A spy! G’day, you bighead wankers! You wanna hear a touching story? Here’s a touching story. Once upon a time … *Nom* Dah! *Nom* This is a knife. I’m gonna cut that cake! Go ahead! Steady, … here comes a bloody knife! There she goes! Come on! Do it, Sniper, do it! Thank you! *Nom* So, where is my gift?! Be prepared … … for your birthday present! Even if you’re not Australian, son, … … I think you are manly enough to recieve this very special gift! Stored under the super-safe conditions of my indestructable chest hair. Oh and uhm … sorry about the window, mate! CHESTHAAAAIIIIRR-SUPERGLUUUUEEEE!!!! Now step aside, I have to leave! There’s a white shark waiting for me in my office. What the hell is this shit?! It is so tiny … Medic, make stop! What is this?! Ooohh, it is sad day to be giant baby man. Stupid! Cookie! *Nom* Yes, I have new toy! So, your deadly skill is jogging?! Mine is murdering people! No! I hate you! Hey, thanks! Sniper! Fight me, I dare you! Football! Yea…! Pow! Niet! Pow! Pow! … Haha! Yes! I am credit to gaming community! Medic! I do not think we … uargh! Is poot! (“Is kaputt”) Dah! I am Scout! No! You suck! Yes, I am Scout! You fat, bald, fatty, fat, fat-fat! I am … You all suck! Sniper! Fight me, I dare you! Pyro! Goodbye! Sshh! Soldier is asleep! Heavy Weapons Guy. What was that Sandvich, eat them all? Good idea! *Nom* Sniper! Fight me, I dare you! Look at me, I am reading! Dummy! Engineer, help me! Nah, gotta move that gear up! Where did I go so wrong?! Good thing it was not me! Stop right there, criminal scum! Hey, you got to pay! Oh, that slaps me on the head! That makes five dollar! The dipshit … I … I mean suspect has a weapon! … and some Skittles. Shoot his kneecaps, boys! Ah crape! Don’t do it, don’t make me shoot you! Ahh, that’s the stuff! I am dead! … very, VERY dead! Backup required at my location. We have a major situation here! Get down on the ground! I’m gonna shit in your mouth! Get back here, you little son of a bitch! Suspect is outta control! We need everything you got yesterday! What the fuck? How could this happen? Ooohhh noooooo! I’m goin’ to lick ya! Heh?! Wah?! Is for you! Is unusual! It’s not unusual! Dah, it is! See? Yah! Thanks, mate! Damnit! What the hell was that darn thing?! That heavy … is a … is a spy! Ahh nope! It’s just me, Gabe Newell! Hello! Mah name is Ellis but, uh, some people call me Ellis. But … I really prefer Ellis, as Ellis sounds kinda like a gurls name. But if you prefer to call me Ellis, you can! Alright, you son of a bitch! Ellis, … … my name’s Ellis! I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith … ?! Aaaaahhhhh, Boomer! Oouuh, it is end of day! Get out, stupid! Fraggrenades! Get your fresh fraggrenades here! Click the damn screen already, you imbecile!