Leaving and Cleaving in Marriage

Beloved of God, my name is a Felix
Okeke I am your marriage counselor and coach. I am also the director of Marriage Enrichment School it’s an online
platform for the training of married couples, parents and adult singles on the
art of running effective and effectual marriages and family lives. Today, on
this channel we are going to be discussing a whole lot and I believe God
that if you listen attentively you’ll be blessed. Get a pen and paper
sit back, possibly with your spouse, and pen down a few things and if you observe
one or two things that you desire me to lay more emphasis upon, please use the comment, comment and send them down to me and possibly at the end of this
broadcast, please subscribe, and together we’re going to do this and
I believe God that we are going to be enriched at the end. The subject of our
discussion today is of vital importance and that subject is called Living and
Cleaving, leaving and Cleaving. I once attended a wedding ceremony and just
before the wedding, I overheard the father talking to the daughter. He said, “my dear
daughter, please I and your mummy, we never really loved
the man you have chosen as a husband but we have to agree simply because you said
that’s the love of your life, as you are going into this marriage, please if there is
any headache or if that man gives you trouble, please remember your home, come
back immediately to your father’s house I felt aggrieved at such a comment
because the man has invariably laid a solid foundation for marital failure for
the daughter. The reality is that you have given your daughter an emotional
challenge, It’s like you are giving her out physically but emotionally you are still
are tieing her to the apron strings of parenthood and that is not what it ought
to be. The reason for this topic today is just to let you know that you
must allow your kids to leave and cleave There is something that the Holy Book
said, he said, ” therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined to
his wife and they two shall become one flesh.”
Now for a couple, leaving and cleaving is very fundamental. If you don’t know how
to leave successfully and cleave successfully your marriage will be
undermined. But after today I believe God you will get the grace that is required
for you to do proper leaving and proper cleaving with your spouse. Now, what does it
mean to leave? To leave simply needs to walk away, to depart, to move away from
the comfort zone, in the case of a married couple, to walk away from the covering
and the shielding of parents. We know very well that these parents have provided to
you physical and emotional back-up throughout your years of singlehood but now that
you are about moving into marriage, there is the need for you to detach completely
from them. yes they remain your parents bit this question of any time
any problem arises and you’ll find yourself shuttling between your marital
home are your parents home, time has come for you to cut away from that
because you’re about building a home. There is something that happens when we
are fond of taking the matters to our parents, number one, you must realize that
your parent is not married to your mate, therefore they know little or nothing
about him or her. therefore if they have to give you any
advice or counsel, the counsel will be subjective never objective. Secondly,
any time you take a matter to them, you are bound to render it in
the way that will suit you, not realizing that your mate has a point too. so when
you bring it, you are bringing it from his subjective perspective not objective
perspective and because of that the advice they give you may
run down you’re marriage instead of uplifting it therefore you are expected
to cut away from their emotional cover. If you have a problem, you don’t take it to them, you
take it to a qualified marriage counselor who is able to sit with you
and your spouse and give you the kind of advice that will make a difference in
your marriage, so the capacity to leave is very very fundamental. I once met a couple
that were having serious problems because the woman, the wife of the man had
serious attachment with her mom, she loved her mom so much that even after her
marriage she visits the woman continually at least once or twice every
week. But there was a challenge. Each time she comes back from such a
visitation to her marital home she brings with her all manner of woes, all manner of
troubles, because of the old woman, the old mom succeeds always implanting some dirty things,
in making, in opening the weaknesses of her spouse on to her so
she comes back not edified, she comes back polluted,, and each time she comes, she brings troubles to her husband. When I came into that matter I had to ensure, to make
sure that the husband have a way of detaching the wife from her mother. And
what did I advise, “Pick up your wife take her to a different city far away
from the comfort of her mom and then you see a different kind of woman and that’s
what exactly what restored that relationship. So the capacity to leave is very very
fundamental. I know of grown men who are married and each time they have a problem
they take it to mom and dad, and want mom and dad to tell them or to tell him or
her what to do. It’s not the ideal thing. Where you have a problem, you sit back
that is why you have been called into the relationship, you become a leader, you
take the leaders position, you sit back and weigh the options and then you come
up with a proactive result, so the capacity to leave is very fundamental.
Now that you know how to leave, then what is the next thing, the next thing is to know
how to cleave. Cleaving is very important, if you don’t know how to
cleave successfully you are bound to also, experience some serious problems.
what does it mean to cleave? it means, number one, to share your views, your
dreams, your visions, everything that you need to do, share it with one another so
that it gives both of you an opportunity to understand one another well, both of
you are co-travellers, joint-heirs in the grace of life, so none need to have a
vision that is not known to the other, so that as you continue sharing your
visions and dreams, it becomes easier for you to walk together as one. Secondly,
you must develop the attitude of praying together, when you understand
God from the same spiritual perspective, when you are able to tender your things together before God, it becomes easier for you to walk together as one. Cleaving
becomes easier, when you pray together, when you pray with one another.
Thirdly, you must endeavor to be sacrificial in your relationship.
Personal sacrifice is very important. Now these sacrifices could be emotional, it
could be physical it could be….., let me give you an example. I once had a friend
who was a bank director. Unfortunately his wife became very sick and at a point,
it was like the woman was going to die, so the man, instead of sending the woman in
a home for her to be looked after, what did he do? He decided to retire,
he decided to resign from his banking position, a very lucrative position, to
take care of his sick wife. Many people said to him, oh no no no why don’t you
take your wife to a place, get nurses and all that to look after her but
the man said, oh I love my wife and I am called to this relationship to be a
serve her, to watch over her, so what did the man do? He resigned from his very
lucrative banking position to look after his wife. That is what I mean by making
personal sacrifices. Of course the woman later got better. But what do you think? The marriage became more glorious The marriage became more blissful throughout the
rest of their years. I also had another friend who had to leave a very plum job,
an assignment that was given to him in another city, a very wonderful job, he
decided to leave this simply because he wanted to be closer to his family. That
is what I mean by personal sacrifices you made personal sacrifices for the
relationship, that is what makes the cleaving to become wonderful, so learn how
to cleave with your spouse, learn how to understand one another. In the life that you are in right now,
number four, you must also realize that God has called you, both of you, to become part of his bigger plan upon the earth. God desires that both of you should
become his ambassadors upon the earth He has a big program, by bringing
both of you together, you are meant to be a part of the bigger
plan of God upon the face of the earth. So don’t take your position as a husband or
your position as a wife as simple, as ordinary, it is not just a mere chance meeting, it is something that has been pre-ordained by God for a time as this. So learn to look
at your life as it pertains to what God is about to do and
what God is currently doing if you see from that perspective then you will not
take your relationship for granted. Leaving and cleaving are
very important. I pray, I pray that you understand it. When you leave successfully, and you cleave successfully, your marriage is edified, your marriage is glorified,
your marriage becomes the pride upon the earth.
you become exemplary to people around you. So I pray I pray that you
know how to leave and cleave from now henceforth. May God deliver this grace
onto your lives. May God make that possible in your own lives.
I pray, I pray that God will bring that virtue upon you. If you have been blessed
by this teaching I want you to do something for me. Please send all the comments, I want you to take all the things that you have seen all or whatever you have
noted during this program, t just send them to me as your comment. I would like to have them. if possible please I would like you to touch this SUBSCRIBE button, so
that this mission we have embarked upon, this channel would become the channel of channels. It is the channel for everyone who is interested in making
a joyful ending of his marriage. God is going to bring that grace upon you.
SUBSCRIBE today. Hit on a subscribe button. And God bless you indeed

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