Gay Man Staying Married To Woman “Wasn’t Fair To Me And It Wasn’t Fair To Her.”

My name is Ken Henderson and I’m from Globe,
Arizona. I dated girls in high school, I noticed boys
a lot but being gay wasn’t something that really seemed an option to me at that point. So I grew up thinking, “Do what you’re
supposed to do.” And in college I met a really lovely, wonderful
young woman. We ended up getting married, expecting that
we would have kids and do what married people do. I was, I tried to be the good husband and
who I should be. Well I was in the Navy, I was stationed at
the Naval Hospital at Oakland and there was a lot of gay people that were stationed there. I was around them, I knew they were gay, so
I was friendly with some of them but I, I didn’t feel like that was me, I just felt
like they’re not what I thought they were. When I came back, Kathy was my wife’s name,
had met a number of gay people she had become friends with who lived in the same apartment
complex. And she wanted to hang out with them. We started going out to gay bars and doing
a few things with them. It had sort of introduced me to that culture. We had a swimming pool at our complex and
we had been swimming and whatnot and we’d come back and we were hanging out in the room. Most people had left. I was laying on the floor listening to music
with one of the friends. The next thing I know is his arm’s over
me and his leg sort of throws over mine and I’m like, “Oh my God, what’s happening? I’m not sure, but I think I like it.” It really was kind of like the lights going
off, the whistles ringing, the emotional, mental bells that go off and you just go like,
“This is right. This is me.” Over time I started, the feelings grew stronger
I guess, basically. I still loved my wife and I didn’t want
to hurt her. I didn’t really know how to bring it up
to her, how to talk about it. One night we were having dinner. She looked across the table at me and she
said, “Not that it matters, but are you bisexual?” And I went, “Oh, um, yeah, as a matter of
fact.” And she said, “Oh, okay. Well I guess I could be too in the right circumstance.” And I go, “Oh, well.” That seemed like a door opener. She was a really wonderful woman but I saw
this kind of retreating within herself. I continued seeing other guys. She’d go to bed and I’d go out. I wouldn’t say I had a lot of relationships,
but I wanted a relationship. There was a particular young man that I was
really attracted to, really liked, we’d been going out. I was kind of pushing more for a relationship
I guess. But with this guy, his name was Mark, he looked
at me one day and said, “You’re great. But you’re married and I can’t compete
with that, so we really can’t have a relationship.” I was thinking at that point that I could
have both, the best of both worlds kind of thing. And I realized I can’t. And it wasn’t fair to me, and it wasn’t
fair to her. I needed to break it off at that point so
we could both move on. We separated. We didn’t divorce right away. When I met Joe, my current partner, we were
still officially married. She thought Joe was great and we all became
friends. I think that was the impetus though for her
to finally to decide that it was time to officially divorce and try to move on because she, I
think at that point she knew I was on a different path. She eventually moved to Atlanta. She never remarried, she never had another
relationship. It was hard for me I think in the sense that
I thought she would move on and meet somebody else, have the life that she wanted to have
and the life that she really deserved to have. Unfortunately she passed away a couple of
years ago. I think we’re a product of everything we
go through in our life. And Kathy was a great part of my life. She taught me a lot about how to be a grown-up,
how to be a young, responsible person. I’ve been with my partner Joe now for 22
years. He became that soulmate I guess in many ways. And it helped me become who I am today. And I like who I am today. It was not easy to get here but I’m here
and I’m really happy with where I’ve, my journey I guess.

About the author


  1. Pretending that women are OKAY with gay betrayal.

    We suffer PTSD behind this "negative treatment of us usage until I can figure out how to justify my narcissistic behavior."

    We become afraid to TRUST ANY man again and thus, our ability to be in a relationship of TRUST is damaged beyond repair. But the gay man moves onto his gay partners convincing himself that the unwittingly betrayed woman is supportive of him and the lifestyle he dumped her for. NOT even… 😥

  2. Love your story. Brings back
    memories of my youth, where I would be "the other guy" ending up being the Best Man at the wedding, when my lover married his wife.
    I see you as respectfull towards your wife as she was part of your opening up. There can be many reasons to why she stayed single after the two of you went your separate ways.
    People not knowing either of you cannot be judges of that.
    Best wishes

  3. What sucks is so much has been lost. All to homophobia. Everyone should find that pride in yourself. Be happy. Don;t hide in the closet anymore . Let people enjoy who you are and allow yourself to do what makes you happy.

  4. The ignorance and stupidity of people! Who gives you the right to judge and condemn another? We have one life to live so live and let live,no one's fucking with your lives. What is life if a man isn't allowed to love?

  5. Long story short.
    Bisexuals burn the candle from both ends.
    They are just selfish.
    If you think because they are with you living out this heterosexual persona everything is ok. YOUR LYING TO YOURSELF. Get out as soon as you find out. Find someone that's you're equal. HETEROSEXUAL!

  6. one of my first BF was gay. i even asked if he was and he lied. my head went through such a shit show. i thought there was something wrong with me. their world revolves around their identity.

  7. When it comes to sympathy for him, I have none, either! He ruined her life, the selfish prick!! She's the one I should feel sympathy or empathy for, not him, the bastard!! 😡😡😡😡😡😠😠😠😠😠😠😠

  8. Being in a similar situation with an x husband. I feel that they know their feelings entirely but don't want to be ostracized by society. Thus, they trick a gullible, unsuspecting, low self-esteem woman into thinking that they care about her to shield themselves.

    All they care about is PROTECTING THEMSELVES. They could care less about the woman. When the time is right for them to be with their man/men, they kick her to the curb. The woman is devastated, becomes depressed, sometimes suicidal. She also finds that she now has severe TRUST ISSUES with ALL men. My ex moved on with his gay life but I am now psychologically and emotionally destroyed. HE saved himself for his lover/s but tossed me into a world of lifelong devastation and FEAR of men.

    Sometimes you pretend to understand because you still care about this man who used you as his beard for so long. Or you might be financially dependent on him or have his children. Because of his lies and tricks: he has had his woman shield for as long as she served his purposes. And in some cases, he gets to have children. When he frees himself to do what he desired to do all along, he has screwed up the life of the women and children that he left behind. But he feels that this is okay because ONLY gay people have rights and needs.

    Every time you try to get involved with another man, you can't relax because you are afraid that he will be yet another narcissistic, gay liar, who feels it is okay to trick you for his own selfish purposes.

    They get NO sympathy from me. My sympathy goes with the innocent, unsuspecting women and children that these tricksters mentally and psychologically abused on their paths to enrich their own gay lives.

    Had he left me alone, I could have mated with a heterosexual man. I think? But who can you TRUST anymore. Thanks a lot for destroying my life, TRUST and self-esteem.

    BUT I AM JUST A DISPOSABLE , NONESSENTIAL WOMAN, right? The gay man's needs are ALL that matters? NOT SO!

  9. Sad ! You was not gay then you hang with gays and say u r gay. How funny! Birds of a feather flock together. You are who u hang with. I feel bad for your wife. You don't seem concerned that you ruined her life. Be selfish while u can , karma is a straight bitch!

  10. The irony of this is, women have been marrying men for money for centuries. Women marry men for security and investment, for their personal comfort. Women rarely, if ever even look a man as a sexual being, they look at them as somebody that could provide them with a stable future, and a sperm donor.

  11. You are crap! Why did you pretend and hurt your wife? Do you know what rejection feels like? All for the sake of looking normal.

  12. He is absolutely disgusting…he used her then broke her. What a very shitty person, damn ruthless narcissist.

  13. I know of 2 men living double lives very sad. one has been sleeping with a man for 8 years and still thinks he is straight,whatever

  14. Queers aren't capable of making rational decisions because they don't know right from wrong and they don't want to know right from wrong

  15. Poor woman no wonder she never got involved with another man after what she went through I’m sure her heart was broken and the betrayal must have been overwhelming you knew exactly what you were I don’t care if it wasn’t excepted ( being gay) you had no business marrying her and yeah she absolutely deserved better shame on you!

  16. And it's not fair that they fake being bisexual either. Why do gay men project their own shitty behavior on us??? And why can't we refute them???

  17. If society was more open to acceptance instead of shaming, this would not be happening. Parents urging their children to marry. Society expecting people to marry and have children. Just love and accept people for who they are!

  18. My husband of 40 years destroyed my life with this same issue . He took 40 years of my life . This is not a funny subject it’s tragic .

  19. Just to know were that mouth has been makes me wanna throw up 🤢. Gave up a beautiful woman to become a sodomite that’s disgusting!

  20. So tired of this if you want to hide your sexuality seek a gay individual of the opposite sex who wants to hide to. This constantly occurring is going to create hate toward en entire group when all fee are to blame.

  21. I think all the negative comments are in part justified however, I think it's also important to consider the fact that homosexuality during that period is not at all like today. I think that guys our age thought we could work our way thru this and come out on the other side doing and being what others expected from us. Yes, it is sad that a relationship is lost and time appears wasted. I'm not saying what we did was right, we did what we thought was right. I love and miss my wife as she and I were best of friends as well as husband and wife. I truly regret not being able to give her the one thing she truly wanted, married happily ever after..

  22. His fear, inability to be honest and his selfishness all played a part in that poor woman’s fate. She didn’t deserve to die alone. Sounds like all those years of being held hostage by his mockery of a traditional marriage, her feeling anguished and suffering the pain of depression and horrible lonely by his issues…. caused her to become sick… and die. Now look at him… it’s all sickening and sad.

  23. Society shames people for being gay. Then shames them again for trying to fit in and be straight. It’s a no win situation. And people wonder why gays and transgenders have high suicide rates 🤷🏽‍♂️

  24. I never.could or ever will understand being gay / married… Leaving your spouse at home to go out and have sex with other people.
    This also applies to straight / heterosexual couples… I just dont understand it.

  25. Wow! Thanks for sharing. My cousin was in a similar situation. She had a son with her husband. One day she caught her husband in bed with a man. They divorced. She was never the same. My other cousin helped her raise her son because she went in to depression. It was sad. God Bless All of You! May she rest in peace!😇😇😥😥

  26. U don't think u r d reason of her death? she was in love n got married only to know that she was not loved n at that point she could not get over what she dicovered about u n at d same time develope new love so quickly like u did.

  27. It's a very sad story. What a terrible life for her. He seemed very selfish he shouldn't marry Kathy from the very beginning! Sick man! Two faced selfish!

  28. nothing on earth could get me to marry a female and ruin both our livesI've always known exactly who and what I am and that's all I am ever gonna be

  29. Why in this country does sex and lust outweigh love and commitment? He says staying married wasn't fair to his wife, so he leaves her for a man and years later she dies alone. What an a##h#le!?

  30. I was with a guy who left his gf of 8 years to be with me. I felt horrible and kept telling him to talk to her about it before moving things on with me.

    She'll never get those years back and it still eats at me. He was a selfish guy, so I have no pity for him. I just still think about her.

  31. It wasn't fair to her first . Being dishonest to a woman ( or a man ) is basically stealing years of life she could have spent with a straight man who really wanted her .

  32. Hey!

    You want this to stop?


    Homophobia from religion, society, and family are the reasons why this occurs. Every time you use a gay slur or shame someone for possibly being homosexual, you are helping to create these self-destructive "marriages."

    ME. ME. ME.
    I NEED COCK ….

  34. Yes after giving 40 yrs he moved with a guy. Think my parents left all to me and nothing to him. He lives in a city and I live on the ranch

  35. Yeah, this is a sad story…but heterosexual couples get divorced constantly, sometimes after 40 years or more as well, and one or the other person can be left despondent and depressed as well, to where they never have another relationship. It's tremendously more common that gay men marrying straight women.

  36. Everybody wants to shit on this guy for something that wasn't his fault. I have no doubt it sucked for his wife, but people on the comments act like he's just this terrible dude, when in reality he was just A dude in denial, forcing him to be what society said he should be instead if himself. It was a terrible situation for everyone involved. Some straight people have a hard time grasping that.

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