Married But In Love With Someone Else | HELP! I’m Married But In Love With Someone Else


I’m married but love someone else HELP! My name is Coach Natalie and you
wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve been presented with this exact same
situation in my one-on-one coaching sessions. As a relationship coach I’ve
dedicated my life to helping people like you stay happily committed in their
relationships and when you feel you love someone else, staying committed becomes a
real challenge. But if you’re watching this video it’s because you are married,
you’ve identified that you love someone else, and you’re finding out what you
should do moving forward. So I’m happy you’re here
and I’m happy to help. This is HAPPILY COMMITTED and HAPPILY
COMMITTED is a platform we developed for you at home
to give you resources like this to overcome challenges like this. Make sure
you hit subscribe because we release content just like this all the time for
your review so that you can have the tools you need to move past loving
someone else while being married. The first thing you have to identify if
you’re married but love someone else is how in the world you got here. What
happened? Where did you meet this new person? How long did it take for you to
discover that you liked them – that you love them? Have you been engaging with them? Have you kept yourself distant? Specifically I
want you to ask yourself, “How are you feeling before – before this other person
entered your line of sight, how were you feeling in your marriage? Believe it or
not, studies show that the average person who engages in an affair does so not
because they’re sexually attracted to someone new, but because they feel
unappreciated, unloved, unseen by their spouse. They feel neglected, they feel
ignored, they feel overlooked, and now someone is giving them attention, someone
is giving them value, someone is giving them purpose. And that is what we tend to
love. We love the way we feel with this new person. We love the electricity, we
love the attention, we love the connection. And a lot of
those things maybe something you haven’t been receiving from your spouse. So
before you say, “I love this person,” I want to challenge you and ask, “Is it this
person or this feeling that you love?” It’s by determining the reason that you
felt able to open your heart to someone new that you can start to make a really
big decision. The decision is: Do you want to save your marriage or not? Do you want
to pursue this new person or not? Do you want to come clean to your spouse or do
you want them to find out? How do you want this to unfold? Answering these loaded questions and determining the decision that you want
to make to move forward is gonna be so much easier if you really understand how
it is that you got here. Don’t blame yourself for getting here but blame
yourself if you don’t try to get out. And “out”
doesn’t always mean staying in your marriage. But “out” means getting out of
this limbo of loving someone else but being married. If you feel like it’s this specific
person that you’re after and not just the electricity and not just how you
feel, I then want you to ask yourself, “But how
was it that you felt about your spouse when you first met them – when they were
new, when they were mysterious when there was so much left to discover about them?” Did you feel similar to how you’re feeling now? The difference between your
spouse and this new person is that you don’t know this new person as well. They
might be new, they might be fresh, they might be spontaneous. But like anyone you
spend a whole lot of time with, one day they stopped being the new person and
soon they just become a person – a regular person with flaws and vices and
challenges and obstacles. Are you prepared to throw away your marriage,
someone that once upon a time you knew was “IT” for you for the hypothetical
situation that this new person will never change into an old person or a
regular person or a person who is grouchy in the morning and a person who
will be late for work and a person who might drive you nuts. Make sure you aren’t leaving your spouse
because you imagine this new person will stay new forever and that just because
they’re brand new they’re your soulmate. Really think this through before you
decide to end your marriage. I know. Loaded questions. I know that this
is hard. It’s certainly not easy but remember, with marriages with
relationships, there are seasons to love and not all of them are spring. Sometimes
things get dull. Sometimes we’re too busy. Sometimes relationships get monotonous
but that doesn’t mean you throw in the towel because something spicier has
caught your attention. Remember, this new person is another
type of season, and eventually you will see a winter there, too. You will see bad
days, you will see monotonous routines, it has nothing to do with the other person,
it has to do with you and the type of person you want to be and the type of
person you want to remember yourself as 3, 5, 10, 15 years from now.
Love isn’t easy. Love is a choice. And you can choose to stay committed to your
partner. You can choose to move past this season, this stage in love, and try to
reignite the spark in your marriage instead of calling it quits. Ultimately
you’re watching this video for a reason, you haven’t left your marriage yet for a
reason. It’s because something is stopping you. And don’t ignore that thing
just because something is sparkling over there. It’s such a big decision because
you can’t take it back. People say that the grass is greener on the other side.
But in reality, the grass is greener where you water it. If you put this
effort back into your marriage instead of into this new person, you will see the
difference, you will reap the fruits of this labor, but it’s only a decision that
you can make. And if you’re here on HAPPILY COMMITTED, you can imagine that
we’re a movement based on staying committed. We believe that being
committed – HAPPILY COMMITTED – is possible for the long run. We believe in growing
roots in your relationship and we believe that by
growing these roots you unlock levels of love that you have yet to experience and
that you will never experience with another person outside of your committed
relationship. My name is Coach Natalie and I would love to hear about what’s
happening in your relationship. I’d love to hear about the struggles that you’re
facing, the burdens the challenges. We grow through adversity, we grow through
struggle, and I want to help you grow through yours. So I invite you to leave a
comment under this video. Let us know what’s going on. The more you can share
with us, the more we can help you, and don’t forget to visit HAPPILYCOMMITTED.COM
to learn more about how you can stay HAPPILY COMMITTED in your
relationship

About the author

Comments

  1. I have been in love with the same person going on 10 years. She is now engaged and told me to move on.I feel im not being true to myself if i am not with her i would rather be alone or wait the rest of my life thinking she will come back someway somehow..

  2. Without going to no contact my bf got married to someone else even regretted after. That not in contact , I still feel vulnerable …

  3. Married people who have affairs need to be single. Settle into that lifestyle in a while, where in your forced to make a decision whether you want to be married or single or in love with someone else.

  4. Yeah also ask yourself what you do for your spouse so that he/she can be loving towards you! If you don't care and don't invest in your relationship, expecting them to be loving and enthusiastic towards you, you're crazy.

  5. My wife is in love with someone else. I love her. I adore her. I ignored her, I disrespected her. I left her emotionally abandoned. He came right in at the right time. Now they are in love. It kills me. Help me.

  6. i am exactly at the same situation at the moment,i know that what relationship i had right now has an end but at the same time i just enjoy myself rather then stressing myself a lot .im still aware of whats the reality,if onlyi can turn back the time?…

  7. I've been married for four years and I've grown to hate even saying I'm married.. My husband has lied and attempted to cheat on me multiple times… He's military and recently got deployed.. Since he left I met someone and have absolutely found him to be like a soulmate..he's all the things I wanted and more.

  8. What if she is married from last 14 years and after few years of marriage she starts getting that she is not being loved appreciated respected for the work she is doing and she went into depression for years she have stopped loving her husband now . She tried to fix the marriage but still she found nothing is changing and now she don't even want to have any physical contact with that person she doesn't feel good when he is around and after all this a new person comes to her life and she started getting appropriation care love respect and then she is confused to what to do now.
    To stay unhappily throughout the life and die one day or to start a new life taking risk but to give one try to make her life beautiful again with this new person.
    If u are unhappy u tried everything to fix still not working at this point what suggestion u have for her?

  9. Myself and a married man have feelings for each other, he said "he wished the situation was different" but he still wants to stay friends, don't think that will work

  10. If you really wish to help me , please answer to this situation I came across. I slowly , though married, though very very strict in my thoughts , I m single, ended up being in love with one Male officer. I did not realise it was first sight love. Though it took me 4 months to realise that I was in love deeply only when I came across another make of his kind travelling in my same car, inter city. I began talking to the new Male as if it was the Male officer..I astonished, shocked I had spoken to him so friendly and talking all official matters to him as if it was d officer, d disappointing situation that he was not the same Male officer. I kept testing myself if it was true love or it was a physical attraction. One fine day I tried thinking about him before going to bed… completely about him. And to my astonishment another person appeared in front of me.i was scared… scared… as to what it means. Another day d 3rd person of his make, came to me at my work place, and I requested for some help across d bench. S definitely I managed to get help. But d next second when I realised he was around 15 inches distance, ..I just backed out 6 feet. It was d seducting feelings that ran into me with the thoughts of d Male officer. I am a very strict lady in such emotional feelings. But actually got seduced by d presence like make. I then realised deep somewhere I was going beyond the level of being in love. I wore a tie a mangalsutra around myself as I realised the intensity of relationship. I knew hes d one. (Though the fact is d physical person who appeared in front of me had personality of his, it had the effect of seducing me). What would this be termed as? I still wear d mangalsutra tie which I wore from d day I got seducted. And I respect that man as if I was his wife. In my case… one whom I was thinking and probably love at first sight and d second whom I call d carrier of love who had the power of seducing me when actually my thoughts were with the first. How do I handle this real life story? Is this real love? Is this a vision? Is this attraction? S definitely intensity of depth in love. No I m unable to forget both. But it's all without being touched physically. I cherish this relation and I secretly enjoy d presence of both d first sight officer love as well as d physical appearance carrier of love who seduced me and gave me an intimation I was in deep love. I though a typical Indian community women, I agree that love is more than marriage . 🧗‍♀️🤣🤗

  11. I'm on the other side. Trying to find out if I want to be with my husband of 10 years and kids. He was/is in love with someone else, first decided to leave me and then didn't. But he still misses her. Im just trying to figure out if I should stay. Cause no woman wants to be second best right? It feels very painful to be set aside. Why should I stay?

  12. I'm in the worst situation right now, I'm married but I'm in love with a married man as well. I'm so confused I don't know what to do

  13. Thanks Natalie. What if u don't feel connected anymore with spouse… And you feel you have done it all! It's so complicated… Being married.

  14. Go ahead life is so short do what you want in this world. Follow your heart… Always remember only once in a lifetime you feel love.

  15. AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING ADVICE!!!!! And I'm not even married. I will for sure remember this wisdom when the time comes.

  16. Hi natalie my lina first I would to say that I love your advice I watched your videos let me start by telling u a bit about my situation about I year ago actually six months ago I had an affair with a younger guy a the beginning it was azaming he was very nice n every u would want in a guy until my husband discovered what was happening so we decided to go our separate way its was the hardest thing for me I am still not over him I think about occasionally he decided to be blocked me it been 6 months since we last spoke what can I do

  17. What will if our partner remains same ignoring fighting over small things how much we change our feelings control our negative thoughts for our partners but they still like before..what will we do…?
    What to say when this person wants to go with both of them – spouse and the other person- it works or not?

  18. I'm married and I love the man I dated in high school. We split up because of our families. I told my mother I still love him. I got married to the man I'm with because I thought my ex got married. After we got married the next day I found out it was a lie. My ex proposed at 17 and my mother gave her blessing. I told my husband I love another. I've tried to fall in love. I mean I love him yes but I'm not in love with him. I've known my ex since I was 6 and he hasn't married anyone. I feel horrible.

  19. im also stuck in this kind of situation but the difference is that im not married,just living together with the man whom i thought he really is the one…but everything change and i dont know how,when or what i must do…

  20. What if you were never in love or very attracted to your spouse from the beginning? If everything else works well in the marriage, but you lack (and have always lacked) a romantic connection/spark? I do care for and have love for my spouse, but we have always been more like good friends. I have agonized over this (possibility of leaving) for nearly two years. And yes, this all came more to my attention after i became involved with another person. It forced me to take a good, hard look at nearly everything i was missing in my marriage (even though i knew early on that it wasn't all there for me). I don't know that the other person is the "answer" for me…but i do know i have to make a decision about my marriage independent of the possibility that anything could ever happen there. I honestly don't know that my spouse and i could ever have a romantic relationship…and i don't know that i can go on the rest of my life without one. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? If so, what did you do? thank you

  21. i did twice until now because i forgot im a wife and have a husbund.. which my husbund just want title married person which shame as a bachelor and he give up don't want responsibility and like to hear his friends advices how to abused women softly & nicely until they becomes a dog not womens

  22. I'm married with no relationship and sparse communication with the spouse. We live together and coparent but I love someone else I am involved with

  23. Oh nah my marriage is over because we just don't get along too tumultuous. Been that way for 22 yrs. I'm married to a very manipulative, arrogant and cold man. We have had enough too much has gone on and I don't view him the same. We we're already separated once and it should have stayed that way

  24. What if we're not meant to be monogomous, the institution of marriage is so restrictive. I want a partnership that is easy going

  25. Thank you for watching my video.
    Feel free to leave a comment and I will personally respond whenever I get a minute.
    You can subscribe to my channel here: https://bit.ly/2QTt3XA
    Sincerely,
    Natalie

  26. Hi ma'am, I am a married woman but recently fell in love with a married man but his wife is dead,actually he was my classmate and recently came into contact, shared our memories of school days as friends and shared present personal problems related to relationships and gradually developed feelings for each other ,he first proposed me and since even I feel for him so much so I accepted and we used to chat regularly via online and it was a happy relationship but now he is saying he can't love me and don't want me because I refused his request something,now am heartbroken already in matter of my husband (he has another girl )and when I started to love my classmate deeply and found love in him which I didn't get from my husband, now my classmate is rejecting me what to do?

  27. My wife had an affair with a coworker recently and told me she loves him but she's willing to see if we can get help. In the mean time what should she do when she works there with this other person. Should she quit or stay??
    Thank you! 🙏🏼

  28. I'm fixed married have 5kids but I felt now I'm single near 10yrs better to be single than to have stressful life..were never really been gf bf it's just my parents ruined my life before so hard..

  29. WHY CAN A PERSON ENTER?

    Surely because you open the door.

    IF YOU WANT TO RESOLVE YOUR MARRIAGE PROBLEMS, THE FIRST THING YOU SHOULD DO IS CLOSE THE DOOR AND TOGETHER WITH YOUR COUPLE SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

    IF YOU DON'T DO IT THIS WAY, YOU'RE REALLY DECIDED TO LEAVE YOUR COUPLE BUT YOU'RE INAPPROPRIATE TO AFFORD IT RESPONSIBLY, SO YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A PRETEXT AND SUPPORT TO LEAVE YOUR COUPLE.

    YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.

  30. You can be in love with more than one person at the same time, like you love your kids. The only difference is you love them differently as they have different qualities and emotions, but you do love them.
    In a man-woman relationship the extra equation of physical attraction plays its role and men have the natural capacity.

  31. People who look out for other person have already tried staying committed with the spouse.
    In most of the situations, other persons is taken for granted or very demanding.
    In my experience, for someone who has engaged with with someone outside of marriage bond has already tried and after constant rejectio/failure he/she look for someone filling the vacuum.

  32. Love is not a feeling like a teenager, love is a choice and the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Most people don't know what love is, sex isn't love.

  33. Thank you for this perfect video my dear , I loved it alot , I've been married for 9 years , I got married when I was only 21 ,I never loved him and it was all organized marriage cause we are muslim and we had to respect to our families decision, I've never felt loved and respected he is so cold toward me and he has no attraction , I'm in love with someone since 10 months ago, he's soooooo similar to me, he's understanding kind and caring I'm 30 and he's 42 , he's single .I dont know what to do 😓

  34. Hi coach Natalie I am in the same situation and I'm going through so much trying to say I love you goodbye he's single and I'm married and have 3kids.I love him with all of my heart.First time in my life I felt loved.How to help my self to get out of this situation?

  35. Am married with 2 kids it's now 10 years with my husband but he is the type of a man who will never care about me his love is only in bed when he wants sex and it will take him 2 mins and he is done I tried to buy him medicine he refused to use it, till I gave up and decided to get get some one else to help him do the job, so am married and I have a boyfriend am so happy with both coz I had only 2 choices to devorce him but for the sake of our children I decided to get a boyfriend who will help him do what he can't

  36. I know some people like this. Who marry for money usually. Or stay together only for the sake of the kids. Or marry their high school sweetheart and then get bored or grow apart or realize they never had one day of a single life as an adult. Its tough. Life is tough. Most people are never going to be fulfilled on every single level. Being an adult requires making some tough choices and commitments. Too bad we didn't live to 200 years old…and the average marrying age was like 100-120..till u have stuff figured out…even then its a crap shoot.

  37. What about if my spouse is super controlling manipulated and mentally abusive ? And that’s why you find someone else??

  38. as time goes by my marriage didnt work. I always feel that I am the one who paddle the boat. And now I am shinking on my own. In first I don’t love him. Cause I divorce once and I want to save this second marriage until I felt like I am not growing anymore for so many years. Until I found myself is like a dry leaves in a river. Day by day I starting to hate myself because I can’t do nothing I just here because of my kids. Until one day I met a guy who really give me more love and connection. The first time I feel the big CRAVE. He gave me back my Challenge Respect Alignment Variety and Excitement. My japanese husband yell at me even in front of so many people.specially in front of other parents in the school. I feel so embarrassed everytime. That’s the reason I cannot attend any PTA meeting anymore and that was my depression begun. That until now he is doing to me. He controls me the time of my work God knows how many times I want to quit and tried to kill myself because of my husband. Now that someone is the same Filipino who is living in US but he is trying to win and keeping the communication and connection for both of us. I really need help. Because there is no marriage encounter here in japan.

  39. i m in love with married girl she was married 2yrs before and l she wanted to be with me as well but the thing that stops her to be with me is god.i don't know what to do now .i know she is married but also i love her unconditionally i want to have her rest of my life. suggest me if some one have an idea

  40. I'm 25 engaged with boy who's 25 too.. Now I ve got involved in a man who's double of my age even more than tht. He's 55 years old… I dnt kno why I'm attracted to tht aged man sometimes my mind says marry tht man.. May be bcuz he loves me, he wants to marry me.. I dnt know wht to do !

  41. In the same boat and not sure how I want to sail away from either side of the oceans without hurting my little ones in the cross fires.

  42. hi natalie I'm struggling with my marriage because I've become bored and tired of the arguments lack of excitement and then I wrote a letter to my first love interest and left it for a while I thought well I'm not going to get a response from her but I did and she felt the same way about me as l did her. now my marriage is hanging in the balance I don't know if its salvageable or not we are going to take a break from one another live in separate countries. me in nz and my wife Australia. It was my fault for it I've had feelings for this other lady for many years my curiosity for her has done a lot of damage to my wife and I. could you please give me some advice on what's the best thing to do going forward.
    Andrew doherty
    capital city
    Wellington
    New Zealand.

  43. Marriage is sacred , its all about "love, obedient , honesty and respectful ". but when a wife/husband fall in "LOVE" with someone else ? its a shity and unfaithful act. its simple n straight.
    why marry someone in first place , that later a person(wife/husband) fall for someone else?. no sir /madam , you are unfaithful and ungrateful person who broke the beautiful laws.

    its sad to see comments down there , " my lover is there , im stuck , i wanna out… blah blah blah" .

  44. Help! I was in a relationship with my ex for 4 years we used to connect via phone ten years ago since he was in US and I'm in a different country. He came to my country so we get engaged officially, we saw each other but he flew to the US breaking my heart for years. I got married to a nice guy in a hope to forget him, but this didn't ever happen! And he even contacted me ask for forgiveness about what he did. I dont love my husband and I'm thinking about him every single day. My husband loves me but I couldn't have feelings to him all these years. I have a daughter and I dont wanna ruin her life since here the custody will go to her dad if we get divorced. This is what's making me stay 😭😭😭 Pray for me guys and if theres someone who can help. I mean a counselor or psychologist to help get out of this love!

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