-How are you, sir?
-Fine. Here. This is for you. This dedication you are showing
in chasing her… If you pray with the same dedication,
you will attain salvation. Her name is Avani. I want her.
Not salvation. Take these plates away. Jagdish, when will I get my order? In a bit. -Just five minutes.
-‘Medu Vada’ for me. Alright. Yes Vishal, tell me. Okay, fine. No problem. That dish anyway is a bit incongruous. Yes, it is an incongruous dish. Okay. Okay. And the final word is, Incongruous. I-N-C-O-N-G-R-U-O-U-S. She is right. Why are you smiling? You have lost. Mumbai lost and Delhi has won. Actually,
I feel I have seen you somewhere. At Robby’s party? Nice. DDLJ? I have seen it three times. There is a theatre in Mumbai called
Maratha Mandir where I have… Come straight to the point. Avni Menhdiratta. Roll No. 3, Class 9,
Modern School, Barahkhamba Road. This is Roneet Bagchi,
Sacred Hearts, Mumbai. Rings a bell? So quickly. I can’t believe we were in
Ann Arbor for five years and never met. Where did you go to have
south indian food there? -Curry On?
-Curry On? What? Really? But the ‘sambar’ over there
tasted like shit. That too like the loose motion kind. This is 100 times better. -So, you have tasted it?
-Yes. Shit? -Okay!
-I think we should get lost. What? -I mean…
-You mean get out of here? Of course. Come on, let’s go. This is so embarrassing. Ever since I shifted to Mumbai, I just love the dialect here. The other day my maid called and she said she won’t come to work
because her granny has turned off. And I was like, what does that mean? Is she a tubelight? I love the slang here. The auto rickshaw drivers
have their own way of talking. -Fall down after 2 lanes…
-The lane falls after 2 lanes. Yes, something like that. -They call the red light signal.
-Shall I drop you? There is a problem… First you will drop me home. Then you will ask for my number. Then you will send me stupid texts. Then you will ask me for a movie. Yes, and then I will place my hand
on you while watching the movie. -Oh!
-On your shoulder! To check if you are interested or not. Then I will smile… And you will go home and
think about me while… You listen to romantic songs! Yeah, sure. And then I will try to find
excuses to meet you. I will prepare my special
‘crispy okra’ for you. Hey, I love ‘crispy okra’.
How do you know? I know. I stalk you on Facebook. You saw me on Facebook,
but you didn’t add me. Why? Come on, I’ll tell you. -I’ll tell you.
-No, actually… Honestly, I like your proposition.
I really like your motorcycle too, but… -Oh, it’s yours?
-Yeah. Oh! Then why don’t you drop me? Come on. We can tie your motorcycle at the back. Okay. Then… Then… It was nice seeing you -now.
-Same here. After so long. -Yeah.
-Bye. Cool. -We will meet again.
-For ‘Vada’? ‘Vada’? ‘Medu Vada’? Oh God! No! Really bad. Okay. -Are you sure it’s yours?
-Shut up. Had this been a movie, the stars
would have been twinkling in the sky. And perhaps there would have been
a shooting star. And we would have made a beautiful wish. I wouldn’t have. All my wishes have been granted. You are the epitome of cheesiness. You have taken the responsibility of
all the cheesiness in our relationship. Can’t you just say I love you? Now don’t come asking for
hugs and kisses now. Avu, saying I love you repeatedly -reduces the love.
-Shut up. Manny had forwarded a text message
explaining that. Answer the call. It’s my uncle. I can’t give him an update every 10 minutes. I can’t understand if we’re planning
a wedding or preparing for war. You should be happy that your
family members are excited. When I told my mom, she said cool. And then she sent me message with a “Yo” emoticon. Wait till we set the date. I think I will have
to switch off my phone. Shall I go to the family court tomorrow? To check which date is available? What? One second. Listen, Roneet with double E and not I. We are not going to get married in court. We will have a proper wedding. With loud music,
drunken Punjabis, crying kids… Expensive clothes! A big fat
Indian wedding at some prime destination. The whole shebang! Do you get the idea? I get the idea, but for that
we need something very basic, that we do not have. -Savings.
-I don’t care. I have many fixed deposits.
I will encash them. -Our parents can also help us.
-No, no, no! My principles are very old school. No help from anyone.
We will do everything ourselves. 50-50. But we will need a lot of money. If we get a decent caterer for example, he will charge a minimum of
Rs. 1200 per plate. Am I right? And including all family members
from both sides, there will be about 300 guests. Your family alone has about 250 members.
Then? And if we opt for a destination wedding, it will end up costing about Rs. 4 million. We will be ruined. Listen, Ron.
I have gotten married once before. And nobody from my family
could attend my wedding. They still taunt me about it. Now it’s as important for
my family to attend my wedding as jihad is for ISIS. I see. Okay. We live once, we die once, we fall in love once. Sometimes have to get married
more than once. So, we should do it well. Correct? Exactly. Okay, then let’s do it well. Let’s do this. Yeah. I will postpone
the plan for my restaurant to next year. Okay? Let’s do the big fat Indian wedding. -Excited?
-I am very excited. Are you really excited
or you want to make up for ‘that’? Oh God! Forget about that, please. The way the entire country has forgotten
about the disappearance of ‘Netaji’. Please forget that incident. Don’t say this in front of anybody else. Especially Bengalis or you will have it. Hey! I am… A Bengali too. -In case…
-You have forgotten… I’m allowed to say this. You always say the same line. Fake Bengali. -Jagdish, how are you?
-I am good. You remember that guy who
comes here every Sunday… He has a long name. Roneet with double E. Yes, ma’am.
He hasn’t come here since two weeks. Should I tell him you were
asking about him if he comes? No, I wasn’t asking. You must have overheard me talking. Okay. Would you have something?
‘Medu vada’? -Have a seat.
-Next Sunday. Fine. I will get your order. Rs. 40,000 for sweets. Manny, at least you should give us
a discount. No friendship in business. And you are bringing five friends. They are the confectioners. Why are you calling them?
She is already inviting 250 people. What should we do Avu? Just a second. No! If we decrease the food budget,
will we serve ‘dal’ and rice? I am a chef.
I have a reputation, remember? Why are you talking to me like that? We are on the same team.
It’s a doubles match. Us vs our lack of savings. And anyway it’s a Punjabi wedding. Concentrate more on the alcohol budget
than the food budget. Have you guys seen ‘Made In Heaven’? -We love that show!
-We love that show! You guys are made for each other. Do something…
You guys should hire a wedding planner. I don’t know about the country’s GDP, but if a professional person helps you, then you might end up saving some money. But how can you be so sure? What if the idea backfires? -What if it costs more?
-Exactly. Do something. Apply your Pond’s Super Light Gel
and chill out. And then call Rishi with a cool mind. How can he talk to me like this
in front of you? Why aren’t you saying anything? But… Manny, you talk to her politely. I lost the match! -Don’t worry. He is leaving.
-Listen. I am exhausted. I will crash here. I want an egg white omelet for breakfast. There are eggs in the fridge, right? Or does it only have moisturiseres? Why are you staying here?
You will be uncomfortable. -You go home.
-Are you crazy? I am more comfortable here
than at my place. Here. Will we plan a family or
will we have to adopt him? We should have planned this
before falling in love. Unambiguously. What do you mean? I mean, I know of all your plans
with Manny, when you were trying to woo me.
Don’t act smart. It’s been two weeks. I haven’t even eaten South Indian food
trying to avoid her. -I think I should just call her.
-No. For what was written by you
was written by the greatest of writers. No need to call her. If you were that good,
she would have called me by now. Actually, no. She doesn’t have my number. -I am calling her.
-No! No! -Let me see. Avni is calling.
-No! No! -It’s her!
-No, Ron! No! You won’t answer her call for an hour. Then she will send you a message. Saying “Hi, what’s up?” But you won’t reply. Then a new story will unfold
with you as the lead and Avni as your love interest. Then you will get married. Andlive happily ever after. -Really?
-Yes. -Because she didn’t come along?
-You guys start. I am coming. Tell them to wake up. At least call her. She just messaged.
She is in the parking lot. Are you sure she can do this
within our budget? Yes, she is the best according
to Surbhi. And she is her distant aunt.
Why are you getting worried? Why don’t you also get married?
Why are you keeping her waiting? But he is not serious. I… I am not serious? I haven’t had sex in seven years. What? I mean with anybody apart from Surbhi. -I am that committed.
-And you are showing off about that? I had told you no feet touching business. It’s just out of respect, since you
are Surbhi’s aunt. Then do it properly. Roneet. Avni. -Hi!
-Ashima! Now that we are done with formalities,
shall we get to the point? Yeah. So, I went over the
kind of things you want. We are looking at Rs. 4.9 million
plus GST. Once shot deal, I will take care of everything. -4.9 million?!
-Yes! Aashima, we were looking to spend
less than 4 million… That’s why we wanted you
to look at the numbers. The only way to reduce numbers is to reduce numbers. -What do you mean?
-Head count. Right now you are at 288. So, 4.9 is the bare minimum. There must be another way. Apart from reducing the head count… Rishi, I can make magic but I am not a magician. On top of that you want to do this in
Kunj Haveli and Kumbalgadh. The labor there is a pain in the arse. Reduce head count.
The numbers will automatically come down. Anyway, guys, I really got to run. Call me when you make up your mind. Yeah… I have been saying this for a while. Let’s try and reduce the numbers. Ron, please. Stop it. I am just saying that there are
88 people from my side. You are inviting 200 people. I will reduce 10.
You can at least reduce 20. -Why don’t you invite more people.
-What? I have 200 important people in my family
whom I have to invite. What should I do? I can’t keep having this discussion
with you again and again. Strange! She is quoting 4.9 million! We can’t arrange 4 million, and
you are telling me to invite more people. We will have to reduce the numbers. I am done with this. Walking away is not going
to reduce the expense. Should I also get married? This is strange.
It’s my mistake. I shouldn’t have crashed
that stupid wedding. Hey! What are you doing? Why are you so scared? You can come to Delhi to meet me.
Can’t you crash a wedding? Walk quietly. It’s fine. -Hey! Hi!
-Hi! Geet! Remember we met at Robby’s party? Oh! You must have been drunk that night. Anyway, carry on. Thank you. I love her outfit. If someone finds out we’re crashing
this wedding it will be a massive insult. If you look so scared then people will understand that
we are intruders. -Smile.
-Cheers! Cheers! Okay, yeah. Correct. If nothing else, this will be an
interesting story to tell our grand kids. Our grand kids, yeah. We haven’t even kissed yet
and you are dreaming of grand kids. Mr. serial kisser,
you will have to earn it. Earn it? I am asking for a kiss
not a Bournville. I thought you…
-What? What have you lost it? You won’t get a kiss so easily. Go. -What? Are you serious?
-Yeah. Stop! This wedding cannot happen. You fooled me for three years. You used me. You ruined my life. You defamed me. Now you are getting married
to someone else. Siddharth! Wake up Sid! Now Article 377 has also been repealed. We are free. We can be totally free.
Like you always wanted. Sorry, Sonia. Don’t mind.
Come on, Siddharth. Come on, please. Goodbye. So long. I was really leaving. -I see.
-You are insolent. You could have atleast stopped me
just as a formality. And why are you sitting with
the lights off? Will you have hot chocolate? Yes. Here. Drink this. Not my blood. It’s good. I have decided. It’s either everyone or no one. And we don’t have money
to call everyone to the wedding. So, you book a date
at the family court tomorrow. I am talking to you. Talk to me. What are you looking at
in your phone? Avu, I didn’t know I could get a loan. I just got a loan. You didn’t even go to the bank. Has someone called you? Or has someone conned you? -No!
-No, please. That’s what I am saying. I didn’t go to any bank. It happened on text. And I have actually gotten the money. Rs. 500,000. -You got the money?
-Yes. We have Rs. 4 million. But how? See. This is the SBI YONO App. Just 4 clicks and the money was credited! And when did this happen? Just now… A few minutes ago… You mean before I planned to leave? Yes, just a few minutes ago. I was really going to leave.
When were you going to tell me? I was really angry. I wouldn’t have let you go.
I was just figuring it out. You should be happy about it. I am happy. And repayment? Repayment will happen. Let’s celebrate now. How about a kiss for your hero? Just a kiss, okay! Should we leave? Huh? -Poor Siddharth spent so much money.
-I know. I would have done a court marriage
had I been in his place. And that too with his lover Uday. -Not with Sonia.
-Yes. What a spectacle! So much wastage. I don’t know why people do it. If I make the mistake of getting married, I will have a court marriage. Not this big budget mockery. Well, I have made that mistake. What? I have also gotten divorced. -Really?
-Yes. You look above 40 anyway. I should be sorry actually. But sorry, I am not sorry. I was too young. It was a mistake. In a sterile brown and grey court
in the US, in front of a fat judge, Terrence and I signed the papers. -And we were married.
-Was he American? I think that’s why court marriages
won’t work for me. That is why if I get married again, it is going to be the whole shebang. Wow! That means it’s not
going to work out between us. -Really!
-I pity the guy who will marry you. So, what should we do? Spend some time and go our ways.
Is it? Best plan Avu. I can call you Avu, right? Can I call you Avu? -Fine.
-Yeah. Okay, come Avu. Let’s do ding dong. What? Will the guy who marries you get a car like this? You tell me. Will you accept dowry? Roneet, how much do you earn? Shall should we seal the deal? -Yes!
-Congratulations! Maybe we should start cutting back
a little more. -This is so expensive.
-Let’s not wear clothes. Let’s get married on a nudist beach in France. My family is anyway crazy.
They will think it’s a new fad. Then wear this. I won’t wear such clothes at my wedding. What do you mean my wedding?
Isn’t it my wedding too?