Joke-Off with Michael Che and Colin Jost


-Listen to this. A new coffee shop just opened in Seattle called
DreamBoyz Espresso, where all the baristas
are buff, shirtless guys. [ Cheers and applause ] Best part is you can order
your coffee tall, grande, or Magic Mike XXL.
It’s great. -Oh, oh, Jimmy,
Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. [ Cheers and applause ] -Colin, Michael Che. -Jimmy.
-What’s up? -Jimmy.
-What’s going on? -A coffee shop
with shirtless baristas and that’s the best you got,
really? -Tell him, Che. [ Laughter ] -Jost, Che, what? You guys you think you can do
better than that? -Oh, we know we can. Probably. -Well, you know what that means? It is time for a good
old-fashioned “Tonight Show” joke-off. [ Cheers and applause ] I think we all know the rules. One more time, a new coffee shop
just opened in Seattle called DreamBoyz Espresso, where all the baristas
are buff, shirtless guys. And go. -Beep, beep, beep. It’s 3 bucks for a coffee and 50 bucks for them
to grind your bean. -Alright, that’s good,
that’s good. Meep. Shirtless baristas —
This is great news for everyone who wishes the strip club
played more Norah Jones. Sorry.
[ Laughter ] -Beep, beep, beep!
Trust me. You don’t want to see how
they draw a heart in your foam. [ Laughter ] -Eh! Every customer was like,
“I’ll take one cup of Joe-y.” -Beep. -All the baristas
are buff, shirtless guys? “I can’t wait to check it out,”
said the health inspector. [ Laughter ] -Beep, beep, beep! -Said Colin, “Please don’t tell
Scarlett you saw me here.” [ Laughter ] -Eh! The Wi-Fi password is bow-chicka-wow-wow
underscore 69. -Beep! But I don’t recommend this place
if you have a nut allergy. -Oh! Stop, stop, stop, stop. [ Cheers and applause ] -Alright, alright,
alright, alright. -Kids are watching this. -I’ll give you that one.
I’ll give you that one. Alright, here’s the next story. Several big alcohol companies say they’re working on
developing drinkable marijuana. And go. -Oh, beep! And somehow it still gives you
cotton mouth. -Beep, beep, beep. Of course,
all marijuana is drinkable when the cops pull you over. -Eh! Meanwhile, Natural Ice said they’re still trying to
develop drinkable beer. -Beep, beep! They even got a catchy name for
it — Snoop Dogg’s Urine. [ Laughter ] -Beep, beep, beep. If you want to know what
drinkable marijuana tastes like, just take a sip out of Che’s mug
right now. -Yes.
[ Cheers and applause ] I’ll give him that one. -It’s for my glaucoma. -Oh, you have glaucoma? -Glaucoma, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Helps him read, yeah. -Alright, Jost,
you got that one. Alright, last story here. Iggy Azalea says her upcoming
shows will have a twerk pit. Go. -Beep, beep. As in “I entered the twerk pit
and nine months later, you were born.” -Beep, beep, beep! That’s insane.
Iggy Azalea has upcoming shows? [ Laughter, audience groans ] -Wow. -Alright, well, it’s a twerk
pit, twerk pit, alright. Eh! Fans were like, “Of course,
the person with the tallest ass is right in front of me.” -Beep, beep! A twerk pit sounds cool,
but I bet it smells terrible. [ Laughter ] -Beep, beep, beep. Okay, sure, right. But when I started twerk pit,
I’m banned from Chuck E’ Cheese. -Yeah. Eh! So, if you hear people clapping,
that’s not hands. There you are, everybody! -Colin Jost, Michael Che,
everybody! Thank you, guys.

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