Key & Peele – Sex Detective – Uncensored


[indistinct chatter
over police radio] [camera shutter clicks] – IT’S A WEIRD ONE–
NOTHING OUT OF PLACE, NO MURDER WEAPON.
– AND NO MOTIVE. THERE’S JUST A COUPLE
LYING DEAD IN THEIR BED. – THE PROOF IS ALWAYS
OUT THERE, DETECTIVES. YOU JUST HAVE TO KNOW
WHERE TO FIND THE PUDDING. – EXCUSE ME, SIR, YOU CAN’T BE
HERE–THIS IS A CRIME SCENE. – SAMWELL, IT’S OKAY. HE’S THE GREATEST SEX-CRIME
INVESTIGATOR IN HISTORY. IF IT ISN’T
DETECTIVE CHUCK VAUGHAN. – DETECTIVE SALLY FERGUSON. – WE COULD USE A GENIUS
RIGHT NOW. – TOM SAMWELL. – WHAT HAVE WE GOT, SAMWELL? – WELL, VAUGHAN, WE’VE GOT
OURSELVES A HARD CASE HERE. ALL WE’VE GOT IS–
– TWO BODIES, BOTH DEAD, NAKED– ONE MAN, ONE WOMAN IN THE BED, TWO SCENTED CANDLES
BY THE NIGHTSTAND. – HOW DID YOU–
– SHH. – NO SIGN OF FORCED ENTRY. HE LOVED THE WAY THEY SMELLED. [sniffing] HE WANTED TO CROSS
THE THRESHOLD THE WAY THEY HAD
ON THEIR WEDDING DAY. [sighs]
YOU DIRTY DOG. [chuckles] HE WOULD’VE EXPERIENCED
THAT PLEASURE RIGHT HERE. [pants unzip]
[groaning loudly] ANNIVERSARY–THE COUPLE
WAS TOGETHER FOR A WHILE, WANTED TO SPICE THINGS UP. CHECK THE DATE
ON THE PHOTOGRAPH. – VAUGHAN’S RIGHT. TODAY WAS THEIR 15TH WEDDING
ANNIVERSARY. THIS IS HUGE. – AND WHAT THE [bleep]
WAS THAT? YOU JUST PULLED YOUR DICK OUT AND STARTED JERKING OFF
AT THE CRIME SCENE. – SAMWELL,
HE’S THE BEST THERE IS. BY PUTTING HIMSELF
IN THE PERPETRATOR’S MIND-SET, HE’S ABLE TO SOLVE CRIMES
THAT INVOLVE SEX. BAG THIS UP. – SOME CALL IT A BLESSING. IT’S MORE LIKE A CURSE. – IS THAT WHAT IT FEELS LIKE? – [sniffing] THREESOME. [sighs] YOU WANTED TO SEE THEM,
DIDN’T YOU? YOU WANTED TO WATCH. 25 FEET FROM THE BEDROOM, ACROSS THE KITCHEN, YOU… [huffing] YOU DIDN’T WANT
TO SEE THEIR FLESH YET, DID YOU? NO. HE STOOD RIGHT HERE. [pants unzip]
[groaning loudly] ROLE PLAY GONE WRONG. CHECK THE LOGS. – WE’VE GOT A BLOODY FIRE POKER. WE’VE GOT OUR MURDER WEAPON. – UM, WHY DO YOUR REVELATIONS REQUIRE MASTURBATION? – WHY DO KITTENS REQUIRE MILK? – NOPE, NOT THE SAME THING.
– HEY. HEY, HE’S THE MOST BRILLIANT
GODDAMN DETECTIVE I KNOW. PUT YOUR EGO ASIDE
AND GIVE VAUGHAN HIS SPACE. – MY EGO?
WE GOT CAPTAIN PUDPULLER FLINGING HIS FLUIDS
ALL OVER THE CRIME SCENE. – WAIT. HE KNEW THEM. HE– THEY WERE CLOSE, SO CLOSE,
TOO CLOSE. HE–HE… I THINK HE KNEW THE HOUSE. WHY? WHAT DID YOU WANT,
YOU SICK BASTARD? YOU WANTED TO SEE… WHAT HE SAW EVERY DAY… ONLY CLOSER… CLOSER. HE WAS CLOSE TO HOME. [groaning loudly] THERE’S OUR MAN. – ALL RIGHT, LET’S GO GET HIM. GO, GO!
– HOW DID YOU– VAUGHAN, THAT WAS AMAZING. I’M SORRY THAT I DOUBTED YOU. YOUR METHODS
ARE UNORTHODOX, BUT… I CANNOT ARGUE
WITH YOUR RESULTS. [zipper closes] – NO HARD FEELINGS? – UH, NO, NOPE,
NOT GONNA DO THAT.

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Comments

  1. I fucking hate criminal minds and all crime shows for that matter and I love how they were able to show how amateur the scripts are and take it to the next level with the sarcastic exaggeration

  2. Wow he really did beat his meat 3 times under 3 minutes
    Damn is this man alright
    He either have a real problem or a real power

  3. 🤣😂🤣 I’m dead!! Wanking everywhere.
    If I don’t quit YouTube like I did Facebook, I’ll accomplish nothing in my life and die poor.

  4. Post but clarity hahah! A man once told me if you want business ideas make sure there is a pen nearby after you finish jerking off!!

  5. Who writes the script for these staged comedy-drama!?..it's not at all human …!!! This concludes an existing extraterrestrial symbiotic relationship..
    ET : hey humans go act ..and that's a cut ..

  6. printest seem not too surprise see the jerking off king prophet in action,btw he sound like p griffin family guy when jerking off

  7. the end would have been better if he had shaken hands with detective and immediately realizes it was the masterbating hand🤣

  8. What’s the name of that female actor? Is she Agent Prentice from Criminal Minds… or am I crazy?

  9. 1:29 My exact reaction 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😭😭😭😭😂😭🤣😂🤣😂😭😂😭😂🤣😂😭😭😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  10. "Proof is always out there detectives, you just have to know how to find the pudding.
    Two bodies. Both dead. Naked. One man. One woman. In the bed. Two scented candles by the night stand.
    No sign of forced entry. He loved the way they smelled. He wanted to cross the threshold the way they had on their wedding day.
    You dirty dog. If you would've experienced that pleasure right here- UHHHHHAHHHHHAHHHHUHHHHH
    Anniversary. Couple was together for awhile, wanted to spice things up. Check the date on the picture.
    Don't call it a blessing. It's more like a curse (sniffs). Threesome. You wanted to see them didn't you? You wanted to watch. 25 feet from the bedroom. Across from the kitchen. You didn't want to see their flesh yet did you? He stood right here-UUUHHHHHAHAHAAHHHHHHAUHHHHH.
    Role play gone wrong. Check the logs.
    Why do your revelations require masturbation?
    Why do kittens require milk??
    Wait. He knew them. They were close so close. Too close. He. He. I think he knew the house. Why? What did you want you sick bastard? You wanted to see what he saw everyday only closer. Closer. He was close to home-ehhehhhhahhh
    There's our man!
    No hard feelings?"

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