MARRIAGE FINANCIAL PROBLEMS: #1 TIP FOR NEWLYWEDS (BUILD YOUR WEALTH!)


– Okay let’s talk about
building your wealth. Most of us already know that
money can implode marriages. – Well, it hurts me inside and triggers me that you’re lending your
father money without telling me while your record company’s going bankrupt and we’re on the verge
of losing our house! – But, did you know that there’s a way to prevent it from happening
in the first place? I’m gonna share some personal stories we’ve learned from our money journey, and there are a lot of mistakes, so stay tuned over the next four videos we’re gonna be sharing
(laughing) those mistakes. Today I’m gonna give you some hindsight that I’m so glad we took
the action that we did in the beginning of our marriage. Fast forward to the end 15 years later, what a Godsend it was that we
made this decision up front. If you’re looking forward to this video, give us a Like, subscribe,
and hit the bell to be notified when we post
a new video every Wednesday. Hi, my husband and I co-founded
Intentional Marriages. This piece of advice we’re
about to share with you is what we share with engaged couples when we mentor them through
an eight week curriculum. Finances is a big part
of that conversation, and we hope that you’ll consider taking this piece of advice
if you don’t already. Unfortunately in divorces, we’re seeing that 41% of Gen Xers, I’m a Gen Xer, it’s anyone
that’s born after 1964, and 29% of Boomers are
citing that finances are the reasons for their divorce. So what can we do to
minimize this fallout? I say it’s joint accounts. Now before you jump off,
(spring boinging) let me share a few things with you. Most of you already know Dave Ramsey. I love what he says, “Marriage is grand, “but divorce is 50 grand.” (laughing) And that you don’t build wealth independently of each other. It’s not wise to have two sets
of books in your marriage. When I met Russ, he had
recently been divorced, had two kids, had moved in with his mom, and the company he was
working with was folding. So needless to say, he had
serious financial challenges. I, on the other hand, I
had been working on my own for about 18 years. I had a strong income. I had all my debt paid off. So when we moved in together,
we made a significant decision that I’m so glad we did up
front instead of later on. We put our money together
in a joint account. Now, you’re thinking, okay
that was a lot of weight that he brought into the marriage. And it was. It was child support. It was a country club membership that he had invested, I
think almost at that point 10 to 12 years, and if you walked away it was a significant loss. So we tried to maintain that. And him trying to regain his income, it was a lot that was put on
our marriage in the early days. I’m glad that we did a joint account because everything that became ours, I mean we’re sharing our families. We’re sharing our furniture. Shouldn’t we be sharing our money? I think it would’ve been super awkward had we set it up where it
was independent of each other that Russ’s problems were Russ’s problem and he had to figure
out how to pay for them, and I held on to my money. Now yes, it was adjustment for me. Like our fist Costco run
(laughing), oh my gosh. I probably never spent more than $50 at the grocery store, okay, maybe $50. Now we’re going into
Costco, and of course, your first run you’re stocking up, you’re getting much more than you usually do on a consistent basis, but (laughing) when we’re at the register, it rang up $500. I was like, oh my gosh, we
cannot do this every month. (laughing) So it was a very
big period of adjustment for me in those early days. But I’m so glad that
being the bread winner that I made everything ours, because had it been separate, that just seems like it
would have been awkward. Like, oh Danielle, can
you pay this Costco bill? Or can you cover the child support? Like it was our money together, and I knew in time Russ would recover. I wasn’t worried about the length of time, I just knew everything
was going to be ours, and I really wanted that. And in doing that, I ended up
learning how to compromise, and he worked with me on developing a plan of how we could work through
all of these extra bills that were coming at us. Now we did make a lot of mistakes, and I assure you the following videos (laughing) I will share all of that. But for this one decision, I’m super glad we started off with a joint account because fast forward, well
10 years ago, I resigned. So I resigned from this strong job, I had a six figure paying job, and most people would think we were crazy, but we did it for family reasons, and I’m so glad we did. But now fast forward, Russ
has been the bread winner. And now I don’t go to him and say, hey Honey, can I have
some allowance this week? Or hey, I wanna go get a pedicure, can I have some money for that? Or can I put it on the credit card? We don’t have those conversations. We do talk about a certain amount, like we have a certain amount
that if we’re gonna spend above that we do discuss that, but I’m not checking with him
when I’m at the grocery store, or getting a pedicure, or if I need to pick up
something for my camera. So I have loved the fact that this has maintained being ours this whole time, because it really forced us
to become one in our marriage. And I think if we had
maintained it separately, I would have been like,
those are your issues, you need to figure out how to pay for ’em. I hold onto my wealth, and I’m gonna spend and take out of the
ATM as often as I want. I don’t think we would have
turned towards each other as much as we needed
to in those early days had we kept it separate accounts. Now I know there’s many of you, especially women are like
no, I need my own account, I need to protect myself. But I find that when
we operate out of fear that we almost cause and set up the very thing to happen
that we don’t want to. So I’m not saying this is for everybody, I’m saying this is what has worked for us, and again, this channel
is all about sharing our life experiences in a way that might help and benefit you. I am sharing our wins, and
I’m also sharing our losses. I probably share more
losses than wins (laughing). But this was a particular
win in doing a joint account. So I’m curious to know
if you changed your mind, and if this interests you. If so, comment below, and let me know, are you doing joint accounts? If so, have you seen the benefit? Are you doing separate accounts and have seen benefits from it? I think we can all learn from each other, but this is one especially
in listening to Dave Ramsey, when you combine your accounts, it’s the best way to build wealth. So I implore you to reconsider if you’re not doing
joint accounts already. We believe this is beneficial from a wealth building perspective, and also from a marriage
building perspective. So we’ll have a download below, a free download that shows
you a spreadsheet that we use that’s broken up into
the needs and the wants. And you just hope that your
wants, don’t outweigh the needs. So if you liked this video,
give us a Like below. Subscribe and you know what time it is, time for that screen shot. (hands brushing) (laughing) I’m scared to know what kind of images that you screen shot there. But share that with your friends. Share this video. Let us know your thoughts below. Let us know if you’re a
joint account kind of couple, or a separate account kind of couple. I believe we can learn from everyone. If you find that you’re
having really big issues with your finances, stay tuned
and watch this video below that will hopefully encourage
you to invite a counselor into your marriage and
into your financial issues. Possibly reconsider counseling
it that’s not your thing. Also, subscribe, hit that notification bell
(bell dinging) so you don’t miss out, because we’re about to get deep (bell dinging) with all of the financial
problems and mistakes that Russ and I have made. Thanks so much for watching.

About the author

Comments

  1. Learn the best way to build wealth with your spouse! Are you already doing this? Comment below yes or no?

  2. This is fabulous! My husband and I both own businesses – so talking money was insane and a lot of fights. Now we come in crazy calm to discuss!

  3. I grew up with my parents having a joint account. I thought that was just the way things were. When I found out people were having separate accounts in a marriage, even after kids it blew my mind. (The dad was responsible for one child's expenses and the mom was in charge of the other) My husband and I share an account and it definitely brings unity in the household.

  4. Such an important thing to address for sure! Especially when it is the main drivers of divorce!! Thanks for sharing!!

  5. Great tip! We've had joint accounts since the beginning. I can't understand why couples would have separate accounts! Thanks!

  6. Such an important topic! I love the idea of having a threshold and look at finances as "our" vs individual ownership of x and y. Really enjoyed your video! <3

  7. As usual, very good explanations of crucial concepts. Financial challenges are a huge issue between couples! Every couple should watch this.

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