I lost money when I got married [CC]

Hello lovely people! This tuesday my wonderful wife and I celebrated our three year anniversary [transition sound] [soft acoustic guitar music] [singing] I lose my breath whenever I see you [continued singing] you stole my heart what is it that you do my life was grey, till you added colour [transition sound] what, you didn’t think there would be a cheesy montage? trust me, I have more where that came from we actually have an entire Instagram dedicated to our love it’s called @jessieandclaud, follow if you enjoy adorable and occasionally quite cheesy lesbians I say occasionally, but… we met in 2014, the year that same-sex marriage, which – by the way – is just called marriage, became legal but this video is actually about marriage equality in that sense although, here’s another wedding photo no, today I’m actually going to tell you about how I was made to choose between marrying the woman I love, or half my income because, as a disabled person I was penalised for getting married [angry] hmmmm because apparently disabled people don’t count as full humans in their own right we’re just meant to be other people’s burdens subscribe if you too enjoy getting angry at the government because I have all too polite British rage, and I need to smile-scream my way through it I should preface this video by saying that I’m both very British and very privileged, obviously I was able to marry the love of my life despite us both being women we weren’t shunned or arrested when we came out and I’ve never been in fear of my life from homophobic idiots because, let’s be honest here, homophobia is merely a lack of information and education we’re not coming for you, homophobes relax I’m also very privileged, as you’ll find out at the end of my story because I didn’t end subsequently starved to death spoiler: I’m still alive [bell sound] I met Claudia a week before I graduated from university in fact we had our second date the night before my graduation ceremony I already knew that I liked her so much going to that date with her was more important than resting up for the next day or curling my hair for the ceremony it was obvious that there’s something special and electric about her and our connection just made my heart clench everytime I thought of her and caught the breath in my throat when she was nearby throughout my final year of university which I had been doing part-time so I could manage my disability and poor health better I’ve been working for a local TV station that was just set up in my city it wasn’t a lot of work, just kind of the odd filming or presenting job here and there for new segments that would then go out online and add just kind of tastes of the programs to come the station planned to go live about a month after my graduation and they’d offered me a guaranteed job with them which was amazing! I was leaving university and walking straight into a media job that I really wanted I had always wanted to go into broadcast whether that be in front or behind of the camera or probably both I love creating stories in a really kind of visual format hi, Youtube whether that’s fiction or documentary I- I’m working on becoming the next Lucy Worsley I just can’t tell you anything yet well, that is such a niche reference please tell me if you’re also a Lucy Worsley fan so I don’t feel like a loner anyway, I knew I didn’t have all the skills yet I want to get better at editing and filming and timing and presenting, obviously and I loved the idea of being out in the workforce having work friends having a place that I went to every day and did – *work* since getting ill as a teenager I’d kind of just assumed that wasn’t ever going to be an option for me and to be fair at one point I thought that living wasn’t going to be an option for me so the TV station: it was really small and really…underfunded but I knew that it was a great starting point they were also really flexible and didn’t mind when I said that I could only work part-time they also…didn’t pay me which was…not excellent so I went from being a student, with a student maintenance loan which is a thing that pays for your food and your rent while you’re a student but you then have to pay it back with interest and a maintenance grant, which is money you don’t have to pay back because the government realised that not all of us start on a level playing field and those of us who have further to run up the hill need better shoes aye, being a disabled student is even more expensive than the normal financial drain that is further education I wasn’t paid for my work at the TV station for the first four months I think and my only source of income was my disability allowance which I had been receiving since I was seventeen and was – I think at that time – about £250 for the care side and £350 for mobility so that’s about £600 altogether and my rent was £500 a month so I had £25 a week for food, bills, including council tax, and disabled body maintenance stuff including caffeine and toiletries, which I get through really quickly and you don’t need to know why let’s just take a moment to point out that the food I needed to buy as someone on a medically restricted diet that mainly involves protein – it’s really expensive I started with money left over from my student loan and grants that kind of kept me going for a while but I had to cut out a lot of things, including my physiotherapy sessions, that cost- I think around £60 a week and yes, you don’t get physiotherapy from the NHS when you have a long-term health condition joy I sound royal, but please don’t assume my parents paid for everything thank you I know that there are a lot of people who do a lot with far less and they are amazing humans but I wasn’t on top of things, and I couldn’t be it’s not really possible to meal-plan, when you are unable to get off the floor for half the day and are not entirely sure what day it is anyway honestly, I’m filming this and I have no idea what day or time it is I also had the hurdle of being not very able to walk great distances and thus struggling with public transport so I tended to take taxis to work, and unfortunately, taxis are really expensive shocker the taxi thing though – it seems like such a luxury to some people, and I completely understand that but at the time, I didn’t have a full-time carer, I didn’t have a partner, I didn’t have someone with me 24/7 and you can say “Oh, Jessica, you seem fine and rational now!” I do, cause I don’t film when I’m not doing well! but I do still have to live looks can be deceiving, my voice is deceiving, my ability to list the kings of England is deceiving I have chronic fatigue, a broken body and brain damage, I’m not great at looking after myself I would get hungry, realise I hadn’t eaten in 12 hours use the bus, to somehow wander to a shop, but be so exhausted by the time I got there that I could not remember why I was there, or what was going on or why my feet hurt so damn much so I get upset, which…was not helpful and I’d have to get myself a diet coke, which does help and sit down for a bit so that I could pull myself together and then walk around the shop and kind of collect random but cheap things and by the time I got to the till I would be drained and my feet would have turned inwards and be purple and I’d be in terrible pain, and I’d *know* that getting the bus right back was the “right” thing to do but I just couldn’t do that to myself so I called a taxi, my, what a luxury but then, Claudia started to come into my life more, and she, along with a friend, helped me to set up housing benefit where the government helps you to pay for your rent and I think they covered £350 of the 500 so I only had to pay £150 a month from my rent I also started to get paid by the TV company, the grand total of £500 a month which probably worked out to about £3 an hour yeah, I was rolling in the dough to supplement my earnings, I was signed up to a program called ESA Employment Support Allowance, this is an out-of-work benefit for people who are too ill or disabled to be in work there are two groups you can be classified into: one where you’re expected to be looking for a job, and one where they just assume that you’ll never be able to have a job ever I was classed into the second group, which was a relief, because otherwise I’d have to attend classes at my local job centre, and show that every day I had actively tried to get a job by emailing companies handing in my CV or going door to door and asking for work, which- what even?! you already know the person is ill, why are you expecting them to also be able to be using all of their energy searching for a job that they won’t be able to handle and you know they won’t because you already booked them on the benefit in the first place! the government is full of painful and gaping loopholes in order to receive my ESA allowance of £480 a month, I was encouraged to take on a part-time job, but told I wasn’t allowed to work more than – I think – 16 hours a week or to earn more than £500 a month after these changes and my bills I probably had £150 a week which made me feel rather flush and very fancy but to be fair, everything feels amazing after living on £25 a week, it’s not hard to feel rich after that the only problem was: these benefits were all conditional on my remaining single were I to move in with someone officially, or even have a person in my life for a period of time – I think it’s like a year – then I would be classed as no longer single and lose all of these new benefits why, you may ask? oh, well capitalism is inherently ableist when people who do not rely on benefits, and can we just point out that disability benefits exist because being disabled is actually really bloody expensive and that’s why part of the British Disability Benefit is not means tested, because you could be a millionaire but you’re still going to encounter costs that are forced upon you by an unequal society and it is only right that the balance is adressed! when people that do not rely on government benefits get married, they often qualify for new and positive things like tax breaks, lower car insurance premiums, health care savings the ability to speak for each other in legal situations genuinely, one of my cousins got married, cause she had a car crash, and then realised that – wow – her boyfriend of 15-something years wasn’t actually allowed to talk to the doctors however, when disabled people get married, they are faced with losing life-saving resources and this stretches all the way back to the eugenics movement oh yes, I’m taking it there between the 1920s and the 70s in America, more than 60.000 people with disabilities were forcibly sterilised in the attempt to gradually rid the gene pool of traits that were considered “undesirable” the 1927 Supreme Court decision upholding sterilisation Buck v. Bell has never actually been formally overturned oh yes! that’s still happening! courts in some states continue to accept requests from guardians of people with disabilities for their sterilisation the Supplemental Security Income – SSI – a federal program meant for Americans with disabilities with limited resources or over the age of 65 is only available to couples with $3.000 or less in assets and that is a cap set in 1989 30 years ago! and has not risen with inflation you could probably buy a house for that back then okay, I don’t actually know that much about the American property market in regards to real estate and inflation but I do know for sure that £3.000 is not as much now, as it was then and – fun fact – if two people receiving SSI were to get married, their benefits would be reduced by 25% because people are less disabled when they have someone else to be disabled with I suppose? obviously, as I’m from the UK I don’t know that much about the American benefits system, but, in researching it for this video I was shocked to learn about the Disabled Adult Child Program, which is apparently linked to your parent’s work history and entirely disappears upon marriage! wait, what, why? because you were your parent’s burden before and now you’re seemingly someone else’s or just not disabled anymore? why so stupid, program? why? but if you think that’s bad, the Office of Inspetor General and Social Security Administration can determine that a cohabiting couple is “holding out the community as though they are married” i.e. acting like a couple and then strip them their benefits anyway! hm! so you don’t even have to get married to lose everything you just have to act as if you genuinely like each other [gasp] quick, stage a fake fight in public so no one thinks you’re acting like you’re actually married oh no, wait, married couples can do that too, uuuh nevermind look, financial indipendence is important. I don’t want to ask my wife for pocket money for the rest of my life I’m not a 12 year old I want to be an equal part of the relationship, and I want to be able to make my own money, feed myself and not feel like I’m just a burden on everyone around living with a disability is incredibly expensive which is why many disabled people rely on wellfare programs however, to qualify for these wellfare programs, people must remain living in poverty if you make just a litlle money over that cap, then you fall in this grey area of making too much to be to be helped for free, but not actually enough to pay for the help yourself the disabled community has an unemployment rate of 18% it is utterly and patently ridiculous to include a partner’s income into ourown and why is it a terrible idea to boil a person down to their financial contribution to society and assume that the non-disabled people in their life are capable, both emotionally and practically of caring for another adult? well, currently half of disabled people are abused by a partner or family member so clearly it’s not a great idea when you make someone, who likely already has problems leaving the house independently financially dependent on another person, you are cutting off their only chance of escape should things go wrong and you’re also bringing the incredible awkward element into the relationship that is dependency when a non-disabled person marries someone with a disability, they have to consider not only if they love us or not, but also whether they’re just up to the financial and emotional challenge of having to provide for someone else we all have baggage, but some bags are elephant-sized trunks so back to my story though in Rome, on my 26th birthday 4 months after meeting her, Claudia proposed to me as we watched the sun set over the Colloseum did my financial situation make me think twice about saying yes to her? [chuckles] no, did it hell [laughs] of course not, I cried, and I was too overwhelmed to even say yes so I just nodded alot and we kissed and I thought I was gonna die from happiness [sniffles] cause like I said I have the overwhelming privilege of my soulmate being someone not only makes enough money to support two adults, but also is a wonderful human being who I knew would never use that against me. I knew I was safe with her. by the time the wedding came around my job at the TV station had ended due to “creative differences” more commonly known as: YOU OVERWORK ME AND DON’T PAY ME but it was actually- it wasn’t fully my choice so… and then came the most wonderful day of my life September 3rd 2016 beforehand we used to be very dismissive of people who said that their wedding day was *the best day of their life* and I just like to say that the day I met Claudia was actually the best day of my life but our wedding day was also pretty fabulous, because it was the start of our marriage and honestly being married to Claudia is the best thing that I have ever experienced since we’re in our marriage I was cut off from my ESA – that’s the benefit for being too disabled to have a job – plus any help with housing had already gone and I was back to just my disability allowance of £600 a month but minus the mobility component now so it was £250 a month to live on [sighs] but this time, I had Claudia taking care of paying bills and buying food and also driving me places yay! thank god for that I also lost acces to free prescriptions, because Claudia made above the minimum wage and [deep breath] that…has absolutely nothing to do with how much medication I take daily to survive, but.. sure but what if she hadn’t been able to make enough money by herself to cover the two of us? well then not only would we have not been able to get married we wouldn’t have been able to even live together we would have had to make the choice between being able to eat and being with the person we love and sidenote: we’re kinda addicted to each other it’s a choice that people are forced to make every day and not just disabled people, families who live below the poverty line are often forced to live separately or else be unable to feed their children and how is that in the best interest of anyone? I spoke earlier about dependency, and it’s not just a big domestic abuse angle that you have to look at, but also little things too I have many times have to face the uncomfortable situation of being out for dinner with Claudias friends or family, and everyones pulls out their cards to pay and she has to cover me, and everyone’s kind of aware that I can’t actually pay for myself or, having to ask for money to buy socks, even I’m a freaking adult! stupid capitalism it cuts you up inside! but then, slowly, and then quickly [laughs] my YouTube channel took off and now I make my own money and I can buy socks whenever I want! and treat my wife to lovely dinners and pay for my own medication and not have to panic that at any moment the government are going to come and tell me off and cutting off the money that is keeping me alive every ad, that you’re watching my videos, every merch item purchased every Kofi donation, everyone’s signed up to Kellgren-Fozard-Club – and I’m especially grateful to you for providing me with a regular monthly income – helps me to be my own independent person and it is hard to talk about money when you’re British so this is – this whole video has been very challenging for me erm, and it is also difficult to talk about money on the internet when you make your money through the internet but please know that I’m so incredibly grateful to all of you thank you. for helping me to live my happy life to the best of my ability please share your own stories and what the situation is like in your country in the comments below subscribe if you haven’t already and I shall see you in my next video thank you again [blows kiss] [outro music]

About the author


    Thank you so much for watching and for being such an amazingly supportive online family. Please share your stories too <3 xxx

  2. … you were not “penalized” for getting married. The assumption is that when a person gets married, they will share finances with their spouse. This means that now instead of supporting yourself alone, your wife now kind of fills in the gap. The system is like this so that people who live alone and truly do support themselves can get the assistance they need since it isn’t coming from another person.

  3. So I'm late to this, but I only found your channel today so you'll have to forgive me. I completely resonate with everything you've said here, and I'm glad somebody else is mad about it. I am in Eastern Canada and have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (feel free to Google, too long to explain) and I have been fighting not only 26 years to get a diagnosis from a doctor who thinks it's not a real medical condition, but also years to get any kind of financial support. All government support programs are closely held secrets here because they're doing everything they can to avoid the "expense" of I guess… helping people stay alive? What a burden. I've been so far unable to buy medication or assistive devices or you know, underwear (for those who think Canada has "free" medical care, it only covers emergencies and diagnosis, not even life-saving medications are covered). The only reason I'm still around is because my parents let me live in their basement and eat their food, as they're not so fond of me dying from starvation. I've only now been given temporary disability cheques (for my genetic condition… which I will have forever) which are $2.75 more than the monthly rent my parents want me to pay, since obviously it costs money to keep me alive. I've also found out that the cheques in eastern Canada are about HALF of what people get in western Canada. Because… of the exchange rate? No, there's just no reason for it. I could go on forever about how insane it is but you get the gist. Also, hello and I like your channel XD

  4. Hello lovely Jessica! 💙 Thank you so much for this video! 💙 I live in Brighton UK, and I'm homebound almost 2 years because of my Dysautonomia POTS caused by my hEDS. I was too ill to apply for benefits. I'm lucky that I live with my boyfriend and he's taking care of me. I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user, I can walk for 5-10 minutes but that's it. I checked online and I can't apply for PIP according to their check list. You have to fight for your condition everyday and fight for the system which leaves so many disable in a very bad mental state.

  5. We can't buy a house cos the day I married my husband his finance ability was cut in half because I'm too disabled to work but "not sick enough" for the Australian disability pension.
    So I have no form of income and am classed as a dependent (literally like my husbands child) and therefore we can't buy a house 🎉

  6. im from scotland so its a little bit better. not much but a little bit.
    i also do benefits as a job ( i do not work for the dwp please put down the torches and pitch forks, i repeat i do not work for the dwp) but here is a joke for people, that isnt very funny, uni versal credit.

  7. My sweet father bless his heart had to move the Grand Canyon to Phoenix where I lived in Arizona United States so I could help take care of him when he was near the end with cancer he tried to get SSI and was denied because he “wasn’t sick enough” he died two weeks later….. so sad luckily I was making decent money at the time or we would have been screwed. It’s a joke and sad especially since he worked his whole life paying into social security

  8. I came across one of your videos today and have been binging for a few hrs now,. OMG your sense of humour is hilarious. I'm neither gay, nor deaf, not British (Canadian actually), but I am disabled- car accident, broken back, lots of pain and I can relate to the losing your income if you get married. Love the way you bring humour to serious topics- I think it makes people hear what you're saying better, easier to listen when you are so funny. Your videos, well actually you, are so good at explaining your life in such an informative yet funny way. It doesn't hurt that you're beautiful- not a lesbian remember, just a fact. Wanted to say thanks for really entertaining me and sharing so much of yourself with us. You should seriously consider standup comedy.

  9. This is so late, BUT LUCY WORSLEY MY QUEEN OF HISTORY. I simply adore this woman and her new takes and representations of history!

  10. I’m a disabled American. I’m also divorced. I get spousal support. I also have a very small paying job. I’m so glad I found freelance.

  11. Thank you for addressing this. I am bipolar, have anxiety, PCOS, MS, and I’ve been trying for years to even get disability and now I can’t at all because you have to have not been working and I have to right now because my husband was deported, even though he was legal here and I have no one to support me and I’m constantly seeing doctors and I’ve been in the hospital and feeling like crap and trying to function enough to work in between and behind on all my bills constantly. It’s incredibly ridiculous. I’m glad you have someone that can take care of you and that you can be with the person you love with this screwed up system.

  12. It has been a challenge with my partner and I since I became disabled. We entered into our relationship with the understanding that we good friends who will support each other, but money was off the table.

    We agreed to keep our own finances and property. I didn't want to get stuck in a 2nd marriage were I couldn't leave because I didn't have my own money and my family sucks. Being stuck knowing that it would be and out of the frying pan and into the fire moment if I moved back in with family. My partner just likes handling his own finances and never liked the idea of having someone on his account. For those reasons among others under the laws of our home state our relationship doesn't match what the law says is marriage . That meant marriage was off the table from the get go, we live together as friends which works for us.

    I live in fear that one day someone with decide that our relationship is close enough to marriage and he makes enough to take of me on his own. Which he doesn't, his work insurance is a joke, and my meds and doctors bills are more then he makes. But even if he did that wasn't the relationship we agreed to. I had private insurance to cover that (which magically disappeared as soon as I needed it.), and government insurance as back up

    If that happens I'll be screwed, no doctor will even see me as a disabled person unless I'm going through private or government disability. If I don't keep up treatment I'll never be able to get back in with my doctors and they are the only ones in the state that are able to treat me. If I don't keep going to my doctors I'll loose the little bit of coverage I would have kept.

    My best friend and partner would have to basically kick me out of his home so I can get the treatment I need.

    On top of that my income isn't always enough to cover all the things I need so I have to have the shame of asking for money for meds or just skipping them until the next check comes. It is hard not to feel like a burden to the people you care about

  13. England’s healthcare/disability assistance/student loan system seems far from perfect, but my GOD it’s so much better than what we have here in the States. I really feel for disabled folks that live here.

  14. I'm in the us, and if I had figured out how disabled I was getting in 2006 when I started collapsing from EDS and thryoid issues, which eventually progressed to RA and diabetes, I could have gotten SDSI, which is work-based. But it was 10 years after I'd last worked before we figured it out, even though I didn't work that whole time, and since hubby has money and we have property, I get bupkis and we pay $1600 per month for health insurance and he panics if he has even one health expense for himself. We're not poor, and it's still terrifyingly expensive to exist as a disabled person.

  15. Going through the system here in the US to get any sort of disability benefits takes YEARS
    It took my mom some two years of just filing paperwork, getting rejected, getting her case reconsidered, etc until they finally accepted her, only under the condition that she needed somebody else to handle her finances (ie: me). Mind you, she’s not mentally disabled.

    For a period of time she almost was completely rejected because her husband had paid for us to go on an emergency trip to handle my grandpa’s funeral in Lithuania. And also because I have a near full time (minimum wage) job. A job I might have to quit because of my own disabilities.

    But, you know, capitalism works!

  16. I'm a young disabled American, so let me give my background with being disabled and SSI. If you read this, thank you. I know it's long.
    I'm 21 years old, 22 next month. I have been diagnosed with multiple mental and physical health issues. In school, I was in special classes for people unable to function in a normal school environment and ended up dropping out of high school due to my failure to be able to complete physical education (gym class) due to my chronic pain. (I had a note from my doctor telling the teacher I was unable to participate because they didn't know what caused my pain and I was in the middle of testing, but the teacher said she was going to fail me because it was a participation grade and since I wasn't participating, she could fail me.) Anywho, I applied for disability at around 19 years old, after nearly passing out multiple times at my first job. This was 20 hours a week and I was unable to work. I was denied on the basis of my medical history being splotchy and inconsistent. I lost my insurance and was unable to attend any doctors, so that wasn't my fault. I jumped from therapist to therapist because I wasn't being listened to and my doctors were telling me to "just exercise" and my problems would go away. The last time I applied for disability, I applied with a new diagnosis: seizures. I was denied because one year, I went to a fair, so my social anxiety must not be as bad as I told them. I am also able to read, write, and play video games, which they say require too much mental function in order to be too disabled to work, even though all those are things I can do when I feel good enough. I can do it for three minutes and that's all if I want. They equated me having fun to not being disabled.
    I don't know how to end this. All I can say is "proving your disability" shouldn't be a thing.

  17. it is wonderful to hear someone talking about things that have affected me, its the same in Australia and I hope I can be as lucky in love as you are

  18. We have that in America. My family is in the gray area for income. We make just enough to be considered over poverty, but can’t afford health insurance. Sucks!!! Oh and I work in healthcare for hospice actually, I’ve taken care of people who have disabilities that are considered terminal, and have had their Medicaid taken away when they turned 21. They’re still disabled, wtf?!

  19. My fiancé and I are hoping to get married in about a year. However, I am still on my parent's insurance plan because I am still in school. All of that stops when I finish school and especially when I get married, so it's very stressful to think of when we're both relatively poor.

  20. !!!! Oh my gaad!! You drink diet soda??? And you get migraines AND are having major health problems.

    I know you said you have a genetic challenge but seriously look up Aspartame – please

  21. Also this is why I have always lied to the government about who I live with, how much money I make, pretty much everything. You have to play the system to get any kind of real help and that's a damn shame. And I'm not sorry for it. I have to survive somehow. Which right now we are barely doing

  22. I'm crying so hard right now.

    My bf has MS and is on SSI, Medicaid (state insurance), and Medicare (federal insurance). If we were to get married, he loses SSI (since it's disability and not due to retirement) and all his insurance. One of his medications, the one stopping the MS from eating more holes in his spine and brain, is $8,500 a month, £6,500. On top of that, his SSI doesn't cover enough for any kind of rent here so he is already dependent on me for a lot and we barely make it each month without more debt. I'm currently in $15,000 debt just for living in a major city that believes $1,500 a month for rent of a tiny apartment is "reasonable".

    I don't have any degrees so for the time being, I'm never going to be able to get out of debt, get married, go back to school (because I make too much) or go on holiday without either another job, or help from friends and family. I'm working my way up at my company but it's slow going.

    I'm so happy you found Claudia and that you getting money from doing something you seem to love. I hope you have more good days then not so good days!

  23. Oh lord. I'm 18 disabled, and on welfare. I get $33 after my rent for the entire month. I'm in the process of getting on disability but I'm told I won't get much more. Not to mention to collect I have to be able to go to school and I can barely leave the house. I can't even get coverage on things I NEED like specific sanitary products, or a shower chair. I haven't been able to stand in the shower in a year. Being disabled is hard enough and the government just makes it so much harder.

  24. I live in America and have a best friend who has been denied disability 4 times. Her husband didn’t want to be married anymore, after 10 years. She’s had to move in with her parents. My friend is 46 years old and having to live with her parents who treat her terribly. She has a laundry list of health problems, even including heart trouble. She’s had open heart surgery twice, she has depression, chronic fatigue and several other things. The final time she was denied disability she had to go in front of a judge. I went to testify how she has declined in the past several years. So hard to believe that someone who needs help so badly get denied help. She genuinely can’t work. She applied for low income housing 2 years ago when she had to move out of her home she was in with her husband. There is still no sign of her getting a place to live. It’s very disheartening.

  25. I have an idea. In the States where I live, some of the States where marijuana is illegal will issue medical marijuana cards. This means that people whose doctors say that they need marijuana for medical reasons such as cancer, glaucoma, chronic pain etc. can present this card to a medical marijuana outlet and buy marijuana legally. We should lobby for medical straw cards. If your doctor writes a letter to whomever issues cards, they could issue a medical straw card. You could present it anywhere you need one, and the vendors would have to give you a straw with your drink!! Not being able to get one is STUPID. This is one of those laws that people in 2050 will say "yes, that really is still on the books"

  26. My ESA recently got taken because I moved in with my partner. He earns £1200 a month and I get (pip) £300… That is not enough for my specific diet and requirements, taxi's, mobility aids, hospital etc PLUS rent, bills and normal food..

  27. Isn’t the government basically economically abusing people with disabilities then? I mean, per definition. I couldn’t afford getting help in my own country so I moved and now they cut my money so much I can’t afford help in the UK either 😌 life is great

  28. Hey there Jessie, I was wondering if you have any zip down sweaters with the cartoon version of you and Claudia. I see that you have a pullover but I REALLY like zip down sweaters, lol

  29. My father (in the US) is disabled due to decades of RA and now stage 4 cancer. He has spent the last 55 years working 18 hour days 7 days a week without a single day off. Often it cost him to work because he is a small farmer and our market is entirely unregulated, resulting in cost of production to exceed product sales on a rather regular basis. He is now completely without income due to his health.

    He is elderly, so he qualifies for Medicare. What a relief that he doesn't have to worry about healthcare!… with the exception that his chemotherapy medication is a $2000 a month COPAY, his oncologist is several hundred a month copay, his RA meds are another copay. Essentially he has to come up with $3000 a month or die, all before housing or food. That is difficult when one has no income. (He does get $112 a month in social security, so he just needs to magically make $2888 appear for the privilage of not dying of cancer, but still starving or freezing to death).

    Yay capitalism!

  30. That’s silly because that leaves people renting houses and using assistance for a second house that isn’t actually necessary or maybe being used. They should reward you for having a room mate or financially contributing partner.

  31. I would far rather watch your videos than anything by Lucy Worsley… she is not my fave. My heart for TV historians belongs to Amber Butchart…

  32. Benefits based on your parents income is also how most Student Loans work in the US. I didn't qualify for financial aid or grants in College because my parents made too much (even though they lived across the country from me). I've seen people fight to get Disability here too and it just doesn't make sense. So many loopholes for billion dollar businesses but kids and disabled persons go hungry everyday. It just doesn't make any sense.

  33. I believe the point of removing the aid is to prevent abuse in the case a spouse marries and possibly even becomes the legal guardian of a disabled person to grab hold of their federal income. I always found that a bit off because it’s not like you’re rolling in money and munchausen by proxy is usually a parent not a spouse

  34. You are dynamite, ma'am…. Thanks so much for mentioning the US disability system. I am on Disabled Adult Child Disability– I'm 65 years old, and still a "Disabled Adult Child". Fortunate that a co-worker of my late Father knew about this program, and told him about it back in 1986. They don't advertise its existence. Or that if you're a disabled person, you're best advised NEVER to get married, or you cannot be eligible. So, also fortunate that in my youth, none of my boyfriends went along with my wish to marry them. Thanks, you jerks! LOL. I wish so many more people could hear this extremely eloquent rant of yours.

    I wondered at the statistic you mentioned about the percentage of disabled people who are unemployed. I think you might have said 80%, but the subtitle said 18%, which sounds way too low. Maybe you could check this and get it corrected if necessary.

    Maggie Thatcher and the Tories who followed her sure did the Devil's Work, tearing down your NHS and your benefits system. Americans will not be reassured about a national health care system, if they look to the NHS these days. But I suppose that was always the point. Conservatives always do the bidding of the rich, and make sure to starve programs, so that people think government can't succeed. As if depending on capitalism works, when you're down and out.

    This year I finally had to order drugs through Canada. The drug I need has no generic released in America, and is not covered at all by my insurance. It costs over $900 for a 3 month supply. The Canadian generic costs $55 (Fifty-five Dollars).

  35. Goodness, this resonates so much with me. Capita and the DWP really do not care about disabled people, even though they are the providers of benefits for the aforementioned disabled people. The benefits that we need are almost inaccessible due to the ridiculously drawn out process necessary to 'prove' our sickness. I was lucky to have my mother handle all of the stressful things i could not do. There really needs to be a change in the process for disabled people receiving benefits. The day i become married I feel scared as i do not wish to be dependent on my partner.

  36. I'm from the USA. I have had fibromyalgia since my teens and was unable to work at all. I couldn't afford health insurance so everything was out of pocket. I finally got married and through my husband have insurance. That allowed me to be able to get access to healthcare. I now have a full time job! I know if it wasn't for the medication and the medical care I know have, I wouldn't be working. People NEED access to medical care.

    Most disabled people don't want to feel like a burden. We want to care for ourselves. It's crazy that others can't understand the concept.

  37. Not lesbian
    Not disabled
    Not deaf
    Not British
    Not vintage

    But I’ve been binge watching your videos for about two days now and I WANT MORE WHYYYY

  38. In the United states if I get married my husband and I can only make so much together before they start taking away money from my SSI normally a $1 for every $2 over. So yes we can only have 3000 in assets and cause of this outdated system I chose not to marry my significant other which breaks my heart cause even though we call each other hubby and wife we can't be official

  39. This is the video I needed. But totally feel. Here I am currently having to get a loan to cover my hearing aids because insurance barely covers anything and I need them for work. And I can’t stop working or I won’t be able to afford to work.

  40. I love you so much. You're so classy and sassy, and so confident about yourself. I'm HOH and when you said in the video about your hands that you weren't going to hide your splints to make everyone else less uncomfortable, I wanted to cry. Thank you darling for being so outspoken and knowledgeable about these issues

  41. This video came into my recommend list at the perfect time. I was just telling one of our daughters that she needs to find a woman that makes her happy instead of a man that makes her miserable, just to "fit into what is expected by others."

  42. My father died this year because we live in the USA and his insurances and the veteran's association refused to cover the cost of his anti-rejection medication so he could have a lung transplant. It would have completely cured him, and the medication was $4000 per month with insurance. He spent his last 2 years confined to the house because they considered him too sick to "waste money on" for mobility devices. Yes, that's a quote.

    When he died I was stuck in a wheelchair due to a knee injury. We could not even afford to bury him because his benefits stopped immediately after death and being unable to work for 6 months never entitled me to any assistance. I had to rush into surgery and take on $30,000 in debt just to be able to keep a roof over our heads.

  43. thank god my parents chose to move to Canada rather than England. I'm so sorry that you and so many others in the same boat had to go through such a hard time. I just want to put out that people with disabilities, whether it be small or big, matter just as much as anyone else. And people who think otherwise. are just bigoted morons who sadly flunked 'basic human decency 101'. Thank you for posting such a sweet, and educational video! Subscribed ^^

  44. I am the provider and carer for my disabled spouse. When we got married, my spouse lost some benefits, even though I was only making £400 per month in stipend for my voluntary work (Tier 5 charity worker). So my partner applied for PIP, and when they got that, then we were eligible to get an exemption for my spouse visa. My spouse visa made it possible for me to work full time, but when my first paycheck came in (about £1200), THEY LOST EVERYTHING BUT PIP!
    Caring for someone can be hard work. When my spouse was hospitalized for 3 months, I was getting up at 6, leaving for work at 7, commuting an hour, working 8-9 hours, commuting an hour to the hospital, visiting for 2 hours, commuting another hour home and stumbling into my flat at 9 at night. Maybe I had remembered to get food on the way home, maybe I heated up a tin of peas and ate some pretzels and hummus, but maybe not. And that's while my spouse wasn't physically home requiring my help with dishes and laundry and house cleaning.
    Anyway, there are funds available to help carers maintain their own sanity and health. The clinic that provides services for my spouse was going to give me a Carer's Direct Payment of £300 to make it possible for me to take an exercise class once a week. BUT THEN! I noted that people with "No Public Funds" on their visa aren't allowed to received Carer's Allowance, and I wondered, surely, because this is through a particular grant program, that's not the same thing. Turns out it is. So no exercise class for me, just because of where I was born. My spouse is no less disabled because of my status, they've lost money because I'm now legally able to earn an income, and I have to do MORE working to make up that difference, so now we have neither the money nor the time for ME to stay healthy.

  45. Can’t believe I’m saying this but give us more ads!! I’ll watch all of them I don’t care. I’m currently unable to buy any merch but I want to support you and I feel like you’re one of the few youtubers worth watching ads for.

  46. I suffer from major depression. And when I lived with my parents, even though I had a job and was over 18, I was allowed to have medical expenses covered through my mom. As soon as I moved out, everything changed. Even though my financial situation and gotten worse, the government decided I made 1k more yearly than their assistance allowed! So I lost paid therapy, I lost paid medicine (that's insanely expensive my gosh), and had to start scouring the internet for help.

    Its ridiculous how much the government and big businesses act like they care about people with any type of illness, but then boot them off the second they make $1 more or in your case, be with someone they love.

  47. Thank you so much for making this video. Trying to make ends meet can often be a struggle especially for a single parent or disabled person. My son and I moved closer to my parents after my separation with my sons father last August but I was hired at my dream job last October making just a dollar above min wage. Thankfully my hard work and education paid off very quickly and I received a promotion. I now make $6 over min wage. Sadly, I do not make enough money to pay rent on a two bedroom apartment for my son and I, (side note, he’s 11 and the size of a full grown man and needs his own room) pay utilities and have any money left over to feed my child (again, size of a full grown man and is quite used to eating) Currently my son and I are homeless. I make too much money to qualify for any type of assistance but not enough to do all the above things mentioned. I applied for emergency housing because of the homeless thing and was told to basically quit my job and come back after it’s been 30 days of no income. Meaning 30 days after my last paycheck. I have worked very hard to be where I am and know that I can’t actually do that, that would be insanity. So I applied for low income housing. It’s been over a year now and just 3 days ago I received a letter from the housing authority saying I do not qualify for priority status. This letter was dated June 25th 2019. It was post marked October 24th 2019. So the letter sat in the office for months before being sent out. Should I mention I have 20 days from the date of the latter (not the post mark) to appeal! so that’s out of the question. Let me add that I actually work 3 jobs. My full time job as a care Coordinator with a large American health care company working with low income people to make sure they have access to all resources available (if I can’t get them I’m gonna make sure others do) a part time job as a recovery specialist for the same company at a drug and alcohol detox and I also shop for an online company as well as deliver. And I still can’t afford to survive on my pay. Let’s not even get into the fact that landlords demand that renters make 4x the rent and must have perfect credit to get into an apartment (and they ask for first last and security even thought it’s against Massachusetts law. Rent being on average $1650 a month for a 2 bedroom. (I make $1400 every 2 weeks) So ya, here I am trying to give my son everything he needs and some of what he wants on top of paying for his football and basketball seasons, with no actual ability to give him his own space. Currently we are on a pull out couch in my parents living room. Because of this, the state claims we are not actually homeless and therefore do not qualify for a “priority” status. Let me add that my son’s father was injured in a horrible care accident a year and a half ago and still can not work but the government denied his disability claim. My son and I are very much stuck in that gray area and honestly I don’t know what to do. Thank you for sharing your story. I can certainly empathize with you, clearly I can not begin to understand what you have gone up against but I can say that seeing your incredible attitude has truly been a eye opening for me. You’re amazing and so is your wife. Thank again for sharing so much of you with us all. You inspire so many people. 😁

  48. As someone that lives in America and one of the most expensive parts of The States … 3000 dollars is literally nothing. Between rent and bills a car note gas transportation extra stuff needed through the month and food if you wish to not live in a slum and actually … live … Is gone within a few weeks. Especially if you live alone or if you have children.

  49. Everyone loses money when you get married .Why should the gov’t keep you as if youre a single lving on your own person? Non No No thats not how the real world works. When you enter marriage everything is now ours , money coming into the family by whoever is now ours. Thankfully my kids all had half a brain and did that when they entered marriage .2 of the wives work part time ,they have kids which they share and they share the workload at home. I could see you feeling bad about not being able to contribute to the workload but your partner knew you were disabled when she married you so she took on everything that comes with that because you are now an us. She took on medical bills and your care when you should need it . You feeling guilty about not making much money is something that you need to deal with .The govt isnt going to say ,oh poor Jessica feels bad about not contributing enough ,lets give her more money !
    Thats not how big girl life works. This is an example of the entitlement of the young people today ,you all feel you are owed something.
    If you love each other if you are committed to each other you are responsible for each other ,don’t the vows say something about 2 people are now one?

  50. The situation in America is rough. I was working 40+ hours a week for 8.75/hour, as a single mom, going to school. .-. I was not able to receive monetary assistance while doing school, food assistance was minimal, and any time we were evaluated for allowances it was like going to a parent who was incredibly disappointed. I remember being sat with this woman who had been cold and explaining why I quit my job and I wasn’t looking for another job because I drove 20 hours a week to college so I could get a better job and ideally never need to come back here for help…. and between having a full course load, the commute, and allotting time to pump (breastfed my son), I barely had enough time to actually be a mother past weekends and bedtime honestly.
    I am still a single mom…. I love my son dearly and he loves me. We’re officially on my employers insurance that I pay for, I am salaried, and we are sorted by the skin of my teeth and the grace of god. But… while I’m grateful that I had what little help I had…. I feels really, really god not to need it now.

    Long and short of it, that last bit of your video was everything. People take for granted the ability to earn wages and be independent. It’s not a matter of not wanting to have help… it’s a matter of wanting to be a “real grown up” and be responsible. Especially when you have a family of your own.

  51. The whole system is a mess. My husband and I are currently discussing which one of us is going to give up work to look after the children as childcare costs are so high and the tax credit earning level so minimal we can’t afford to both work. HOW IS THIS A SITUATION??

  52. My sister had to make the same choice. Her disability is so severe and her "husband's" income could not cover her medical expenses, so they could not get married. They had a commitment ceremony, but it isn't the same. So unfair.

  53. I can't like this video enough. So good. In Sweden, if you manage to qualify for sick pay(?), that pay is dependent on your previous income, if you had any. I wasn't diagnosed with brain damage until 2016 (12 years after my surgery) and in those 12 years, I hadn't been able to finish an education program, or get a job. So, once my status as "never going to be able to recover, no way, no how" was officially established and my working capacity was determined to be 50% max, i received the minimum monthly allowance/sick pay. Even if I get a job, that amount will never change, as I've been told. Apparently, they base the decision on your average pay check over the last three years. I once suggested to a person working with this sort of thing that after I get a job, and work for three years, I could have my case reevaluated and thus get an actual livable wage? And they looked at me like I was insane.
    The people who evaluated me and finally gave me my diagnosis said that even if I never could work 100%, I would be compensated by the government to cover up the rest of my paycheck, but… no. When I did have a job (that I quit because the boss thought it was totally fine for my male coworkers to tell rape jokes in the cafeteria), I wasn't paid very much, and with the government's help, I earned about… 70% of what I would have if I had been able to work full time (at that crappy wage). I'm currently out of work, and today the lady who is supposed to be an expert in helping disabled people find "adjusted jobs" told me that she "doesn't see disabilities, she sees *people*", right after I pointed out that I would actually like to be included in the workshops (as in, not just abled bodied/minded people being used as examples, making it seem like their capabilities are the only way a person can and should work) in the workshops that are supposed to be ALL INCLUSIVE.
    I've… had a bad day.
    Your videos make me feel seen. Heard. And it feels extra good to know we share a diagnosis? That might sound strange. I'm rambling. Thank you, please keep making amazing videos.

  54. I cried while watching this video for several reasons. I live in the US. I was lucky enough to have my father's government insurance (pretty good) for most of my life, up until 6 months ago, when he passed away. I have been on my mother's insurance (pretty bad) since my father's passing, but now my mother's workplace is closing down. I'm terrified. I'm glad I managed to get my hearing aids only a year ago (they last about 6 years) so I won't have to worry about that for a while, but seeing as I am single and unable to work, I don't know how I'm going to get health insurance. I'm on my own, and terrified I will be denied insurance for my pre-existing conditions.

  55. I can`t say for the financial situation of people with disability in my country, but here in Ukraine we can just sense that it`s pretty bad. You rarely see anyone with visible disabilities on the streets, and it`s not becime everyone are able-bodied – it`s more that the enviroment in not inclusive enough to even wak with a pram, let alone a wheelchair. And I live in a capital. Social relations are ought to be better too. Last year I was completelly shoked by a situation into another city. Neighbours in an apartment-house of a woman who is a wheelchair user destroyed the ramp, she built with her own money (that was foldable it case it gets in a way) saying that the value of their apartments will drop if anyone finds out that there`s a "cripple" living in their house. The "cripple" have won MEDALS on paraolympics for her country as a fencer!!! She couldn`t afford an appartment on the 1st floor, so she was trapped in her apartment if lift broke, but now that they destroyed the ramp, she couldn`t get out even if the lift was working. The situation was horrible and I can only imagine what`s happening with people, who are not olympic champions – they don`t get that coverage in media to even get their situation known.

  56. I totally didn’t tear up at this video, nope.
    My gf isn’t disabled, but she is trans, which keeps her from a lot of jobs and requires about $150 a month in medicine (that just went to that from $400 a month. thank you GoodRx!) We’re in America, so no health insurance, and she’s also recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which may need therapy ($90 a week) and medicine. I’m just barely making enough to support us, and she’s just barely making enough to pay for her medicine and small portions of bills. She doesn’t even want to do therapy or medicine for her bpd bc she doesn’t want to ask me for more money, but all I want is for her to be happy and healthy.
    I just really appreciated the kind of recognition that you gave to able-bodied people supporting their partners. I always feel like a horrible person for getting upset at how much we’re struggling to get by, or upset when my gf starts dismissing her pain or insulting herself for not being able to help me with money. I keep trying to find jobs that pay more and give me good health insurance that I can actually put her on, without being fired for being gay because we live in the south and haven’t been able to save money to leave.
    It’s a lot to handle, and I just cried knowing that it could work out, and it gave me more perspective of what she deals with. I really look up to both you and Claudia, and I love seeing you two happy and living well together because it gives me hope that my gf and I could one day do that same 💕

  57. I'm in a position where working part time earns me more money a month than Canada's disability program would. Even at only 3 days a week it's so painful I can't get out of bed some days. I had to stop doing Physiotherapy recently because I just can't afford a $300 a month bill to walk, but thankfully I was able to get a cheap wheelchair from a thrift store.
    The system ACTIVELY keeps disabled people in poverty and it's hell. I don't WANT to sit around at home all day, but they try not to give me a choice.

    The universe really said rampant homophobia wasn't enough for me and that I needed some able-ism in my life too. You know all too well, of course but MAN what a pain…

  58. Same thing with my husband and I :/ I could be with the love of my life or my disabilities could be taken care of. I chose him. He's my soulmate. His money only JUST covers our expenses because my parents help us out when we need it. We live day to day. And it sucks. But I'm with him and that's all there is to it now haha

  59. I'm experiencing ALL the emotions. I've been cut off from all payments (in Ireland) for 3 years and it has degraded me like no experience has in my life. I should mention I have no mobility aids, no transport of my own and rely 100% on others for absolutely everything that way not to mention being cared for as someone who is about 40% independent in a flare and 60% not in a flare. This video is amazingly inspiring!! I've begun to try and fight for myself so thank you for this encouraging video 💕💕

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