(audience applauding) – Welcome back. I’m Mel Robbins and I’m
here with Caroline and Josh whose marriage is hanging on
by a thread due to stress. But we are already starting
to turn the corner. Caroline’s a former, or retired principal so she’s thrilled we’re at a white board. And there’s a couple things
I wanna address with you two and the first one is that Josh, you are on what I like
to call a stress train. And a stress train has
three parts and by the way, this is an idea that
I got from Dr. Romani, who’s on the show all the time. I absolutely love her, one
of my favorite experts. Here’s the thing about a stress train, and the stress is what’s causing emotional
distance in your marriage. You are stressed and you’re stressed because of the financial situation, you’re stressed because of
some of the things going on with the kids, you’re
stressed because of work. And then, you come home,
and you go out onto the back of the train, and you have a cigarette, and you make a plate of nachos and you get into the ice cream and the
tater tots and those are, see now, I’m disclosing what
I eat when I’m stressed, tater tots and ice cream. And you think that the
smoking and that the eating is a result of the stress. Not so. It’s actually a result of the things that you’re feeling right now. – Okay. – Which is, you feel, you said
it yourself, like failure. You’re not proud of the outbursts
or how stressed you are. You feel like you’re in a hole and you also used the word embarrassed. What happens when you’re
on this stress train is you think it’s the stress
and you talk about the stress of your job and everything else. But it’s actually the
deeper emotional stuff that causes you to have the cigarette, that causes you to eat. Because, how do you feel when
you’re sneaking your food? You feel these things. – Mmm-hmm, I do. – And the reason why this is so important for you to visually see
is because once you make the emotional connection
with what you’re doing, that gives you more power to stop it. – Okay.
– And to get off the train. Does that make sense?
– It does. – Excellent!
(audience applauding) And there’s one final thing. Since you do some project management stuff and you’re a retired principal, I think there’s not enough
business in your marriage, meaning, I think a Sunday meeting– – Okay.
For the two of you, planning the week ahead–
– Yup. – Would be exactly what you both need, since you’re so planning oriented. – Okay.
(audience applauding) – And that would also
align you and remind you. You got it? Oh, oh! (audience applauding) I’m so proud of you! We’ll be right back! Oh my god! (audience applauding)