Fun With Presidential Polling


EVERY DAY I CHECK THE NEWS. BUT EVERY DAY, OUR TWO
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES ARE STILL HILLARY CLINTON AND DONALD
TRUMP. A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE FINDING IT
HARD TO GET EXCITED FOR THESE TWO CANDIDATES, AND NOTHING
PROVES THAT MORE THAN THIS ACTUAL NEW POLL FROM PUBLIC
POLICY POLLING. HILLARY CLINTON GOT 43%, DONALD
TRUMP GOT 38%, AND, THIS WAS AN ACTUAL CHOICE, A GIANT METEOR
HITTING THE EARTH GOT 13%. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
♪ 38% FOR TRUMP, 13% FOR A METEOR,
THAT ADDS UP TO 51% OF THE PEOPLE ARE OKAY WITH THE WORLD
COMING TO AN END. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
TWO GIANT DESTRUCTIVE ORANGE BALLS. (LAUGHTER)
THE GIANT METEOR HITTING THE EARTH POLLED PARTICULARLY WELL
AMONG INDEPENDENT VOTERS, AND UNSPRISINGLY, POORLY AMONGST
DINOSAURS. NOW TRUMP MIGHT BE GETTING A
BOOST IN THE POLLS BECAUSE SOURCES SAY TRUMP IS VETTING
CHRIS CHRISTIE AS A POTENTIAL RUNNING MATE. (AUDIENCE REACTS)
CHRISTIE WOULD DEFINITELY HELP TRUMP WIN VOTERS IN NEW JERSEY,
WHO ARE ANXIOUS TO GET RID OF CHRIS CHRISTIE. (LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)

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Comments

  1. Trump vs Hillary shouldn't be that hard to choose from. If you're so worried about your precious first choice not getting it, then fuck you. We've had shitty presidents before, and Hillary Clinton is not going to destroy America, whereas Trump is not going to make America great again.

  2. the best version of the Giant Meteor sticker is on Etsy. Its half the price of the other places. https://www.etsy.com/listing/398419307/giant-meteor-election-2016-sticker?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=PageTools&utm_campaign=Share

  3. You keep leaving out Bernie Sanders- he is still running you know… sorry Colbert, you've lost me. Unsubscribed.

  4. bend over 'murrica; zion owned us msm wil be installing hrc as your potus https://soundcloud.com/white-t-1/hillary-clinton-doesnt-care-1-rats-ass b/c they groomed her and bought her.

  5. Doesn't a city in Alaska have a cat as a mayor? Stubbs I think his name was? I think he'd make a great presidential candidate!

  6. Two giant orange balls, is what poor Ivanka puts in her mouth everyday.

    Who would you want Cris Cristie as a running mate? I for one would only want him for a pie eating contest.

  7. If the only candidates your news outlet is showing are Trump and Hillary, you need a new news outlet. There's at least three other candidates with active campaigns.

  8. Didn't the Democrats nominate their candidate back in May?
    I heard they were still waiting to nominate their candidate.

  9. I agree with the Meteor's political views. I mean, IT'S THE MOST BALANCED. ITS GETTING RID OF ALL THE ALIENS LIKE White people, black people…. Asian people….. You see, this meteor speaks truth and has equality for all.

  10. Im not from the USA so, can someone plz explain to me why these polls only shows these 2 candidates and dont give the others options running for president, like gary Johnson ? Is there a problem with him or what ? Why it has to be so binnary like that? As a libertarian, Jonhson seens like a perfect choice for America. At least based on what I know about him as a outsider. Sorry for the bad english, cheers from Brazil and good luck with your future USA, u guys are almost as bad as we brazilians in that matter

  11. And get this. In the latest polls, Trump is capturing more of the Independents than Clinton but yeah, keep treating us like shit. #WhatAWorld

  12. I wonder how Colbert will function once Trump becomes President. It's OK to state your preferences but it seems silly to burn all your bridges before you know who's coming to power.

  13. It doesn't make sense because if they don't mind the world ending then they should not mind either candidate people are so DUMB OMG

  14. America and Britain are having a competition on who can f*** themselves up the most. Britain is in the lead but America has a Trump card.

  15. Floridians feel the same way about Rick Scott as New Jersey feels about Christie. VP? Sure… Just get the hell out of here, lol.

  16. I miss elections where I had to try hard to hate the other candidate. Now it is someone I don't have to connect with the NRA, Haliburton, the Skull and Bones club, a saudi arabian prince, a cabal of corporate interests……….nope, just some idiot who can got 5 minutes without insulting someone without even putting the "fun" in "making fun of someone".

    "You know what I call lawnmowers? Crooked lawnmowers. I am clever. See how clever I am. I have the best words"

  17. Call me crazy, but might Trump actually be better than Hillary? I mean, don't get me wrong, as a feminist and basically an easily marginalized person, I'd prefer Bernie strongly. But Trump won't get to do all the crazy stuff. Hillary might actually be able to make things worse.

  18. Giant Meteor 2016, the only candidate that is bipartisan as it will kill both Democrats and Republicans.

  19. What about Trump's policies would end the world? The worst he would do is keep up the pace of global warming for another 10 years. And who knows if that "it's a trick from China" statement was made as no-holds-barred pandering to conservatives?
    If nuclear war is what you're thinking of, Clinton is way more likely to spark it with her No-Fly Zone above Syria.

  20. What about Trump's policies would end the world? The worst he would do is keep up the pace of global warming for another 10 years. And who knows if that "it's a trick from China" statement was made as no-holds-barred pandering to conservatives?
    If nuclear war is what you're thinking of, Clinton is way more likely to spark it with her No-Fly Zone above Syria.

  21. Hillary is for the top 1 percent. Bernie is for the other 99 percent. Why does burnie not have more if he is working for what America's forefathers fought for? He is for the people. But then again considering trump has a majority of votes I guess the people are idiots

  22. Newsflash: America isn't the only place on earth, the earth won't end when your country ends.

    As much as you'd like to think so.

  23. i am from new jersey and it is true that i and my whole family very much do want to get rid of chris christie

  24. If Gary gets into the debates and his poll numbers go up I'll totally vote for him. Otherwise this whole election is about keeping a career politician criminal out of office. Donald Trump isn't all bad, look up what he was able to do with the ice skating ring in New York. He's obviously not ideal, but he's better than allowing another Clinton in office.

  25. Also when interviewed, people have expressed that they are either voting for Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump because there are no other choices as basically the entire nation does not agree with the politics and economic plans of both republican and democratic parties. People prefer to vote for the "giant meteor crashing into Earth" because nobody truly wants to vote for presidential candidates that prefer to cover many important corruption cases inside the federal investigative agencies like the FBI and CIA that are all linked to the manipulation of the interpretation of the "duality" of the main characters in the famous prophetic painting for modern (orange) times, "The Last Judgement" (Altar Wall of Sistine Chapel in the Vatican), to try to cover the fact that the painting is denouncing that the USA government and allies are ruling the world by "investigating their own crimes" at the same time they build a "modern (orange) false Jesus that loves to cover his penis with a pair of bright orange pants to emulate a vagina (a sign of obsessions with Virgin Mary and her eyes as a discrete substitution of her vagina as implied by the entire Virgin of Guadalupe of Mexico painting)" and that is the real reason they tend to ignore the anti-evolution of mankind that you see in the explicit violent behavior of hundreds of police officers in many videos whenever they perform an arrest, especially to black people, treating them like if they were simply "a black thing that floats in the eye after you suffer a posterior vitreous humor detachment eye lesion" and they even dare to think that, we the people, are going to be so scared of so many investigative agents looking forward to harass the world with their abominable behavior to get the attention of the "flashes" of the camera of the media to complete the symptoms of a "public vitreous humor eye injury" because they know that the Department of Justice has been instructed to do nothing to stop the situation.

  26. Steven Colbert is a HOOT: "JUST SAY NO!!" Ms. Clinton U TUBE — Can't admit to being a LIAR which she IS !!

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