My 40th Birthday Party! | Jeannie Mai

– Hello hunnay! Guess what? She’s grown, grown. She’s officially 40, and I had the most amazing birthday party and
it was bomb.diggitycom. I am uber blessed to be
able to have that level of a birthday party. At the same time, since we
keeping it real, real here ’cause you Mai fam. My 40th birthday party was also one of the worst days of my life. Yes, it was, it was just a lot. I have to tell you all about it. (upbeat music) I need a shot just to talk about it. – [Olivia] Be careful or
you’ll burn your tongue. – Why is the shot hot? – [Olivia] The whiskey
gonna cure the germ. – Okay so it’s whiskey with honey ’cause she also likes to
turn it into medicine. – [Olivia] Thank you, you welcome. (scoffs) So my mom thinks that if you
think you’re getting sick or you need a little energy, you take a shot of
whiskey with a little bit of honey and lemon, and since I have some anxiety
remembering that night, I need a little liquid courage. Ow! Okay, we’re ready. First off, am I a person who
always throws big parties? Hell no. When it comes to my birthday, I’ll celebrate for the whole month and have intimate gatherings or dinners with my small group of friends. I like six to eight people ’cause then there’s quality conversation. You actually ask somebody about how they’re doing and listen whereas a lot more people, I feel like it’s just a
whole how are you doing? Happy birthday! Let’s take a picture. How are you doing? Happy birthday, let’s take a picture. And if someone tells you something serious like I just had a baby or I
haven’t been feeling well. For me, I wanna get into it
and be like what’s going on? I can’t have that conversation when there’s a crazy amount of people. So why did I have this birthday party? I kind of struggle with being
a people pleaser, real talk. Everybody else was excited about my 40th. My family members, my cousins, my friends, my girlfriends. They all were like yo, you’re turning 40. This is major, you have
to throw something. So I felt fomo over my own
40th if I didn’t do something ’cause that’s a big milestone year. So I put together a birthday party. It turned out to be maybe
400 people on the invite. That’s more than my wedding. I had 150 people at my wedding. Now that I think about it, my 40th birthday was the
most anxiety I’ve ever had and my wedding was also the second time I had that much anxiety. So I’m starting to realize that I can’t be throwing
these big bash parties because I need to own the fact that I get anxiety with a lot of people diverting their attention to me. Mai fam, does anybody
else have the same issue of getting anxiety when you’re in front of large groups of people? Or not being able to even have fun at your own birthday party? I need advice. I actually would really love to know how do you get through this? Are there breathing exercises
I should think about? Is there a way that I should
visually picture everybody? What are your tactics? Please @ me below ’cause
I would love to know ’cause I wanna start actively trying this ’cause I need to own this about myself, but I know I can get through it. I will never remove the
fact that I am so blessed to have incredible people in my life. Not to mention, I threw a party that had
all of my favorite things. Did I mention that I
had a theme to my party? It was roller skating. Let’s block out if I’m showing anything on that camera, sorry. I picked roller skating because it is one of my favorite things
to do when I was a kid. When I was younger, I
skate boarded and I skated. It’s why I have so many scars on my legs, and what I love about
skating or skate boarding is that in roller skating,
you always help each other up. If you see somebody down, you help ’em up. I picked roller skating
because I knew everybody would be bonded that way. It did work, the roller skating
absolutely got everybody to be comfortable with each other. Of course she had to bring her own skates. This is the pair that I actually wore because it matched my outfit, but I also had another pair that I brought, these are so dope, right? These are actual boots,
my own walking boots. How fresh is that? I didn’t wear these though ’cause they didn’t go with my outfit, but I go skating several times a month, so I know I can sport ’em another time, but isn’t that dope? I have another pair of high
heels that go on skates, but it was too much and I didn’t know if I paid for insurance that
night at my birthday party, so I didn’t wanna break my own neck and have to pay for it. So the theme for my skating party was Jeanie’s 40th Roll and Glow. So I just wanted everybody
to be dressed in metallics. For anybody out there
who’s had an opportunity to go to a dressed themed party, I know it might cause you to get nervous or you don’t know what to wear and you feel silly, you gotta
put that all out the door. Remember that this is you celebrating someone else’s occasion. This is you doing it for them. It’s almost like your
birthday gift to them, and it’s a chance for you to get outside of your comfort zone. If we’re always comfortable
and always in this safe box of what you look like
everyday, that’s boring yo. So use these themed parties as a way for you to go all out, wild out, get on Amazon, prime that
ish and look different than what you normally
do and I promise once you let that out the door,
after a couple drinks, yo, you’re gonna be popping. I came dressed like money, honey! I came wearing this. This is actually something that Jacob, a dear friend of mine, who made this, he runs For
The Stars Fashion House here in L.A. and I gave him a silhouette. I wanted it to be light and breathable ’cause I knew I was gonna sweat in all parts of my pores, and it was just a bell-bottomy piece that was stretchy so I could breathe. It smells like tequila, but this is what I wore with these skates and it was money, honey. I was super involved
in the party planning. I picked out the caterers. Actually, my cousin who orchestrated all of the Vietnamese food because I wanted to support
Vietnamese-owned businesses. We had banh mi sandwiches
as hors d’oeuvres which is a Vietnamese sandwich. Spring rolls, like easy
finger foods, amazing soups. We had all of my favorite drinks, so I had a whiskey drink
and a tequila drink. We had to play old school hip hop. I loved my SWV, my Wu-Tang, Grandmaster Flash, all
my old school beats. I flew in some of my favorite DJs, Dj Neil Armstrong, DJ As-Is came in. My boy Too Short was even there. Yo, shout out to Too Short for showing up. It was a good time. The night of the party it too me about two hours to get ready because I had this fake, amazing Ariana Grande knock-off pony that was fresh out the
pack, it was beautiful. It was 22 inches of fake hair and I had this extension piece coming out. So it was this fun little braid pony. That was great, this is
probably half of it right here. The outfit took two seconds to get throw on, so this was easy. Somebody offered to get
me a limo for my arrival. Let’s be honest, I’m an asian and I like to save a good buck. I believe I went for an UberLUX, and that was a splurge for me. I was with my mom and we had a whole bunch of stuff that we were carrying and the second I saw my friends, I got so emotional ’cause
I’ve known these girls from 20 years ago, past Bible studies, past ratchet moments. Just people who have helped me in my life. So that was really emotional. Okay, my anxiety hit me as soon as I walked in the
front door, here’s why. People who are excited, rightfully so, come running at me like
oh my God, Jeannie, this is your birthday. We’re so excited about
it, this is so dope! And I am processing all of
it while I’m also thinking is the party okay, is everything set up? Should people be coming now? And immediately I felt myself start to wilt a little bit because it was too much coming at me. Now why the hell am I a TV host? Let me explain. In TV hosting, I’m good
at bringing attention to other issues, whether it’s a story that we’re talking about or maybe a cause that I’m celebrating or need people to know about, that’s different. When it’s all attention on me,
that gets me bat shit scared. Like it makes me freak out. I start sweating here,
here, here, here, here. I had planned so much
for the party itself, the food, the music, the
arrivals, the invitations. I had planned so much that
I forgot to plan for myself, and what’s crazy is when I think about my wedding day,
the same thing happened. The same thing happened
where 150 people come at you telling you congratulations,
we’re so happy for you, and you’re answering like
a robot to everyone of ’em, but inside you’re where’s
the table I can hide under? If anybody else was in my head from hour one to hour
four of my birthday party, you would hear in my mind this battle of too much, too much. There’s too many people,
there’s too much going on. Oh my God, I feel bad that I didn’t talk to Todd longer about his story or I just saw Megan. She flew all the way in here and I didn’t give her enough attention or I think I was just rude at
my mom, I just cut her off. And what’s crazy is I saw Adrienne. You know her show All Things Adrienne. She came to my birthday and I remember, I was
running into the birthday. It had taken me, by the way, from the moment I needed
to go to the bathroom to the time I actually
made it to the stall, it was an hour and 45 minutes. By the time I got to the
bathroom I saw Adrienne, and I remember her grabbing me, and I think she knew a little bit of what I was going through. She was like, girl, just have fun. Can I get you a drink? You look amazing. She was complimenting me. I sat in my jumpsuit on
the toilet with my skates, and just considered not coming back out. I was like, damn, I wish it
was anybody else’s birthday, but mine right now
because I don’t know how to go back out and funnel
all that attention, and then sure enough I went back out and it was like, boom,
it hit me all again, and I don’t want it to seem like I’m complaining about this amazing party, and every friend of mine
that’s so thoughtful, but I did realize that I am very intentional with my friends. If you know me personally, the same way we’re talking right now, I talk to you just like this. If you meet me at the airport or you know me as a friend for years, I talk very intimately like this. I needed a better way to give everybody the attention they needed without feeling so responsible if I couldn’t give everybody the attention they should of had. That’s me, that’s my problem is I feel the need to
have to babysit people when they don’t need babysitting,
it’s just in my head. It’s something that I have to learn how to deal with when it comes to an overwhelming amount of attention. I have to own that I have anxiety issues around large groups of people before it gets out of hand, and I’m not able to enjoy
my own 40th birthday which is what essentially
ended up happening. I felt embarrassed about the fact that I didn’t enjoy my 40th birthday. I felt embarrassed about the fact that all these people came
and had such a great time. I heard all these stories about what a great birthday it was. I don’t know this, I just remember being anxious the entire time. I’m 40 freaking years
old, I’m a grown woman. I planned the party, I invited everybody, and I’m sitting here
complaining about the fact that I couldn’t have a good time? Especially when I had
so much to celebrate. I feel so blessed to have
all those people show up and be able to throw a party like this, but what I realized is I
love intimate conversation. I’m not great with large groups of people. I’m better one on one and, hello, when it comes to having quality
conversation, I’m your girl. I’m that person that
wants to be one on one and can get that intimate with you. So your blessing can be your curse. Instead of feeling ashamed about that anxiety I can get, I need to own it and turn that around to recognize the beautiful parts about me that come from having that anxiety. I do like intimate
conversations with people. I think today we lack
intimate conversations ’cause we’re always on this or always in TV, I’m always like this. No, I’d rather this. This is why I started this digital series is because I want intimacy with you guys. So, I’m saying this all to me because I’m realizing I’m
actually doing this right now. I’ve always said own you before they do. I have not up until age 40 owned that I have anxiety issues. I feel like it makes me
seem like I’m not good at what I do, I’m a failure
as a television host. No, I’m gonna own that
I have anxiety issues and now I’m gonna think about what can I do to combat it so I can enjoy my own 40th birthday and not let something like
this happen to me again? I will say my favorite memory
of my entire birthday party was roller skating with my friends. When I was able to pull myself away from the actual deck and go down onto the roller skating
rink and just let go, I was so happy. I felt like a little kid
again when you just go around and around that rink and you just let the music hit you and I was like yeah, eh! I was feeling myself
and it was so much fun. That was my favorite moment, and maybe that’s a feel
good memory I can have for every time I do get anxiety. Hey, maybe I need to
have this little archive of all my favorite moments when I felt most like myself and go there in my mind when I need it. That’s what I’m gonna do. I got a couple others too. (giggling) I tell everybody who goes roller skating or tries it for the first time, the best moment is when you fall because then when you fall,
you always get back up, and then it just removes the fear of having to fall ’cause
it just freaking happens. So when I fell because I
was helping my friend skate and we both fell together, I was like yes, this party
about to get started. I can’t wait to hear some of the advice you guys have for me below. Thank you so much for watching. Thank you for dealing with my confession. I’m so glad I was able
to share that with you. Don’t forget to subscribe, and when it comes to life,
put your best skate forward. Keep it rolling, do you like that? It was clever. (upbeat music)

About the author


  1. I cannot believe my eyes…. you are 40?????????
    Not only you don’t look 40 but you also don’t sound like at your 40’s

  2. OMG you’re 40 years old!? 😱 I honestly thought you were in your 20s wtff 😱 damn you look damn good I mean DAAAYMN FINE for a 40 year old 😱😍

  3. I have planned a LOT of events. And I am introverted and HATE big events, so in all of my events I always want to escape (and sometimes I do). The best thing you can do is have little activities or games that people can do where you can kind of direct the crowds away from you. so have the dj direct them to do funny things on the skates, or have a performer (not just a dj) deflect the energy to THEM. Create a separate area away from the main room where it is quieter and more intimate (hire a tarot card reader, hire an artist to draw caricatures. do funny raffles and door prizes. Anything so people are involved with OTHER things then trying to get up all in your grill all NIGHT (i know you love them but, just not all at once!) I have SO many tips because of my introverted nature. I always think about "how can i have moments of escape" how can I make this so everyone is not just looking for me or relying on me the entire time for MY energy. Break up the fun with meaningful moments. Have you friends to a funny slide show of pics of you growing up. have a silly game show. GURL…I have so many tips for you. Assign your closest friends jobs for you. They are your bodyguard detail. share with them that you need their help to help orchestrate and shield the chaos a bit. so the TLDR, deflect with activities, create off shoot chill zones, and have multiple people run point on protecting their girl when it's too much. I just have to say, i just discovered your channel today and you bring me back to my childhood growing up in Fremont. I loved to rollerskate and you remind me of some of my BEST friends I had growing up. I never post but I wanted to help. Big shout out to you and best of luck to you and yours. MWAH

  4. How can you look younger than your age….lol. Firstly, take a moment to "zone-out" – meditate/breathe exercise, in your mind, then slowly let go of tension. Secondly, it's all about "You" – the person who deserves and has the right to celebrate!!! Be humble another day….it's ok!!!!! Peace

  5. I’m so glad I subscribed! This has been one of the most intellectual videos I’ve watched in a long time. I love your channel. It’s everything!! Humor sadness the past the present the future .. healing… making changes.. living life.. there are so many other words I could say. But I love watching you share your ideas and it’s so relatable and that’s what I appreciate the most. I love your mom too she’s so awesome

  6. You should have someone who is able to pull you out of that situation. I am that shield for a great friend of mine. when I see that look on her face, I will pull her outside or away from the pressure.

  7. That's why I never got married with my husband. We are common flawed. I don't like the attention from large groups of people.

  8. I feel you, I don't like big crowds myself. I'd say take a deep breath relax, take a shot unwind and have fun.I don't know if I want a big 40th b-day bash or a small gathering. I'm a layed baxk mellow type guy. So what do you think I should do ? Go all in or have a few business Associates and close friends ? Oh you are invited. August 26th. Sorry to hear about your marriage. Look, his lost. Your a keeper. If I get the chance to get to know you andwe are compatible. I'd never let you go. If what i see via you tube via The Real, I LIKE YOUR STYLE.


  9. Don’t think that your the only one that feels this way…thank you for sharing your story. Honestly, I don’t think I can do roller skating cause I went skating once and twisted my ankle so I’m traumatized 🤭

  10. My tip is therapy! My therapist has helped me identify my negative thoughts and change my thought patterns. It’s a lot of work but little by little you start changing your thoughts. One exercise I do is write down the “stories” I create in my head and then come back at a later time and write a retrospect of what really happened. My stories have been false 100% thus far so now I tend to not believe my story.

  11. Thankyou for sharing this video. I just recently found your channel. I love it. You are so real and so kind. Your mom is a sweetheart. I think it is so cool that you have opened up about so many different things you have gone through in your life . You are strong ,and coming along wonderfully. You should be so proud of yourself. We just have to be positive and keep working on ourselves…The past is the past ,we need to let it go. Live each new day the best you can, Im trying myself also. And asking for God's blessings…p .s your birthday was awesome.! ♥️ Keep on keeping on!

  12. Anxiety is a real issue many of us deal with and feel ashamed when we shouldn't so thank you for talking about it and bringing it out. We will over come I am learning how to overcome my anxiety too right now I'm trying prayer and tea and chill music

  13. Good for you Jeanie! You are so beautiful girl, look like you are 22 with lot's of wisdom 😀, I have this same anxiety, I am working on IT! key word own it!!! Bless ya girl💜💕💜💕💜💕💜💕💜💕💜💕💜💕

  14. I'm very shy however my birthday is always a big deal! So I enjoy parties as well as small intimate settings with friends/family as well. However I have a huge family so I know how to do big parties or small. I'm comfortable with both lol. Just enjoy yourself no matter what

  15. You just have to learn how to not think too much and enjoy the moment girl. Just have fun. You’re too much into your head. Get out of it. You’re a great person so let that person come out😆💛💛just do it more often and you’ll conquer this. You got this HUNNAY🥰🥰

  16. Hi Jeannie! I have not been catching up with you since 2012! I am so happy to see where you had come from to where you are now. I spent all day catching up with you and keep up the good work! I can see that you have been staying true to yourself. You are an inspiration to many girls like myself in every way. Thank you for being you. I am Vietnamese too! Happy 40th birthday! Chuc mung sin nhat

  17. Hey Jeannie Mai, Good lordy you forty!! Haha, Thanks for having FlashPoint skate team from San Diego perform on your birthday. For the record your party was simply super dope!

  18. Wow!!! I admire and am inspired by your honesty Jeannie!! Thank you!
    You rawness and realness reminds of lines from Marianne Williamson’s poem,

    Our Greatest Fear
    “And as we let our own light shine,
    We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same
    As we’re liberated from our own fears
    Our presence automatically liberates others”

  19. Dear Jeannie Mai…… please have a DVD release or created/made…….of you and your 40th Birthday Party for those of us who didnt get to experience YOU and your WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!!!…..Hunnay !!!!……please include pictures and BIRTHDAY PARTY FOOTAGE!!!!….and MAMA MAI!!!!!….PARTY FOOTAGE TOO!!!!!!!….Im begging GOD to let me meet YOU someday!!!!!!!….sincerely BERNIE…..

  20. The lights were off and I was listening to Jeannie without looking at the video and all of a sudden this eerie laugh echos in my room and knocks me off of my bed. I soon find out that it was mamma mai's laugh edited in. Also, Happy Birthday Jeannie.. I just turned 30

  21. When I was younger I would take a shot for large groups. But now that I am in my 30s(quitting drinking ) I’ve been seeing a therapist about anxiety in general. It’s been helping! Before therapy I’d meditate good thoughts for myself, and then enter and tell myself “this is 👌🏻!”

    And btw, I relate to you so much!
    There is so much I can say but it’s too long to text as I am on my phone. ❤️❤️❤️❤️.

    One thing is for sure if I need to lift my mood I watch Mama and your Vids. Thx Hinney

  22. Love this, Jeannie. I actually sent this video to my friends to watch for them to understand how anxiety provoking it can be to cater to a big crowd. I’m also best in one on one conversations or small gatherings and don’t like to receive attention from a large crowd; I always find that it’s a lot of pressure because of the “people pleasing” aspect. Also, love the fact that you had Vietnamese food!! Thanks for representing our culture on TV!! Hope to meet you some day!

  23. I can’t stay out for more than 3 hours because people wear me out and I need to come home and charge up

  24. I always come here because I love listening to you and always end up with a piece of advise that will better me as a person xx Love from South Africa, you rock Jeannie Mai!!

  25. My 40th sucked. My ex husband gave me a muffin from a 6 pack of muffins and said Happy Birthday. Really? I mean if that is all he could afford and treated me well other times it would of meant a lot more. He acted like he painted the Cistene Chapel or something by giving me that muffin. I'm not a materialist person but he could of bought me something that would of lasted like 5 dollar earrings. He was not a nice person, always screaming and flying off the handle. I left after 4 months.

  26. Funny enough, I love meeting people and public speaking, but at the same time, I suffer from stage fright and social anxiety. I find that it really only gets to me if I think too much. For example, when I am in front of people, I try not to focus on how they see me and more on the actual content of the presentation. So, at a party, and this can be hard, focus less on each individual person and focus on the overall love, the food, the music, etc. You have to sort of zoom out and concentrate on the bigger picture versus your relationship with each person. Not easy, but not impossible. It will still be a bit exhausting, but you'll be able to appreciate the moment. (Meditation helps with this)

  27. I personally do not like big parties for myself . I used to throw the biggest, the most expensive and most beautiful parties. Not anymore ! I feel awkward and anxious when there are too many people around me and you start to invite people you don't even like anymore(just to fill up the space). I will be turning 50 and believe me I will organize something small and intimate, with people I actually like! Congratulations on your 40th birthday .

  28. Before you go into crowd look in the mirror bring the weirdest shade of lipstick that you have, put it on and make weird faces at your self. When you're laughing and being silly it will create a distraction for you and you won't be so nervous or worried about going around a huge crowd of people 😊. Hope that helps also you can take the lipstick off once you're done

  29. Just start saying "no". It may seem harsh at first because you don't want to hurt people's feelings, but you've got to consider your own feelings first.

  30. Omg, I truly can relate! I am the same way. Thank you for sharing this, very insightful! And Happy 40th, you look AMAZING girl.

  31. It sounds more like codependency issues. Try reading the 12 step of codependency, or the book boundaries. It’s hard to explain and honestly I relate a lot with your story…ALOT. But read into them. Wish you the best!:)

  32. I also turned 40 this year. I suffer from anxiety as well. Learning healthy coping skills and medicine can help.
    Another thing I have in common with you is I also like speaking on a deeper level.

  33. When I get anxiety I close my eyes and think of a peaceful scene, like waves from the beach; I then tell myself it’s going to be alright.

  34. Short came to your party?! That's a real Yay Area girl right there. I agree with the folks who suggested deep breathing techniques. Sometimes as introverts we are thrust upon situations where we have to interact with hella folks at once. You might need to bail for a sec to collect yourself, so do that. Remember you can't please everyone and your health is way more important.

  35. Visualize everyone as people and just beings. Not as people that wanna socialize. calm your mind down and think turtle. move slow and guard yourself when needed. love you Jeannie <3

  36. Hey Jeannie, your story is so real and I can relate too. Here is how I am dealing with social anxiety.
    First step is to stop calling it "my anxiety", because when you claim it and own it and it becomes yours and sticks. I realized its okay to be nervous about situations. It shows your good heart and character. Please Read Exodus Chapter 3 and Chapter 4. Moses eventually didnt go where God was sending him because that is how real the anxiety he had was. All that you are and are going through God knows and everytime I have to speak in front of people I remember God asking Moses Who created you? and say to myself when God sends me out He knows where I fall short and covers me. Give God the glory than take it for yourself. You are such a blessing, Dont be so hard on yourself.
    #Much Love from South Africa

  37. I love you i can relate to you… Turning 40 this weekend…. Going through a divorce… Been difficult past few years… I cant wait to have my new life starting now..

  38. Just WOW!!

    I love watching you dance at the start of every show! You have so much rhythm and soul it’s enjoyable to see!

    Where did you learn these incredible moves?

  39. Girl you don't need to do anything. Accept that you like small gatherings. You did the party for other people not for yourself.

  40. I think most people have anxiety issues when it comes to meeting new people or being in crowds. I personally like being in big crowds because i feel deindividuated and i can be more of myself. I like tou show jeanne always have ✌🏻❤️

  41. I totally get this as an introvert. However, you have to remember that even though you planned it, you are not the host of your own birthday party. You are the guest of honor. Which means you have no obligation to entertain anyone. Simply enjoy yourself and let people come to you. This might sound selfish. Ughhh’s YOUR birthday. When you’re a giver, it’s hard to be “selfish” even on your own birthday. I had to learn this as well. It’s okay. I do enjoy the intimacy of smaller birthdays because I can host/entertain more. But you have to shift from giver/host mode to receiver/guest mode when you throw such a HUGE bash. It’s just a change of posture/perspective. All in all, I’m sure you handled it fine from an outside perspective. Next time it’ll be even easier. No sweat either way. No mold to fit in. It’s your journey.

  42. I love you for this video Jeannie. This hit home for me because I also feel extremely overwhelmed when I receive a lot of attention at one time. I'm very introverted and I feel everything. Too much at times. I love the idea of focusing on the memories that make you feel good during those times of anxiety. Thank you for sharing this experience with us. ❤️

  43. Jeannie, I love you so much! I appreciate how real with it you are. I feel like we are very similar and I can relate to a lot of things you talk about. Even though i have never met you i feel like you are a good friend! you would be the person i would love to talk to everyday! Have a beautiful day!

  44. It's such an amazing thing to see how you build your self and work hard for your goals and as I believe people who can build never stay shattered so congrats to you owning such a strong and developing personality💪♥️👏👏

  45. Don’t just try to be a people pleaser. With 400 people they have TONS of other people to interact with. Not to be mean but some people just came for the people and the party itself, not you . Lol I would’ve just enjoyed myself

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