Money Problems in Marriage? (5 tips to help)


alright in this video we are going to
talk about five of our best tips to fight less about money we have had our
fair share of money fights – no no no so we’ve learned a few things over the
years you know so many couples fight about money a lot and we decided we
didn’t want to do that so we’ve been working on it and you know these are
just a handful of things that have worked for us hopefully these tips will
help you as well and so that’s why we want to make this little video and so I
think we are ready to dive right in – yeah the first one is to just keep it
simple and this isn’t like a half to thing but in our case we found that this
helped a little bit because I’m the one who tends to lean towards making the
financial stuff a little more complicated and maybe too involved and
maybe getting too many pieces in the puzzle
whereas Linda really likes things to be a little bit simpler and if it’s too
complicated you’re not gonna do it right right and so that just kind of cuts me
out of the equation I think and also to me from getting involved one example of
that was just a budgeting tool that we use like we tried a whole bunch of
different ones but we ultimately decided that we needed to stick with something
really simple and that is what helped us the most and in fact like honestly so
we’re using YNAB right now which i think is the best option in terms of actual
software but I think that the actual simplest thing we ever did was using how
our ING – yeah – accounts that was my favorite for sure you know and we still
could be doing that at this point I think given what we have going on it
might actually be more complicated but that was our favorite most simple
budgeting method by far right I have an article about on the site about how we
budget with ING Direct it’s now Capital One 360 but but the method still works
and I think that was a simplest thing right yeah I mean the idea was that it
was we were working with actual money so I think that helped a lot too I do think
YNAB has been pretty helpful and useful yeah I mean YNAB it’s great they’ve
done a great job that created a great piece of software well and you do a lot
of the categorizing of the transactions especially for the things you spend
because I don’t know what half things are you know yeah and I think a
lot of the things that you spend money on I can kind of have a grasp of it
if it’s Lows it probably goes in the home-improvement category you know all
right yeah whereas you buy from so many shops that I don’t even know what they
are and there’s always a new one popping up on there all right well and I buy a
lot of the gifts that we give and so yeah got it all right so number two is to have your own spending money categories this has
been huge I think for our marriage so basically the idea is instead of all of
our money going into one big pot I mean we do obviously have our budget
categories for like as you said home improvement or vacation vacations car
maintenance groceries you know that kind of stuff but this is hey I want to spend
money on this and I can just spend it without having to ask him yeah yeah so
it eliminates the need for a discussion about whether she wants to buy a
necklace flip flops or whatever it is yeah we don’t have to talk about it which is a
great great benefit to it but I think the biggest one is that when she buys
something it doesn’t feel like it’s money coming out of my pocket so if she
wants to go spend $100 on a shirt like I don’t care anymore because it’s not
money coming out of my pocket right and if I want to spend whatever a hundred
dollars on a thing to hang up my Jeep doors when I take them off in the summer
I think that’s important and she doesn’t it doesn’t bother her because it’s not
money coming out of her pocket so essentially what this looks like
practically is we have two extra budget categories one for my spending money one
for hers we each spend out of that yeah and it has really well in our case we
have a good number of friends or we have family members or other people who you know find themselves in a situation where their spouse is spending money in a way that
they wouldn’t and that they might not agree with and then that turns into a
discussion at best or heated discussion yeah and sometimes resentment even I
think yeah yeah because both spouses are spending different
and because it’s coming out of the same pot you know now what you spend is money
that I can’t spend or you know and and we just eliminate that whole tension by
just having our own pots well and I think your own categories also like even getting
more basic like it takes away this tension of now I can’t buy groceries
because you had to hang your jeep doors up you know or this is why the
bills because yeah this is why budgeting is so important and so beneficial
because if you do happen to have just a really high income and you don’t ever
run into a situation where you don’t have enough money to buy what you want
like this might not be as big of a deal for you but even still like you could
dramatically save tons of money but the bigger issue is for anybody who’s
limited on their income at all in any way you instantly find yourself this
freedom to spend on certain things that you wouldn’t otherwise and so we
actually found that it was better like it felt more comfortable being on a
budget they’re not instead of everything feeling like well we can’t buy that
because we had to buy groceries or we can’t buy that could buy that that was
just kind of eliminated once we set up a budget and it’s just been a really
really great thing so that was a tangent but it was but I think that’s still a
great point I mean I think for me since I am the one that is a little bit not as
involved I’m not quite as involved it’s kind of giving me this thing that I can
first of all just manage on my own so it feels like this is this is all
mine yeah but also it has kind of pulled me into like seeing a little bit of
what’s going on in our finances so it’s it’s kind of pulled me in and gotten me
more involved because if I feel like I don’t maybe have enough money this month
I can kind of go to him and say hey so um we’ve got a little bit of extra money
in this other category can we move things around discussion you know
yeah it’s about like deciding together it’s our budget we decide together about
how we want to do things and it’s also kind of gotten me wrapped around the
idea of once this money is gone it’s gone and that’s been a really important
lesson for me because I didn’t really have that
before you know our former lives we both just kind of spent money on whatever we
wanted whenever we wanted it and having to tell yourself no is a really good
thing is a good thing mmm-hmm it’s hard we don’t want to do it but it is a good thing so point number three is to keep no secrets in your marriage and to have joint accounts and this is a little bit controversial with
some people because I know some people don’t want to have joint accounts in
their marriage in our case we’ve found this to be very beneficial because it’s
just kind of kept a level of transparency there so we both always
have the opportunity to know what’s going on there’s no real opportunity for
either of us to hide money from each other and I you know I feel like if
you’re in a situation where you’re trying to hide money from your spouse
like there’s just some underlying kind of issues there that might need to be
worked out now if you have separate accounts and you’re using them kind of
like we are in point number two where they’re just for spending money you know
I think that’s a different thing because essentially we’re doing the exact same
thing with what we’re doing our budget categories it’s just not a separate
count per se but the point is still the same you know and that’s not said there
aren’t some valid reasons for having separate accounts but in general it just
seems like it’s probably a little bit healthier if you can get to the place
where you can have both of your names on the account yeah and I think it kind of
just comes down to the open communication we’re on the same team
yeah type of mentality so that it doesn’t feel like I can’t have your
money because you made your money and I have to get my own money
yeah I think it just keeps us more on the same page in our marriage like
they’re not even talking financially but in our marriage it feels like we’re a
team and we’re doing this together yeah and I think that’s such an
important part of the whole equation of getting together with your finances and
and really making financial progress as a couple yeah you know just being on the
same page communicating with each other about it and being honest and not hiding
stuff and no secrets you know we’re not married to counselors or anything but
that is one of those things that if you find yourself in that situation I think
it’d probably be something would be healthy to
talk to a counselor about and try to work out with your spouse if you can I
mean you know and it might just be a conversation where it’s like listen
we’ve been doing this but I think there might be a better way I think I might be
better for us to kind of be on the same page and same team with this alright for point number four one of the things has helped us is setting financial goals
together and this kind of ties into the previous one a little bit Matthew 12:25
any Kingdom divided against itself is laid waste and any city or house divided
against itself shall not stand and I think there’s power in unity and working
towards a specific goal together I mean don’t you agree for sure and I think
part of this is just having open communication about what your goals are
so there’s really big goals like paying off your debt – like paying off your debt
saving for retirement doing those types of things and then there’s also you know
semi big or whatever like okay we want to replace all the windows on our in our
home go on a vacation or buy a new car or whatever and I know there’s been
times where I have kind of just flippantly said to Bob okay we need to
replace all the windows on our house and we need to be doing this so we need and
and he starts feeling so like burdened by this idea of how okay I got a we
got to pay for this how are we gonna pay for this
and I think all that needed to happen was just this tiny little adjustment of
saying okay we can write these down and then come up with a plan or you know
once the finances come in for this then we can do it then yeah instead of me
trying to be like I want all this now which I actually didn’t even say that
yeah you’re just wasn’t even trying to communicate that but I think that was
kind of how you’re just listing ideas of things that you wanted to do and yeah I
like brainstorming ideas is what it really was but one of the interesting
things about like working together on a goal is that you know in my case being
the guy who’s kind of driving the finances in our house like I think that
I have good financial goals and I would like to go after them but it’s far more
important that Linda is on the same page as me
towards our goal and that we’re working in unity towards this thing that you
know might be 70 to 80% of the way where I want to go vs. me trying to go a
100% towards where I want to go and she’s pulling the opposite
direction so it’s we’re gonna move so much faster in whatever direction we
choose to go together than if individually we’re pointing in opposite
directions and you know just trying to do our own thing yeah and also – this is
kind of a little bit of a tangent but I think it will be helpful whenever we
were hardcore into paying off our debt yeah I think Bob would have just been
fine like barreling forward the whole time but he made sure that every time we
paid off a credit card or just paid something down that once we hit kind of
even just a little bit of -small goals- goals we would celebrate in some way so most of
the time that meant we would go to like a really nice dinner because that’s what
we enjoyed and but it was to keep you motivated because even though I was like
hyper focus on this and I was gonna make it happen no matter what I needed to
keep you on board I know and I it really helped me like just celebrating those
small victories knowing that we’re actually getting somewhere and seeing
the progress instead of just saying oh yeah we paid this credit card off you
know we actually made it kind of like this event which definitely kept my
interest and made me more excited to keep going and you know we would even
plan like okay the next time I want to go to this restaurant or when we pay off
this we want to do this you know we would kind of come up with some ideas
like that but yeah that really made it fun I mean for me to like cuz I was
super motivated fundamentally but that made the whole process a lot more
enjoyable yeah for sure and that yeah it definitely kept us on
the same page I think so we set our goals I also think that setting the
goals and then following through like both of you have to follow through you
know and I mean I know there’s gonna be slip-ups and stuff like that but I think
for the most part if you both are setting the goal together I think that
that’s what makes it a big deal is that you both are agreeing to it and you’ll
both follow through with it because in the end what makes the biggest change
yeah and for number five one of the things that helped us a lot was just
being givers together and giving together and this is something that we
have been just kind of passionate about since we really were dating we used to
dream about being able to give on a higher level and give beyond 10% and
really just see how far we can stretch this giving thing but over the years of
our marriage we’ve been able to do some really fun things via giving and it’s
been a bonding experience for both of us let me don’t you think
oh yeah absolutely and there have been times when the two of us have given
something together and sown seed whether it’s in the offering at church or to
another ministry or whatever it is and we have been able to stand together in
faith yeah when we’re giving and when we are waiting for some sort of
breakthrough that’s been a really good thing yeah so I think it’s bonded us
together spiritually as well as just yeah I mean chasing this goal together
but it’s a cool thing when you get to step out in faith in God like by
yourself and just trust God for this thing but when you get to do is another
person locking arms there’s it’s just like you’re in a battle together you
know and you get to get bonded with that and just been a really great benefit and
it’s just helped us yeah immensely so those are our five tips
that have kind of helped us reduce our money fights and just helped us overall
have a better marriage and but I’d love to hear from you so leave us a comment
down below if you have any that you would add things you’ve helped you or
which one of these five you’re gonna try to implement in your marriage or you
already are and it’s already working definitely let us know in the comments
below and if you found this helpful at all please hit that thumbs up down below
and on this channel we help you make more money save more money and give it
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new video that comes out and I think that is all we have for today so have a
great rest of your day adios – bye

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Comments

  1. I really like the idea of having separate spending budget. Sometimes, I and my husband would argue over the things that we bought or we like to buy because we have different views of its perceived value. Having a separate spending budget could help us not to feel guilty when we buy stuff for ourselves. Thank you for sharing this, Bob and Linda. I will definitely tell my husband about this and start following this. I've been an avid follower of your blog and I just wanna thank you for your great content about money and Christianity. I also listened to your latest podcast and I had so many realizations about praying for money and trusting God. I was praying something about it this week and randomly, I saw your email and it led me to your podcast as if it was God's way of answering my questions and troubles. Thank you so much for sharing God's words through your blog, podcast, and YT. Linda, you are so beautiful. I can't stop looking at you while watching this video. ๐Ÿ™‚ You and Bob are so genuine and I appreciate you for what you do. God bless.

  2. โœ… Want practical money tips and Biblical principles on how to handle it? ๐Ÿ”” Subscribe to our channel here: https://www.youtube.com/c/seedtime?sub_confirmation=1

  3. Awesome tips. Thanks so much for sharing. My husband and I are certainly on the right path. You have encouraged me/us to keep practicing what we're already doing. ๐Ÿงก๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿงก

  4. OMG everything you say is so true Iโ€™ve tried for yrs to get my wife to understand all of this and to get better financial peace for our family but itโ€™s hard we are both wild stallions and some what of nerds in a way just like he says but it seems like my wife dose not want to learn from our mistakes but Iโ€™m praying hopefully one day we both can get through this together. I just started seeing your videos not too long ago I love you vids so far good job ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

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