Matt Braunger – Shovel Fighter – D**ks Are Hilarious


You guys are great I play a lot
of crazy crowds. Sometimes I have
bachelorette parties in the audience,
which is great, but I played one, there was,
like, four bachelorette parties were in the audience that just–
they divided the room like a game of Risk,
you know. Like, “Charlotte
rules this realm.” “No, this is Lisa’s realm.” [bleep]
They’re just going crazy. But, like, you ever have
one of those– I don’t know if any of you guys
here have a male friend that thinks
sexism doesn’t exist. And they think anytime
girls get one up on us, like,
it’s a big thing. As if there hasn’t been
an imbalance for [bleep] centuries, right? And this friend of mine
was like, “Yeah”– Well, here’s the thing
he was complaining about. When you see
a bachelorette party, the women wear a lot of penis
accoutrements, all right? They have dicks
all over themselves. Dick hats,
dick straws, dick belts,
dick shoes. Just dick, dick, dick
everywhere. And my idiot friend was like, “Well, why–we have
a bachelor party. Why can’t we have [bleep]
all over us?” I’m like, “‘Cause that’s
[bleep] disgusting, dude.” And I’m not saying
vaginas are disgusting. Vaginas are wonderful,
okay? But they’re mysterious, okay? Vaginas are mysterious. Dicks are just hilarious.
Dicks are just funny. If a guy came in here
with a rubber dick and started slapping everybody,
we’d all laugh. [laughter] Maybe not the guy that got hit
with the rubber dick, but he’d come around. “Ha-ha, he got me
right in the neck. That was pretty hilarious.” If someone came in here
with a fake vagina, we would demand he be tased
by security. If you’re a guy
and you own a fake vagina, you’re the worst man
in the world. If you’re a woman
and you own a fake penis, a dildo,
you’re a woman. Enjoy.
Enjoy. That’s fine.
That is fine. I discovered a friend’s
Fleshlight by accident once. Just washing my hands.
Here’s a towel. What’s–oh, my God! We’re no longer friends.

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Comments

  1. They removed this video a week ago, apparently because the only word NOT censored was DICK! And all of a sudden, it returns, but they left out a lot of bleeps on DICK word.. Same video, same problem, the censor dude didn't bleep out the bad word often enough, I guess since he says it way to many times.

  2. I don't have kids thank gawd, I would never have any the way the world is going.
    I was simply stating last week this was deleted and now its back up again, and
    as you can tell, they censored a few mentions of the word but not all of them.

  3. Pretty sexist. I'm sure Braunger is a cool guy but the blatant shaming of male sexuality and putting female sexuality on a pedastal is so ingrained in the zeitgeist that he probably didn't even notice. To assume females need a leg up all the time is sexist in itself because it assumes women are not as strong and capable as men. The sexism against women for centuries is certainly nothing to aspire to, but it doesn't mean men today owe women of today an ounce more than equality.

  4. Lol and women say they’re oppressed, and this is how most men will treat them. The vagina automatically is cherished, and the penis is thrown around. I’m not saying it’s right, but this once again proves alt left thinking wrong.

  5. Oh wow, comedy!!!!!

    Everyone els: yekxhfjwozjfbeksoxjeksoxjfkaodjdkakxk!!!!!! Ifjsodjdkakfj!!!!

    Me: ……..stfu This is funny.

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