Everyone’s getting married and I’m over here like


The other day, I met a friend of mine for brunch,
when she broke the news: [high-pitched squealing]
YOU’VE BEEN CHOSEN YOU’VE BEEN CHOSEN And though I am genuinely happy for her, I also felt painfully aware that I have been single
for over a year now. I know, I know, thank you children, I have fulfilled the prophecy I made so long ago. But being single for this long has been interesting and hard, and terribly lonely, but also awfully fun. Hanging out with couples used to be… really… infuriating… but now? I haven’t had a human touch in a long time, you guys. Just let me have this. I mean yes, every time a friend has gotten engaged, there is a tinge of And thanks to my doctor, I am also hyper aware that – Your biological clock is ticking. – Tick tock on the clock, but the party don’t stop, no – Woah-woah oh-oh – Woah-woah. Oh-oh. And yes, all my friends my age who are also single are having conversations like – Oh, I am definitely freezing my eggos – Ugh, that’s just so expensive. I think I’m just gonna adopt – Adoption is expensive too and also really hard – [sighs] I’ll just marry a man-child then. I can have both. [laughs] [sighs] So in a mini freakout, I tweeted: All of my friends are getting engaged, married or having babies, and I’m over here just GENUINELY HAPPY FOR THEM BECAUSE I DO NOT COMPARE MY JOURNEY TO ANYONE ELSE’S AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU And I’m doing my best to live by this because, you know, compare and despair, and the more I embrace that the ends are in the steps I take, the more I’m able to resonate with this. It was especially enlightening when I was talking to a very happily married friend of mine It was sort of this like ‘I want what you have’ situation, where I was very envious of her stable loving marriage and she felt envious of my stable growing career. We were both looking at what the other had with
so much longing that we couldn’t really appreciate what we had in front of us. – What are you doing?
– Just hanging out, watching TV with my husband. – Mmm, man, I’m so jelly. I remember companionship. – What are you doing?
– Oh, just hanging out with my cat watching TV – Ugh, that sounds so great. I remember freedom. – Wanna trade?
– Wanna trade? Plus, I have several friends who also got married,
and had kids because they thought it was the right path
that they should take, but in hindsight, have realized – perhaps it wasn’t necessarily the right path for them at that time. Sometimes they wish they’d waited longer. Some feel trapped in unhappy marriages, and some regret giving up their careers and feel unfulfilled. And I say this not to highlight their unhappiness, but to remind you and myself that it’s really easy to look at what someone else has and idealize it. Whether you’re achieving professional success or engaged to your person, there are still going to be issues to deal with,
feelings to sort through, and a constant awareness to not take for granted what is right in front of you right now. I’m Anna Akana, and we’re gonna get through this, I hope. Thank you to Squarespace for
sponsoring today’s episode! Squarespace has award-winning templates
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Comments

  1. Okay, she said her friend was "happily married" but still wanted to trade places with her to have freedom and be alone watching TV with a cat – that doesn't sound like she is happily married. I'm married and have never envied a single person. In a healthy relationship, you have the freedom to be alone sometimes if you want too.

  2. Anna shouldn't worry, she is young and won't have problems on the attracting men business for quite a few years.

  3. Cold honest truth is that you'll never be happy if you choose to be. Being single is a decision. You want that. Don't pretend be jelly if you've kicked opportunities for said outcome aside. Either own it or don't. Your choice.

  4. You may want marriage for a while, but then you may want to be single for a while. Divorce rate is now 53%

  5. Millennials are getting married less and less…and Gen Z won't get married because they're too addicted to porn…

  6. If you marry, you’ll regret it. If don’t marry, you’ll regret it. No matter what you choose you will always have that question of “what if?” I can’t remember which philosopher said it, but essentially every choice will leave you with the fear of missing out on the other choice. I just try to make a decision and not look back.

  7. Haha well, now imagine having commitment issues, doubting wanting kids and having a trauma/condition that makes you feel like you don't fit in all this happy normal life.
    *Laughs in weirdo

  8. A hard to believe topic as marriage are the lowest they've ever been in recorded history. Now that men understand women and we've seen the divorce industry, lots of us know marriage is to be avoided like the plague.

  9. Single for a year now? I’ve been single since 2012 by choice and I’ve been working on myself. I’m ready to be with you if you’re ready, JK! But seriously Anna, say the word and I’d marry you on the spot no questions asked. I would totally do what needs to be done. I’d rush home to be with you at the end of every work day and treat you like a Queen. I can send you my resume and references, lol.

    Wow, I hope that didn’t make me sound desperate and creepy?

  10. Don’t breed !! Seriously – don’t screw your life or the planet like that . Mother Earth is burdened with the weight of exponential population growth – don’t do it !!!

  11. Anna!!!! I am soooooooo happy I came across your channel, you are literally the voice inside my head! LOVE your content! Specially the ones on mental health. Thank you!!!

  12. I’ve been single for 8 months now. It’s been a great journey. I bought an apartment, I feel much closer to myself, much less judgmental of myself, I came out as bisexual to many of my friends, and I’m trying to change my job and finally do what I like rather than being stuck in a job I hate. So I think being single just helped me understand who I am and what I want in this world.

  13. I'm turning 32 on Sunday. Long term relationship ended 8 months ago (my choice). It is a little panic-inducing. But I know a lot of people in miserable marriages. A LOT.

  14. Certain time zones in your life, being single is EXACTLY what you need to get to certain goals in your life but at the same time humans were not meant to be alone forever. Its human to wana be someone eventually . idk just my opinion

  15. I'm single and loving it tbh. I liked being in a relationship, but there's something to be said for the freedom to do what you want with your time. Also helps that I don't want kids, so I don't need to worry about the biological clock or whatever.

  16. Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy. -Søren Kierkegaard ❤️

  17. Even though I'm only 18 I get this feeling too. This vid helps, thx Ms Akana. Still wanna have a wife and kids tho >w<

  18. Your biological clock is still ticking
    Cause girls just always wanna have fun and screw everywhere they go with no remorse consequences or resposibilities
    You darling are the queen of the one night stands…with 100 dudes under your belt literally jejejejejee

  19. Your most valuable age for marriage is in your mid twenties. I f you wait till you are in your thirties. You will be hurt that you did not secure you a man in your twenties. It's natural & your instinct.
    A women looking to get serious & settle down in her thirties finds it VERY HARD to find a man.

  20. That awesome feeling when you’re single and not crying over missing anybody or waiting for anybody’s replies 😈👻😆😆. Freeeeeedom

  21. Marriage is SO overrated. A lot of times, it is emphasized by social convention and religious idealism. The thing about relationships is, you should love yourself first and foremost. Whoever you end up with should only increase the happiness you already have. Getting married or engaging in a relationship in hopes that person will "fill in the holes of your unhappiness" can be dangerous. Sometimes, it becomes a constant battle of "You make me happy." "No, YOU make ME happy…." Also, I know this is obvious, but don't base your life choices or relationship expectations off what you see in the movies and tv. That's something we all know, but constantly need to keep being reminded of. Marriage is a serious step that (in some cases) is very difficult to get out of, and will cost you a lot, if you do. There's actually only a few legal reasons why someone should get married. Even then (depending on the state you live in,) there may be alternative legal ways to get those things done.

  22. Yup. My gf is hounding me to drop the question and the folks are hounding me for grandkids. Problem is I love the freedom but am getting old (Not saying how old). Why does life have to be so damn short and everything so damn stressful.

  23. If everyone is getting married and your feeling all alone then all I can say is find yourself someone that's going to love you for you

  24. Single for a while now. Was married. Now 32. Couldn’t be happier n free.

    …. Akon playing in the background “Lonely, I’m so lonely…..

  25. Two best advice I can give you are:

    Women are the gatekeepers of sex, but men are the gatekeepers of commitment.

    Your man is not responsible for making you happy.

  26. I've known a couple of women who "had it all". They worked very hard to get what they have, though, and one of them went through a very bitter divorce. It's easy to be jealous of what other people have. In AA they call that "judging your insides by other people's outsides." You ought to read a poem called "Richard Cory".

  27. @Anna Akana, as a newly divorced man [ not my choice. Still love my ex to bits 🙁 ], I was forced to learn a lot of these life / relationship lessons in the wreckage that was/is my life. Be thankful that you are able to get these insights (and thanks for sharing them) before you have taken the "plunge". Wisdom and knowledge gained before battle does not only improve your success, but potentially saves more lives in the process. Gaining wisdom by experience might be more impactful, but sure as hell I don't want it for anyone.

  28. i'm a man i haven't got the biological pressure as much, but i feel the falling behind everyone else part cause everyone seems to be doing the marriage and kids thing at this time in my life, for me it just seems too soon and not exactly something i really want yet (+ kinda need to find someone i'm compatible enough with to do it)

    i think i worry too much about what other people might think about me being single still

  29. i need to show this to my sister who is OBSESSED ABOUT NOT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP..(shes been saying it for 19 yrs) where as I have been single since highschool..20 yrs could care less (some days i do..not gonna lie)..but i haven't been saying i have been single for 20 yrs like she has.. oy. love your channel.

  30. As an INFJ-T being single does not at all bother me, seeing people getting married does not bother me sing people become successful does not bother me.

    However what bothers me is when any of the above is in one way or another done at my expense.

    While I could very easily drown my problems away with alcohol or anything of the like, I usually use that isolation and loneliness to my example and at least work on something. If anything else I'm been numbed to love as is. Which is a horrible thing to happen to anyone that I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemies that the feeling that you desire most you're completely in able to feel.

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