How Important is Marriage? | Sadhguru


Welcome to Sync Mind. For a Better Experience,
Please Use Headphones. See, you need to understand
the institution of marriage. It’s about bringing a certain sanctity to the simple basic needs
that every human being has. There are physical needs, there are psychological needs, there are economic needs, emotional needs, social needs, variety of needs. To fulfill all these things we set up an institution
called marriage where all these can be conducted
in a sensible manner, otherwise if we did it on the streets
like every other creature it would turn ugly for us. And we will feel not good about it. So, to bring some sense of organization, some aesthetic, some stability, because man and woman coming together naturally brought fresh life. It is… compared to any other creature, it is the most helpless life which needs maximum amount of support. You could leave a puppy on the street; As long as he gets food, he grows up into a good dog, no problem. But not so with a human
being; He doesn’t need just physical support, he
needs variety of support and above all the stable situation. Whether there should be
marriage in society or not one will debate when they are eighteen because physical body is asking for freedom, all right. At that time everybody questions – is marriage really needed,
why can’t we just live whichever way we want? But when you are three years of age you valued marriage immensely, a stable marriage immensely. Isn’t it so? Yes or no? Again when you become forty-five,
fifty you’re hundred percent for marriage between and eighteen and thirty-five
you’re questioning the whole process. Because where the physical body is dominant, at that time if you give in to that then it will question every institution. This is hormone fired freedom okay. Your intelligence has
been hijacked by hormones, so you question the
fundamentals of everything. I’m not saying
marriage is the thing but do you have a better alternative? If you have a better
alternative, damn the marriage but you have not come
up with a better alternative because a stable situation is a must
for a child. Once you have a child
it’s a twenty year project. Your whims and fancies will
change, your emotions will change; If that is what it is, don’t
get into such situations. It’s not compulsory for
everybody to get married, it’s good young you were saying people are
thinking whether to get married. I’m glad… it is not necessary for everybody but if you get into it and if you especially if you get into
children you must understand, it’s a minimum twenty year project whether you like it or you don’t like it. Otherwise you shouldn’t
get into those projects, you don’t walk into a project, drop
it half way and walk away, isn’t it? It’s your choice but at least choose consciously. You don’t have to get married
because everybody is getting married, you don’t have to talk about
marriage and divorce in same breath as if they come together. This is a completely an American idea, you’re
thinking of marriage and divorce together nobody thought of divorce
in this country till recently, isn’t it? So, if it happens, if something happens something truly went wrong between
two people and they have to separate that will any way inevitably happen. You don’t have to plan
it at the time of wedding. Why should you ever talk about
marriage and divorce in one breath? It’s a crime See, when you say love, your experience of love means, you feel certain sweetness
of emotion within yourself. Either by looking at this person
or this person or this person, we don’t know who stimulates this in you? It doesn’t matter who helped you. But essentially it
happened within you, isn’t it? It’s wonderful that you are
experiencing such sweetness of emotion, stimulated by somebody. You are using the other person as a key to open up an experience
within you essentially. I am asking you, why are you using a key when there is no lock,
when there is no door, when there is no any kind of barrier? It is just that you are a push-start machine. I am asking, would you like
to upgrade your technology that you are on self-start? If you wake up in the morning, you are overflowing with
joy and love and exuberance, by yourself. You don’t need anybody to stimulate you. It’s very important you
are a self-start machine. Otherwise, after some time, you try to extract happiness
from the other person. That is when these love affairs
become tedious and horrible, because you are trying to extract
happiness from the other person. No. Life should be like this. When it comes to joy, when it comes to love, when it comes to exuberance of life, you must be the source of this. Isn’t it? You must be the source of this. Well, other things are shared in life. There are two ways to enter into a relationship. One way is because you want to
extract something from somebody. Another way is because you want
to share something with somebody. These are two ways. If you are out to share, your life will be good. If you are out to extract, when they close the tap, it’s going to get terrible and nasty. You have seen people who
thought they are absolute lovers, how terrible it becomes for many of them. Not because there’s anything wrong with them. Simply because you started
off on the wrong footing, thinking this person is the source of my joy. No, no, no. Joy or misery, the source is within you. Yes or no? Whether it’s joy or misery, the source is within you.
(Applause) It’s for you to decide. If you are a joyful human being, they will also want to be with you. If you are in misery, they
will endure you for some time. So, ‘I love you’ for a whole lot of people is like that you know, open sesame you want to get something; Maybe your needs are physical, psychological, emotional, financial, social… or we don’t know what else. You have needs to fulfill, so, you use this mantra and it works. Half the time it works, okay. I am saying it’s important… it is important you know the joy of being loving because sweetness of
emotion is needed for you, if you want to take really big steps in your life. If you do not have sweetness
of love in your heart, believe me, if you try to take big steps in
the world, particularly in India, you will end up frustrated and go to Canada. In Canada, you meet only moose in most of the country,
so, it’s okay (Laughs). See, Marriage is not a commodity that you carry on your head, but many people carry it on their head. It’s just an arrangement, so that socially, there is some sense to the way you fulfill the needs that you have. A human being has needs physical, psychological, emotional, financial, social, various kinds of needs. To fulfill these things
in a dignified manner, we came up with something called marriage, so that… it is fulfilled within a framework, your desires don’t run wild and disturb everything in the society, some kind of a framework so that… it can be conducted in a sensible manner. Now you have raised this to heaven because somebody told you, “Marriages are made in heaven”. Only the unmarried ones think so. So it’s just two people, all right? Now, spiritual process
is about turning inward. Can I turn inward with somebody else? Marriage is an arrangement to
fulfill certain aspect of your life. Don’t complicate life by thinking, “We will walk together
on the spiritual path.” There is no such thing because… spiritual path is not… (Laughs) not the path that you take into the Velliangiri Mountains, that you want to walk together.
Even if you go to Velliangiri Mountains, please don’t walk hand-in-hand. It’s a narrow pathway and it’s not an
appropriate way to walk in the forest. You can walk in the park hand-in-hand. You can go shopping hand-in-hand. You can sit in a cinema hand-in-hand. You can’t turn inward hand-in-hand. Does it mean to say someone who is married, what it ma… Let’s understand this. Someone who is married means someone who’s made an official
arrangement for their needs in life. A formal arrangement for simple needs that a human being has, which are biological,
which are psychological, which are social, many things. So, these arrangements that you have made, conduct these arrangements gracefully, so there will be time and
space for you to turn around. If you pay excess attention
to these arrangements, then turning around will not be possible. This does not mean if
you are alone, you will do it. If you are alone, you
may be always looking out. You will spend your entire time and life looking out for somebody. That will also not help. If you think your desires, your longings and your needs can be well handled by
an arrangement of marriage all right. Don’t try to raise it to heaven. It doesn’t happen in heaven, believe me. And if heaven is making so many mistakes, then we will have to seriously
reconsider many things (Laughs). So, of course in India, we don’t blame it on the heaven. We do our own calculations. Of all the arrangements of
stars and planets and everything, we match all the planets and stars very well. It’s very easy to match stars
because they never fought ever. But to match these two people that nobody has managed, except those two people if they are sensible. If they are sensible, they can manage it. Nobody else can match these two people. Priests have tried, gods have tried, ghosts and goblins have tried, it’s not worked and not
worked and not worked. Two sensible people, they can manage. If both of them understand the limitations of the arrangement and the possibilities of the arrangement, they can conduct it sensibly. If you try to raise it to heaven, you will see it will for sure crash. So, your marriage has nothing
to do with your spiritual process because your spiritual
process is an inward journey. But… one dimension of this is… to walk alone, people falter. Actually, this question was
asked to Gautama the Buddha, “Is it better to walk alone or in company?” Gautama looked and said, “It’s better to walk alone
than to walk with a fool”.

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Comments

  1. Marriage is a big NO in California. After 10 years of marriage and when or if the female decide to divorce you, she is allowed to get life time alimony. Plus, you risk of being alienated from your kids. Been there, done that and lost everything. Never get the government involved in your life. Thats just my opinion.

  2. Hmm it's really very deep analysis of married life 👌👌thank you so much Sadguru ji 🙏🏻🙏🏻❤
    Bt today marriage is a contract actually, n people with such mind will never get this deep meaning n it's importance …

  3. Marriages are made in heaven and endured on earth! Marriage is the best institution. As per Hindu tradition it is the meeting of man and woman for carrying out the religious functions. It is not a contract as in some religions.

  4. Seems like United States of America is a country looked up too, but honestly America has so many issues and we’re spreading those issues to other countries. I admire Indian culture so much. You guys think we’re rich and got it all together. I believe that you are rich in areas that truly matter. India should be looked up to.

  5. In European countries it's a crime,
    Wimen only use man for easy life and take all your finances and dignity of a man, R.I.P

  6. Being prepared for divorce is acknowledging people are human and have human needs… financial needs… emotions rise during separations and especially with children involved there should be an agreement.

  7. Feminism hasn't ruined marriage, men not knowing how to be good men and good husbands have ruined the institution of marriage. No woman goes into a marriage hoping to become a divorcee with a dude's children whom she's no longer with…

  8. Marriage or any other DEEP subject needs to be analysed COMPREHENSIVELY and not in isolation.

    It is said that a man had fever and he went to a doctor. Doctor prescribed some tests. When the test reports came, the honest and good doctor who is concerned about his patients said, "You have viral fever. But you have cancer too".

    The patient became ANGRY and said, "Doctor, I came to you for fever. Give treatment for fever only. Don't talk about anything else other than fever. Confine your treatment to fever only. Don't get yourselves unnecessarily into other diseases".

    The patient doesn't seem to be a wise person as he saw fever in isolation. But the doctor is a WISE person as he took the health of a patient/ fever comprehensively (holistically), and not in isolation. That is the DIFFERENCE between a dumb fellow and an expert.

    Marriage is NOT a simple thing. It is rather one of the MOST complex things in human existance from first man and woman.

    The institution of marriage should NOT be analysed in isolation as if it is a matter BETWEEN two individuals, say a man and woman. (Nowadays, some countries, states, courts etc have approved same-sex marriage. But that is a different matter and it's goodness or unacceptabilty is to be discussed separately).

    In marriage, not one, but two people are INVOLVED. It is a LIFE-TIME thing, not a one day or a few months or a few years matter (unless there IS a divorce).

    The children, grand children, both parents, relatives, nation, wars, society etc are INVOLVED in a marriage. And EVERYTHING has to be taken into account while discussing about institution of marriage, though the PRIME players are two.

    I heard that EVEN wandering sanyasis (godmen)/ gurus/ spiritual-men DEPEND on a family that COOKS food and feeds them in those days (unless he doesn't require food).

    A sanyasi (male or female) DO NOT have a house or family (in THOSE OLDEN days. Presently, sanyasis of some religions have a house and family).

    Sanyasis don't stay in a FIXED place, normally moving from one place to another. Sanyasis don't have vessels and don't cook too. They carry only ONE plate for eating and ONE glass for drinking water (and two cloths, one pair of foot-wear and a stick only).

    They eat food provided or donated by a family. Even animals (domesticated) like cows, goats, sheep, dogs etc are dependent on institution of marriage or family.

    The marriage or family has to be STRONG to sustain sanyasis, poor, aged, handicapped etc.,

    Breaking a family is EASY by quoting irrepairable differences. Some experts say that there is no social pressure or peer pressure for husband or wife to stay TOGETHER.

    A dovorcee man or woman has no disapproval of society as in olden days. Both can become independent (economically or otherwise). But their social AND physical needs of both partners are NOT met as Sadhguru mentioned. And what about children/ grand children/ grand parents who need emotional strength and company of husband/ wife for their mental and physical well being? Money is not everything.

  9. Elephant babies are also helpless when.they are born. They don't get born with pre know ledge, they have to learn everything and they get teacher by their family. Elephants have proven to have a sense of self and their memory is undefeated. Their dendroids are not as numerous in.branches but they are incredible.long. Sorry English is not my first language so some words may be spelled wrong.

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