Celebrating Fiendish Women Throughout History | The Daily Show


As you should know, March is Women’s History Month. -The month– That’s right.
-(cheers and applause) The month when all historic
female heroes drink for free. For more on this, we’re joined by our senior gender issues
correspondent, Desi Lydic, everybody! (cheers and applause) What does Women’s History Month
mean to you? Well, Trevor, during this month,
I like to celebrate the stories of impressive women
that have been overlooked. It’s not his-tory,
it’s hist-her-y. (laughter) Took me forever
to come up with that. You know, Desi, honestly, I’ve learned
so much already this month about women who have done
great things in history. Okay. Yeah, but, you see, everyone pays attention to the
women who did great things, but no one speaks about women
who did bad things. For example, everyone’s heard
of Benedict Arnold, right? He as the general who betrayed
America during the Revolution, the greatest treason
in our history up until Tristan Thompson. But you probably haven’t heard of Benedict’s wife,
Peggy Shippen Arnold. Now, she was actually the one who encouraged him
to turn on America, and helped plan his treason
with British officials. You know, it’s like they say, the couple that betrays together
stays together. And there is nothing hotter
than treason sex, trust me. (laughter) I don’t even know
what that means. But that is really fascinating,
Desi. I-I had no idea about the role
that she played. Ah, of course you didn’t,
you’re a man. I-I didn’t know either. I saw it on a Snapple cap
at lunch today. -That’s a weird Snapple cap.
-Yeah. Here’s another one. We all know who
Alexander the Great was, the ruthless king, bloodthirsty conqueror,
sideburns aficionado. But he only got to do
all of that because of a woman,
his mom, Queen Olympias. She wanted her son
to be king so bad, she had her husband and
his other wife assassinated. She schemed so her child
could have a better life, like a Macedonian
Aunt Becky. You know, actually,
Olympias inspired me to break into my son’s school and destroy the other kids’
science projects. Sorry somebody trashed
your volcano, Timmy, but I, too, am raising a king. Desi, you, you can’t break
into a school and vandalize children’s
homework. Oh, wow, Trevor. Are you gonna tell a woman
what she can and cannot do with her body? (audience reacts) Wait. No. No, no. What you did was a crime. Well, you know, you know
what else used to be a crime? Women voting, huh? Right, ladies? -Yeah.
-(cheers and applause) But you know what?
I’m glad you brought up crime, because women can do that, too. People always talk
about Machine Gun Kelly, one of the most notorious
gangsters during prohibition, but nobody’s ever heard
of his wife, Kathryn Kelly. She helped him scheme; she
helped plan his kidnappings. She even gave him the gun
he was named after. You know, before her, everyone
called him “Finger Guns Kelly. Wow. This is really fascinating. You’re opening my eyes. Like, even when it comes
to bad things, we tend to erase the contributions of women
from history. Yeah. And it’s still happening
today. Just look at Facebook: Fake news scandals, helping
Russia spread propaganda. They even sold all our
dick picks to Steve Bannon. And every time
something goes wrong, people blame Mark Zuckerberg, but their COO, Sheryl Sandberg,
deserves just as much credit. Now, everyone’s dragging
his name through the mud. I am so sick of people refusing to say something bad
about women on the Internet. (laughter) Desi, it almost sounds like you admire these bad women. I admire all women, but there is one woman
I admire above all. She is my number one
evil heroine. I mean, I guess, heroin’s
the number one evil heroin, but this lady comes close. Trevor,
when you think of pirates, you think of Black Beard, Captain Kid or whoever’s
the captain now. But the most successful pirate
of all time was actually a woman,
Cheng I Sao. In the 1800s, she had 80,000
sailors, 1,500 ships, and took more pirate fortune
than Johnny Depp’s lawyers. But get this: When the Chinese navy finally
caught her, she talked her way out of jail, got amnesty,
and then opened a casino. Boom! She went from being
a criminal tyrant to a legal casino owner, a move historians call
“the reverse Donald Trump.” (laughter and applause) So remember, everyone,
Women’s History Month isn’t just about breaking
the glass ceiling, it’s also about throwing someone
through it and getting away with it. Desi Lydic, everyone.

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Comments

  1. Should have been funny and interesting and should have made some interesting points about the diversity of women's stories in history. Instead, we get a lame list of women who may or may not have been bad people but who supported the bad men in their lives. Like they had a choice. History loves to vilify women whether or not they were villains. There actually are plenty of very bad women in history who could have been used as examples but, hey, let's celebrate Women's History Month by making our only segment about it dumb and male-centric.

  2. What about Olga of Kiev?! She practically had an entire tribe wiped out because of her husband’s murder.

  3. The only way for a man to succeed, is to have the force of women behind him. Either by openly supporting him like Sarah YuckaSanders, or by not speaking up to bring down a lunatic(trump), like Sarah YuckaSanders again.

  4. #BENEDICTARNOLDTRUMP AN OOOOLLLLD DISTINGUISHED FAMILY IN AMERICA, UNLIKE A NAME CHANGED FOR TREASON TO GERMANY THEN A LIFE CAREER AS A PIMP AND HOTELIER. #TRUMPforFASCISM2020

  5. Benedict Arnold was screw over.

    Also if you want to talk about an evil powerful woman you guys should talk about Griselda Blanco she started with literally nothing and became the queen of cocaine.

  6. Love this segment! So sick and tired of women always portrayed as being holier-than-thou and men as villians de facto these days

  7. That was quite possibly the best piece of comedy I've seen all year (even if we are only about 11 weeks into it). #MostExcellent #WickedWomenWorldHistHerY #hilarious

  8. So basically these women were all lying cunts who pulled strings from behind the scenes? May their ilk be killed slowly and their stories be told to little girls as a warning around campfires or stoves, whatever.

  9. In the past ten years I’ve heard more about women’s month than black history month ……..we
    only have our selves to blame

  10. People remember Blackbeard because he was insane and lit his face on fire to scare people. In terms of success, the greatest pirate was actually Samuel Bellamy, who overthrew Blackbeard and ended up running the ship much more successfully for years.

  11. This has been the first Daily Show piece that really feels like the Daily Show again. Not that what they have been doing is bad. I just think all political/late night comedy programs on TV at the moment have lost all the wind in their sails. Everything seems forced and unfunny. This felt punchy and if you didn't keep up, you would be left behind. Each joke is funny because it is true (comedy comes from the truth) and it also delivers [for the most part] factual information. And it is a bonus that Desi was the one behind this piece. She's the [wo]man!

  12. lets not also forget elizabeth bathory — bathed in the blood of virgins in an attempt to be immortally youthful, but only ended up smelling like rotten pennies.

  13. Catherine the Great, pretty bad, very genocidal, really got rid of a lot of people, conquered a lot of land.

  14. Why did Desi look like she was swallowing her ?vomit that was threatening to come out.
    just curious, not insulting

  15. If i remember correctly, Elizabeth Bathory is the most prolific serial killer in history, having killed around 600 young girls. She's also known as the Blood Countess. Scary stuff

  16. how about the women who sit on the couch eating chips watching YouTube videos instead of doing anything productive or bad.. you know…the slacker chicks. we get no respect

  17. *The couple that betrays together stays together?
    Tell that to Macbeth
    Oh wait, both him and his wife are dead…*

  18. That's not Alexander the Great's mother, that's some Christian queen. He and his mother lived long before Christ!🙄

  19. strange I though madam Zheng. gotten so powerful that the govt actually offer (beg) her to stop and retire. (oh and she was never caught, they tried but failed badly)

  20. S T O P. R A P E I N G. B A B I E S
    …good thing it was last March// the chick who got the needle for Betty Ford wsd on a picture

  21. S T O P. R A P E I N G. B A B I E S
    That great, but you cant assassinate the child ,though// it should be a crime now// we talk about Bonny/ …I wish I had a Bonny

  22. Thank you for ditching the “B” word…now you’re a real CHAMPION for women That’s the number one reason I can’t stand Samantha Bees show…otherwise she has great points…just can’t listen to her and her cohorts. So, thank you as I love your show.

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