Hila’s First Thanksgiving Dinner


Now, now, you can tell it’s a good sauce, and I’ve worked very long– I worked very long and hard and you can tell it’s a good sauce when it can slide around the plate– Oh my god, what is this thing? –independent. Look at this. It doesn’t lose shape. (Hila) What is it? (Ethan) It’s a puck, it’s a cranberry puck, baby. Okay. (Hila) People eat this? (Ethan) Yeah, people love this. People talk about, like, this– I don’t know how this became a thanksgiving food, but people love this shit. (Hila) How do you eat it? (Ethan) Now, Hila, it may surprise you but I spent the last week– I was crushing cranberries with my toes in the bathtub. I was making a jelly this whole time. (Hila) I can see the signs of the can. (Ethan) No you can’t see that you’re freaked. It’s an optical illusion. (Ethan) Let’s cut into it. (Hila) Ewwww (Ethan) Now it’s like a cranberry pie, you cut off a little slice like that. (Hila) Wait, lemme show a close-up (Ethan) Here you go (Ethan) Ready? (Hila) Mhmm. (Ethan) *Sexy thicc gasp* (Ethan) OHHH~~ It’s BEAUTIFUL dude. It’s my– It’s my masterpiece. It’s my Thanksgiving masterpiece, Hila. Look what I’ve made for you. Here is a slice of your cranberry pie Hila, and just watch how it separates. (Ethan) Just oh, I need to cut it up… (Ethan) …be a little more thorough with my slice. *Hila squeal* Now listen closely to the sound, guys. Here, Hila, get it close. Get the mic closer. (Hila) Ughh You hear that? Okay, let’s see if this puck slides right off for you. Oh, God. Happy Thanksgiving to you, Hila! Look what we’ve got, a slice of cranberry pie! Mmm. That’s beautiful. (Ethan)Okay, *Hila groans* you do the honors. (Hila) Do I? It looks horrible. This is as good as it gets. This cranberry sauce is as good as it gets. (Hila) What– why??? People eat this thing? (Ethan) It’s cranberry. That’s it! No!!! She’s trying to eat a tiny little thing, like this. That’s it! mmm, so good (ㆆ_ㆆ) (Ethan) You gotta eat a whole bite. (Hila) I’m trying. (Ethan) This is a feast, this is a Thanksgiving feast! (Hila) Alright, here’s a big bite for you. (Ethan) Happy Thanksgiving. To the first course. Go for it. Enjoy. You have to swallow it. (Hila) Ew! (Ethan) Oh, come on. It’s not that bad. It’s a cranberry sauce! If you spit that out, You dishonor the memory– (Hila) I hate it ¯_(ツ)_/¯ (Ethan) –of a 100 million native-Americans (Ethan) You know what, I gotta level with you. Well usually people make the cranberries. This is… this is from a can, okay ಥ_ಥ I gotta level with you Hila, the thing I said about making the cranberries in the bathtub for the past week, I lied about that. (Hila) I never believed you about that. I got this from a can. It was 99 cents, but usually people crush berries in their bathtub, and it’s really fresh and nice but this being from a can– (Hila) People, like real people? (Ethan) My mom one year, she put like a whole bushel of Cranberries And she crushed it in the bath (Hila) Seriously? (Ethan) No she never… she also uses a candle. Papa bless, happy Thanksgiving to the cranberry gods God bless them, let’s do it. ‘ Ugh! It’s so like, grimy, (Hila) yeah (Ethan) Mealy… (Hila) It’s got the worst texture. (Ethan) It doesn’t taste edible. The texture is way worse than the flavor. It melts in your mouth, in the worst way possible. (Hila) Yeah (Ethan) And usually that means a good thing… not in this case. (Ethan) Okay, let’s move it on to the next course now. This recipe has been in my family for generations my great-great grandmother was actually an original on the Mayflower one of the original settlers [of] America and She made this same recipe on The First Thanksgiving Day this Recipe has been passed down for nearly 1,000 years, and I just want you to take a look. This doesn’t get more genuine than this guys. This is real Thanksgiving stuffing and Hila, what an honor it is for you to have the opportunity to try this (Ethan) Now, stuffing traditionally–
(Hila) What is this exactly? Okay now stuffing Traditionally comes inside the bird You take a handful of croutons or bread or whatever, a little spice right, and you fucking– You just shove it in that fucking bird. Dude you just, like, “Fucking take it, you bird-ass bitch!” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) then you cook the bird, Then the bird shits out the stuffing, so it’s got like bird shit (Hila) What?? You know what I mean? You cook the bird with the stuffing in it, Out yeah, it’s not there’s no feces in it as far as I’m aware, but it cooks inside the bird now I cannot say for certain if there are not feces in this okay? (hes lying there is and he knows) I’m not God. I can’t say for certain. I don’t think there’s feces in this Okay So do you want to try it I guess okay? So this is my grandma great-great-great grandmother’s original. Oh going because it was cooked inside of a turkey oh Yeah, oh, don’t worry the turkeys out there So yeah, let me tell you I don’t believe in killing animals So it was cooked inside of a turkey But let me just say that we found a way [to] keep the turkey alive after the stuffing was cooked. You know what I mean That’s what I’m saying. I’m not sure there’s no she’s in there. I’m not a hundred percent, but because of the cooking method It’s just it’s hard to know [for] sure [probably] [not] okay [cheers] is they not happy Thanksgiving You go if you go first, I want to see your [genuine] reaction to grandma mas Grandma’s original thanksgiving stuffing It just stays pretty good, huh? It’s pretty good. She loves it. She loves it [there’s] [just] like a [ton] [of] some weird spice here And gooey texture (Ethan) really gooey. I don’t get the wet bread texture. Yeah, I never [liked] stuffing for that reason I don’t get wet bread. I’m not a wet bread guy bread. It’s not meant to be wet bread starts wet That’s why you cook it to make it not wet It’s like going back in the evolutionary chain of bread. It’s retro It’s a retro bread Let’s feel you need [anymore] I’ll give you one more try you need to eat all that a big bite I want to see a big bite. Oh it’s a feast– it’s a thanksgiving feast. I’ll do it too. Okay. You need more than that Take a bigger (Hila) what (Ethan)you look just fucking in the spirit of thanksgiving will you please do? Well? That’s right. [well] [cheers] happy (Ethan) Cheers, happy Thanksgiving (Hila) Cheers Don’t go down easy very it’s not that bad the flavor is fine, but once again [texture] [issue] I Think [the] flavor is not bad It’s just like the spice Some weird… Honestly it’s just soggy bread [it’s] like you left a piece of bread in water overnight, and then you’re like fuck it dude it tastes like a bunch of chicken stock or something Do you get any accents of feces? Maybe some urine (Ethan) a small accent of urine. Oh, that’s interesting I don’t hm Have to check…I’ll have to check with the chef about that with real chicken. Can you see that? ready in five minutes? That’s thanksgiving in a box So far thanksgiving is pretty weird. [I] really thought you were gonna love this can of cranberry and Bob’s stuffing I thought this was gonna be a giant hit, (Hila) I Guess I don’t know what’s wrong with me (Ethan) Alright. You know what? My plans are bigger than this this [is] just the olymp–preliminary stages. I’ve got like six courses for you dude (Hila)Okay (Ethan) it gets better from here, so let’s move it on to the next stage Hila, wait here. Yeesh… (Hila)UGH it stinks! (Ethan) You got a smelly thing take a steep smell o’ that it’s thanksgiving dinner right in a bowl. No, take a deep smell. Yeah, it’s thanksgiving That is horrifying my God. This is sweet potatoes that came in a can and What the fuck is this? This is new territory from you This is thanksgiving in a can this is this is the poor man’s this is not just the poor man’s thanksgiving. This is the insane man’s Thanksgiving Eat it. Eat it, eat it. Is it not bad? mmm it’s like…myeah What’s the matter you don’t love thanksgiving? Alright, let’s see what’s going on here Now just if you guys get a look at what that’s actually on here. I don’t want to spill it on the floor but No, that’s that’s not looking too appetizing How did they get sweet potatoes smell so bad? [I] don’t want to get tell me about maybe I don’t eat it. No you go It’s like a sponge. How do you get sweet potato to be [not] texture? [but] it’s a texture this texture [is] a big problem here. The theme of today yeah, I Mean who would have thought that putting something in a can for ten years would give it a bad texture The like isn’t the theme behind canning ship. I mean yeah, it’s edible. It’s edible You’re not gonna die from it probably here. Look I know it tastes bad, but that’s because We didn’t put the topping on [it]. Most people eat sweet potatoes with gravy on top oh So I that will save this so my sister has an incredible gravy recipe Yeah, basically she cooks the turkey. She takes all the drippings. She does like she sends it off to like indonesia They have like crazy spices there they work on it They let it you know uh I would sort of said to indonesia you What’s the word when you they they take the sauce they let it ferment for a couple of weeks its reduce Yeah, they reduce it like seven weeks. It’s unbelievable and then somehow they ship it out and this heinz [fish] about this high well she works for heinz here. She works for heinz okay She hates it there yeah Mm-Hmm, so here’s heinz Homestyle gravy straight from my sister’s kitchen in indonesia and to be honest with you. It doesn’t smell that bad [let’s] check the ingredients turkey broth modified corn starch chicken fat contains 2% less of Feces what about fuck they listed on the fucking label here [2%] of feces and urine My God handily they list that so Look let’s let’s not beat around the bush listen. Let’s improve the flavor of these sweet potatoes here. Oh, God Nice thick consistency cross And got it looks horrible You know I have a question for you What does it [look] like? [Dad] it looks like someone took it like a it looks like someone shit their intestines out Yeah, [it] [looked] like somebody like de [chelly] was there last shit on Earth. Yeah, I mean Sometimes when your dog is sick, they take shits, and I cover [and] jelly it’s like really hard. That’s like It’s like what the fuck happened [to] you dog. So kind of reminds me of like a jelly covered gosh Then we’re gonna eat so do we click it. I’m gonna take a smell, but let’s let’s exchange jelly Right here. We go to Thanksgiving to American traditions Hmm much improved It tastes like it did before yeah, this whip with [it] [are] still just no more. It’s so powerful You can now here take a tick swab this and take a taste. I don’t hail up. No you’re not allowed to say that today Go, I just did it take a swab put it in your mouth, and why? Okay, note with a [foreword] like a civil do it however you want. Just put it in your fucking [mouth] Okay It’s okay. Now Illa once again. I lied to you Uh-Huh? You don’t put gravy on sweet potatoes. Okay, you put it on the stuffing, but I forgot to break it out in time Oh, it’s not I thought we put it on this instead But I gotta level with you [to] once again. I don’t think it would have helped the stuff I don’t think [you’re] what about a fact I think it would have made it worse because you have to eat more of the gravy with aged stuffing Ela now comes your [favorite] part the part line that everybody loves Pumpkin pie even surely you must [know] that Pumpkin by is a thanksgiving tradition and here. I’ve gone far Beyond Above my call and rudy. You’re cold as a bottle ever you the ultimate pumpkin pie now [it] [weighs] like Bread okay, okay, dude. Don’t be so fucking [needy] oh, jesus here here. You want a pie Gary fucking dude [you’re] cook next time dude. Here’s your pie, okay? Perfect wow [two] pie. [no] thank you very good. I baked this now this recipe comes far across the land from Spain Around man, it’s 500 BC before Jesus a long time ago people [were] baking pumpkins real popular back then anyway? Hey, so somehow I got that recipe and here it is Okay now [I] may [have] been misled that can I thought it said pumpkin pie though. I thought was a pumpkin pie me Apparently, [it’s] just pumpkin So it’s [pot]. So here’s pumpkin in a pie [tin], okay pretty close So here it is [the] beloved Pumpkin pie and everybody loves pumpkin pie. I mean this is [just] a time-honored tradition No, I thought this was pumpkin they have a fucking pumpkin pie on the front of it. I call that Disingenuous marketing that’s very misleading. How’d you expect to get a pie in a can? I don’t know. I thought it would at least it’s like pie ready like you just put you pour it in here Mm-hmm You put it in the oven for you know whatever an hour however long will cook pies, and then all the sudden boom That’s it. It should look like that But pretty close so [ela]. Go ahead and try my masterpiece I’ve been slaving for hours [I] Think [you’ll] find that it’s really good. [I] made this Really? It’s just pumpkin that [badly] All the textures so bad and the flavor and so bitter everything about it. Yeah It tastes like baby food guns sexual. I’m gonna wrong. There’s something like a while. There’s like sand in mine guys like Baby Food Gone Wild Now no once again I’ve been dishonest and not forthcoming with you pumpkin pie is only good if and only if you have Marshmallows [no] faster. We wait you know What’s the difference did? Okay up in my mouth pain Hmm boom Come on [sooner]. That’s the guys so guys this was thanksgiving dinner. It was a lot of fun wait It wasn’t as funny looking a little bit needy and whiny but overall those pre was pretty successful Good accurate representation of Thanksgiving. What wasn’t there supposed to be meet you soon Oh yeah, I forgot. I forgot the best part than me. [oh] yeah, okay Last course the most important course the meats [Ella] stay here. What is it exactly? The filter fish has been my enemy my whole life my family actually eats and loves this shit They put [my] ketchup on it. You know I don’t know if I’ve ever put down a single bite of this stuff, but today on this thanksgiving, HILA Me and you, we’re gonna battle this go filter fish and our most traditional thanksgiving meal ever I forgot the forks shoenice [Shoenice] is real busted [dad] strength. It’s all about shoenice. Yeah, there’s a face here That’s how you know it’s good guys. That’s the first sign it sticks to the top like a poop on the side they really Caught my first smell of the goo [Phil’s] fish, Sheila good. Yeah That smell like something. I want to eat. No I’ve often wondered What is good Phil two fish native let me should let me show with you Let me show it to you [before] I I read off the ingredients [air] looks like a poop. Yeah, it’s like a white Yeah, why it’s pope have a look here guys that is the time-honoured go phil [two] fish, okay? Now. Let’s see. What’s in here. [I]? Mean nothing we don’t really don’t have the technology yet to pass on the smell there, but It’s disgusting water Carp Whitefish egg whites Mullet and light a meal You pike so what the fuck there’s like every kind of fish in here yeah, and then my favorite ingredient Carob seed gum And of course natural flavorings, it’s not as formal It’s like the neighbors can smell it too like damn that pussy stink boys feel like damn [that] pussy stank is no, oh [COUGHS] Why are we doing this it’s for thanksgiving. No, it’s time on our traditions ah Oh, God, we need to move after this Yeah, this is it. We’re moving guys We’re moving back to L.A. we have to move all the way across the country get rid of the smell one two three [shoot] us Yeah, you got it. [yeah], you’re gonna eat it alright. Let’s do it shoenice [the] worst thing I’ve never seen you so [quiet]. [oh] my God Anyone who honestly [it’s] thing needs to be evaluated We’re gonna have to play to my mouth no, it’s probably healthier to put bleach [in] your mouth, then you put this shit We need two psychiatrists lined up outside of [supermarkets] to evaluate people who eat this This is the first sign of mental illness when people buy this shit from the grocery store There’s to be fucking red sirens at NSA headquarters to track these people down Okay, can we end this and go brush? Thank you guys so much for joining us here and spending a little bit of your thanksgiving day with us It’s been a pleasure. Thank [you] guys for [everything] you do for us [400,000] subscribers is just it’s honestly a miracle and on this thanksgiving day we have so much to give thanks to and most of all by far is having you guys a big family for us and We just love you so much, so thanks coming and watching us suffer here on thanksgiving and we hope you have [a] great Happy Thanksgiving in remember guys to be thankful for everything you’ve got in your life There’s got to be something And if you think you’re dinner suck, just look at what we this is our actual Thanksgiving here Fucking said that is brutal remember guys no matter. How [shitty] your life is okay. This was our actual Thanksgiving away. That’s better than gefilte fish Whatever you’re eating. It’s better than this so happy thanksgiving. We love you. Thank you for [everything] guys and Papa bus bow our heads in Reverence guys Papa bus

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Comments

  1. LOL "Most people eat sweet potatoes with gravy on top" lol you put marshmallow on top. poor hila

  2. Just ruined thanksgiving for this poor woman for life. THE GREATEST HOLIDAY FOOD WITHOUT A DOUBT! One day she's going to sit down to a homemade masterpiece of thanksgiving and she's going to have ptsd flashbacks of this "food"

  3. I get this is a joke but when you introduce this to somebody for the first time you don't introduce cranberry sauce solo you have to mix it with other Foods that's how you show it off to somebody for the first time or it totally ruins the experience

  4. The trick to good stuffing is a mix of ground turkey (about 1/2 by volume), croutons, grated apple (not much), chicken broth and right mix of herbs & spices. One thanksgiving we didnt have bread so we threw in croutons and it was the best turkey ever. stuffing was better than the turkey. sometimes if you add a few dried sweetened cranberries its better just dont add fresh ones.

    Happy early Canadian Thanksgiving

  5. That canned cranberry sauce is sorta the American equivalent of Vegemite. Any American will tell you it’s bomb, and the rest of the world thinks it’s the most revolting thing in the world

  6. I’ve just discovered Ethan and hila and I’ve been binging hard but this is the first bad video. Ethan how could you give her crappy stuffing? You gotta get the Marie calendars 📆 corn bread stuffing! Plus you gotta throw in almonds and cranberries for the crunch and yummm! Also whoooooo puts gravy on sweet potatoes 🍠 ??? You need to bake em and lay that mellow (marsh ) smellows on em!! No digs on that cranberry, I like my jelly smooth on t day! But I really hope you’ve improved since this thanksgiving man!! God bless! Papa, mama and baby T!

  7. What's good is if you mash the sweet potatoes up put it in a cake pan cook it for 20 minutes then take it out and put some marshmallows on it and cook it for like 3 more minutes its fucking delish my dood

  8. "It looks like someone had there last shot on earth you know what I mean." No I don't know what the fuck the last shit on earth would be like

  9. I’m from the UK And I’ve always wondered because isn’t thanksgiving dinner basically Christmas dinner D; ? The turkey, cranberry sauce. That’s a whole lotta turkey BOI

  10. I love cranberry sauce even IN the can lol. I'll eat ot straight out the can lol. Secondly, you cant feed Hila, of all people, Thanksgiving (or any) food out of the can and expect her to like it, Ethan!! Im sure u knew that and that this is just a goof. But, im sure she would actually really like real, home cooked Thanksgiving food!! None a that canned shit !!

  11. Yeah try being poor as hell and u have to grow up eating certain shit like what you're eating in this vid. Not everyone gets paid and famous from stupid ass pointless videos. Fools

  12. Ethan justifying every nasty dish he brings out by saying “it’s a time honored tradition” is literally the most American thing ever

  13. 1:50 HAHAHA, you're supposed to eat that with turkey like a condiment hahah. this is like watching people eat ketchup like Tomato soup

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