Samantha Bee Gears Up For 2019’s Not WH Correspondents’ Dinner


FOLKS, SO GLAD YOU’RE HERE. CLEAR THE DECKS AND YOUR
CALENDAR. YOU’RE GOING TO WANT TO STICK
AROUND FOR THIS ONE BECAUSE YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST FROM “THE
DAILY SHOW” AND “FULL FRONTAL WITH SAMANTHA BEE.” PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE
SHOW, SAMANTHA BEE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )>>Stephen: SAM, GOOD TO SEE
YOU.>>IT’S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU. I JUST REMEMBERED IN THE GREEN
ROOM THAT THE LAST TIME I WAS HERE WAS “THE DAILY SHOW”
REUNION THE DAY JAMES COMEY GOT FIRED.>>Stephen: OH, MY GOD! FULL CIRCLE! REMEMBER?>>Stephen: YES! I WOKE UP TODAY AND I SAID A
PRAYER FOR YOUR WRITERS!>>Stephen: THANK YOU, THEY’RE
ALL BEING HOSED DOWN RIGHT NOW.>>I’M SURE! OH, NO!>>Stephen: SPARKS ARE COMING
OUT OF THEIR EARS.>>GOOD GOD!>>Stephen: TWO YEARS LATER,
THAT WAS THE IMPETUS FOR MUELLER BEING APPOINTED WAS HIM BEING
FIRED. AND HERE’S THE MUELLER REPORT
RIGHT THERE.>>I TAKE THE WHOLE THING RIGHT
IN HERE.>>Stephen: WHAT ARE YOUR
THOUGHTS? HAVE YOU HAD A CHANCE TO LEARN
SOME OF THE STUFF THAT’S IN HERE?>>I HAVE LEARNED SOME OF THE
STUFF THAT’S IN THERE, OF COURSE.>>Stephen: YES. MY FAVORITE THING FROM IN
HERE IS A JUICY MORSEL –>>Stephen: DISH. — THAT MCGHAN HAD TO EXPLAIN
TO DONALD TRUMP WHAT A REAL LAWYER DOES BECAUSE WHEN THEY
WERE IN MEETINGS TOGETHER HE WAS TAKING NOTES AND DONALD TRUMP
WAS, LIKE, WHY ARE YOU TAKE SO MANY NOTES? I’VE HAD LOTS OF LAWYERS BEFORE
AND THEY DON’T TAKE NOTES. AND HE WAS, LIKE, WELL, I’M A
REAL LAWYER — ( LAUGHTER )
— AND YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO KEEP A RECORD OF THINGS HERE.>>Stephen: I WATCHED A LOT OF
MATLOCK, NO NOTES. PERRY MASON, NO NOTES.>>YEAH, SO —
>>Stephen: THIS IS VERY EXCITING TO ME.>>OKAY.>>Stephen: BECAUSE YOU ARE
THROWING YOUR SECOND “NOT THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS
DINNER.”>>THANK YOU! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: SO THE FIRST ONE WAS GREAT. WAS THAT LAST YEAR OR TWO YEARS
AGO?>>IT WAS TWO YEARS AGO.>>Stephen: SO SEMIANNUAL. O SEMIANNUAL.>>Stephen: SURE. I DIDN’T THINK I WOULD EVER
DO ONE AGAIN, REALLY. I FELT LIKE I REALLY ENJOYED
DOING IT. IT WAS A LOT OF FUN, A LOT OF
WORK, IT WAS GREAT.>>Stephen: AND YOU DO THEM
BECAUSE TRUMP DOESN’T SHOW UP TO THEM.>>IT’S PART OF THE SOCIAL
CONTRACT. WHEN YOU’RE THE PRESIDENT,
YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SHOW UP ONCE A YEAR FOR 20 MINUTES OF GETTING
ROASTED BY A COMEDIAN.>>Stephen: SURE. THAT’S PART TO HAVE DEAL. YOU’VE GOT TO BE ABLE TO TAKE
IT.>>Stephen: I AGREE. ( APPLAUSE )
SOME OF THOSE COMEDIANS CAN BE SO UNFAIR TO THE PRESIDENT.>>WE ALL LOVE TO ENGAGE IN A
LITTLE PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT, DON’T WE?>>Stephen: I DON’T KNOW WHAT
YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT. HE’S GOT VERY THIN SKIN, THOUGH. THIN, THIN ORANGE SKIN. ( LAUGHTER )
>>GOOD FOR HIM.>>Stephen: SO WHAT CAN WE
EXPECT THIS YEAR?>>IT’S GOING TO BE SO FUN. OKAY, APRIL 27th AT 10:00 P.M.>>Stephen: THE SAME NIGHT? YES, THE SAME NIGHT.>>Stephen: ALL RIGHT. O EXCITING.>>Stephen: SURE. THERE WILL BE SO MUCH FUN. THERE’S GOING TO BE AMAZING
MUSIC, I’M WORKING WITH MY PERSONAL HEROS. WE’VE BUILT A ROBOT OF SARAH
HUCKABEE SANDERS –>>Stephen: A ROBOT? JUST TO KEEP US IN CHECK.>>Stephen: SURE. BECAUSE YOU KNOW I OFTEN TELL
INAPPROPRIATE JOKES, AS I KNOW YOU DO, TOO, SO IT’S NICE TO
HAVE SOMEONE THERE.>>Stephen: DON’T SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT HER ROBOT EYE SHADOW OR YOU WILL BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE. WHAT SPECIAL DRINKS YOU SERVING?>>SUCH GOOD DRINKS. WE’LL BE SERVING A WOLF
SPRITZER, LIKE A ROSEÉ SPRITZER, VERY NICE. AND A LEMONADE — IT’S AN
EVENING FOR JOURNALISTS, WE’LL BE CELEBRATING GREAT JOURNALISM
AND LOTS OF JOURNALISTS THERE SO YOU NEED TO HAVE LOTS OF
COCKTAILS. I THINK WE’RE HAVING A BEAUTIFUL
LEMONADE LEMONADE WITH VODKA AND WE’RE GOING TO CALL IT A YELLOW
RUSSIAN BECAUSE — ( LAUGHTER )
— WHY NOT?>>Stephen: NO REASON AT ALL. NO CONNECTION.>>Stephen: IT’S FOR CHARITY,
RIGHT? RAISING MONEY.>>YES, WE’RE RAISING MONEY FROM
THE COMMUNITY TO PROTECT JOURNALISTS.>>Stephen: THEY NEED
PROTECTION.>>THEY DO, YEAH. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YEAH.>>Stephen: NOW, WE HAVE A
SPEAK PEEK AT A REALLY FAIRLY DISTURBING CLIP —
>>SO DISTURBING.>>Stephen: — THAT YOU’RE
GOING TO PLAY DURING THE DINNER. WHAT’S GOING ON?>>DO I NEED TO SET IT UP A
LITTLE BIT BECAUSE WE’RE ALSO DOING A PIECE ON WHAT THE FUTURE
LOOKS LIKE FOR JOURNALISTS. IT’S BLEAK. WE’RE DOING A HUGE PIECE ON DEEP
FAKES. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE ARE? WHERE YOU SWITCH FACES WITH
SOMEONE. THE TECHNOLOGY IS AMAZING AND
THE VOICE TECHNOLOGY IS SOON UPON US AND WILL BE HARD TO
DETERMINE WHAT IS REAL AND FAKE. TAKE A LOOK.>>Stephen: THIS IS YOU? THIS IS ME, BUT THIS IS
NICOLAS CAGE. THIS IS ME AS, OH BOY,, I PUT
NICHOLAS PAGE CAGE’S FACE ON MY OWN. IT’S HORRIFYING. I’M NICK CAGE AND I LOVE “FULL
FRONTAL” WITH SAMANTHA BEE. IT’S AN AWESOME SHOW. SHE’S A REALLY GOOD HOSTESS, AND
I ENJOY HER COMEDY BITS. ANYWAYS… PEACE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>OH, MY GOD! I KNOW. IT’S KIND OF —
>>Stephen: HOW DO I KNOW THAT YOU’RE NOT NICOLAS CAGE RIGHT
NOW WITH SAM BEE’S FACE ON?>>I’M GOING TO STEAL DR. WHAT
IS THE THING HE’S GOING TO STEAL?>>Stephen: THE DECLARATION OF
INDEPENDENCE. ( LAUGHTER )
>>YEAH. IT’S SCARY FOR JOURNALISTS. IT’S ABOUT TO GET A LOT SCARIER.>>Stephen: HOW HARD IS THAT
TO DO.>>NOT DIFFICULT AT ALL.>>Stephen: YOU SAID YOUR
THING. WAS THAT LATER OR HAPPENING LIVE
TIME?>>NO, IT DIDN’T HAPPEN LIVE. I DID MY INTERVIEW AND AFTERWARD
WE HAD SPECIALISTS WHO DID IT FOR US. I DON’T DO THE CUTTING MYSELF. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT IT’S NOT DIFFICULT TO DO AND THE TECHNOLOGY IS INCREDIBLE AND
I THINK THE FUTURE OF JOURNAL I’M IS WE’LL HAVE TO LEARN TO
PARCEL WHAT IS REAL AND FAKE.>>Stephen: OR JUST ENTIRELY. YES, THE SING LATER IS UPON
US, OH, BOY.>>Stephen: LAST QUESTION,
WE’VE GOT TO GO, BUT THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. WE’RE INTO POLITICS AND TALK
ABOUT CURRENT EVENTS. EASTER SUNDAY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING?>>OKAY, I WAS RAISED CATHOLIC
BUT WE DON’T REALLY PRACTICE THAT IN OUR HOUSEHOLD, SO I’M
PREPARING LAVISH GIFT BASKETS FOR MY CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY’VE
COME TO EXPECT THEM FROM ME.>>Stephen: WELL, THERE’S
NOTHING RELIGIOUS ABOUT CHOCOLATE.>>NO, YOU CAN JUST —
>>Stephen: DO THEY THINK IT COMES FROM THE BUNNY?>>I DON’T THINK SO, ANYMORE. THEY WERE DEFINITELY, LIKE, I
CAN’T WAIT FOR EASTER. ( LAUGHTER )
WONDER WHAT THE EASTER BUNNY’S GOING TO BRING ME. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? SO —
>>Stephen: NOW THEY KNOW IT COMES FROM JESUS.>>THEY DO. JESUS AND HIS LITTLE PET
RABBITS.>>Stephen: THAT’S WHO I
WORSHIP.>>UH-HUH.>>Stephen: SO LOVELY TO SEE
YOU. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE ON
TODAY OF ALL DAYS.>>OF ALL DAYS, HERE WE ARE.>>Stephen: THE SECOND NOT
ANNUAL “NOT THE WHITE HOUSE
CORRESPONDENTS DINNER” AIRS NEXT SATURDAY ON TBS. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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Comments

  1. I started watching Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah because of Samantha Bee…….She was the first political show that got me into it….

  2. I used to like Samantha, then she started to blame everything on WHITE MEN cus WAMAN and minorities cant do no wrong, and i was like WTF

  3. I f. You are an ex Catholic like me, you might like a Christian Fellowship type Church, Like Me. The Priest sexually assaulted me when I was 14 .

  4. Samantha comes jumping out like the no-class jackass she is. Very fitting for Jackass Colbert's show.

  5. Samantha Bee is SO UNFUNNY.

    She can’t even crack a “joke” without the President Trump CRUTCH!

    Pathetically UNFUNNY and UNORIGINAL!

    KEEP AMERICA GREAT and MAKE FUN OF LIBERAL BUTTHURT CELEBTURDS’ LACK OF HUMOR!

  6. Nicolas Cage? WOW. That is HORRIBLE!😂

    ZERO LAUGHS!

    NEWS FLASH SAMANTHA:

    You’re NOT A JOURNALIST!🤡🤡

  7. Obama wasn't roasted by any comedian. He got honored some democrat prostitute instead. How about you get real instead of lying to yourselves. You guys use the correspondents' dinner as a way to attack the president if they are republican and to honor the president if they are democrat. Kind of sick right? Start roasting the democrat presidents. Let's start here, tell me a real burner about Obama. One that would actually work in a roast about the guy. Are you going to talk about how he wore white one time when he shouldn't have. Oh wait, that's not just the roast that's literally the entirety of this lame fake news one sided non factual biasd media. Maybe you should all retire and let real people do your jobs that would do justice to the American people. Scumbags.

  8. Donald Trump has thin skin? The left has been attacking him for 3 years and have gotten nowhere. All I see is winning? Trump 2020 🇺🇸

  9. OMG these last days of Colbert need to go down as American Classics!! First Dinero and now Sam…and this was AWESOME!!!!! Mueller report explained best by comedy ftw!!!

  10. I like Stephen Colbert but I struggle to reconcile how such a seemingly intelligent man can have a serious faith. Guess it's just a prime example of the power of religious indoctrination. Sad to see, in my opinion.

  11. Sam's wardrobe makes me want to start rocking blazers. She's worn some great ones on Full Frontal, but the blazer she has on in this interview is one of my favorites. And those matching shiny red boots?! Ah-mazing!

  12. Wait! "There's nothing religious about chocolate?" Steven, you're Catholic, you should know better. Those chocolate bunny ears represent the pope's mitre…
    And any chocoholic will agree – chocolate IS God…

  13. New t-shirt idea for White House gift shop: the front has the word Press with a target over the word and on the back, Dem. with a fire symbol imposed over it. It is the new administrations policy of hate for 'other' Americans.

  14. What do you think
    https://www.quora.com/What-do-you-think-of-Joe-Biden-for-President-with-Bernie-Sanders-as-Vice-President-for-2020-Democratic-candidates

  15. Stupid 2 people… If donald trump DID NOT exist neither one of you would have a job…. So be grateful for your paychecks… He has made it so easy for you both to have a career with "stupid people" (shepple) listening to you… 😜

  16. I can never look at Samantha Bee the same way again after she made that horrific remark (I won't call it a joke) in her retro Jackie-O bit on her show. I personally don't mind dark humor or even gore, but anyone who's seen the Zapruder film or read the transcripts knows that there is a line, and Bee fucking crossed it.

  17. u people love socialism so why do u protect journalists because they r the first ones killed in ur utopian world. actors and teachers r not far behind in the death lines either. mayb socialism is a good thing after all. praise the lord.

  18. What's even more funny is that after Sam Bee and Colbert were masturbating and pleasuring each other for an almost whole 8 minutes, nothing came from that Mueller report! Now that's real comedy 🙂

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