Review – Dinner with Ashley Tisdale


– [sighs] I COURTED SUZANNE
FOR AN EXCRUCIATING 13 MONTHS BEFORE SHE ALLOWED ME TO BE
PHYSICALLY INTIMATE WITH HER. WHATEVER MAGIC
I WORKED THEN, I’M GOING TO HAVE
TO CONDENSE INTO THE TIME IT TAKES
TO EAT THIS MEAL OF AMERICAN BISTRO FOOD. OH.
– HI. – YES, HELLO.
– I’M ASHLEY. AND THIS IS MY BODYGUARD.
– OH, OKAY. WONDERFUL. LISTEN, HEY,
I GOT YOU THESE FLOWERS. THESE ARE FOR YOU.
– OH, THANK YOU. – YES, IT’S GOOD.
YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. – OH, THANK YOU.
– YES, THANK YOU FOR LOOKING SO BEAUTIFUL. – AND THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR YOUR $70,000 CONTRIBUTION. – WELL, YOU KNOW,
I HAVE A SON WHO’S EXTREMELY SHORT
FOR HIS AGE. – OH, SO YOU’RE MARRIED?
– QUITE THE CONTRARY. I AM RECENTLY DIVORCED
AND GETTING OUT THERE. SO YOUR TIMING IS PRETTY GOOD. YES. YEAH.
– [chuckles nervously] – YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
I DABBLE IN PALM READING. MAY I? – OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I’M GOOD. I’M GOOD. I DON’T REALLY BELIEVE
IN THAT STUFF. – OH, WELL, IT’S MAINLY
JUST SORT OF FOR FUN, TO TALK ABOUT, YOU KNOW,
YOUR HEART LINE. – NO.
– YEAH. MM, OKAY.
YEAH. MY–MY LOVE LINE,
IF IT’S THIS ONE, IS ALL– GOES ALL THE WAY AROUND. YOU SURE YOU DON’T WANT
A PALM READ– – I’M–I’M GOOD. – UM, YOU–I IMAGINE
THAT BEING A CELEBRITY IS VERY, VERY STRESSFUL. – NO, ACTUALLY,
IT’S REALLY FUN. IT’S REALLY FUN.
– WITH CERTAIN STRESSES, IN TERMS OF
KEEPING UP PUBLIC APPEARANCES AND–AND ALL THAT.
– NO. I-I REALLY ENJOY IT.
I LOVE IT. – WELL, NO WONDER
YOU’RE CARRYING ALL THAT TENSION IN YOUR SHOULDERS.
– I’M CARRYING–NO. NO, NO, NO.
– SO WHY DON’T I SEE IF I CAN HELP YOU
WITH THAT? – YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU DON’T NEED TO GET UP. YOU DON’T NEED TO GET UP.
– NO, WELL, I’LL– I THINK I’LL JUST GIVE YOU
A LITTLE BACK RUB HERE. IT SHOULD’VE COME
AS NO SURPRISE THAT MISS TISDALE
WAS ACTING COY. TO A CELEBRITY,
AN EVENING OF SEX IS A COVETED PRIZE
THAT CANNOT BE HANDED OUT TO JUST ANYONE
WITH NO APPARENT BENEFIT IN THE FORM OF DRUGS
OR CAREER ADVANCEMENT. – I’M OKAY.
– OKAY. – I’M JUST EXCITED FOR DINNER. – GOOD.
SO, UH… – OH, GOOD.
THANKS. – OKAY. I’M JUST GONNA BE
VERY BLUNT WITH YOU. – OH, BOY. – MY INTEREST IN THIS DATE ACTUALLY HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH THE FOOD, EVEN THOUGH
THIS RIB TASTER FOR TWO IS DEFINITELY CALLING TO ME,
NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT. BUT WHAT I’M SAYING IS
IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN GETTING OUT OF HERE
AND GOING STRAIGHT TO DESSERT… [cell phone rings] – OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I AM SO SORRY. I HAVE TO TAKE THIS.
HELLO? – FAKE PHONE CALL,
FAKE PHONE CALL, FAKE PHONE CALL.
– WHAT? – FAKE PHONE CALL,
FAKE PHONE CALL, FAKE PHONE CALL.
– RIGHT NOW? – FAKE PHONE CALL,
FAKE PHONE CALL, FAKE PHONE CALL. – OH, MY GOD, OKAY.
I AM SO SORRY. A BAD THING HAPPENED,
AND IT’S AN EMERGENCY. AND I’VE GOT TO GO.
I’M SO SORRY. – NO PROBLEM.
LISTEN, AS I WAS SAYING– – NO, NO, NO, NO, PLEASE–
PLEASE, STAY HERE. JUST ENJOY YOUR DINNER. – I HAVE NO INTEREST
IN THE FOOD AT ALL. – EAT YOUR DINNER. THANK YOU
FOR YOUR $70,000 CONTRIBUTION.

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Comments

  1. I hope she isn't that perverted in real life. I hate when anybody does that because it is such a buzz kill and ruins a date or whatever it is. Just makes it awkward.

  2. I loved how he was hoping to rub her shoulders by just hoping and then trying to convince her that she is stressed out.

  3. to me, Ashley here is being a bitch to the guy, like I don't follow celebrities outside of their tv shows (and I don't bother with that), but celebrity or loser, she could of been more tolerant and polite (and the body gaurd's a twat for how he told Forrest to finish his dinner and "protect" ashley, what's Forrest gonna do, sexually assault her lol. like sure maybe he put to much effort into it and he came off awkward but still think things could have worked out better here

  4. This may be weird and Waaay off topic … but.

    This guy just makes me want to hate white women … I have no idea white.

  5. Whatever magic I worked then, I'm going to have to condense into the time it takes to eat this meal of American Bistro food.

  6. this chick's whoor relative got fucked silly by that porn dude James Deen on film at a hotel and she had a boyfriend at the time so she's a cheating whoor too.

  7. I feel so bad for him. 70000 dollars? Shes so judgemental. I know it's a comedy show but I just feel and for him.

  8. Who the hell is Ashley Tisdale?
    She should b teaching women to be more blunt with men to avoid a life full of creepiness n unnecessarily misleading boners. This one was more cringe than funny sry

  9. fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call fake phone call

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