Seth’s Favorite Jokes of the Week: The First Democratic Debate, Biden’s Dinner


[ Jaunty theme plays ] Former Pennsylvania Congressman
Joe Sestak announced yesterday he is running for president. Also yesterday, a tree announced that it was falling
in the forest. [ Laughter and applause ] Failed Alabama Senate
candidate Judge Roy Moore has announced he will run
again in 2020. He also has to announce if he moves
into your neighborhood. [ Laughter and applause ]
-Attendee: Ohhh! Former Representative
John Delaney appeared confused when he was the first candidate asked to give
a closing statement. Said Delaney, “Sorry, um, even I forgot I was here.” [ Laughter and applause ] During tonight’s debate,
each candidate was asked which country they would most
wanna repair relationships with. Kirsten Gillibrand chose Iran,
while Marianne Williamson chose Narnia.
[ Laughter and applause ] According to reports,
former Vice President Joe Biden requires that his paid
speaking engagements provide him with a dinner
of angel hair pomodoro, caprese salad,
and raspberry sorbet. And this is weird: He asked for the angel hair
just to smell it. [ Laughter ] ♪♪

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Comments

  1. Wish ALL Late Night Talk Shows condensed their jokes like Seth…..save a lot of time AND awkwardness….at least on Jimmy Fallon's show.

  2. Democrats party are collaping yo. Damn it gonna be fun seeing progressive democrats vs moderate democrats vs coraparate democrats. Damn get ready for popcorn😂😂😂😂😂

  3. i would argue that after last night's debate there are more ways to make fun of Biden that just him being a creep

  4. Just when you thought Biden could be the one guy who could have a great debate…. He done got slammed lmao
    Look as long as that filthy orange get kicked out I'm good.

  5. Wait, this cannot be right? Trump says the media is against him and just picking on him with these mean jokes on him.

  6. I've completely stopped watching Seth Meyers on my TIVO.

    I am at the point where I only like the first segment when he is blasting President Blowhard.

    But I can't justify TIVOing the entire show just to watch 1 segment.

    Wayyyy too many of his guests are only there because they are former SNL writers or

    performers or people he worked with on some other project. I understand that Lorne Michaels

    the producer. is probably forcing him to do this, but that doesn't excuse this practice for me.

    He also is not a very good interviewer.

    I also hate the skits when the black and gay female writers are on camera.

    One of them at a time is more than I can take. The 2 of them together is a nightmare.

    They are both extremely annoying and I always fast forward through their sketch.

    The recurring skit about the tiny voice in President Blowhards head

    has also become very annoying. It was a funny premise but the jokes

    have become too juvenile for my taste.

    Fred Armisen is NOTT the least bit funny and the segments he is in about

    reading a book by it's cover is the same basic joke over and over and over again.

    Plus he is a guest wayyyy too often.

    I also find the "in my day" sketches with the phony dog to be poorly written

    and a complete waste of my time to watch.

    I also don't get why every late night talk show has to end with what is usually

    a bad musical performance by an obscure musical group.

    Is there a close correlation between the number of people who like political

    commentary and who also like obscure musical groups, that I'm not aware of ?

    I almost always fast forward through the musical segment at the end.

    Until today I was fast forwarding through 3/4 of the show, when you count

    the commercials but I am done with that now.

    WRZ

    Delaware County, PA

  7. Let me tell you a joke :"There is little doubt that even BEFORE the deal's existence,Iran was violating its terms."

  8. BIGGEST JOKE OF ALL, NO ONE WILL BE AT THE MALL TO SEE DRUMPF. WHEN PHOTOS ARE TAKEN, BABY BLIMP FATTY COWARD BALLOON AND ITS COPY WILL BE THERE. NO PEOPLE. #FACIST&THIEF WE HAVE SEEN ALL DICTATORS DO THIS…PISS OFF FAKE PRESIDENT

  9. A safe and happy American Independence Day to you and your loved ones!
    🎆🍹🍔😊🌽🍰🍉🎉
    Love,
    🇺🇸 ☪️♀️

  10. REMEMBER – Bernie's 21st century Economic Bill of Rights – Democratic Socialist VS Republican CORPORATE Socialist ! PLEASE SHARE DAILY

    What is Republican CORPORATE SOCIALISM? Does anyone who isn’t a millionaire really want it??

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