How To Stay Married: Steve Snaps Back!

– So please welcome back
the author of my favorite book If You’re In My Office,
It’s Already Too Late. (audience applause) James Sexton everybody. We got some folks in the audience. We’ve got some folks in
the audience who have some relationship questions,
so let’s just get right to it. Katrina what’s your question for James? – Well James, we’ve been
together for eight years. I mean, married for eight
years, together for 14. But he’s got a major
addiction to video games. He’s a big time gamer,
doesn’t come to bed. Sits up six hours playing the game, and I have a very important
birthday coming up. I’ll be 50 in about three weeks. (audience applause) And so I want him to
pull out all the stops. I want him to go really hard
for me for this birthday. So how can I get him to be more romantic and do something fun
that I can remember for this 50th birthday I want. – So tell me, how do you feel
when you’re playing the game, and you’re right in it, how do you feel? – It depend on if I’m winning or losing. – [James] You’re winning. – If I’m winning, I’m excited
till she come and be like trying to shut it down. – Okay, okay, but let’s
focus on how you feel. When you’re playing the game,
you said you feel excited, how else do you feel? You feel like a winner? – Victorious, yeah. – Okay. When he’s playing the game,
you’re in the other room. You’re thinking about
spending time with him, you want his attention. How do you feel? – Neglected.
– [James] Okay, how else? – Like he should dedicate more time, romantic time to me,
not just late at night. – [James] But I want to know
inside, how do you feel? So you said you feel neglected, sad, okay. You love this woman right? – Yeah.
– Okay, I know when you’re playing those video games you’re not sitting there going, I’m gonna sit here and make
her feel neglected and sad. Right, you’re doing it
because you want to feel those things you want to feel. You just described, you
want to feel excited, you want to feel like you’re
good at something, right? You have to figure out if
you can, ways to make him feel those same feelings
in the marriage, right? And in the activities he does with you. And you have to figure
out ways to still enjoy this thing you enjoy then don’t leave her feeling neglected and sad
or any of those things. (applause) – I try to get her to play with me. (laughs) – You know what, that’s not a bad idea. It’s not a bad idea to
bring somebody in to things they love so much–
– She’s never played no damn video games.
– so much, there’s something you love so much, pull her into
some of the things you love. You’re shaking your head
at me, I can see it coming. – She don’t want to play
no video games with you. – No sir, no sir. – Your wife will be
turning 50 and she wants you to go hard for that date. She don’t see that
happening cause you gonna be in your man cave, go ahead. – Cause I might have a game that day. – You might have a game that day? – See I play a season. – Bro, okay, no. See right now, see, I’m glad you said that cause now I don’t have to hold back. (applause) Cause see, what you just said to me, what you just said to
me was just ignorant. Your wife’s 50th birthday coming, but you might have a game that day. But you really ain’t got no game that day. (applause) Here’s what I think should happen. You should have play days. You should have days where she leaves you to play the video games till
you feel like coming to bed. And she should have play
days where you should be her husband. – Mm I like that. – You should be romantic. Her play days might
have something involved. I know she got some things that
the video games don’t have. (laughs) – Anytime I think about a problem that a person thinks is a problem, I try to flip it a little bit. So think about it this way,
what if you had the opposite problem, what if you had the
problem a lot of men have. Probably some men in this audience have. Where they had a wife who didn’t
care when you come to bed. They don’t care if you want
to spend the whole weekend playing video games,
because they got plenty of other stuff to do and they don’t want anything to do with you. Think about that problem,
if you had that problem that’s a problem you
would never want to have. You have a problem, you
know what the problem is? You have a wife who wants
to spend time with you. You have a wife who just says she wants you to come to bed. – So James, so let me ask you this. So what you saying, man, is if he had the direct opposite where she didn’t care when he came to bed, cause
she’s somewhere else. She having play dates. – Having a great time. – Maybe it’s somebody that already want to spend time with her. – Absolutely.
– He don’t have that problem right now. – How does that feel now? What we’re talking about,
how does that problem feel? – I don’t. – Probably worst than losing
the video game championship. – Yeah. I think we’re on to something. Katrina Morell good luck. We’ll be right back with
more marriage questions and more solutions from James Sexton. Don’t go away.

About the author


  1. That is so sad. There are many adult males ( probably females also) that have this addiction to video games. Some have allowed it to cause serious problems in their marriage/ relationship. Although this is common, it is definitely not normal. Anytime you can put a game above or before your relationships with other human beings, especially a spouse, you have a serious problem. Get professional help now!

  2. His wife out here 50years old looking 35 he wants to play video games all night? He better be careful she doesn't find someone else to spend time with. Talk about not knowing what he has….

  3. This is where Steve is not a therapist. The guest was actually using technique and Steve disrupted the build up

  4. This is where Steve is not a therapist. The guest was actually using technique and Steve disrupted the build up

  5. I wouldn't trust too much that guy author of a book, the first answer he gave that couple seems like came out of his ass, then after Steve gave them his opinion he change his mind and he tried to come with a much better answer like the fist one he did, too sad.

  6. why should anyone have to give up what they really enjoy doing? did he play when she first met him? I'm thinking compromise here, resentment will build up if he has to give up his games; and she should have a hobby all her own too, and playing with him on those games will do a lot for both of you; my partner loves to write, so he bought a laptop, so now we are in the same room, he is doing his writing and I am playing World of Warcraft 🙂 we talk, and we share with each other, you both need to find a way to be together while doing what you both enjoy 🙂


  8. I play video games and me and my girlfriend are fine. It's about time management. Work it out champ. If it worked for me, it can work for you.

  9. 365 1/4 days out of the year. 1 50th birthday out of a lifetime. You might have game that day ? You play your game. I'll play with your wife. And, don't worry I'll send her home with a big smile on her face the next day.

  10. That’s sad, the husband is addicted to gaming. He needs help but he doesn’t even realise he has a problem

  11. Steve's expressions are cracking me up. That divorce lawyer missed the mark. But husband wasn't buying Steve's advice.

  12. 50 years girl??????? Waaaau you look amazingly younger 👌👌👌👏👏👏👏🔥🔥🔥🔥

  13. I would’ve submerged that whole system underwater. People have it backwards. We monopolize items when we should cherish people.

  14. The other side of this dude's life better be a job like investment banker because.. What is the point of a husband like that?? Is there such a thing as "resting Dufus face"?? Geez

  15. Any addiction is bad. This guy looks like he reaaly didnt want to be there…. Probly missing his game 😆 I think he needs more than advice…. Mental Therapy.

  16. Bro…you gotta let that old thing go. Pu$$y 🐱 b4 video games 🎮. Your wife more important than a video game and if you didn't think so then you should not have proposed. You can put that ish down 5 out if 7 days to make her a priority. Brush up on the sociak skills for a person who loves you.

  17. Here is something I don't agree with and people who don't play videos games will never understand he's not putting nothing over her she has a choice to join him in his world and try to understand why he likes it what he's doing women do not wait on us try to understand us the same way you want us to be involved in what you like try what we like it makes him feel happier than when he's playing the game if you have a partner that likes video games, anime or other thing try them it won't hurt because you might end up liking one because you may not like every genre of movies but you will like one there are many genres of video games

  18. Grown *ss man playing video games like a boy?? I bet some man would like to be his replacement. I have a husband who watches hours and hours of movies and is continually on social media surfing net, comes to bed with his laptop to continue on doing same..hour after hour…"present, but not present". Now he is out doing his thing and I am home alone….not much longer.

  19. This fool! He’s too immature to see his wife’s worth. He won’t miss her till she’s gone, it’s only a matter of time unless he changes.

  20. @UCX8fJA8jEzNHLVUNIkunKXA Please, NEVER hold back by being nice!!!…We want the RAW truth!!! Sometimes these couple need a rude wake-up call because dysfunction has become their norm and the cycle MUST be broken.

  21. @UCX8fJA8jEzNHLVUNIkunKXA Please, NEVER hold back by being nice!!!…We want the RAW truth!!! Sometimes these couple need a rude wake-up call because dysfunction has become their norm and the cycle MUST be broken.

  22. Lol I find it funny sometimes all these comments laughing at ppl who play video games because it’s lazy yet you guys sit and watch tv/Netflix for hours on end at least in the video games it’s challenging not just sitting there brain dead come on ppl use ur brain

  23. Sooooo nobody is gonna ask this grown ass man why he’s still playing video games all the damn time?? He acts more like her son than a husband

  24. It’s called addiction,and she let him get away with it, 6 hours on a game what a waist of life!!!!

  25. Regret would be when people get sick or die , what's more important at this present moment? Playing video games ?

  26. Put on some heels, lace underware, grab the control and show him how the game is really played. If that does not get his attention, then he is not worth it.

  27. Sorry but I hate man who play videogames, I hate.
    A smart beautiful woman with a idiot man. Sorry for her.

  28. What a fool, what makes him think this chick cant walk out of that marriage. When you take your woman for granted their still single men like me who can still pump your woman.

  29. So there is a tendency among the comments saying the player looks stupid and slow… Well, that is what video games do to you.

  30. I love video games and even I know that I gotta turn it off to play the real game. There's no video game that's better than a woman's touch or voice.

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