Dinner Time at Wanda Sykes’ House


– TELL ME
ABOUT YOUR ADORABLE TWINS. WHAT ARE THEY UP TO?
– THEY’RE GREAT. – HOW OLD ARE THEY NOW?
– THEY’RE FIVE. THEY JUST TURNED FIVE IN APRIL. AND THEY’RE DOING WONDERFUL. BUT NOW, YOU KNOW, I’M TRYING
TO–YOU KNOW, THEY’RE FIVE. SO YOU KNOW,
JUST TEACH ‘EM A FEW THINGS LIKE, HOW, YOU KNOW,
HOW I WAS RAISED. YOU KNOW, I LIKE THAT. SO NOW WE SAY GRACE
AT DINNER BEFORE– YOU KNOW,
BEFORE WE HAVE OUR MEAL. SO WE SIT THERE
AND WE SAY GRACE, AND NOW, OLIVIA,
SHE’S GOOD AT IT. BUT AT LEAST
SHE UNDERSTANDS THE CONCEPT. YOU KNOW, SO SHE STARTS OUT,
WE HOLD HANDS, AND SHE SAYS, YOU KNOW,
“THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD.” AND THEN SHE GOES OFF ABOUT,
YOU KNOW, UNICORNS AND PRINCESSES. AND THEN SHE TALKS ABOUT
HOW SHE WAS, YOU KNOW, CAPTAIN AT SCHOOL TODAY
AND THAT WAS GOOD. I’M LIKE, “ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW, YOU KIND OF WENT OFF TRACK THERE
A LITTLE BIT, BUT OKAY.” THEN SHE GOES DOWN
TO “I LOVE EVERYTHING.” YOU KNOW, “I LOVE MOMMY.
I LOVE MOMMY BOO. I LOVE”–YOU KNOW, SHE GOES TO
HER GRANDMOTHERS AND EVERYTHING. AND THEN SHE GOES,
“AND THANK YOU.” AND THAT’S IT. SO NOW HER LITTLE BROTHER, HER TWIN IS SITTING
RIGHT NEXT TO US. I’M LIKE, “OLIVIA,
YOU DIDN’T SAY ‘I LOVE LUCAS.'” AND SHE GOES– [laughter] I’M LIKE, “OLIVIA,
THAT’S NOT NICE. YOU HAVE TO SAY
YOU LOVE LUCAS TOO.” SO SHE GOES, “OKAY, SO WE ALL HOLD HANDS,
AND SHE GOES, “AND I LOVE LUCAS TOO… BUT JUST A LITTLE BIT.” [laughter] – JUST MAKING SURE. – AND IS LUCAS GOOD AT–
DOES HE SAY GRACE? – OH, NO, NO. HELL NO.
UH-UH. [laughter]
NO. WE CANNOT LET HIM SAY GRACE. HE DOES NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY
AT ALL, YOU KNOW. WE KEEP TRYING, BUT NOW I JUST BANNED HIM
FROM SAYING GRACE. ‘CAUSE WE’LL HOLD HANDS;
HE’LL JUST DO THIS. “BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH,
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.” I’M LIKE, “COME ON, MAN. YOU CAN’T”–YOU KNOW? I MEAN, WE HAD A HARSH WINTER. WE HAS A DROUGHT OUT HERE. YOU KNOW, I CAN’T HAVE GOD
GETTING ON ME AND PUNISH THE REST OF THE WORLD FOR HIS DISINGENUOUS PRAYERS. [laughter] YOU KNOW, I MEAN,
HE COULD REALLY DESTROY SOME THINGS WITH HIS– “BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.” THAT’S JUST LIKE POKING GOD
RIGHT IN THE EYE. – YOU CAN’T– [laughter] – “BLAH, BLAH,
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.” – YOU DON’T WANT TO MOCK GOD
LIKE THAT. – NO, NO, NO. – AND ARE THEY GOOD EATERS? – THEY’RE REALLY GOOD EATERS; OLIVIA MORE SO THAN LUCAS. BUT HERE’S THE THING, ELLEN. FOR Y’ALL DON’T KNOW,
MY KIDS ARE WHITE, RIGHT? SO–YOU KNOW, SO I’M LIKE,
THE MINORITY IN MY OWN HOME NOW. I HAVE–I HAVE
A HOUSE FULL OF WHITE PEOPLE. [laughter] I’M JUST TAKING CARE OF A BUNCH
OF WHITE PEOPLE RIGHT NOW. THAT’S–
[laughter] THAT’S–
[cheers and applause] THAT’S ALL I DO. CLEAN UP AFTER WHITE FOLK
IN MY HOUSE. THAT’S ALL I DO. AND YOU KNOW, AND I’M A,
YOU KNOW, A PROUD BLACK WOMAN. I WENT TO A BLACK COLLEGE
AND, YOU KNOW, IT’S– I HAD A LOT OF BLACKNESS
GROWING UP. – RIGHT. – AND NOW I GOT A HOUSE
FULL OF WHITE PEOPLE. YOU KNOW.
– RIGHT. – AND I’M GETTING SELF-CONSCIOUS
ABOUT IT. YOU KNOW, LIKE, WHEN I VACUUM, EVERYBODY
HAS TO BE OUT THE HOUSE. I CAN’T VACUUM IN FRONT OF THEM. – YEAH.
– NO. [laughter] FEELS WEIRD. – UH-HUH.
– I FEEL LIKE THE HELP. [laughter]
I CAN’T. OOH, AND I LIKE TO HUM
WHEN I VACUUM TOO, SO I CAN’T DO THAT. [humming] [cheers and applause]
I CAN’T– – OH, GOD. – BUT OLIVIA– WELL, HERE’S THE THING
WITH OLIVIA. SO I HAVE ALL THIS THING
GOING ON IN MY HEAD. I KNOW IT’S MY OWN STUFF, RIGHT? SO OLIVIA, SHE LOVES WATERMELON. BUT SHE LOVES IT TO THE POINT WHERE I FEEL
LIKE SHE’S MOCKING ME. [laughter]
YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING? SHE–AND HERE’S THE THING. SHE DOESN’T WANT IT CUT UP. NO, SHE WANTS IT
RIGHT OFF THE RIND. AND SHE JUST SITS THERE. SHE’S LIKE–
[smacks lips] “MMM! MMM! MMM! MMM! THIS IS GOOD, HUH, MOMMY BOO?” I’M LIKE, “YEAH, YEAH, THIS IS– [laughter] IT AIN’T THAT GOOD.” [smacking lips]
“MMM! MMM! MMM! MMM!” AND THEN SHE WANTS TO
GO SIT OUTSIDE AND EAT IT. I’M LIKE, “I’M NOT
SITTING OUTSIDE WITH YOU EATING WATERMELON.” [laughter] I MEAN, SHE–
SHE’S CRAZY ABOUT IT. I’M LIKE, “WHERE’S OLIVIA?” “SHE’S SITTING
OUTSIDE ON THE PORCH.” [smacking lips]
“MMM! MMM! MMM! MMM!” I’M LIKE, “WHAT?
GET IN HERE.” I WAS LIKE–I’M TRYING
TO GIVE HER A CANTALOUPE. I’M LIKE, “CANTALOUPE,
THAT’S OUTDOOR FRUIT. “YOU CAN
EAT A CANTALOUPE OUTDOORS. TAKE A PEACH, SOMETHING.” – [laughs]
OUTDOOR FRUIT. WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK. AS WE GO TO BREAK,
I WANT TO SHOW YOU A HILARIOUS– IT’S REALLY QUICK,
IT’S A VIDEO OF A LITTLE GIRL WHO IS–
LOVES WATERMELON AS WELL. – OH, OKAY. – I DON’T KNOW
IF YOU’VE SEEN THIS. IT’S REALLY QUICK.
WE’LL GO TO BREAK. – [slurping loudly] [laughter] – MMM! [laughter] [cheers and applause]

About the author

Comments

  1. "went to black school and my kids are white" ! Er…so? Don't mean to be rude but what kind of acceptance is she looking for?

  2. I hate to say it but here in Atlanta there are black folks who refuse to eat watermelon, anywhere, because of the stereotype thing. That's sad, but it's true, however, I got no hang ups about watermelon, so that just leaves more for me.

  3. The words that we use are important. I adore Wanda Sykes, and most of her particular brand of humour. The history of the racial issues, and on-going tension, throughout the world are not funny. I really dislike "jokes" of this nature. Poking "fun" at such divisive matters is no laughing matter. It's grossly immature, unaware, and socially irresponsible.

  4. Wanda gives a great ab workout 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 A house full of white people and making them leave when she’s cleaning… Man Oh Man!!!

  5. Black woman following Organized Religion (Created to Control Pions), read a history book. But what have you…meh….she is an amazing comedian….ROFL

  6. Hilarious!!!she the only one can get away with her those jokes cause it is her life😍and it is innocent

  7. Yeah this is not funny right now I’m not kidding oh is that right now crying my eyes out but I’m not kidding I’m dead serious my mother promised me

  8. Kind of funny that when I wanted to comment on Ellen’s episode with Michelle Obama as a guest (and there is a couple) that all comments are disabled. What are they afraid people will comment on? That Michelle has a zero sense of humor?? At Costco with Ellen, she seemed very annoyed at Ellen. I thought Ellen was hilarious!

  9. I was at a Chris Rock Show in the early 90s when he introduced a up and coming Comedian…and out walks Wanda Sykes..she killed it love her….

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *