Melissa Stresses the Importance of Communication in Her Marriage | Black Love | OWN


– Part of the reason, I believe,
you go through 20-plus years and then finally
people divorce, is because they don’t always
have the language to say, I feel disconnected. I feel like you’re not
being vulnerable with me. Just because of my
personality type, I end up reading a lot of books,
and so I make connections, and so I can articulate,
this is how I’m feeling. I don’t know when you get
married at 21 years old, you have that language. It’s just, now we’ve been
married for 15-plus years, and I’ve read tons of books. I’m just a lot older now. And there’s just easier
access to a lot of resources that I’m able to articulate,
this is how I’m feeling. When you say this, this
is how this makes me feel. And not just out of anger,
because that’s a lot of times what happens, too. You just come across,
and you start arguing. And it’s just
anger, and no one’s really getting at anything. And anger is not
really an emotion. It’s just an outward
symptom of a real emotion, whether that’s loneliness
or whatever disconnection or whatever it is. And you don’t know
how to articulate, and I think that’s
what causes the anger. I think that, just at
this point in my life, I’m at a point
where I don’t want to come across as just angry. I want to be able to effectively
articulate my feelings, because that’s the pathway
to a healthy, sustainable relationship. Which, ultimately,
I love my husband. I don’t want to be divorced. And I tell my mom– actually, like a month
ago, I was like, I use you and dad as a cautionary tale. And I love my parents, I do. But I don’t want to
end up where they are. So I purposely like
to take inventory. How am I feeling? What’s going on? Put those into words. Tell your husband.

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  4. I love this!!
    And it's so painful when you with someone who is not receptive of what you're expressing. Its like talking to a wall.

  5. If just saying the word divorce causes tears, she has yet to work through the childhood trauma associated with her parents divorce. That could cause unnecessary stress in her own marriage. If that (I don't want a marriage like my parents) is always in the background, that must be trying.

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