It’s Hard Being Married to the Sea


– (sighs) Hey, Grant. – Hey, Jess, what’s wrong? You seem upset. – Oh, my boyfriend and me
got into a fight last night. – I’m sorry, what was it about? – I mean, that’s the thing! One second we’re like talking about dinner and then the next we’re just
screaming at each other, like, I don’t know! – I hate when that happens, yeah, relationships are so hard. – So hard! Don’t you agree, Captain Blackwood? – Every day is a life and death struggle when you’re married to the sea. – Yes! It takes a lot of work. – I just got into something with this guy, and physically the connection’s great, but emotionally something feels off. – Every night I stare
into the inky darkness watching, waiting, desperately
seeking the foul behemoth that took me leg, and I’m like, “Hello, the sea, am I invisible?” – Yes, exactly, it’s like
I’m being vulnerable, and I’m not getting anything reciprocated. – I mean, it takes times, you know, and if it is right, it
will work out eventually. – I hope so. I really want to make
it work with this guy. – Yo, exposing your soft underbelly to the harshness of nature is a risk for only the bravest of souls. – It is so true. I mean, being vulnerable is brave, and me and my boyfriend we try to be, and sometimes it works and other times, like last night, not so much. – Oh, tell me about it. Like one moment the sea is tranquil and at the next, a violent maelstrom that makes you turn to the heavens and pray to God for salvation. Completely unpredictable, no explanation. Like I’m supposed to
just know what’s wrong. – Yeah, exactly, hello, I am not a mind reader, people, okay. Don’t make me pull this
information out of you bit by bit. (guts splatter) – Now, in the tough times do
you ever think about leaving? – Yeah, you know, I used to. – The sea will destroy me. – But then there’s so much
more good than bad, you know? It’s like my boyfriend is so
thoughtful and kind and funny. – Ah, the sea air is intoxicating. Its siren’s call luring
me to the briny deep with promises of treasure and adventure beyond your wildest imagination. It also gives me crabs! – Oh! – Oh my gosh.
– Whoa, hey. – Oh, whoa, no, crabs
as in the kinds you eat. – Ooh!
– Oh. – The sea is full of them. – Sure. – Mm, yeah, no, they’re delicious. – Oh, I love shellfish. – The sea is my mistress,
and I’ll love no other. – Oh, that is so romantic (sighs). When it works, it works,
it’s like the perfect storm. – Perfect storm? Batten down the hatches! – Oh, no, oh my god, no,
that’s not what I meant. Yeah, no. – (chuckles) ‘Course. No possible way the sea could
be around here right now. – Well, you’re both much
further along than I am. I’m still nervous about
introducing all my friends. – Oh my god, that is the real test. My best friend hated my
boyfriend when they first met. – Many a crewman I’ve lost to
the fickle whims of the sea. Their bodies dashed upon the jagged rocks. It’s like the sea doesn’t want me to have my own friends or my own life. I want to go on land sometimes, you know? – Well, you can’t please everybody. What’s important is that
you and the sea are happy. – Stubbs, Pippin, Manx, all good men, all dead. – Well thanks for talking with me, guys, I feel a lot better. I’m going to text my
boyfriend and apologize. – Captain Blackwood, I gotta ask you, is it true there’s plenty
of fish in the sea? – Speak ill of my sea wife, will ya?! I stab at thee! (blood splattering) – (gasp) Oh my god, Grant! You can’t say that. – I didn’t know, I am so sorry.

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