Hi there! Here’s some things to do if
you’re a new college student. Get your room ready. Check. Find some new friends. Check. Find yourself suddenly
perimenopausal. Check. Really? -Not yet.
-Okay. Hello, all. This mediation is here to help
facilitate your divorce. You will all be
civilized and you will please address
all speech to me. -You betcha.
-To you. So even if we wanna talk to
one another, we can’t. I mean, if I wanted
to say… “Dina, I am going to have
a beautiful life with your husband,
Dina.” I can’t believe you
brought her. I can’t believe you brought
Christine. I can’t believe you shacked
up with a bitch. I just wanna say,
for the record… I just needed to an upgrade
in my life, Deanna. -You son of a…
-To me, please. I’m sorry. You son of a bitch. You’re the son of
a bitch. -You’re the son of a bitch.
-Oh. I object! 23 years of marriage just
down the tubes. What am I gonna do? I’m a 40 something
year old woman that doesn’t even
have her degree. -Oh, my God.
-Hm? I know what I’m
gonna do. ♪ Let me see you
wrap this ♪ I don’t regret staying at home
and being your mom… but I regret not
getting my degree. That’s why somebody’s mom just
enrolled in college. Beep-beep-beep.
It’s me. I want the full
experience. Oh, hell no! I don’t know what’s
sadder. The mom perm or the
mom boobs. These allowed this
one to suckle at these teats… -for 28 months. I wear them…
-Mom. -around my waist proudly.
-We’ve talked about this, mom. -This isn’t the time.
-Wapow! ♪ Get ready for the
wild life ♪ There goes the
neighborhood, huh? Uh-oh, I cannot stay out of this
unbelievable chocolate. It’s weed bark. So, maybe, I would probably hold
off from having any more. -Just ’cause um…
-What is it? You have such
pretty eyes. For 20 years, I worried about
what I wasn’t doing right… when I could’ve
been doing better. You have a moment here
if you take it. Oh, my God, Mom! Don’t jump to
conclusions. You don’t know what’s
happening here. It looks like my mother is
doing the walk of shame out of a frat house. Well, okay, yes. Technically, that’s what’s
happening. Let’s just go. You know what, I’m
older, I’m wiser. This? Essentially a Google. Ask me anything. Turn off your
vagoogle. -It can’t be turned off.
-Okay, I don’t like it. ♪ Get ready for the
wild life ♪ -Oh, my God.
-I did not know they were gonna be
here. What is on your
lobe, Dan? It’s an earring. Works for Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford blew up the Death
Star and freed a galaxy. What have you done, Dan?