Jim Gaffigan Turned Down The White House Correspondents’ Dinner


>>Stephen: JAMES GAFFIGAN,
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.>>HOW ARE YOU, SIR?>>Stephen: I’M FINE. I’M ALWAYS IN A GOOD MOOD WHEN I
SEE YOU, PLEASANT COMPANY.>>WELL, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I APPRECIATE THAT.>>Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO
HANG OUT SOME TIME?>>YEAH, LET’S HANG OUT. LET’S DO IT.>>Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A LOT
OF FREE TIME? YOU’VE GOT THE KIDS ASK THE
WIFE?>>THAT’S WHY I TOUR SO I CAN
GET AWAY FROM MY FAMILY. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN TOURING STAND-UP?>>I HAVE BEEN DOING IT FOR 2800
YEARS.>>Stephen: OH,.>>NO, I’VE BEEN DOING IT 28
YEARS.>>Stephen: I NEVER DID THE
STAND-UP BUT THERE’S A LOT OF CAMARADERIE BETWEEN STAND-UPS.>>THERE IS.>>Stephen: DID YOU SEE
MICHELLE WOLF’S STUFF AT THE CORRESPONDENTS’ DINNER?>>I DID.>>Stephen: A LOT OF
CONTROVERSY. A LOT OF CONTROVERSY.>>LOOK, FROM A CRAFT
STANDPOINT, WHICH WAS GREAT. THAT’S AN IMPOSSIBLE TASK,
PARTICULARLY WITH A PRESIDENT THAT, YOU KNOW, THERE’S A
DIFFERENT SCANDAL EVERY DAY, A DIFFERENT LAWYER, AND STUFF LIKE
THAT –>>Stephen: PASSIONATE
FEELINGS ON BOTH SIDES.>>WHAT SHE ACCOMPLISHED AS A
COMEDIAN WAS REALLY IMPRESSIVE, BECAUSE THERE ARE GREAT SHOWS
LIKE THIS AND NUMEROUS OTHER ONES THAT I WON’T SAY, THAT DEAL
WITH THIS ON A NIGHTLY BASIS. SO IT’S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE. I MEAN I– YOU KNOW, I DIDN’T
WANT TO DO IT. I WAS ASKED —
>>Stephen: YOU WERE.>>I WAS APPROACHED —
>>Stephen: FOR THIS YEAR?>>WELL, SOME OF IT’S– YEAH. BUT SOME OF IT’S– IT’S NOT MY
WHEELHOUSE. BUT I DO THINK IT’S STRANGE,
BECAUSE WE KNEW THAT, LIKE, HALF THE COUNTRY WAS GOING TO BE
ANGRY. BUT I THINK WHAT IS SURPRISING
FOR ME IS THE PEOPLE ON THE OTHER HALF, YOU KNOW, A SMALL
GROUP THAT WERE UPSET WITH HER PERFORMANCE THAT KIND OF
SURPRISES ME. I MEAN, YOU’VE DONE IT BEFORE.>>Stephen: YEAH, I DID IT 12
YEARS AGO, AND THEY NEVER ASKED ME BACK. ( LAUGHTER ).>>BUT IT’S STRANGE. YOU ASK A COMEDIAN TO PERFORM AT
A THING CALLED “THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS’ DINNER,” THEY’RE
GOING TO TAKE THEIR POINT OF VIEW, AND THEY’RE GOING TO GO
AFTER THE WHITE HOUSE AND THE CORRESPONDENT S.>>Stephen: RIGHT. AND EVERYBODY ACADEMY SHOCKED–
SHOCKED ! — THAT A COMEDIAN WOULD GO IN THERE AND DO JOKES
ABOUT THE PEOPLE IN POWER.>>IT’S STRANGE, AGAIN, IT’S NOT
MY WHEELHOUSE, BUT I FEEL LIKE WE’RE GETTING MORE AND MORE
SENSITIVE AS A COUNTRY. LIKE, I THINK ALMOST– IF THAT
WAS A YEAR AGO, I DON’T KNOW IF PEOPLE WOULD HAVE BEEN FREAK
OUT. IT’S, LIKE, I EVEN SEE IT– YOU
KNOW, I DON’T REALLY DISCUSS TRUMP IN MY STAND-UP, BUT WHEN I
DO SHOWS, EVEN A REFERENCE, I’LL SEE THE AUDIENCE, WHETHER
THEY’RE TRUMP SUPPORTERS OR NOT, THEY’LL KINDS OF LOOK AT THE
CEILING LIKE, “WE DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. WE DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.”>>Stephen: WHEN THEY COME TO
YOUR SHOW THEY WANT TO HEAR YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT ONIONS.>>THEY DO.>>Stephen: WHAT I LOVE ABOUT
YOUR SHOW, AND I WATCH AND LISTEN TO IT WITH MY WHOLE
FAMILY, YOU’RE CAPTURING THE ENTIRE HUMAN EXPERIENCE, WHICH
IS MOSTLY LIKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND YOUR KIDS
AND YOUR FAMILY ASK FOOD.>>YES, FOOD, FOOD. I DEAL WITH THE HARD-HITTING,
YOU KNOW, TOPICS. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: AND YOU’RE CLEAN
IS ANOTHER THING.>>I’M CLEAN. WELL THAT’S (BLEEP) (BLEEP).>>Stephen: YOU ARE CLEAN.>>YOU KNOW, IT’S STRANGE– WHY
YES, OF COURSE I AM CLEAN.>>Stephen: ARE YOU CLEAN IN
YOUR DAILY LIFE? ARE YOU NO POTTY MOUTH?>>I’M A HORRIBLE PERSON.>>Stephen: NOW, WAIT A
SECOND. ARE YOU ACTUALLY A HORRIBLE
PERSON OR ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE NICE PEOPLE WHO IS NICE BECAUSE
THEY’RE CONSTANTLY ACCUSING THEMSELVES OF BEING HORRIBLE, IF
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? CATHOLIC IS A WORD FOR THAT,
CATHOLIC. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ACCUSING THEMSELVES–
>>I LIVE IN POOL OF GUILT, YES. BUT I WOULD SAY THAT, YOU KNOW,
I AM SOMEBODY WHO CAN BE IMPROVING ALL THE TIME. BUT, YOU KNOW, MY STAND-UP, I
THINK COMEDIANS DO WHAT THEY DO, AND THEN THEY GET CRITICISM OR
CREDIT FOR IT AFTERWARDS. SO IT’S LIKE, YOU KNOW, CHRIS
ROCK IS GOING TO DO CHRIS ROCK, OR LEWIS BLACK IS GOING TO DO
LEWIS BLACK, OR MICHELLE WOLF IS GOING TO DO MICHELLE WOLF. THERE’S NOT SOME GRAND SCAM OF,
“I’M GOING TO SAY THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS THING,” OR “I’M GOING
TUKE ABOUT FOOD.” WE DO WHAT WE DO AND THEN GET
CREDIT OR CRITICISM.>>Stephen: ONE STRANGE
THING– IT’S STRANGE TO ME AND MIGHT STRIKE YOU AS ODD– YOU
ARE A PROFESSIONAL COMEDIAN, MAN OF THE WORLD, AND YET WHAT YOU
GO OUT AND DO ON STAGE IS CLEANER OFTEN THAN WHAT THE
PRESIDENT SAYS. LIKE THERE ARE DIRTIER JOKES
ATTRIBUTED TO PRESIDENT THAN THERE IS TO JIM GAFFIGAN.>>IT IS TRUE. YOU KNOW, THAT IS TRUE.>>Stephen: YEAH. ( LAUGHTER )
IT’S LIKE FINDOUTH THAT YOU’RE OLDER THAN THE PRESIDENT OR
SOMETHING. YOU’RE MORE MATURE THAN THE
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.>>WELL, I’M– I MEAN, I’M–
MAYBE I’M FATTER THAN HIM, TOO. I DON’T KNOW. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: THERE’S JUST A LOT
TO LOVE, JIM.>>THERE’S A LOT TO LOVE. IT IS WEIRD, BECAUSE I THINK AS
A COMEDIAN, WHETHER IT BE ME OR YOU OR MICHELLE WOLF, I THINK
WHAT PEOPLE DON’T REALIZE IS COMEDIANS ARE JUST LOOKING FOR
THE ADJECTIVE OF “FUNNY.” SO I UNDERSTAND THAT MAYBE MY
COMEDY IS CLEAN, BUT IT’S– PEOPLE THAT ARE COMING TO THE
SHOW ARE NOT SITTING THERE GOING, “I NEED TO NOT HEAR
SOMEONE CURSE FOR AN HOUR.” THEY’RE COMING TO HOPEFULLY HEAR
FUNNY COMEDY.>>Stephen: AND NOT CURSE FOR
AN HOUR.>>AND NOT CURSE FOR AN HOUR.>>Stephen: IF THEY’RE LOOKING
FOR THE FUNNY, THEY’RE IN LUCK. HERE COMES MY SEGUE. YOU HAVE A NEW ALBUM COMING OUT. IT’S CALLED “JIM GAFFIGAN:
NOBLE APE.” IS THERE A VIDEO COMPONENT?>>THERE IS.>>Stephen: WHERE CAN I SEE
THIS?>>IT’S GOING TO BE EVERYWHERE
JULY 13.>>Stephen: OR WE’RE GETTING
YOU ON JUST IN TIME. THE JULY 13 RELEASE. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE NOW.>>IT’S ON PREORDER NOW.>>Stephen:
>>Stephen: LET’S MAKE THIS THING GO PLATINUM ON PREORDER. I LIKE THAT YOU HAVE A VAN GOGH
PORTRAIT OF YOURSELF HERE.>>I ACTUALLY PAINTED THIS
MYSELF.>>Stephen: YOU’RE VERY
TALENTED.>>NO, I DIDN’T, I . “BURY THE ART GUY.” THAT’S WHAT HE GOES BY.>>Stephen: HIS NAME IS NOT,
“BURY THE ART GUY.”>>HE’S GOING TO LOVE THIS– BUT
HE’S A MASTERPIECE.>>Stephen: YOU’RE “JIM THE
JOKE MAN.”>>BUT HE’S AN AMAZING ARTIST. WE STARTED WITH AN IMAGE, AND
THEN I WAS LIKE, ALL RIGHT, LET’S GO FULL VAN GOGH. LET ME SEE. BOTH EARS. JUST CHECKING. JUST CHECKING. THIS COWRITTEN WITH YOUR LOVELY
WIFE. TELL ME YOUR WIFE’S NAME AGAIN.>>JEANIE.>>Stephen: LAST TIME SHE WAS
HERE SHE WAS JUST RECOVERING FROM A BENIGN BRAIN TUMOR. I ASSUME SHE’S DOING WELL.>>SHE’S DOING GREAT, THANK YOU. ( APPLAUSE )
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, THAT BEING SAID, YOU CAN’T EYE MEAN, SHE
HAD A TUMOR THE SIZE OF A PEAR IN HER HEAD. YOU CAN’T HAVE THAT REMOVED AND,
YOU KNOW, GO AND BUNGEE JUMPING. YOU KNOW, SO THERE IS SOME
PROGRESS BACK –>>Stephen: REALLY, YOU CAN’T
BUNGEE JUMP.>>YOU CAN’T BUNGEE JUMP, LIKE
THAT’S WHAT SHE WAS DYING TO DO. SHE’S PRETTY AMAZING. HER 80% IS LIKE ME ON MY, YOU
KNOW, MOST ACTIVE DAY. I GO TO A PARENT-TEACHER
CONFERENCE, AND I NEED TO TAKE A DAY OFF, YOU KNOW? ( LAUGHTER )
BUT SHE WAS– IT’S AMAZING. IT’S AN AMAZING– IT’S TRULY A
MIRACLE. YOU KNOW, SHE WAS IN SURGERY FOR
10 HOURS. AND BEFORE THE SURGERY, THE
SURGEON TOLD ME, HE GOES, “HALFWAY THROUGH, I’LL PROBABLY
STOP AND GET LUNCH.” AND I WAS LIKE, I DON’T NEED TO
KNOW THAT. WAS HE AFRAID I WAS GOING TO RUN
INTO HIM IN THE CAFETERIA? ( LAUGHTER )
AND BE LIKE, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!”
BUT HE WAS AN AMAZING SURGEON, BRAIN SURGEON, JOSHUA BETTERSON. WE FOUND OUT LATER ON THAT HE’S
ONE OF THE BEST BRAIN SURGEON EYE DON’T KNOW HOW THEY
DETERMINE THE BEST BRAIN SURGEON. MAYBE THERE’S A COMPETITION. “AMERICA’S GOT TUMORS,” YOU
KNOW. AND KIDDY KLUM’S BODY– HEIDI
KLUM’S BODY WAS THE BEST.>>Stephen: COULD YOU IMAGINE
IF SOMEBODY WAS LIKE, “HE’S A BRAIN SURGEON.” “YEAH, BUT HE’S THE WORST BRAIN
SURGEON.”>>THERE’S A CERTAIN LEVEL OF
PRESSURE THAT A BRAIN SURGEON MUST EXIST WITH THAT WE
WOULDN’T– LIKE, AT NO POINT DURING THEIR DAY CAN THEY TURN
TO SOMEONE AND GO, “HEY, IT AIN’T BRAIN SURGERY.” BECAUSE IT’S ALWAYS BRAIN
SURGERY.>>Stephen: YEAH. JIM, LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING
HERE. ALWAYS GO TO SEE JIM GAFFIGAN. HIS STANDUP SPECIAL “NOBLE APE”
IS OUT JULY 13. BUT ORDER IT NOW. THEY ONLY MADE SO MANY.

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Comments

  1. Nothing worse than liberals jerking each other off. Loved you Jim but lost respect for you. Stephen you and that wolf bitch can go fuck yourselves!

  2. The only problem with Michelle Wolfs act was that it wasn’t funny. She can attack whoever but she should at least attempt to be comedic about it

  3. Hey it ain't brain surgery as a brain surgeon or hey it ain't rocket science as a astronaut or in mission command is literally the best times to say those things. Seriously think about it. Guy in charge of keeping people alive saying he isn't doing his job. Picture your brain surgeon saying hey it ain't brain surgery and tell me what your first thought is.

  4. Sad there is so much fear in backing Trump in Hollywood. Everyone is to sensitive and a-fended. We all need to support and pray for our commander and chief. Crazy world we live in.

  5. Noble Ape implies he believes in evolution and therefore his Roman Catholicism is a complete waste of time. Its false religion. You might as well just be honest and go straight atheist.

  6. Michelle was doing a Roast, not just a “dinner,” a ROAST. I think most people complaining are not familiar with what that means. I’m frustrated that people who are on Michelle’s side, so to speak, should be educating them into what that is and why she was making the type of jokes she was doing. A Republican comedienne would have also made disparaging remarks ecause that is what is expected at a Roast, not just a dinner, a Roast, where the speakers are supposed to tear the guest of honor into shreds.

  7. Omg he looks horrible. "The other half" is not a "small group". WE THE PEOPLE are more than half of this country, way more. Wolfe was and is disgusting. And Jim, you are not anywheres near as smart as Donald Trump, our President. Definitely fatter. Leave Trump out of all of your convos.

  8. Tired of Stephen always trying to compare things to Trump. Like comparing Gaffigan’s clean comedy is cleaner than rap singers, or Tlalib or Omar or some crude comedian like Michelle Wolf.

  9. I like this guy, Catholic with a small c. Universally funny. Jesus could laugh forever, yet He died and arose and Satan said 'Oh God!'

  10. Funniest man alive and then he ruined it by his President Trump comments. I care more about my bowel movements than what comedians political views are.

  11. Truly enjoy Jim Gaffigan, I hope he is well aware of the joy and laughter his perspective brings to a lot of people.

  12. Cannot stand Colbert….just a bad talk show host. I wish colbert could actually do comedy. Thankfully gaffigan makes up for it this time. And he showed class in not taking the bait to curse the standing president…thats class.

  13. So nice to see the all seeing eye of CBS at the bottom of the screen so that i know that I'm watching a channel of devil worshippers

  14. Utter bs, what do they mean that they make fun of people on power? Where the hell were the Obama jokes and all the criticism then? Plz🙄 all these liberals always kiss the Democrats ass.

  15. When he said “a president with a new scandal every day” I checked he date because I knew he had to mean Obama.

  16. Stephen Colbert KILLED at the WHCD in 2006. It was a sensation, because prior to his performance, the pro-war mainstream media had cowed much of the population into silence. After that, the lid was off. A bunch of us wore t-shirts after that that said simply, "Thank you, Stephen Colbert."

  17. Comedy in general would be funnier if it was more even handed politically. I don't remember the scathing comedy directed towards Mr. Obama at a White House dinner

  18. I actually would be taken aback if I saw the surgeon at lunch when he was supposed to be at a 10-hour operation.

  19. Her jokes were vicious and nasty. Not at all funny. I'm disappointed that Gaffigan supports her.

  20. If the comedy fits wear it. Trump and the people he surroundeds himself with have already made the jokes. Someone just has to tell them.

  21. I never even noticed Jim Gaffigan wasn't swearing. I guess that's how you know it's his natural sense of humor.

  22. One of my favorite things was when these two guys played sports announcers in The Love Guru, pure comedy gold.

  23. Love gaffigan comedy especially because he can be hilarious without resorting to cursing, which is rare to find these days

  24. You are my most FAVORITE COMEDIAN! I think everyone in the whole world should warch atleast 3 of your videos everyday. There would be world peace. Everyone would be laughing too hard to hate!!! Pardon my grammar, I don't know it.

  25. Absolutely love Jim, I saw him at Carolines comedy club in New York back in like 2003ish and I knew he was gonna be big and likewise with Louis CK when I saw him at the same place a few years later. I just had no idea how long these guys had been doing comedy prior to myself ever having heard of them. It was like they were completely new comics ok n the scene to me and just the other day I saw Louis doing his act back in 1988. It's so impressive how long these guys have to stick it out before they become really famous doing comedy. That has to be seriously hard to do and you must really really love what you do to stay in it that long. I have nothing but admiration for anyone trying their hand at comedy.

  26. I personally DO choose to watch him because I'm tired of how vulgar regular comedy is. I don't need that or want that in my life. There's too much funny stuff to laugh at to have to have it be vulgar.

  27. I thought her stuff was stupid and raunchy.

    they're just afraid to say it because of fear of being attacked by other females for downing a female.

    What you got there is a couple of chicken hawks that would take the side of a female argument against anybody arguing against a female

  28. Give it up, Colbert, not everyone is going to fall for your urging to trash Trump, no matter how many times you interrupt.

  29. Another pathetic MSM host… Colbert or whatever, so obsessed to end every thread of discission with washed out Trump bashing, that he doesn't give a damn about his guest…. filthy little hateful clown.

  30. Oh my thank you for that visual of the doctor running into you in the cafeteria! I could imagine that… you think your loved ones being operated on so you go to the cafeteria to get your mind off things and grab a bite and you see the surgeon in the cafeteria as well! That was hilarious.

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