ways,
    after age 6, I was an only child. My life with him was VEFY different from the life my brothers lived growing up. I am more like my dad than my mother. I too choose to remember the good things and choose not to dwell on the sad or bad times. You have that just right I think.
    ( I find it interesting that you encourage fans to respond to your videos. Do you actually want to read our thoughts? You are a nice person Mayim.)

  56. i don't like father's day. I'm not married so i can't focus on my husband. or my children's dad. i miss the father i never had. I miss the father that as a little girl i wish i had. But I'm grateful for my mom and that makes mother's day special for me. 🙂

  57. Thank you Mayim for reminding us how special our fathers are. Mine is also gone, as is my mother, but I am grateful for all that he taught me, many times without even trying or being aware of it. He taught me to be kind, caring, strong, self sufficient, loyal, hard working, honest and true to yourself among many others and I miss him terribly.

  58. what lovely precious memories! !!! It is so nice to see that you cherish the memories!!!!! Thank you for sharing. The one of you both responding the same way is amazing!!

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