D&D Story: A Most Abserd Character

It’s not every day that you get to play a high tier 5th edition D& D character. So when one of our friends offered to run a one-shot game for a birthday and asked us all to make 14th level characters, we were all pretty excited! Originally, I’d wanted to make a high level spell slinger who’d get those… powerful magics that let you warp reality! But theeeenn… I had another character concept pop into my head… One that I knew that if I didn’t play now, I probably wouldn’t get a chance! So we contacted the GM and asked him, “Hey soooo I have a little bit of a, *COUGH* weird character concept I’d like to run past you.” GM: “Yeah, sure. What is it? As long as it’s from the book. It’s probably fine.” James: “Yeah, yeah, I it’s from the book. Just. *COUGH* thought I’d might uh.. Double-check with you just to see if it’s okay and everything’s fine.” And I told him my concept and he’s like GM: “Is that even a legal character?” Ben: ” I- I think so. I’m pretty sure it is.” GM: “If you can make it, *Legally* I’ll allow it” Ben: “mhmmm Yep, yep, I’ll see what I can do” The day came and we all pulled out our characters. While the GM and I were keeping mine a secret. they went around the table and introduce their PC’s. (player characters) & Then finally it came time to introduce my guy… Abserd (Greatest Warrior of All time) His backstory was that… a long long time ago when Abserd was a young lad, he was admitted to Sw- Swogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, they were like “you’re wizard Abserd” and then after a year, They were like “no you’re not” and then they kicked him out. and then after being on the road, he got caught up in a fearsome tribe of Bard-barians! (Player: “The bard-barians?”) Yes, who doesn’t know the tales of the bard-barians? that fearsome group of roading marauding minstrels who.. tell tales of their epic conquest. And then after them I encountered some religious clerics that were like “hey come join our church our holy mother welcomes everyone with open arms” and then after a while they’re like Maybe not you. I got kicked out of there, too And after I left them, I joined up with the wilderness guards (Player: The wilderness guards?) Yes!
The wilderness guards a group of soldiers that would go around like Rangers, Watching the forest, and were trained in the art of kung fu, and had Paladin magic, and could shape-shift into giant ferrets Honestly, the group didn’t admit a whole lot of people and kinda didn’t want extra members Every year they’re adding more requirements trying to kick people out I think they were kind of elitist, a little bit of a douchebag just sayin’ & after I left them I was on the streets for a while and I met a guy who taught me the secret to being a Rouge! Rogue: hey, you know how you can use a knife to stab people? Have you ever thought about pressing it like really, really, hard when you do that? *Le Gasp* And then, I discovered I have a bloodline going back that gives me magical powers! (other than the Magical powers I already possess) And then after that, Cthulhu was “like hey, do you want some more magic?” and I said, “all right” Sure. Yeah, that sounds cool. And there we have it. That’s m-my backstory and I did all that. Because you see when I contacted the GM about the character I wanted to play I said, “hey, I’d like to play a multi-class character.” DM: “uh Sure. Yeah, what classes?” James: All of them… I’ll be damned, with that strange backstory that gave me just enough experience to multi-class into every single one That’s really weird! Some people like “I want to pay a jack-of-all-trades!” and then they have wimp out on like one or two classes. NO! When I say I want to be a jack-of-all-trades, I want to be a JACK-of-ALL-trades All of them, not this one or two class thing and I pulled out my Character packet not my character SHEET, but a character packet because each of the classes that use spells require their own sheet Player: How does the character play? James: “It doesn’t!!! I mean seriously, I’m an archer that can’t shoot, a fighter can’t fight, a healer who can’t heal, a wizard who can’t cast spells does that sound like a broken character to you? The hardest part of making Abserd was figuring out how I was going to be role playing him. Because I had to think of why he kept getting into these groups and then promptly get kicked out. I didn’t want him to be just like evil and people kept catching him or something. So this is what I came up with… Absurd was a drifter. He looked like the kind of guy who whenever things started to get difficult, He was off to the next job On his neck was a bandolier of different gods he worshiped. Abserd (sounds like Tommy Wiseau):”Oh Hello, they are nice to be making acquaintance with you. I am Abserd” Player: “Really? That’s the voice you’re going with” Abserd: “Let’s go. We have big adventure waiting for us!!! I will be singing a song. I am great at singing” So the party took off on to the next part of the story We arrived at a forest that was cursed and manifesting strange creatures and monsters. As we were passing through it the party got jumped by enemies. Abserd: “Oh No. Watch out behind you. There is great DANGER” Abserd out on his own and got jumped by these Fae Quicklings who darted off and he pretended to walk away. Abserd: “Oh, no, I think we can’t find them. I guess I’ll be going now Okaaaaaaayyyyyy Goodbye” Then they came out to attack me I was like, Abserd: Ah, you have fallen for my deception because Abserd said he was going away But he didn’t actually go away. So you have fallen for it. I’se very clever *Dumb laugh* And then he promptly got stabbed. Everyone was like, “oh, no not abserd I can’t help him. He’s so far away. soooooo far awaaaaaay” A thumb comes up and he says “don’t worry everyone. Abserd is Okay. It’s okay now” In another fight we were being attacked by centipedes. Bugs started crawling on me and one of them was like, “oh hey Abserd those bugs might crawl into your mouth. You should close your mouth and stop talking,” Please? Abserd: “Oh! That is great idea” So I closed it and there’s silence. Player: “Oh Thank god, I finally got him to shut up” when they suddenly heard a voice in their head. Abserd in head: “Oh Hello there. I am talking to you inside of your head I have the Warlocks awakened mind because I’m also a warlock and that’s one of the powers I have! Abserd is very powerful Is very powerful magic that he has. That way I can be talking to you even when I can’t be talking to you! isn’t it Great?!?!” At the end, we finally got to confront the final villain who is holding someone hostage Player: “Is there any way we can free that person” because we didn’t want to just abandon someone Villain: “Why yes… Perhaps if one of you were willing to sacrifice yourself, I might be tempted to do an exchange. My prisoner for one of your own. Of course, you would have to sacrifice one of your number But I know you wouldn’t be willing to do that since the bond which your group shares is tighter than anything. The agony over sacrificing one of your own would be a burden that you would have to carry forward for the rest of your days” What stories lie in the future for Abserd? no one can truly say… Abserd: “Rising against the evil when there’s great danger I am the hero of the story that they call and the name that they are calling is Abseeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrd!!!” Subscribe to Puffin Forrest, Great Youtuber Here, Very Nice Quality Videos

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  1. Person: “so have you multi classes before? I’m new and it sounds interesting!”
    Puffin forest: “I multi classed as every single class once”
    Person: “Oh cool I will be going now”
    Person’s thought: oh crap this guy is too good his power is too strong

  2. I've DM'd for more than 15 years and know that when a player tries to do many, many things, they end up good at nothing (ie useless).
    Add that horrific voice and I can promise that Abserd's days are VERY limited! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  3. It appears, Abserd eventually found his way into some strange green glowing portal thingy, and got shot to death by a talking magical monkey. You can watch it here, apparently, called "Sips and the Hole" by Reba Derps.

  4. Side note, Abserd's character progression (aside from starting as a Wizard) literally goes in alphabetical order of the classes.

  5. Absurd hits wayyyy too close to home. Kicked out of everything, and kinda jack of all trades.. kinda

    I love your content. Thanks for everything 🙂

  6. I created a character successfully who had every class for and epic level one shot.The down side I only had 5th level in all classes but I made I work well. Never underestimate the usefulness of cantrip and low level spells

  7. I actually wanna try this but with a slight difference, every class that uses magic. So that’s 1 level in Wizard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Bard, Artificer, Druid and Cleric. 2 levels in Paladin and Ranger. And 3 levels in Fighter, Rogue, and Monk. (for those Way of the Four Elements cantrips)

  8. I actually wanna try this but with a slight difference, every class that uses magic. So that’s 1 level in Wizard, Sorcerer, Warlock, Bard, Artificer, Druid and Cleric. 2 levels in Paladin and Ranger. And 3 levels in Fighter, Rogue, and Monk. (for those Way of the Four Elements cantrips)

  9. This isn't my comment, it just used to be on here and I can't find it, but i enjoyed it so:

    "DM: 'Is that even a legal character?'
    PF: 'I'll make it legal.'"

  10. My group has a rule that we can’t actually reach max level. Meaning that we can take all the classes we want at level 20. I still have the first character sheet that I have and like the 10 spellbooks and stuff. Yeah. My DM hated me.

  11. If Abserd was in my dnd I would protect him at all costs lol

    Edit: don’t think that elf would want Abserd anymore after like, half a second. That’s why I love him

  12. Mucked aboot on whothefu*ckismydndcharacter.com
    "FAITHFUL DWARF FIGHTER FROM THE ASSASSINS GUILD WHO WAS EXPELLED FROM THE ROYAL GUARDS"… We have fighter, assassin (rogue as required) and may be dwarven defender.

  13. So.. You ruined the guys game, and the opportunity for these other players to play whatever they wanted. Self indulgent asshole.

  14. I had a very, very weird character (NOTE:This is my friends not mine) My best friend, his friend (The DM), my friend, And me. we were fighting goblins. but my friend was a Gnome but not any Gnome. the Gnome had a TNT stick in his pants. He had a weird name( I can't remember). He had a squeaky warhammer. Me and my best friend just thought "what?". That was the most odd character i have seen in a practice.

  15. I want to hear more stories about Abserd, the most annoying adventurer to ever walk the earth. Even if they're made up and not from actual campaigns.

  16. My DM back when I was doing irl tables and I had a discussion about a character named "Maximus Minimus", who was a thought experiment similar to Abserd but at 20th level and the goal was to figure out how to make the worst possible level 20. I don't remember the specifics, unfortunately.

  17. multiclassing 9 classes, and maxing at lvl 20 would mean you can go lvl 2 on all, and 2 classes can be lvl 3.

    pretty powerful

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