Save Your Marriage While Separated | Paul Friedman


Hi, my name is Paul Friedman. I founded
The Marriage Foundation and the topic today is something that we get a lot.
We’re separated, is it too late for us? Can we still save our marriage? Can I
save our marriage? And the answer is always the same, it’s
yes but you can’t save it just by wanting to save it. You can’t save it
just by reading the book or getting a hint or reading some article and some
dumb magazine. You need to do proactively exact certain steps that will work that
are designed to work, designed specifically for this, and I’ll tell you
right now, we sell a lot of our books and sometimes people think, Oh, I have a shortcut I’ll just take the book. I’ll get it.” No, you won’t and
here’s why you won’t. Here’s why you need to take the course for men or the course
for women depending on your gender it’s because the person who screwed up this
marriage is you. Now, you can say, “Well, it’s them too.” Sure, but it’s you and
you’re the one who’s looking to save it so you’re the only one that counts. You
screwed up your marriage. Well okay, but that’s why I’m searching. What do I do to
save it? If I give you a list of 30 things to do, the first thing you’re
going to do is cherry-pick from that list and you go, “I can do this. I can do
that,” and you may miss the most important thing that you have to do. Even if
I tell you, this is the most important thing. I’ve been doing this for over 20
years and I can tell you right now this is the thing you have to do but it won’t
be enough. It’s not just one thing there’s a number of things so my
approach is very different from other people. I begin with you in the course. In
the book it’s just laying out marriage and it’s telling you what works, what
doesn’t work and all of that but what I have realized very early on
is that you can’t just change. Habits and instincts control us so what I searched
into this for a long time. In my past, I wasn’t just a divorce mediator. In the
past, I’d been meditating and I’ve been working on myself since the 70’s so
there are ways. You got to gain control over your mind and so I’ve come up with like
a real — this way works method and it works and it’s in the course so you got
to start with that. You got to get stabilized, you got to get balanced, you
got to bring yourself back in. You got to know who you are — it’s doable.
You’re a human being. You have free will that means a lot so I get you stable
then you’re able to do the things necessary to bring your marriage back
together. How often does it work? Most of the time over 50%, way past 50%. Way back in the day, I worked with one lady who was a college
professor, one of the Ivy League schools her husband was a tenured professor and
he was having an affair with one of his students, nice guy, right? And they moved
into an apartment together and we would talk on the phone once a week and we got
her back together. It took almost a year which is a long time but sometimes
it takes a year, doesn’t matter. She was resolved, she loved him and she knew it
was the wrong thing and she got him to come home. So, you can do it too and I’m
going to support you in any way I can. We also have counselors that you could
write into. They’ll give you all the help you can possibly ask for
and they’re candid. They’re like me. I don’t know if that’s good or bad but
they won’t BS you. You’ll get the truth. All right, that’s it! Blessings to you, don’t
give up. Blessings to your spouse, do not give up,
and blessings to your family, don’t give up. Okay, thank you!

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