October 1, 1999.
Just another SHABBAT DINNER. William get the door! ARNOLD! They’re here! Shit. Come on in. You must be William! I’m Susan, this is David, and this is our son, Virgo.
Come on in. You must be William! I’m Susan, this is David, and this is our son, Virgo. – Nice to meet you.
– Susan! David! A girl. When is she due? You look like you’re about to pop! So tell me, Susan, when is he, she..? Oh and by the way, thank you SO much for supporting the seminary.
So tell me, Susan, when is he, she..? Oh and by the way, thank you SO much for supporting the seminary. David and I really appreciate it. Well of course! Most of our giving is to Jewish causes, it’s so important. William, Mr. Bernstein Cohen is studying now to be a Rabbi. That was the fundraiser daddy and I went to last week. And I said Susan, you’re so good at making invitations, why don’t you help out. And they came out well, very well.. I think? Susan, David, all the way from Queens! What’s Virgo mean? It means I’m adventurous. I was born in September. Virgo just had his birthday last week. Happy birthday little guy! They’re gonna make him captain of the team. He didn’t even like Lacrosse when he started, but I said to him buck up kid, you do what you gotta do to get into college. It’s a ridiculous game, isn’t it? Who can take more AP and honors classes, do more sports… – They’re gonna make him editor of his paper in a few years.
– You’re embarrassing him! Virgo loves to play soccer. Every day he and his friends play, and we have this beautiful field right in Forest Hills. It’s vacant, so we were worried at first about vagrants or rusty nails. But Virgo just loves his soccer.. – Can we be excused?
– Yeah, sure, why don’t you go show Virgo your room? Wanna come see my room? I actually hate Lacrosse. Soccer’s cool, though. Do you have any video games? No, I’m not allowed to. My mom doesn’t even let me watch TV. – It’s pretty lame.
– Yeah, that’s pretty lame. Wanna see my morse code machine? Sure. It’s for people to talk to each other, like captains of ships. I made it in my science afterschool program. What’s that? SOS. It means save our ship. Here, you try. That’s an E. That’s a T. How do you make a V? See.. You have a girlfriend? Naw, I used to. A few years ago. – Her name was Dee.
– Cool I don’t now though. There are some girls I like though. Cool. Do you? I don’t want to talk about it. – What do you mean?
– Nothin’. – It’s, like…
– What? Just forget about it. Okay. I can keep a secret. Promise you won’t be upset. Yeah, sure. Well, the thing is, I’m.. – I’m gay.
– Nothing. – Nothing, just, you know What, never mind.
– What did you just say? Didn’t you hear what I just said? Is it true? Wow, okay.. Well that’s cool, I mean, I never met a gay guy before. Have you told anyone else? Yeah, like, a friend of mine, a month ago. Why did you tell me? It kind of felt good to say it, like I could kinda be myself. Was your friend okay with it? Yeah, he was okay with it, But my other friends say stuff that make me think they wouldn’t be okay with it. But this guy… we hooked up. – you hooked up with a guy?
– Yeah. What did you…do? Stuff. – Have you told your parents?
– Yeah. – When?
– Yesterday. Wow. What did they say? They were okay with it. My mom cried, but she’s pretty crazy. My dad said that god creates everyone equally. Wow. Parents suck. but it’s cool that you have the balls to say it. I mean, I’m not, but I don’t think I’d have the balls to say it if I was. I mean, everyone has still been very friendly. So does Virgo have a girlfriend? No, no, Virgo doesn’t have a .. girlfriend right now. We don’t really ask him about that s– William is a serial dater. He actually just broke up with his girlfriend. Wasn’t Jewish. But surely she wouldn’t have to be Jewish? Oh, Jesus. No I wouldn’t let my kid marry a goy. Our race has been persecuted for centuries. We finally have a state of Israel. – If we intermarried there would be none of us left.
– Well I think.. ..I think.. You know what, nothing, nevermind. – What?
– Susan– – I think that’s racist.
– Who wants dessert? – You think it’s racist to keep kosher?
– Now really, Susan.. – You’re a rabbi, right?
– Studying to be– So you know, marrying Jewish is one of the rules, just like keeping kosher, which I do because I’m a good jew. Well, I would say that being a good jew is about respect and tolerance. For some people it’s more spiritual. You mean some people don’t respect the law. I’m a lawyer– – Arnold.
– I deal with rules. A religion is a set of rules. You don’t get to pick– So I got this new ice cream. Beth Horowitz told me about it. – I’m sorry, never mind.
– Gluten free, dairy free, soy free… God knows what is IN this ice cream! Who wants to try? – I’ll have a taste.
– Perfect. I will help! We can play trivia. Okay. Can I ask you a question? Sure. How did you know you were gay? I don’t know. I just knew. I mean, you don’t always know. I looked at guys and thought I was interested. I kissed girls and wasn’t. It’s all on a spectrum, you know? Yeah. I mean, haven’t you ever looked at a guy and thought about him sexually? Yeah, a few times. What was it like to kiss a guy? It was like kissing a girl, except more, more manly. What did you do? Just, stuff. Can I ask you something? Yeah. Okay. Do you want to hook up? Wow. Dude, you’ve got balls to ask that. What if I kicked your ass? I can’t. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. I’m not gay. Oh, okay, um..
I’m not gay. Oh, okay, um..
No it’s okay Um.. Oh, okay, um..
Do you wanna play trivia? Do you wanna play trivia? That was so cool. Yeah, okay. – You’re shaking.
– So are you. Wait, wait– You will not believe what happened to me yesterday! I am outside of H&H, and this woman comes up to me on the street, and she says what a beautiful burka. I didn’t know that your people could wear such bright colors. – And then you said..
– I said It’s not a burka it’s a poncho! Your son seems like a nice boy. Maybe he’ll rub off on William. – Well..
– Rebecca, this was just lovely. Yes. William! – Virgo!
– Shiiit! Look man I’m not– ‘m not gay. – Write your phone number.
– William! Well have a safe trip back! We’ll have to have you over soon. Say, in three weeks? I think we’re free. We’ll double check our calendar, but I think that’s good. – See you then!
– Bye. Well, that was lovely.