Surprise Party Slaughter


>>HEY WHITNEY?
YOU THERE? YOU THERE WHITNEY?
HI, CAN I TALK TO WHITNEY’S HUSBAND? HEY TIM, THIS IS HANK.
YEAH, WHITNEY’S BOSS. YEAH, I WAS CALLING TO FINALIZE TONIGHT’S
PLANS FOR WHITNEY’S SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY?
SURE I CAN HOLD. [CELL PHONE MOO-ING]>>HEY, LOOK MOM.
I CAN’T TALK RIGHT NOW. YEAH, I TOLD YOU I DON’T WORK ON A FARM
ANYMORE. GOT ME A DESK JOB.
WELL WHY DON’T YOU JUST GO ONTO THE GOOGLE AND TYPE IN
HOW TO SLAUGHTER A COW? ALL RIGHT, I’LL WALK YOU THROUGH IT.
JUST HOLD YOUR HORSES. YEAH, I’M PRETTY SURE WHITNEY DOESN’T
SUSPECT A THING. UH-HUH.
YEAH, SO JUST TO DOUBLE CHECK WE’RE ALL GOING TO MEET
UP AT SIX O’CLOCK AND THEN CATCH HER OFF GUARD WHEN
SHE GETS HOME FORM WORK? OKAY.
NOW THE FIRST THING YOU WANT TO DO IS STAY OUT OF HER WAY
‘CAUSE SHE’S A BIG ‘OL HEIFER. YEAH.
SHE’LL CRUSH YOU LIKE A COKE CAN. YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I SHE’S BEEN FATTENING
UP ALL WINTER. OH, AND MAKE SURE TO SEDATE
HER BEFORE SHE REALIZES SHE’S BEING ATTACKED
OR SHE’LL STRUGGLE SOMETHING AWFUL. MY HOW THAT COW CAN BELLOW.
YEAH, ALL OF WHITNEY’S FRIENDS KNOW ABOUT IT.
YEP, THEY’RE EXCITED TO SEE IT GO DOWN. GOING TO BE THE PARTY OF THE YEAR.
WHOLE OFFICE IS IN ON IT. EVEN THE GUYS DOWN AT THE PARKING GARAGE.
HEY, YEAH, LOOK, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU
USE TO KNOCK HER OUT. OKAY?
YEAH. JUST GRAB YOURSELF SOME CHLOROFORM,
TRANQUILIZER DARTS, TWO BY FOUR UP SIDE THE HEAD–
>>TIM, PICK UP, PICK UP!>>HEY, THANKS TIM.
I COULDN’T HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT YOU.>>MAYBE IT’S A DIFFERENT TIM.
>>I MEAN EVERY HUSBAND PLANS ON DOING SOMETHING LIKE THIS,
BUT HOW MANY ACTUALLY GO THROUGH WITH IT? OKAY, I GOT TO GO.
UH-HUH. YEAH, JUST MAKE SURE AND KILL HER
QUICK SO SHE DOESN’T SUFFER. WE DON’T WANT TO HURT HER, WE JUST WANT
TO EAT HER. OKAY.
HEY, WE’LL SEE YOU SOON TIM. OKAY.
YEAH, HOPE YOU’RE AS HUNGRY AS I AM. OKAY.
>>ALL RIGHT BOSS. EVERYTHING IS READY FOR TONIGHT.
I’VE GOT THE BLINDFOLD AND THE BASEBALL BAT.>>YEE-HAW.

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Comments

  1. Literally me when I am on a call / eavesdropping… when I found out once someone was asking my sister how to dispose of a dead fish and NOT talking about my depression… yeah. "You can tell she's depressed… she refuses to talk and barely eats… yeah, I guess we should just flush it… she had a good life… yeah, maybe I should talk to her about it and see if she would rather go to a therapist or…" GOD I WAS SCARED. I HAVEN'T BEEN DEPRESSED SINCE! (thanks sis)

  2. Imagine Whitney going to the cops or calling 911 after this and explaining everything…
    Whitney: “So then he said he wanted to eat me!”
    Operator: “Okay ma’am, do you have a history of mental issues?”

  3. I wonder if Tim was Steven….

    P.S: Whitney is actually married to Steven, so if in this sketch Tim was Steven it would make sense because- OK YOU GET THE POINT

  4. I thought something else was going to happen like she would be on the run or she would arrive and then shoot everyone

  5. Neither of my fav actors in Studio C in this short, yet probably one of my top 5 so far. Amazingly well done, and the emoting was on incredible as well.

  6. ok I know that Whitney was whispering at 1:52 but how did Jason not notice her … or mabey he did but just acted like he didn't

  7. This was gotta be my favorite episode!!! Hey just curious, out of all the episodes what is your guy's favorite?

  8. Only upon the second time watching this did I realise Jason was switching between two different phone calls.

  9. The very first time I ever watched this, I was doing something else in another tab, so I was just listening. I thought he was talking to Whitney's husband the whole time… 😨

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