Manly Gender Reveal Party Ideas For Dads


NOW, FOLKS, AS A FATHER, I’VE
LEARNED ONE OR TWO THINGS ABOUT RAISING KIDS. FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU LET ANY
CHILD GET NEAR A PEANUT YOU CAN BE TRIED AT THE HAGUE. AND BEING A FATHER HAS NOT ONLY
GIVEN ME KNOWLEDGE, IT HAS GIVEN ME SOMETHING EVEN BETTER: THE
GALL TO TELL YOU HOW TO RAISE YOUR OWN CHILDREN. ( BABY CRYING )
THIS IS “‘THE LATE SHOW”S STEPHEN COLBERT: LEVEL TEN
BABY-MASTER!” ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO! I TELL YOU WHAT TO DO! ( LAUGHTER )
TODAY’S TOPIC: GENDER REVEAL PARTIES– CELEBRATIONS WHERE
EXPECTANT PARENTS REVEAL THEIR BABY’S GENDER IN CREATIVE WAYS. BIG CRAZY GENDER REVEALS ARE THE
HOTTEST BABY TREND RIGHT NOW. EVEN MORE POPULAR THAN MTV’S “MY
SUPER SWEET SON’S BRIS.” ( LAUGHTER )
USED TO BE, YOU COULD REVEAL YOUR BABY’S GENDER BY CUTTING
INTO A CAKE THAT WAS EITHER PINK OR BLUE INSIDE. IF IT’S PINK, IT’S A GIRL AND
SHE’LL BE ENCOURAGED TO DO THINGS LIKE BAKING GENDER REVEAL
CAKES. ( LAUGHTER )
IF IT’S BLUE, IT’S A BOY, HE’LL BE ALLOWED TO EAT THAT CAKE
WITHOUT SOCIETY JUDGING HIS BODY. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT LATELY, NEW PARENTS HAVE REALLY BEEN UPPING THEIR GAME
AND REVEALING THEIR BABY’S GENDER WITH ELABORATE STUNTS ON
SOCIAL MEDIA USING THINGS LIKE FIRE HOSES, AIRPLANE DROPS OR
EVEN FUN AND FESTIVE CAR EXHAUST FUMES. BECAUSE IT’S EVERY PREGNANT
MOM’S DREAM TO CELEBRATE HER CHILD’S IMPENDING
BIRTH BY HUFFING PASTEL CARBON MONOXIDE. ( LAUGHTER )
GENDER REVEALS ARE BIGGER, LOUDER, AND HELLISH-ER THAN
EVER! PEOPLE ARE REVEALING GENDER BY
FIRING BOWS AND ARROWS, SHOOTING EACH OTHER WITH COLORED
PAINTBALLS AND BLOWING STUFF UP. ( LAUGHTER )
IF YOU’RE REVEALING VIA EXPLOSION, YOU MIGHT WANT TO
HAVE ANOTHER COUPLE NEARBY REVEALING VIA FIRE HOSE. THE UPTICK IN VIOLENT GENDER
REVEALS MAKES SENSE. THERE ARE NO FEELINGS MORE
VULNERABLE OR TENDER THAN THOSE WE HAVE FOR OUR NEWBORN
CHILDREN, WHICH IS WHY DADS WANT GENDER REVEALS TO SACK UP! IN FACT, “POPPING A BALLOON TO
HAVE PINK OR BLUE CONFETTI FALL OUT, OR SLICING OPEN A PINK OR
BLUE CAKE– ARE TRADITIONALLY FEMININE. SO, MANY COUPLES HAVE BEEN
PIONEERING WAYS TO MAKE THE REVEAL PROCESS MORE MANLY. YEAH, CAKE AND BALLOONS ARE NOT
MANLY. WHICH IS WHY YOUR BOY’S NEXT
BIRTHDAY PARTY SHOULD FEATURE MEATLOAF AND BARBED WIRE. ( LAUGHTER )
CLEARLY — CLEARLY, TO GET DADS INTERESTED
IN ANNOUNCING THEIR SOON-TO-BE-BORN CHILDREN’S
GENDER, THE ANSWER IS GRATUITOUS VIOLENCE. AND I’M HERE TO HELP
WITH SOME HOT TIPS FOR GORIER, MORE TERRIFYING GENDER REVEALS
THAT DADS WILL LOVE EVEN MORE THAN
THEIR KIDS. FIRST UP, CAKES ARE FOR COWARDS,
BUT WHAT IF YOU REPLACED THE FOOD COLORING WITH WASPS IF IT’S
A BOY, HORNETS IF IT’S A GIRL. EITHER WAY, GOOD LUCK GETTING
THEM IN THE CAKE. ( LAUGHTER )
OR HOW ABOUT A CELEBRATORY STREET RIOT AND GIVE THE POLICE
THE CORRECT COLOR TEAR GAS? “AAAHHH! IT’S A GIRL! ARE THESE TEARS OF JOY?!”
( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )
HOW ABOUT GATHERING FRIENDS AND FAMILY FOR AN ENHANCED REVEAL,
BY WATERBOARDING THE COUPLE IN EITHER PINK OR BLUE GATORADE. “IT’S A BOY! I SWEAR THAT’S ALL I KNOW! PLEASE GOD STOP!”
BUT FOR THE BADDEST-ASS OF ALL BADASS REVEALS, HAVE THE
FATHER’S BODY INJECTED WITH EITHER PINK OR BLUE DYE. THEN THE MOM CAN PLUNGE HER HAND
INTO THE FATHER’S CHEST AND RIP OUT HIS COLORED HEART! HEY! IT’S A BOY! NOW, TAKE A CELEBRATORY BITE OUT
OF THE HEART TO PROVIDE YOUR UNBORN CHILD WITH VALUABLE
NUTRIENTS! ( LAUGHTER )
OR PERHAPS THAT’S TOO FAR. WELL, THAT’S ALL FOR “STEPHEN
COLBERT LEVEL TEN BABY-MASTER.” JOIN ME NEXT TIME WHEN I SHOW
YOU HOW, USING NOTHING BUT A ZIPLOC BAG FULL OF GRAVY, ANYONE
CAN BREASTFEED. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BEN
STILLER.

About the author

Comments

  1. Why don't we start calling them the babies' sexes and not genders? A person has the right to reveal their own gender or lack thereof. Also, we don't need to make such a big deal about gender roles in the first place. I mean, especially not in pink and blue.

  2. My hospital refused to tell me the baby's sex, because apparently there are so many ethnic parents that terminate the baby of "wrong sex" that the hospital had a no-tell policy. (I was always treated as belonging to a minority group, I even got tested for cicle cell anaemia because of my name, although I am clearly not African origin.) I didn't mind either way, but I wanted to know the sex early as I was preparing for the birth by buying baby clothes ahead of time and the country was so traditionalist about colours being gender specific that it was difficult to find neutral ones. Even second – hand baby clothes were advertised by gender and age. I soon learned not to care about that rubbish – I don't believe in fairies stealing babies and I have never heard any baby complaining about their clothing's colour scheme – why should I care what other people think? Today there are so many neutral clothes to buy that who cares what gender the baby is?

    In my opinion it is a total waste of buying new baby grows when you can buy used ones: a new baby grows out of them about every 3 months so for the first year so even highly reduced second-hand clothes are still in good condition. Buy baby clothes from thrift shops or directly from a private seller wanting to clear their baby's wardrobe. So called moses baskets are the biggest money wasters for the same reason and often sell for less than half of the shop prices. Likewise, you can get all the toys and other equipment at much lower price. The only thing to bear in mind is that a car seat may have been in an accident, although it is unlikely. Check safety catches and locking mechanisms are working properly in equipment like baby chairs, gates and swings.

  3. How dare those parents just assume their baby's gender?!

    I am saddened at the fact I have to point out I'm being sarcastic. sigh

  4. Wtf would they do if the child were born intersex then…Americans confuse me, so much effort to tell people about their baby's genitals…

  5. I thought that pink were colour for royal baby boys so I tried to google it. The word search "royal baby colour" really didn't show me what I was looking for…

  6. 3:34 Here's an idea; have the parents engage in mortal kombat, but the victor (depending on the baby's gender) performs a "Babality" finishing move on the losing parent.

    Now the victorious parent can have TWO babies of the opposite gender to raise. Fun for all! 😀

  7. We did a gender party because we didn't want to do a shower (I hate people sitting stairing at your while you open stuff. ALSO I didn't need anything since it was our second but everyone INSISTED we do something)

  8. Wasn't there a case recently where a gender reveal party's "gender reveal"-explosion start a forrest fire? I am half sure coming accross news like that somewhere…

  9. Over the years I've turned against weddings. Go to the courthouse and get it done. Plain wedding bands of gold that say EVERYTHING but say it very quietly, or no rings at all. The idea of being married is "We don't have any audience except each other. If you think I make a good spouse to have, then I don't need to demonstrate that fact to any other assembled body of people who stand in judgment that we are doing everything that everyone else does." Same thing for every event in a family. It's the family that matters. It's not showing people outside the family that you are a great family. You're a great family because the people IN the family find love, happiness, and a sense of continuity that they can bank upon within that great family, and proving it to anyone OUTSIDE the family doesn't matter. I'm not saying you shouldn't advocate for your model of a loving family in a blog or something. I'm just saying you don't need the public spectacle. You need to be in your living-room thinking "Goodness. We're all here. This is it, the end-all, the be-all, everything I need, all that REALLY matters" and let the rest of the world disappear from your consciousness for awhile, until you have to do something like work, attend a class to advance your career, sign a mortgage document, vote, or serve on a jury, all of which, REALLY, should be intertwined with loving your family enough to attend to the affairs of the world for them anyway.

  10. If a baby is crowning, they will eventually manage to get their head out all the way. Now if they see race baiting and national saber rattling, they will go back in their mother's womb, four more years of GOP control.

  11. I have never witnessed a gender reveal party here in Germany. My friends all just told their friends and family, if it's gonna be a boy or a girl. Why would you throw a party for that???

  12. 😹🤣😂 I wish I could have found out my daughter’s gender before she was born. Way back then it wasn’t routine and we didn’t have insurance. But I felt a unbreakable bond with this little life and would have felt even more connected if I knew!

  13. Stephen I love you.

    But if you decide to mock somebody, get your facts straight. Those are not fumes.

    This is a smoke from dyed blue tire being burnt.

  14. 1. Level 10 Babymaster would make an amazing porn name for a dude.
    2. Gender reveal parties are pointless because the blue and pink reinforce established gender norms while you don’t know if the kid grows up to be another gender or gender fluid. Why keep your options closed?

  15. I was going to say the goriest way to reveal the baby's gender-itia was the one nature went with: Childbirth, but I think the Lvl-10 Babymaster may be onto something with the heart-placenta if that doesn't seem "manly" enough for the men involved.

  16. Not funny. Gender reveal events themselves exacerbate toxic masculinity and misogyny. It contributes to horrible pain that often leads to eating disorders, alcoholism and other mental illnesses. Let’s not cause more pain.

  17. Gender reveal parties! WTF? When did we ever need to know the sex of a baby? Feel very sorry for the kid, the expectations of these people is really sad. Just learn to wait 9 months for a great surprise, please. No wonder helicopter parents are so common.

  18. I watched a video of a plane dropping a red cloud of fire retardant on the So-Cal fires. Someone commented "These gender reveal parties are getting out of control"

  19. Why is everyone in the comments crapping on gender reveal parties? Does it affect your life that much? Who cares if a couple wants to have a party for it? I wish I would have known about them when my kids were born. My wife and I attended on of our friends and seeing the joy on her best friend's face was incredible! It was just a simple cake with the center filled with pink M&M's.

  20. birthing mother: "Is it a boy or a girl?"
    physician: "Now, I think it's a little early to start imposing roles on it, don't you?"
    https://youtu.be/NcHdF1eHhgc?t=232

  21. Speaking on behalf of most of the world, I’ve never heard of gender reveal parties before, and they still confuses me.

  22. Thanks Steve, for taking the piss out of those dopey gender-reveal parties (made all the dopier by our increased knowledge that apparent anatomical sex may not prove to be actual gender identity).

    Perhaps next you could take on the menace that is bachelorette parties at gay bars.

  23. Disappointing. Didn't even touch on the best "Gender Revile" party idea; your closest friends and family are knocked out from chloroform they've huffed out of mason jars, when they come to, they find the sex of your unborn baby tattooed on their wrist.

  24. Bunch of morons commenting here on gender-parties; the real gem of the segment was the tip on breast-feeding gravy bags. Your true genius is unsung once again, Colbert

  25. I didn't want to know the sex of my babies so I didn't find out until they were born. People freaked out that I didn't know but I told them there are few true surprises in this life.

  26. Screwing up the environment with coloured exhaust gas and crap dropped from airplanes, etc.–great way to initiate your child into rigid gender roles. Oh, America.

  27. ?!
    "Gender Reveal Party"?
    Oh boy – the next trend we have to brace ourselves for. We could hardly defend against Prom Night, if at all.
    So much for the wall you're building… We'll see if pink and blue surprise cookie stuff or coloured vaccines or whatever will migrate soon….

    "Gender Reveal".
    Really.
    Really?

    Uff.

  28. I’m delighted to see Stephen tell a story that doesn’t start with “Today president Donald Trump…” 😊

  29. is this a common thing among the average expecting parents? Being the oldest of my siblings and my cousins, what I've had personally seen relatives do regarding revealing a baby's gender was simply…talking and telling them. Even as an adult, friends having children had told me about the gender through words. I don't really understand the concept. Why is a gimmick needed for something that's exciting enough on its own? Am I missing something here? Edit: looks like most of the comments here share the same confusion as me. I mean, I don't really care if people want to throw a party. It's their kid after all. The concept just seems over my head.

  30. Power move: support your trans kid by throwing a gender reveal party (with their permission) in which all of the guests validate the hell out of your child.

    Did I say power move? I meant wholesome move.

  31. "Babymaster" sounds a lot like a Warlock subclass who get their powers from a demon who feeds on the tortured souls of babies that didn't survive birth. I'm making it for D&D right now.

  32. 1:07 fun fact: It used to be the opposite. Pink was the color associated with boys, and blue with girls. Also, boys used to be called girls, while girls were called gay girls.

  33. the actual problem with this is that in finding out the sex of a fetus before it is born can be dangerous and is unnecessary unless there is a medical problem or family history of medical problems during pregnancy. there are some very real dangers associated with ultrasounds and fetal heart monitors. dangers that could mess with your child for the rest of he/she/its' life. of note too is that more modern machines are stronger than ones from years past, thus higher possible problems occurring.

    my wife decided to 'not know' for both children based on the possibilities of damage occurring from the procedure. she prepared her health and body way before getting pregnant so as to assist in a good outcome. and she had her ob/gyn use a fetal stethoscope that provided enough information since she did not have any other signs of a crisis pregnancy. both children are amazingly healthy to this day. a fluke or a benefit from avoiding ultrasounds/fetal monitors?

    some info (do take time to check all the links provided in the articles):

    the fda: but read carefully for they are not suggesting 'anytime' ultrasounds and acknowledge what the machine is doing. (for us lay people think microwaving…) https://www.fda.gov/radiation-emittingproducts/radiationemittingproductsandprocedures/medicalimaging/ucm115357.htm

    and this includes fetal heart monitors: https://www.mamanatural.com/fetal-heart-monitor-10-reasons-to-stay-away/

    this drs analysis of the risks is a good read: https://kellybroganmd.com/utrasound-risks-perils-of-peeking-into-the-womb/

    and a fine list of abstracts of studies done, some further digging is needed, of course, and noting the dates of the studies is prudent with following down more recent ones: http://www.greenmedinfo.com/anti-therapeutic-action/obstetric-ultrasonography

    in the end, you young kids do what our parents and we did when our children were born in the 50s' and the late 80s' and early 90s': throw a party after a healthy baby is born!

  34. In April 2017 a 37 year old expectant dad off-duty US Border Patrol agent held a gender reveal party in Arizona that involved him firing a gun to detonate a cache of Tannerite rigged with blue smoke. The resulting explosion started a fire that would later be called the Sawmill Fire involving the Coronado National Forest, destroying 47,000 acres and causing $8bn in damage.

  35. Why can't boys have cake and balloons? That's stupid. A dad has to be REALLY insecure about himself to say that. Jesus.

  36. Fun Fact: There was a gender reveal party in Arizona that decided to set off a huge explosion for the reveal… the end result was a massive wildfire that burned 47,000 acres.

  37. If anyone told me that cutting cake and popping balloons is "feminine" I'd immediately realize that I'm speaking to a complete and absolute moron.

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