My momma used to cook macaroni and cheese *cough* It was a- It was a Kraft blue box and she made it- she made it with *giggle* She made it with silica beads She’d melt them down and it had a cheesy aftertaste. I got gonorrhea the last time I went on a sea boat I told my mom to help me clean it up and she said no, thank you. Tell me three adjectives to describe yourself. Plump, sweet, and beggin’ for cream! [laughter] Tucker: G- uh- Go. Ah- start, start the show. Start it. Hello Tucker. T: Hey! And welcome Specifically you, to another episode of the Ten Minute PoOower Hour. What about the rest of the audience? I’m happy they’re here, too. I’m happy you’re here, too. I’m happy you’re here, too But you can’t, you can’t say that to everybody who watches, there’s like hundreds of thousands of people. My name’s Arin Hey! I’m Dan! Do you wanna know what we’re doing today? Tell me about the thing. It’s something that we’ve done already Oh finishing the second half of that thing? With the stuff? I mean Yeah, sure.
-Okay. That was impressive. Thank you.
-Yeah, I gotta give it to you on that one. Yeah, set that up earlier.
-Okay, cool. I call it was definitely all me and not any of Tucker’s editing. We’re doing more Newlywed Game Yes, we have to finish that list of questions.
-Newlywed Game. Aw fuck, oh hell
-Aw shit. [Tucker]What do you want you a red blue?
-No, I don’t want red and blue. Oh, I got the black one This signifies how the progress that we have made as people new colors.
-Yes a new day new day new dawn [Tucker] Okay, I’m sorry.
-new friends. If you guys don’t know how this works here’s how it works
-oh yes You gotta ask a question and then he writes the answer down It’s about himself and then I have to guess
– You have to guess my answer What his answer is and then if I get it right then I know him really well Yes.
Here’s the score: Boom boom! Thank you. I love it. Okay Go right ahead Arin.
-That made me seem like I had magic. Boom! Just more work… Boom! YA! HA! HO!
-Whoa whoa whoa wait wait wait wait wait It’s crazy, it’s crazy. Let me try Boom!
-I love it. That made me a little horny. Oh, I know this one.
-what? What is your “pet name” for me? Ohhh. That’s easy peasy Japanesey.
-All right. I said that already in another one.
-Let’s hear it. Big Cat!
-You better believe it’s Big Cat, Big Cat! Yeah.
-I love it. But that’s only for like when you’re really distressed. And need comforting. The comforting love of another man.
-Awwh. Well, I do like to consider myself a giant pussy. Now is your chance to prove that you know me better than anyone else including my wife who loves me very much.
-Your na-? Your nickname for me?
-Nickname for you. Oh, yeah. It’s a uh, Big D. Yeah Big D!
-Yeah! Hoho, that’s right! Because it implies that he has a gigantic penis. [laughs] Implication correct. Implication correct, right, Tucker? Ah! AH! Oh I had to find it sorry What is the strangest gift that I have ever bought for you? When we first started out being friends, we bought each other shit all the time. Okay.
-Now now we like deeply take each other for granted. God what happened?
-Well, I mean, heh, you just stopped caring, amirite? Yeah, I guess so It’s not even a gift it’s just the first thing that you got for me that I can remember Oh shit, really?
-the very first thing first day we met Is it sushi? It’s sushi! Wow!
-Wow! But it was weird sushi. It was like, “you should try this,” and I was like, “I’ll try it.” pffflt I would’ve said the triceratops tooth I bought you.
-Oh yeah! That’s WAY weirder! The weirdest present that you’ve gotten me.
-That I’ve? This is a hard one. We’re not gifty people. Can I get a small hint? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I use it every day.
-That gold-studded butt-plug? Oh shit, I forgot about that one.
-I have no clue. I have no clue.
-Do you give up? Yeah. It’s four more years of my career!
-[laughs] [buzzer] Here’s your board
-[laughs] Get this shit out of my face
-I don’t want to see it anymore. I don’t wanna see the fucking blank whiteness it reminds me that we’ll all be dust someday. And… When the tiny plane landed it sounded like my camera rewinding. I thought, “this is just a picture” [Tucker] You want the one that’s directly next? do you want that one?
-Yes, obviously. [Tucker] Okay.
Dan: [laughs] [Tucker] What is, your spouses…
[Tucker] Comfort food? I think you know my second one, so I’m gonna guess my second one, but you have to write it down first. You’ve never listed them for me!
-[laughs] never been like a fucking Olympic podium of comfort food. The fact that you don’t know ‘automatically’ means that you probably don’t know.
-okay. Is it…
-Wha! Hold on! What? Oh, yeah.
-I think you’re gonna say ramen daikokuya specifically I said ramen!
-Yeah Okay, that’s my second favorite comfort food.
– Okay what your what is your actual favorite? I’ll learn something today. It’s uh, spaghetti, made with butter and cheese. American ramen! I’m so close, I feel like that should count. [Tucker] Oh, you know what? I’ll give it to Dan just cuz he seems like a great guy [gasp]
[Tucker] Seems like he’s winning actually. Tucker thank you! Wait, I didn’t know this was a competition.
-Oh hell yeah this is a competition. It’s supposed to be couples-
-That’s why you keep a score. Nonono, but it’s not about whether or not someone’s right or wrong. It’s about the connection that we share.
-Uh, marriage is about winning, Arin. [laughs] Everybody knows that. All right, my next one. Ow fuck. What’s the next one? Sorry.
[Tucker laughs] Now you have to do my comfort food.
-Oh, what’s your comfort food? [laughs] Oh, fucking, come on. I got it!
-Okay. What’s your comfort food?
-You better believe it’s those chickie fingies! CHICKEN FINGERS!
-Yeah baby! Then I drew a hand.
-God, I hope no chicken actually has that. [Tucker] That, um. All right. You ready? Yeah
-Yeah [Tucker] You ready for what’s next?
-Totally [Tucker] Okay, the next one is, uh, [Tucker] What is your spouse’s idea of a Perfect Sunday? Ohh…
-A Perfect Sunday. Wow, I honestly don’t know. What is my idea of a Perfect Sundae? Okay, let’s see.
-Little cherry on top? Maybe some whipped cream? Hm hm hm. Okay. Don’t- Don’t laugh at that! I’m gonna use my hand mirror right now to cheat. Mmmm. I’ve put an activity and a food.
-Oh. For- uh, my favorite Sunday?
-Mm-hmm. The spaghetti.
-Mm HMM! And… …Reading? I put Disneyland.
-Disneyland? Disneyland! You love Disneyland!
-I DO love Disneyland. Yeah, is that not what you would wanna do on a Sunday?
-No, I would wanna relax Cool. Well.
-Disneyland isn’t relaxing. That’s true. But I do love Disneyland.
-Well, I fucked that one up. Well you didn’t fuck it up I would love to go to Disneyland eat spaghetti. It sounds like a great fucking day! Alright
-AH! Oh! Sorry, are you okay? Oh Jesus.
-I’m fine. I’m fine. [Tucker] We’re glad you’re okay, but in the future just know you’re not getting anything for this.
-I know I’m- trust me, I know. I know.
[Tucker] You’re a liability Okay. What’s the question? oh, my perfect Sunday.
-what’s your perfect Sunday? You better write ‘church’. Done Okay, uh, it is a relaxing day of watching football and seeing the Giants win That- you didn’t write anything remotely close to that did you?
-I forgot that you liked sports. Yeah, yeah. That’s what happens on Sundays.
[buzzer] I wrote chillin, listening to music and shit.
-I do love doing that, too Yeah.
-We have a lot of interests. Yeah.
-I mean honestly, I would’ve also accepted uh… like snuggling or sex or I was thinking of sex.
-Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking something sexual.
-That’s a good one… You’re erasing what you wrote with your head… Here it is.
-Eraser police! What the fuck is this?
-It’s the eraser. That is not.
-It’s an ice cream sandwich. Ahh!
-No, the other side. The cork?
– There you go. Oh. You might want to cut to an intermission. Alright, Tuckly Buckly, what’s the next one, chum?
-Oh yeah. [Tucker] what is your spouse’s best dumb trick?
– Dumb trick? Uhh, I think I might know what it is. I think I might know what it is… Okay Tell me.
-[belch] juggling! Yo-Yo !
-Oh You should juggle my nuts in your fucking hand.
-[SLAM] What is your dumb trick? You seeing this shit?
[Tucker] Is that a dumb trick? No [GASP] [whisper] Arin might have to revise his answer. [Tucker][whisper]Oh shit. Is it… Spitting stuff into the air and catching it in my mouths?
-spit uh- spits stupid gum in air and catch in dumb mouth! Yeah! Yeah that’s me! I do it all the time and I did it with a marshmallow.
-That’s right you did and it almost made me vomit
-Really? God, you’re disgusting. And this was the reason that long ago in this kingdom by the sea a wind blew out of a cloud chilling my beautiful Annabel Lee So that her highborn kinsmen came and bore her away from me to shut her up in a Sepulchre in this kingdom by the sea Here’s the whiteboard, Dan!
-Holy shit! [Tucker] If your spouse was Superman
[Tucker]What amazing feat would they perform? spaghetti and featballs It what- is it like- is it a joke? or would I be able to guess this?
-I mean, it’s not a joke. [snickers] Well now it’s absolutely a joke. Uhhhh… Fly to Japan?
– You better believe it’s suck your own dick! [buzzer] Oh… Yeah, I’d probably do that first
– yeah, I mean come on Japan will always be there [laughs] Just take a flight, and you could blow yourself the entire 12 hours it takes to get to Japan.
-[laughs] Why would Superman? he’s got like huge muscles- He wouldn’t be able to reach down on his own penis.
-He’s SUPERMAN! his penis is super [both laugh] It’s like this long and he just has to go like: [Dan laughs] Hello old friend!
[both laugh] Oh, I have to do it with Dan.
-I mean, you know what the answer is the same answer. Yeah.
-Oh, It’s suck his own dick.
[ding] [Tucker] What does Superman call his dick? What?
-That’s not a real one. That is not a real one. You just made that up, Tucker.
[Tucker] answer the damn question. The answer is Tip-tonite
[ding] [Dan laughs]
-Nonono, No, no, no Lois Vein [Dan dies]
[ding] I made little- I made little fingers. Just little fingers.
-Wow, I wish they were made of chicken. Oh yeah…
-yeah Here, you want one? ♪ I, can go anywhere ♫
[Arin laughs] ♪ Take a look, it’s in a book. A readin- 𝄽 You’re really mixing your LeVar Burton characters there.
– I love that man. Yeah, I know. Me too.
-[laughs] [Tucker] what color would your spouse say looks best for you? Oh shiz… [marker scraping] What looks best for me?
– I think you- you look best in black [GASP] BLACK! Yep, yep
– it’s black! Always bet on black. What do you think I think looks best on me? You gotta write it down.
-Okay Do it!
– black. It’s black! I also wrote that.
– Wow I only guessed it because you didn’t write anything.
– Well, I mean, shit, everyone looks good in black. Well, that’s not true.
-Who? NAME ANYONE! Jesus.
– yeah, you’re right. He didn’t- he didn’t really rock black a lot.
-No, just a lot of white going on [chokes] [Tucker]This is the last question
– the last question?
[Tucker] the last question [Dan belches] [Tucker] Which traffic sign would you say best describes your______? [Dan] Hmm this one was easy for me.
-Okay. Well, first of all, I have to say what I think the question is. I think it’s “what” uh… What traffic sign best represents your sexual advances toward me, and the answer is Yield. It’s the sign where like the road is getting smaller but then it gets bigger at the- in- at the end.
-Wha-? What is it in reference to? I don’t know, I just like that sign.
-oh okay [lips: ‘help me’]
[ding] [Dan] just getting this out of the way [lips: ‘please help me. please. this is not a joke.’] Okay, what is the sign that would best describe your___ Or my_____? what’s the sign that would best describe my_____. I guess. Alright done.
-I think it’s a stop sign. What’s the end of the question though?
-the sign that best represents your… love For me That’ll never stop. I said what represents my dick, and it’s the curvy road sign The one that kind of goes like whoa, where’s that? Where- where you going with all that dick? That’s crazy Wow
[ding] That’s a really funny goof. I’m glad I got to share this moment with you this episode with you. It’s a great episode.
[lips: ‘twenty thousand dollars’] Next time on the ten minute power hour.
-[laughs] what’s the final score Tucker? bambam! [explosions]
-Wow. bambam! [squirts]
That’s great. [both] Bambambambam- Well, it sure has been fun, Dan.
-We had a great time.
I learned a lot about you and you learned a lot about me And I loved it.
-And I’ll never be free. [laughs]
-I mean everything is going great and we’re friends Well, thank you so much for joining us, twenty thousand dollars it has been a pleasure to be here on the ten minute Power Hour, five days you have five days, and we will be back here next Monday Stronger than ever unless Arin dies. We’ll see you soon! I’m safe. Don’t worry about me My dad told me once that I had straight A’s turned out he was wrong Flunked outta kindergarten. Couldn’t keep the macaroni pieces on the paper. THE LETTER B IS PERFECT FOR SPELLING WORDS SUCH AS BANANA [laughter] [through laughing] Fucking killing Tucker over here his face is like red! [Tucker] It’s so fucking stupid! [laughter]