I was his punching bag for four years and he tried circumcising me with his teeth- Carole | Tuko TV


for me I never used to feel anything for
him I was so done he was like a total stranger but you see I had to be there
because of the kids Just that, I was there because of the
society, like what would the society say I was there because I needed to be someone’s wife but the moment he hit my head my eyes were open and I decided to leave It’s like a switch was on your head the switch was right here by the way he still found me at home when he came back in the evening with his KSh 200 still at the table He came back and was like oh yeah
so you still haven’t left? so you don’t have a place to go to because now he knows I’m an orphan the only person who was supposed to defend me is not there he’s no longer there yeah my
pillar was gone right? during Easter while I was going to church because you can’t find a husband while just seated at home when he approached me I felt like I should give it a shot this was like a golden chance for me, so I thought to myself it’s time to hit the road he was working he would come home briefly then fly out back to work when he came back from Sierra Leon, we then moved in we left everything we had bought to mum and moved into our new home the mother started insulting me saying that I was uncircumcised and so the son will have to marry another wife she said I will not give birth to a son in that family if you cannot give birth to a son then you are not woman enough everything was okay he was the kind of a person who would say he’s spotted my dad taking tea somewhere yet my father died a long time ago he would just leave the house abruptly and upon inquiry he would lie he is going to buy airtime just at the shop nothing he would come back at 3 am but you can’t ask him where he has been even for my customers who would come buy milk and say they have spotted him somewhere, I would tell them his movements don’t bother me as long as he will still come home he started receiving a lot of pressure from his family and because he wanted to instill fear in me he became violent he used to say that I will turn out a prostitute like my mother you understand I didn’t know what to say whenever he insulted me, so I would go quiet I was shocked at all and say I provoked him he felt that he was totally in control of my body then he would say I was his wife so he doesn’t care My body was full of patches just from the way he grabbed me during those moments, I was in pain but he never used to care every other night we went to the bedroom the children cried my son bit him he gave him a slap that sent him rolling to the wardrobe the children used to scream on Sunday he would leave as usual for work whenever he would call to say that he was coming home they would ask when he will be leaving for work again all the drama begun around 2005 just after I had given birth to our 2nd child we had known each other well From the way I was brought up, I learnt to speak up whenever something was bothering me but he was such a difficult person, he wouldn’t take in another persons suggestion he would even say that the mother told him that I was out to intimidate him that I was beaten there’s a time we were fighting that I was selling so when women used to come for milk they would say she is right there listening to them but at that time I couldn’t come outside she was the one giving those women the milk then they would continue with the conversation on how they called each other when they heard the screams so she was would change her colours depending on the environment? he would just inform me that he was heading home the time I was serving food upon coming back he, his mind has totally been poisoned then he will start insulting me while referring to my sister and my mother I would try to stop him right there telling him to stop attacking my family he would raise his voice at me saying that I was mannerless because I never underwent through circumcision then he bit me thrice on my thigh he wanted to bite off my private parts was he serious? yes that’s the time I bit off his finger that he beat me up again and she said that we were no longer going to hide it from my dad so she called my dad my dad reminded him that he has never paid dowry yet I was cooking and doing everything for him, including giving him children yet he was beating me the father asked which woman bites off his husbands finger I did bite him he also bit me and he beat me to the extend I was swollen all over my father said that I should go home with him and leave the children I was brought up with different step mothers, I did not want my children to go through the same I will come home and leave the children with him I could not leave my children dad passed on we buried him and it was time to go back to my house because everything was okay at that time but I came to learn that during the period I was at home for my fathers funeral some other woman who was a close friend was living in my house I confronted her but she denied and said that my husband wanted to hook her up with his colleague and so they had to meet in my house When I asked him about it, he started insulting me so I let the matter rest nevertheless we continued fighting each day one day he put KSh 200 on top of the table and asked me to leave his house minus the children I was fed up and wanted to leave already but on a 2nd thought I decided to stay when he came back his KSh 200 that he gave me for transport was still on the table he smiled sarcastically and asked why I had not left knowing very well I had nowhere to go to he started mistreating me even more because now he knew I had no one to turn to insults He said I was now useless no man would want to marry me and I told him it’s fine he said even if I happen to get a new home I would still receive a beating I decided to stay then plan an exit that would hit him hard to know my worth on the house there’s a time he hit my head with a walking stick and I collapsed he got a vehicle and rushed me to the hospital, we had to go with the children because I did not have a house help he reported that I fell down I was discharged on Friday and told them that there’s a woman who will die here some day because of how she is being battered but they found the house locked because I was taken to the hospital when he heard rumours that the police were looking for him he became scared my sister told me that I was no longer going back to that house I told her I wasn’t planning to go back either because even in my hospital bed I was worried where my children would be supposing I died they’re so attached to me I’m attached
to them it’s the only people I have a you understand I went to my uncles place and after a few days my sister came and told me that we were going to the police station when I reached the police station, they informed me that they had visited my place and that they were waiting for me to record a statement I was given a P3 form and when I went back to the mission hospital I realized that they had recorded on my discharge summary sheet that I fell down I told the doctor that I was battered and I had swellings all over he wrote me another sheet then I went to a government hospital where they filled the P3 form for me I received a call to go record a statement which I did then I went home they said I got their son arrested the mother was so annoyed and said everyone gets battered at some point and life continues none of his family members wanted to see me at the back of my mind I was a little bit worried that should he stay in the cells he might lose his job On Sunday I rushed to the police station and withdrew the charges on condition the he gives me my children and my clothes and he agreed he stared begging me in front of the OCS saying that I was his wife and that he would not let me go he agreed to my conditions though when we got to the house he had hidden my stuffs my son was with him but my daughter was living with his mother I went back to report him and he got arrested again he went to work, took a short leave and then kept following me around to my uncles place he would waylay me in whichever place, take me to the bushes and beat me thoroughly before escorting me home sometimes he would visit and pretend that he wanted to meet his son my uncle would call me outside to meet him immediately my uncle leaves us, he pulls my hand and begins his insults saying that I was never going to escape from him and even threaten to beat me there things ran out of hand, he refused to let me go and he would do all manner of crazy things whenever he met me I was plaiting her hair I heard her speaking in Kamba on her phone and we started having a conversation with her I told her my mom was from Makueni and she told me she came from Makueni too she took my number she promised to call me back she told me she had gotten my uncles contacts, that was the brother to my mother I called my uncle and he told me my mother was in Nairobi I narrated my story and I told her I couldn’t go back to my step mother She asked me to take my children and collect their birth certificates then travel to Nairobi She sent me fare and I left at 2 am with my children She picked me at the stage and after meeting her I destroyed my sim card and bought a new one in a womans life I was so done just that but the moment he hit my head and my eyes were open, that’s when I crossed that boundary it’s like there was a switch right in the head yes, the switch was right here and I said to myself I will not die here I crossed the boundary and said I was ready to begin a new chapter I came to Nairobi, got my first job as a hairdresser whereby my salary was KSh 9,000 I rented a house in the slums with my children, we used to help ourselves in the bucket In the evening he would pounce on his sister and beat her up thanks to my mom she enrolled me to a Councillor where I went I never went back there again I said I will counsel myself okay I will forgive him I can’t change that fact but I can never go back to him he would even threaten people with a knife at that tender age that he was affected by what he used to see I used to beat him up until someone told me to stop it and instead counsel the boy I spoke to both my children and told them that if anyone wants to fight I will take them back to their father because that’s where people are fighting he said he doesn’t want to go back to his dad and promised not to fight again I discipline them equally so you begun that humble life we stayed in the slums for one year then I left she begun teaching me all the things to do with beauty, I created clientele and my first commission was enough to enable me move out of the slums to a better house because I had told myself that I was ready to begin from anywhere where my baby daddy would never find me I moved into a bedsitter then one bedroom yes
not just anyone you meet and have no idea about their character so this is how I used to look like? Well, let me move on people asked how I overcame because some said they were going through the same someone sent me a message and said they wanted to kill their children no one should lie to you that your issues can be solved by the elders because at the end of the day it’s the two of you who will remain in that house just never allow yourself to be punched like a nobody and end up traumatizing your children, just walk out no one is justified to batter their wife although I know men too go through the same but they don’t come out easily someone even asked me if I had bleached my skin no I did not, it’s just that I overcame whatever I was going through so the troubles went away and life became smooth again if a man is violent, don’t stay there and wait for death I stopped plaiting hair, I upgraded what do you do now? you are all welcome just leave peacefully

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Comments

  1. I love when u allow God to move,He's the God of the 11th hr,marital violence is real,especially physcically. The first miracle is to 4give n move on completely .

  2. Sometimes these men are under attack from the devil, all they need is deliverance. If you are a prayerful woman pray and ask God which way.

  3. God of lady's rem us one's more we pass through hell but when the tym our eyes are open forward ever am a victim single now 13 yrs and loading I passed a lot and I was young thinking what I can do and where I could get help but God is my provider now the life I better than with someone called husband.

  4. I was eagerly waiting for this story, but why do u cover the face of a culprit who was a busive to Carole, we need to see him well so that he won't eloped with our innocent Matiangi daughter's, next tym don't hide them @Lyn,, I respect ur job & I love u so much, meanwhile @Tuko Kenya, Lyn needs security plzzzz, my opinion. Anyway thanks for sharing Carole's domestic violence story.

  5. Sometimes you have to go in these men's past you don't know what happened to them when they were young traumatic childhood results to traumatic adulthood facts…..

  6. The day,a son born of a woman,will raise his hand on me,and continue tolerating his actions…i will not be on this earth… hio upuus,nilikataaa!

  7. Why should I beat or abuse my wife this manner? So foolish. Ukichoka na msichana wa wenyewe, mwambie aende. Caro don't go back to that he goat

  8. what a story dear thanks for sharing i believe many people will be informed of domestic violence and how to love themselfs tothe fullest

  9. Hapa kuheshimu ndowaaa hifanyi kazi 🙆‍♀️💩who beats a woman like that, hadi anazeeka kuliko miaka yako ni kukosa Amani na stress??? Nikichapwa ya kwanza can't wait for the second beating

  10. I started a group on marital rape on Facebook didn't get a good feed back so I went m.I.a the courage she has of telling her story is incredible,most of us just sink into depression and later die

  11. I'm a Sociologist and I can feel & understand this lady very well.
    This 'soldier-husband' might have some psychological condition resulting from not getting 'war-aftermath' counselling.
    I wish Tuco could bring the other side of the story.

  12. That story is familiar with mine..and I moved out and I thank God for everything…I don't have much but I can say am happy..leaving your marriage is the most hard decision to make but again I say Us women we are strong…

  13. Lyn,i pray the blessings of God will follow you.i pray he will grant you good health,long life and peace.if you are not married may he lead you to your chosen one.if you are married may he bless your marriage.for every story you have aired i pray a hundred blessings on you for there is no story you aired and a person was left unhelped.for every soul that u have made a mark,may it defend you before God and may he expand the boundaries of tuko.

  14. It has come to my realisation that every total orphan passes through all this just because they don't have anyone to lean on…so sad 😭😭😭😭I have been through this too.

  15. Navumilia juu ya watoto😭😭😭……he use to mistreats me to because I was an orphan to😭😭😭😭😭but orphans is better tujikubali in any situation comes in our lives

  16. this story hit home for me because i recently broke up with a man who lied about everything ,thank you for making me aware that i made the right choice,am in tears because i dodged a bullet,this woman is really me,sometimes i laugh because its easy that way but it does not mean am happy

  17. I was dating this Kenyan guy, he was abusive Lord. He was not physically abusive but mentally. He would call me bitch, stupid, and I was like maybe this idiot would change. Oh I was patient with him and he would say, " Oh you the one for me", then the next 10 mins he would call me names. What! I got up one day and realize this guy needs a kick up his ass. I told him dude you will never, ever, ever, ever talk to me this way again. I gave him a piece of my mind one day, and a day later asked me and my kids to move in with him, abuse me and get away with it, but my children oh hells no. I could not dare put my children through that abusive. I love my kids too much . I blocked him on everything and like how Trump wanna block the Mexicans. I love myself too much for this idiot to keep disrespecting me.

  18. Thanks for sharing your story about what you have overcome. I have a question about the progress you have made in ensuring the safety of your family and if sharing the location of your business won't lead to the ex-husband finding you again?

  19. Wanaume wanaowapiga wake zao they never stop. Mwisho wanakutoa roho. Ukiona dalili nibora utoroke mbioooo💃. Hongera kwako Carole. Be ur own boss👏🏼

  20. It's just sad how women stick around for the sake of children. I remember I was told that I want to be the cock of the house and not him,this alone created a huge disconnection and never to look back.I'm glad she found a way out and looks amazing. Keep shinning.

  21. lynn leo hujasema "eeish" like you do when you surprised with good news. I expected "eeish" when she said she upgraded

  22. Waaaw she cute I was just in the same mess the last time I say enough is enough is when he almost cut my head with shoka

  23. Don't misunderstand single mother you don't know what they comes through before they decide to be single

  24. You are beautiful inside out dear sis..never let a man lay hands on you.. Easier thing to do is to walk out and never look back

  25. some men though the photos shows like she is 100yrs, kuna mdada fulani alipitishwa manyanyaso akiwa 23 alikuwa anakaa 70, men lets change.

  26. Kenyan society puts too much pressure on its citizens to be the ‘normal’ person. Men are expected to be up-standing and providers of their family. Women are expected to be loving, devoted wives and mothers. The fact is not everyone can live up to these roles all the time. In my opinion, Caroline’s husband abused her, owing to him battling with his own demons. I reckon the military affected him psychologically. His poor up bringing played a part; his mum agreed with him beating his wife; and deep down he probably wanted to be with a man! Anyway, I’m glad Caroline overcame her violent past. She is a business woman. She is close to her children and she looks like a million dollars; well done to her!

  27. Please woman don't marry any man out of love or don't stay in violence marriage in the name of watoto please God who gives children will take care of them

  28. Once he start calling you names, disrespect, treating you like u are his daughter not an equal partner, the first time you are sure he has an affair out, the first time he hit you, if he forces to have intimacy even if you arent in mood. plus, he criticise your friends or try to distant you from others, he start to manipulate you by not respecting your opinion when u differ in issues this actually is a red flag in dating etc PLEASE MY FRIEND/ SISTERS RUN RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN it doesn't get better IT GETS WORSE ……. BEAST DO NOT CHANGE THEY REMAIN 'BEASTSSSSS ……

  29. Some men are the reason of single mothers, no woman will like to separate herself from dad n kids but huwa inabidi to those who like to charge single ladies you have to stop it

  30. My question is.. Did they ever ask the children if they want to stay in that abusive house hold, because abused women always say they stayed because of the kids. That's a lie madam. You stayed because deep down, despite being treated like a punching bag, you said you still love him and you'd stick it out. Hopefully he'll change. And you were afraid of what people will say because truth be told, society will never ask you to stay in an abusive relationship.

  31. Men will never understand the fire they take us through , kwanza the emotional torture from in law's and the men takes your self esteem down to zero. Sisters you don't need to stay married to be happy. Peace is everything.

  32. Violence is a Big NOOOO!!! Women please, respect yourself and love yourself first. Thank you Caro for taking the radical step!!! I salute you. Secondly, women develop or empower yourselves with careers or income generating activities!! This way, you command respect from the husband and also add value to him. I have taken my lessons from her….take your time to study who you committing your life to

  33. @lyn 😊😊khaaaaaaaiii hio imenichekesha. Back to the story atleast she came out of it me I had a violent dad and it was so scaring u live na tension

  34. Ladies please don't ever live with a man that whoops your behind. The first time he does it is the day you leave his sorry behind. You should be praying and packing and not praying for his sorry ass to change. Take your kids and go and trust me you will be fine. And just because a man is stronger than you dosen't mean you can't fight back too. The first time he hits you go ballistic on him. Throw everything in the kitchen at him. Let those cups and plates go flying top speed toward his ignorant behind and the next time be thinks of doing it be will remember that and think twice.

  35. The best channel ever changing many lifes of us and bringing different stories.. thank you #TUKONEWS

  36. my mum always reminds me when I decide to marry never in my life lift my hand on a woman but when frustrated take a walk, find your space and cool down when you get back assume nothing happened, this will always leave the woman with lots of guilt, s that she learnt this from late dad for the 45 yrs they stayed together.

  37. Those photos l met them in Kilimani ….l didnt take it crious coz it was tagged on "marriage n after marriage/divorce"😬

  38. Maya Angelou once said:- If someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them, they know themselves better.

    When someone decides to hit /smack you for the first time- which is the most difficult to do start planning to step.

    The second and third time they hit you will be very easy to do as they get used to it.

    Whether you decide to forgive or not, you have kids or not, start planning to step!
    Most importantly, either man or woman be economically sufficient hence you are not an economical slave to anyone! Domestic violence should be extinct.

  39. No man or woman should be subjected to domestic abuse especially in Africa. If you DO NOT feel safe- leeeeeeeeave!

  40. Walk away if your relationship ain't working don't stay bcoz of the title … i feel So sorry to her saana but come mother in law alijua hajataili na kama ni bwanake alimwambia alianzaje hadi wafike hapo🙄🙄🙄😎😎😎

  41. Tuko:what u r doing is great,but I could have loved you air stories from both parties, it's like your stories are from only one party.

  42. Those people in the comment section saying aty she must have deserved what she got I say shameee in youuuu
    There is no reason to raise a hand on a woman
    No excuse for domestic violence

  43. Ladies in abusive relationships please after watching carol's story pack your bags and leave, there's a huge difference now btn a married carol of those days and the single carol now. Its a pity and pain for what men do to people's young beautiful daughters.

  44. Most married pple wanavumilia tu kwa ndoa sababu wanaogopa ati watu watasema nini huwa nashangaa kwani waliolekea society if things are not working you are free to walk

  45. YOU SAID THIS WAS A SOLDIER ? ARRESTED AND TAKEN TO A LOCAL POLICE STATION ? HE IS EVEN SCARED OF THE POLICE MEN ? WHEN WILL YOU WOMEN STOP LIES ? TIME LAPS OF YOUR STORY DOESN'T EVEN CORRESPOND WITH THE ACTIVITIES ! WHICH BARRACKS WAS HE BASED ON AND HOW COMES HE FREQUENTLY BEAT YOU UP, WHEN MOST OF THE TIME HE WAS IN THE BARRACKS WHILE YOU WERE AT A RURAL HOME DOING FARMING ? LONG STORY SHORT, PLEASE BE HONEST, AND SAY WHAT REALLY DROVE YOU OUT OF MARRIAGE. NO ONE WILL BEAT YOU UP . ALONG, ON YOUR STORY THERE IS ALOT OF CHEST THUMPING AND IT TELLS ALOT ABOUT YOU.TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,YOU WERE FED UP WITH FARMING,YOU LONG FOR URBAN LIFE AND FREEDOM,THAT'S WHY YOU COULDN'T WAIT TO LEAVE AT 2AM NIGHT HOURS TO COME TO NAIROBI.NOW YOU THINK THIS IS THE BEST LIFE THAN FARMING ? LET'S WAIT AND SEE, TIME WILL TELL.

  46. Women in abusive relationships, you’re staying there because of your selfish reasons , not your kids. Just leave, it’s hard but you’ll be fine. The alternative is worse for the kids

  47. I've enjoyed this interview. .Carol is a fighter. .I like the way she says "nilimuama". . "tulichapana". Carol is smart, strong and articulate…She's a strong woman… doing well to help other hurting women. .

  48. Caro I celebrate you 💕
    To every woman/man in an abusive relationship may you find the strength to leave and may you heal.
    You are special and have a purpose, and abuse is not part of it.

  49. Do people really know Jesus Christ? Do they know such reactions are evil spirits. A man who hits a woman and then apologises is obvious it's not him but a demon? Seek deliverance at a living Church;to know the truth.. This is not ordinary. On the side of hair, being a beautician, her hair is doing bad. Imekatika sana. She should take care of it before it all falls out. Stay away from braiding..

  50. The big step is moving out ,majority of married women are suffering in silent leave alone physical beating emotional fight

  51. Wow, I hope men you’re learning something? 🤔 That Woman in your house is a queen love and treat her well.😍

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