Deaf Person in a Hearing Family Part 1 – Thanksgiving Dinner


E: hey guys it’s sign duo here R: we wanted to sit down and disucss something that doesn’t really get a lot of attention and we want to talk about it E: and it’s
really important if you have deaf people in your family. I know that some of you
guys are ASL students or you’re certified to become an ASL interpreter
and this and what we talked about R: not just interpreters but any profession that requires you to socialize with deaf people. E: what we talked about in this video is
important for you guys to know and be aware of and it would be really helpful
so we’re going to get into our story and talking about it but first if
you’re not subscribed to our channel subscribe and turn on notifications it
really helps our channel out R: are you ready to get into it ?! E:yes R: if you’ve been watching our videos for a while you can see that we are in a deaf and hearing relationship, and it’s amazing! I’ve learned so much, that i wouldn’t if i wasn’t in a deaf and hearing relationship Don’t you agree? E: Yes I agree! R: but like everything…. different… or unique, there ARE some walls (obstacles) that you have to go through. R: this is really important if you really want to understand deaf culture. And how to respect deaf culture. R: so… R: one obstacle that i’m talking about is Holidays! R: huge obstacle for us as a deaf and hearing couple E: because of that communication barrier so
with us it’s very smooth communication because I learned sign language yadayadayada R: you’re awesome thank you but with my family like most of them they don’t know any sign language
except now. well my mom she’s learning sign language doing a great job
good job mom R: your mom is actually pretty good now. She tries really hard to include me in all conversations which is great. Even though sometimes she doesn’t know the word (sign) she would spell and stop talking and then she would ask me the “sign for this word (spell)” even though the conversation’s not as smooth because she would stop to do that and I really appreciate that E: and well my dad too now is more deaf
aware R: yeah he maintains eye contact when talking to me before he would assume that i could read lips from the side but i can’t and now he understands that eye contact is important E: so good job dad! with my extended family
it’s pretty difficult because there is a huge communication barrier so I don’t R: before we get into this i just want to make it clear her family very nice! very including… E: sweet disclaimer.
Disclaimer. my family is actually very nice R: so her extended family is very nice, respectful and involving of me but there is still THAT communication barrier because we don’t see them that often so we don’t really get enough “practice” trying to communicate you know? learn how to communicate fluently. E: so just to explain kind of like what
happens on a day like Thanksgiving for us so we will, you know, know that there
is gonna be an event that we have to go to. Ryan is super nice and I said can you
come with me you know it’s gonna be tomorrow at this time blahblah. and he’s
always like yeah of course I will go he never like it’s like, “ugh I don’t want to
go” so I really appreciate that about you you’re always willing to try but before
we leave and we’re getting ready I can feel like a little bit nerves, you
know there’s this vibe of we know what’s gonna be expected
when we get there. We will hang out we’ll sit together some people be like how are
you guys what are you guys doing College what are you doing? I
try to interpret but at the same time there’s like people talking
conversations are starting conversations are ending. I don’t know what to
include in interpreting and it’s very exhausting too because I want to talk to
my cousins and like ask them questions at the same time R: of course! you want to be with family and involved in conversations but it’s hard when you’re interpreting for me Because I noticed your cousins would ask you a question, but then your aunt asks you a question to ask me at the same time. and you’re like which one do i answer E: ahhh then we’ll have whoever is
in charge of cooking says we’re done cooking. come. food’s ready and
so we get up we go together and we got food to eat and then we go back and sit
down, and again, the same thing talking conversations and a lot of conversations
happening at once and honestly even today it was kind of like well let’s
just not be part of the conversation and we kind of isolate ourselves a little
bit R: yeah yeah it’s hard to get out of that mood when in the beginning it feels anxious and then the situation gets very… umm.. complicated..? so.. more people, more talking, more lipreading, the more my eyes have to be constantly looking everywhere and process everything So i have to be kind to everyone, you know but also at the same time trying to understand you know? I tend to- when i don’t understand- i make a face like this I look mad but i’m trying not to do that you mahan but you’ve not and I can tell
in the beginning we’re fine like we have a lot of energy we can like interpreter
talk but then as the night like day or the event like progresses our energy
level like goes down…. R: we eat, we get full, and tired E: yeah and that means that for you it’s
exhausting huh? to like try to follow a conversation R: yes. mentally, visually, emotionally. YES it is very exhausting R: i want to make it clear! physically, how? eyes. Understand when eating, a hearing person can look down and listen to conversations but deaf can’t and have to look up constantly and it hurts the neck! E: is that why your neck hurt so much? R: maybe that’s why Awe poor baby We have dessert and it’s like three hours in and he wants to go home usually or
like leave and you know I don’t really get to see my family that often so on my
side I want to stay but at the same time I want to be considerate of Ryan R: normally I do want to leave after a hour or two at family events. Because.. not because I don’t like family! It’s just because I’m tired- exhausted physically, mentally exhausted and I don’t want to be rude I don’t want to ignore people but honestly I just get too tired and I can’t really focus anymore so I rather just leave before I get grumpy or rude you know So that’s why i tend to leave after a hour or two hours But today i felt like i did a really good job! I stayed 5 hours today! I’m progressing E: yeah R: normally I try my best to stay because i want to show her that i want to try and be part of the family E: well two things. He told me two things
that made me tear up because I never want to hear and say things like that R: Don’t cry on me now I never knew that before today Honestly I just learned this today

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Comments

  1. Wow I can't believe this craziness but i can relate to ryan because i have hard of hearing but i dnt sign and i want to but i know my family won't learn it… anyways yeah i can get exhausted when I'm trying to listen in a crowded loud environment and communicate with my family and when someone says something to me I couldn't hear them just pretend that i heard them n just nod…. so yeah i would just be in the corner so i dnt be rude to anyone from how exhausted i am trying to hear my fam 😖 it's a headache. Well actually like my everyday life trying to be involve and included in the conversation but then i just fake a smile and just dream in my head that I'm talking to them back 😂😅😖

  2. You honestly could’ve posted the whole thing & I would’ve still watched and loved it! Thank you to you both for opening up and giving us another perspective 🤘🏻

  3. You guys are so absolutely considerate and understanding of each other is so sweet. I feel like you really get one another. I hope the rest of the holidays are great for you guys!

  4. My ASL class is ending tomorrow and I have my final presentation. Through this semester you helped me learn even more signs. I'm so excited to move on to ASL 2!! Thank you both!! 🤟

  5. I absolutely love that you two are spreading Deaf awareness. Yes, it is important to inform this topic because I feel like a lot people are just genuinely uninformed of the Deaf culture. I'm sure this will educate a lot of what they do not know. And I do agree about being tired after having to focus on what people are saying to you at parties. Thank you for taking the time to make this! Can't wait for part 2! 🤗

  6. it's so interesting learning the complications that can occur with a deaf & hearing relationship. I mean communicating with non deaf people is hard in general i can't imagine how hard it must be for couples like you two. awesome vid ! thanks for sharing, this is super educational. can't wait for part 2 !!

  7. most of time I stay for hour or less..Bec I always felt left out all the time..and my daughter helps me interpret what they are saying..not easy for her but at least she tried…

  8. I’m already so appreciating this video. I’m hearing but my husband is HoH (no hearing aids)and gets so exhausted lipreading everybody. We are learning sign but I have a hard time keeping up with all the conversations and makeing sure he doesn’t miss out. Then feel bad that I’m exhausted. Thank you so much for showing me we’re not alone.

  9. Hello, explosion in Afghanistan had some hearing then woke up in the hospital nothing. lost hearing so this is my new normal. Thanks for sharing this situation I am fatigued reading lips all day. Learning to sign has been a struggle for me but I am trying came across your website here on YouTube . It helps

  10. We can also relate with zach wanting to leave at the end and me wanting to stay for family events. We are learning how to compromise and communicate before hand knowing that that will happen.

  11. It's so good to spread awareness of how communication affects someone who is deaf.

    4:31 RYAN! STOP THAT!
    Sorry, but I do so hate that sound!

  12. Thank you for making this video! It was super educational and helpful to learn a little bit about Ryan's experiences on the holidays. And it also helped me to practice my receptivity. Thank you guys, can't wait for the next two parts!

  13. I was watching another deaf/hearing couple talk about holidays also and they talked about an app called Ava you guys should check it out. It seemed to really help them be able to communicate with there family better

  14. You two are so sweet with each other and in such a healthy relationship. One of the commercials in the middle of our video was for people that are in love with convicts with whom they’ve never spent time with outside of prison. They are planning on getting married as soon as the convict gets released from prison. Funny juxtaposition. Haha

  15. I understand what you guys going through. I have something that might help you. There is an apps called “I can’t hear” It can interpreted from voice to texting but it’s only work with the internet available. Try that. Take care guys!

  16. Dear Ryan & Ellen,

    I can relate to this! I have an older sister who is deaf, just like me. Our parents and sisters are hearing, expect me and my older sister. My sisters would interpreter for me and my older sister. Most the all times, she’s getting sick of sign language for me because she easily get tired or want to talk with other people. And also I can related to Ryan, I really want to have a smooth conversation with my family too!

  17. Thank you so much for posting this. I'm hearing and my husband is deaf. We sometimes feel alone because it's difficult for people to understand the struggles that come with our relationship. It's comforting to know there are other deaf and hearing couples that are going through the same thing and understand! Great video!

  18. Ive always avoided family functions because of the communications. Even now i get scoffed at because they made it sound like im being a big whiny 37 yr old kid. I got sick and tired of explaining or arguing my side from Deaf point of view. So i just stay home. Sad but thats the reality for most of us Deaf individuals.

  19. Awee thank you for making this you guys!! I relate with you Ryan when I go to my mom side and it just a big family with a lot of talking and playing games too which is hard for me to follow. And I end up being so exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally (depressed) because I wish I could be included playing this game with my family but I stayed back because it is a lot of work. My dad noticed and he felt sad for me because it too hard with everything going on at once and at least my dad noticed which means a lot. I just read my book instead or isolate myself whether it is alone or my future partner one day.

  20. This is really important for everyone to know and pay attention to. Not exactly the same but my boyfriend doesn’t speak my family’s language and so I can relate a bit to the exhaustion of being a translator and also trying to engage independently. I look forward to part 2 🙂

  21. This was so interesting!! Spreading deaf awareness is so important and you guys do that. Thanks so much for the amazing content ♡ Waiting for part two now ♡

  22. I love that you addressed this subject. Also, it’s nice to see both hands when you have the camera set up like this.

  23. Thank you for showing up the titles of the next two videos that is actually very helpful.
    But I would’ve watched the whole thing in one go if you uploaded it!
    I get Ryan feeling mentally exhausted, I feel like that after family events and there isn’t even a language barrier. I see how you two are stuck in a hard place.
    Would you ever consider hiring an interpreter to go with to big events like this?

  24. I really like how you talk about your stories all the time. I haven't really had it easy either my family doesn't sign and they are not willing to learn sign language and I never got the proper accommodations in high school and I never got accommodations until now and I am in college. I've never had any good experience. Also its different for me I started to lose my hearing when I was 13 years old and now I am 18 and completely deaf now. I never had access to ASL and the way I learned was through my HS and now I finally have an interpreter which is something new and foreign to me because I've never had an interpreter before.

  25. My story is just really sad I have a lot of discriminatory stories in the past 5 years of my life becoming completely deaf.

  26. I just watched OurSignedWorld and they discussed a similar topic. They said they use an app called Ava that was very useful for communicating. I don't know if it's going to be helpful in your case but maybe you can try it out. 🙂

  27. lol, you sooo dont fucking have to worry about how you're exhausted just trying to listen (watch) a conversation, most sons in law dont last that long.
    I can't wait for the part 2 and 3 of this, hopefully it's still coming.
    Just be nice to each other,
    in case we dont get another ep before the holidays.

  28. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ied0y9TOR-0 These other youtubers also posted their experience with one deaf person going to Thanksgiving with a hearing family

  29. Have you try the app called AVA? I don't remember where I heard about that , but they said are very good for deaf people

  30. Excellent video giving us insight on the holidays being deaf. I love, love the way you ended this video on a cliff hangar, for part 2! Looking forward to it. Great segway for the next part.

  31. Why not have the family pitch in to hire an interpreter dont fall into the interpreter role your are not his interpreter you are in a reltionship not a work relationship good to have mentors as well for your type of relationship Deaf centric lifestyle seems to result in deaf -hearing relationship success

    Deaf / Hearing marriage here yep yep

  32. Rikki Poynter just did a vlog similar to this. Her boyfriends family used Make it Big on their phones. She said it made a big difference.

  33. I have a question that is probably very stupid but I am going to ask it anyways lol I am learning sign language and something I have been trying to work on is my receptive skills, especially when I watch yall's videos, but I was wondering if it's rude to stare at people's hands while they are signing? I have noticed that most of the time Ryan looks at Ellen's face when she's signing rather than her hands but it is hard for me to focus and understand what yall are signing if I just look at your faces. Is it rude to look at people's hands instead of their face or is it something that comes with time and practice?
    I would really appreciate some feedback on this 🙂 (p.s.- I love yall and your videos so much! thank you for helping people like me learn sign language by just sharing your life together, it really makes an impact! 😊❤️)

  34. Ive watched many videos about how her family handles signing, but there is little discussion on Ryan's up bringing and how he dealt with his family trying to communicate at a young age

  35. You should look up the app “Ava”. You can set your phone next to you at the table and you get live transcriptions if the conversation.

    Huge help in my family

  36. I am always pleased to see my regular customer he is deaf he takes almost the same drink sometimes he changes it so I always have a pen and paper ready! I would make sure since he cannot hear to wave at him so then he knows his drinks is ready ^^ Even if I am on the till I am ready to be on the hand of point because my colleagues sometimes don’t understand it very well they talk too fast/shout and most of the time have their eyes ready on the next drink 😔 so yeah I am the only one of my team deaf aware
    By the way is it weird to say I can understand some words coming out of Ryan ?like kind of a whispering voice?><

  37. I love when you verbalize what is being signed. I'm trying really hard to learn and helps those of us who are. Love the videos! I have been bingeing them lol

  38. My wife loves your channel and introduced it to me tonight. I'm a new sub, so apologies if you have communicated this before, but Ryan: can you drive deaf? I ask because when you were describing your exhaustion at constantly tracking multiple conversations with your eyes and trying to stay as involved as you can, I just wondered if you could head home while Ellen stays a while longer?

  39. Why don’t you both go to family events but Ryan leaves when he gets tired? That way you have fun together and he sees your family, but afterwards you get some time to catch up with everyone. It seems like a good compromise and a way to feel closer to your family.

  40. You both are so amazing, and holidays are always somewhat crazy. I cant imagine having a deaf partner and doing that myself because as a person of mixed heritage there's usually multiple different languages spoken at the same time, I'm blabbering but wow I want to learn sign language asap.

  41. This is a great start to what promises to be a great series. Hearing from both sides is very interesting and informative. Thank you.

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