Jeff Daniels on the Republican Party: “These Are The Guys Who Gave You Sarah Palin”


LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FELLOW
AMERICANS, THE HOST FROM “THE LATE SHOW
WITH STEPHEN COLBERT” NOMINATES THE FINEST ACTOR FROM THE JEFF
DELEGATION AS MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT. PLEASE WELCOME JEFF DANIELS. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )>>GOOD MORNING!>>Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU.>>GOOD MORNING!>>Stephen: GOOD MORNING,
EXACTLY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. NICE TO SEE YOU. NOW, THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE
YOU WERE ON BROADWAY DOING “BLACK BIRD” AND YOU SAID YOU
WERE LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING SOME TIME OFF.>>DID THAT, DOING THAT.>>Stephen: PRESENT DOING IT?>>YES.>>Stephen: RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW, THIS IS PART OF THE
VACATION?>>NO, THIS IS WORKING HARD
RIGHT NOW.>>Stephen: THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. NOW, THE BEARD, IS THIS A COMMON
EVENT FOR THE VACATION? IS THIS YOU RELAXED? OR IS THIS YOU PREPARING FOR
SOMETHING ELSE?>>IT JUST– I JUST LET IT GO. LETTING EVERYTHING GO.>>Stephen: OH, YEAH.>>EVERY HAIR ON MY BODY,
LETTING IT GO. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: REALLY? BUT NORMALLY, YOU’RE WELL
MAN-SCAPED?>>YEAH, GOT A WEED WHACKER THAT
COMES IN ONCE A WEEK JUST FOR THAT PURPOSE.>>Stephen: NEIGHBORHOOD KID?>>GOOD KID. COUPLE OF BUCKS, THROW HIM.>>Stephen: IN THE WINTERTIME
HE SHOVELS.>>HE SHOVELS. HE SHOVELS IN THE WINTER. IN THE WINTERTIME. YEAH, NO, I’M DOING A WESTERN. I’M DOING A WESTERN IN THE FALL. AND SO —
>>ARE YOU A DESPERADO?>>I HAVE TO LOOK THAT UP LATER. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: IT’S A BAD GUY,
SORT OF A ROMANTIC BAD GUY.>>THAT, THAT– NOT ROMANTIC. I’M TOO OLD.>>Stephen: I DON’T KNOW. IS HE TOO OLD TO BE ROMANTIC?>>Audience: NO!>>Stephen: YOU’RE A
GOOD-LOOKING MAN.>>PLAYING A BAD GUY. SO I’M GROWING THE BEARD OUT. I’M ALSO HORSE RIDING IN
MICHIGAN. THERE’S A GUY —
>>IS THIS SOMETHING YOU HAVE DONE BEFORE? DO YOU KNOW HOW TO HORSE RIDE?>>YOU TELL THEM THAT YOU HAVE.>>Stephen: THEY CALL YOU UP–
WHO IS DOING IT, NETFLIX? THIS IS NETFLIX, CAN YOU RIDE A
HORSE.>>, “THIS IS A WESTERN, YOU CAN
RIDE?” AS AN ACTOR YOU SAY YES. I DID A MOVIE 15, 20 YEARS AGO
WITH ACTORS WHO ALL SAID YES, CANADIAN ACTORS, WHO ARE SOME OF
THE FINEST ACTORS IN THE WORLD. ONE GUY WAS A LITTLE SHY OF
HORSES AND HE SKIPPED THE HORSE TRAINING. HE TOLD EVERYBODY HE COULD RIDE. WE’RE OUT THERE IN FRONT OF 500
EXTRAS, 500 PEOPLE. WE’RE IN AMERICAN REVOLUTION–
SHOOTING IN TORONTO– AMERICAN REVOLUTION. AND THIS GUY AND THE HORSE– IF
YOU DON’T SIT RIGHT ON THE HORSE, THE HORSE KNOW S.>>Stephen: OH, THEY CAN
SMELL FEAR.>>OH, THEY CAN SMELL FEAR. AND THE HORSE WENT LIKE THAT. SAILED– THE GUY SAILED OFF THE
BACK. BA-BOOM! LANDS ON HIS BACK. THE WIG CAME OFF. THE THREE-CORNERED HAT CAME OFF. 500 EXTRAS JUST WENT, “WHOA.” YOU DON’T WANT TO BE THAT GUY.>>Stephen: ARE YOU TRAINED UP
FOR THIS? ARE YOU GOING TO FEEL
COMFORTABLE RIDING WESTERN?>>I’M ALMOST CANTORRING. I’M GOING TO GALLOP IN TWO
WEEKS.>>Stephen: WOW.>>BUT YOU LEARN– AND BRAD
CLARK, GREAT TEACHER IN MICHIGAN, RODEO COWBOY ON THE
WEEKENDS. HE WEARS THE WHAT, THE WHOLE
THING– I’M WEARING A HAT NOW.>>Stephen: ANY KIND OF HAT?>>THE FIRST TIME I DIDN’T SHOW
UP WITH A HAT. THE SECOND TIME I SHOWED UP I
HAD A HAT, A COWBOY HAT I BOUGHT FOR A STUPID REASON. AND I’M WEARING IT, AND HE
DOESN’T COMMENT ON IT IT. HE DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING.>>Stephen: OOOH.>>I GOT A HAT. AND HE’S GOING, “YUP.” YOU KNOW.>>Stephen: WHY DID YOU BRING
THE HAT? SO YOU KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO
RIDE WITH A HAT ON?>>I WANTED TO BE COOL. I WANTED TO BE LIKE A COWBOY.>>Stephen: OKAY.>>YOU KNOW. SO ONCE I HAD THE HAT– AND YOU
GET THE DEER FLIES. IT HELPS WITH THE DEER FLIES AND
YOU GET TO DO THAT ONCE IN A WHILE.>>Stephen: AND YOU GET THE
WATER OUT OF THE CREEK.>>I RODE THE HORSE INTO A POND
AND OUT OF A POND AND YOU LEARN HOW TO RIDE —
>>WHAT’S GOING ON DOWN THERE? THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN. WHAT IS THAT?>>THIS IS YOU AT ONE WITH THE
HORSE BECAUSE YOU’VE GOT TO TELL HIM–
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU LOOK. YOU LOOK. YOU LOOK AT JOHN WAYNE, BIG JOHN
WAYNE, STUD MUFFIN JOHN WAYNE, STUD MUFFIN TILL HE WAS 80. BUT DOWN BELOW, HE’S AT ONE WITH
THE HORSE. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: AND THAT’S LEGAL
IN MICHIGAN? ( LAUGHTER )
OKAY, NOW, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. WE’RE TALKING POLITICS.>>YEAH.>>Stephen: THIS WEEK. I KNOW YOU’VE HAD A FEW OPINIONS
ABOUT POLITICS. LAST TIME YOU WERE ON YOU LIKED
BERNIE BUT WERE HEADING FOR THE HILLS. LET’S TALK ABOUT THE STAGECRAFT. YOU TRAINED ACTING. YOU WENT TO ACT SCHOOL? I THOUGHT DID YOU.>>I WENT TO SCHOOL.>>Stephen: YOU WENT TO SCHOOL
FOR ACTING. DID YOU LEARN ANYTHING WHILE YOU
WERE THERE THAT YOU CAN SHARE?>>THEY’RE DOING A GREAT JOB OF
IMAGINING A BETTER WORLD, IMAGINING A GREATER FUTURE,
IMAGINING– THAT’S JUST BASIC ACTING. AND YOU GUYS LIKE CORY BOOKER,
OF COURSE, MICHELLE OBAMA– THEY’RE JUST REALLY GOOD AT IT,
THE ONES WHO ARE. AND IT’S JUST BASIC ACTING,
WHICH IS EXERCISES LIKE ALONE IN YOUR ROOM AND SCENE WORK WITH
OTHER PEOPLE. AND PETTING THE KITTY. YOU HAVE —
>>WHAT IS THAT ONE? I DIDN’T– I’VE NEVER–
>>IT’S JUST A BASIC IMAGINARY EXERCISE THAT YOU IMAGINE THAT
YOU HAVE A KITTY, AND YOU PET IT. ( LAUGHTER )
YOU PET THE KITTY. ( LAUGHTER )
OH, LOOK. THE KITTY RAN ACROSS THE DESK. OH, LET’S GO GET THE KITTY AND
BRING IT BACK. ( LAUGHTER )
THANK YOU. ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS )
>>Stephen: I HAVE A SHY
KITTY. I’M PUTTING MY KITTY DOWN BACK
HERE. WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE STAGECRAFT
OF THESE CONVENTIONS,ING WHAT DO YOU THINK– HAVE YOU WATCHED THE
REPUBLICAN AND THE DEMOCRAT? HOW WOULD YOU COMPARE THE
STAGECRAFT?>>I WATCHED THE REPUBLICAN
CONVENTION. THE LAST TIME I WATCHED IT IN
FULL, LIKE, 2004. BUT BUSH AND CHENEY AND —
>>IT’S DIFFERENT THIS YEAR. ( LAUGHTER ).>>YEAH. THERE’S THE “D” LIST, AND THEN
THERE’S DOWN IN HERE. AND DOWN IN HERE IS WHERE WE
WERE LAST WEEK. BUT I– 2004, I WATCHED IT, AND
I WAS SO STRESSED OUT, THAT I WENT AND GOT A STRESS TEST. I GOT AN E.K.G.>>Stephen: HONEST TO GOD
AFTER YOU WATCHED IT.>>THEY SAID WHAT BROUGHT IT–
AND I SAID, “I WATCHED THE ENTIRE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION.”>>Stephen: WHAT DID THEY
PRESCRIBE?>>A MONTH IN THE BAHAMAS AND
REST AND DON’T WATCH ANYTHING REPUBLICAN ANYMORE. THAT WAS BACK– THAT WAS BACK
WHEN THEY WERE SANE! THAT WAS BACK– REMEMBER, THESE
ARE THE THE GUYS WHO WERE THE STRAIGHT-FACED, GAVE YOU SARAH
PALIN. THEY GAVE YOU SARAH PALIN.>>Stephen: CAN I RECOMMEND
SOMETHING TO CALM YOU DOWN THIS YEAR?>>YES.>>Stephen: MAYBE PET THE
KITTY. LET ME KNOW HOW THAT GOES.

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