First Birthday – SNL


>>THE KIDS ARE FINALLY OUTSIDE.
>>GREAT PARTY, JEN.>>THANKS.
I KNOW WE JUST MOVED HERE SO I APPRECIATE ALL THE NEIGHBORHOOD
MOMS HELPING US CELEBRATE LITTLE JEREMY’S FIRST BIRTHDAY.
WE FEEL REALLY WELCOMED.>>OH, WELL WE REMEMBER WHAT
IT’S LIKE TO BE A YOUNG MOM IN A NEW TOWN.
AND LOOK, YOU HAVE A GREAT HOUSE AND A GREAT FAMILY.
NOW ALL YOU NEED IS YOUR ANIMALS.
>>WE DON’T WANT A PET.>>NO, NOT A PET, SILLY.
YOUR MOM ANIMAL. YOU KNOW, THE ONE ANIMAL THAT
EVERY MOM ADOPTS AS A SYMBOL OF HER PERSONALITY.
>>WAIT, ANIMAL?>>YES.
YOUR ANIMAL. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>SEE WHEN YOU HAVE A BABY, YOU>>YOUR ANIMAL MAKES EVERYTHING
EASIER. NO MORE WHAT MUSIC DOES SHE
LIKE? WHAT ARE HER HOBBIES?
>>I’M JUST PIGS.>>I’M DUCK.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>ONCE YOU EMBRACE YOUR ANIMAL,
EVERYTHING CHANGES. LIKE I REMEMBER LIKE IT WAS
YESTERDAY. I WAS SITTING AT HOME AND A
VOICE SAID TO ME, YOUR SON IS HEADING INTO A VERY IMPORTANT
MEETING. SO I CHOSE THAT EXACT MOMENT TO
CALL HIM AND TELL HIM ABOUT A GIRL HE BARELY KNEW THAT HAD
DIED. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>SEEMS LIKE WAS AN INCONVENIENT TIME TO CALL.
>>I KNOW. BUT I DID IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT
WAS MY DOLPHIN NATURE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>>I REMEMBER WHEN I EMBRACE MY ANIMAL.
SUDDENLY WHENEVER SOMEONE COMPLIMENTED MY CLOTHING, I
RESPOND WITH WHERE I GOT IT AND HOW MUCH IT COSTS.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>SHERYL I LOVE YOUR SWEATER.
>>VERA WANG FROM KOHLS $2. JUNGLE CAT.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]>>BUT HOW DO YOU PICK YOUR
ANIMAL? [ LAUGHTER ]
>>SILLY GIRL. YOU SEEK AN ANSWER YET YOU DO
NOT EVEN KNOW THE QUESTION. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND COMPLEX REASONS FOR YOUR ANIMAL WILL COME TO YOU.
FOR EXAMPLE, I THINK LADYBUGS ARE NICE.
>>MY THING IS ANGELS.>>I GUESS I’M CONFUSED.
>>MY ANIMAL CAME TO ME IN A DREAM.
[ LAUGHTER ] I DREAMT I FLEW ON GREAT WHITE
WINGS. WE SAILED OVER MY WORRIES AND
SOARED OVER THE COSTCO. FINALLY WE LANDED IN THE PARKING
LOT OF THE PANERA BREAD. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND THERE HE WAS. A MAJESTIC GOOSE WEARING A
LITTLE HAT. WE MADE LOVE THAT NIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>I’M SORRY.
BUT THIS SOUNDS CRAZY. I DON’T SEE HOW ANY OF THIS
APPLIES TO ME.>>OH, REALLY?
WELL THEN LET ME ASK YOU THIS. WHY DOES THIS PILLOW HAVE A
COUNTRY CHICKEN ON IT?>>I DON’T KNOW.
I JUST BOUGHT IT.>>YOU BOUGHT THE CHICKEN OR ARE
BECOMING THE CHICKEN?>>LADIES, THE ANIMAL IS COMING.
>>NO, I’LL NEVER BE LIKE YOU.>>WHAT HAS BEEN PUT IN MOTION
CANNOT BE UNDONE. YOU WILL TAKE YOUR I TAD TO A
MUSEUM BECAUSE IT’S YOUR CAMERA. IT BEGINS WITH FORWARD, FORWARD,
FORWARD.>>YOU WILL CARRY A NICE PURSE
AND RUIN IT WITH A PURELL KEY CHAIN.
>>I’M AN ANGEL.>>WELCOME, SISTER.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>I LOVE YOUR PIN.
>>T.J. MAXX, 50 CENTS. CHICKEN!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

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Comments

  1. Mine is flamingos, my sister's is elephants, my other sister's is owls and my mom's is hippos. I just assumed it was a southern thing 😂

  2. Every skit starts with this new mom being the new woman in town, but I feel like these women go town to town, cursing mothers with haircuts and accesories.

  3. Apparently my animal is an alligator because I dreamed I was a male bisexual alligator once… Don't ask you don't wanna know

  4. How come that racist Villasenor is still on tv. She is not a proper representation of the Latino community.

  5. Omg my family and I always say where we get things and how much they were! Especially if we got it on sale lol.

  6. I grew up on Saturday Night Live and it was the era of John Belushi Chevy Chase and if they read a cue card you would have never known the ones nowadays you can see that they're looking to the side at the Cue card and they have their eyes on the Q card for a long time they are all really good actors still but it kind of bugs me that before they say a line they always look at the Cue card. And now the comments on my comment will begin

  7. Oh, God. I went through this at my private school when I was 13…
    Becky's thing was cherries, Joy's thing was hearts, Alex's thing was frogs, Sara's thing was spiders, my thing was stars…

  8. Oh shit my grandmother was a chicken and her house is literally covered in fake glass chickens.

  9. my moms animal is a turtle and my grandmas is the country chicken 😂but my daddy’s is a ladybug ig🤤

  10. My mother? The wise elephant.
    My maternal grandmother? The pious angel.
    My great aunt? The free-range chicken from the childhood farm.

    Scary.

  11. To true lol… my animal is also chickens #roosters, they remind me of the country but only for my kitchen haha they r on point!!

  12. ugh. It’s just “ the cut” all over again. We get it “ Mom’s are the worst pple ever.” come up with something new.

  13. Pbbt! That's so dumb!
    looks at black cat purse, black cat stationary, black cat computer wallpaper
    … well, shit.

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