Talib Kweli – Rapper Adult Fun – This Is Not Happening – Uncensored – Extended

– I get introduced
to Lionel Richie and I could tell that Lionel
Richie doesn’t know me, has never heard of me, but
because I’m the only other black male at this event, he acts like he knows me.[dark electronic music]– Welcome to
“This Is Not Happening.” I’m Roy Wood Jr. When traveling, make sure– – [gasps]
– [screams][ominous music][maniacal laughter]♪ ♪– [growling]♪ ♪[Roy shouts][cheers and applause]– His new album is called
“The Seven.” He is the legendary
Talib Kweli.[cheers and applause]– So when I first started doing
hip-hop music, even though I’m known for music
that has a message and music that is not empty
and music that is not vacuous, I grew up wanting to be
a rap star. I didn’t grow up wanting to be
a conscious rapper. I grew up, I wanted to be
LL Cool J. You know what I’m saying? I wanted to be famous for a
being a sexy motherfucker. You know what I’m saying? But by the time my career
took off, I was on a label called
Raucous Entertainment. And myself and Mos Def, we had
a group called Black Star. Right?
[cheers and applause] [laughs] See, I was cheap for applause,
because I don’t got no jokes. You know what I’m saying? I said “Mos Def”
so y’all could applaud and Black Star and y’all
familiar with that shit. So by the time we blew up,
the whole Raucous movement, the whole underground movement, it was looked at as the
vanguard for conscious rap. Like, they looked at us
as bringing back the sounds of Boogie Down
Production and Public Enemy and Rakim and Big Daddy Kane
and everything. So my homeboys, like, I was,
like, 18, 19 years old. My homeboys started going to
strip clubs and having fun and doing
all the debauchery and stuff, but they didn’t even
invite me to the strip club, ’cause they heard my records,
and they thought, “Kweli wouldn’t want to come to
the strip club with us.” [laughter] And one of my best friends
in the world, like, he worked– he was a bartender at the strip
club when we was, like, 19. I didn’t find this out
till we were, like, 32. You know what I’m saying?
‘Cause they never told me. I was like, “Yo, y’all niggas
hanging out at the strip club
y’all didn’t tell me?” And he was like, “Yeah, you
kick all that conscious rap. You don’t want to hang out the
strip club.” So by the time I got on
in the music business and I started making money in
the music business, I really, really, really wanted
to go to a strip club. Not just a strip club,
but all the parties. All this partying down–like– Anybody who knows me from
when I first started my career, you heard my records
and it was conscious rap. And I was in the streets. Like, I don’t just talk online;
I don’t just talk on records. I go to the rallies. I go to
the protests and all that. But I also go to
the nightclubs. You know what I’m saying?
I also turn up. So the first time I ever went
to a strip club, in my life, I went with Jermaine Dupri… [laughter] And Janet Jackson. [laughter] Because I was working on a song
with Jermaine Dupri. He had a artist that had
sampled one of my records; he wanted me to be on the remix
and everything. Shout-out to Jermaine Dupri. But here’s my advice. If you’ve never been
to a strip club, in your life, do not go with Jermaine Dupri. [laughter] Do not go with Janet Jackson. And make sure you don’t go
in Atlanta. [laughter] Because if you go to a strip
club with Jermaine Dupri and Janet Jackson in Atlanta, nothing will top that
motherfuckin’ experience. So after my first strip club
experience, I tried to top that strip club
experience. And because I was now making
rap money, I was starting my career, I tried to go to all the fly
strip clubs. And the fly strip clubs in this
country are in Atlanta and in Miami and Portland. Surprisingly, Portland, Oregon,
got some– Portland, Oregon, is that shit. You know what I’m saying? But so I was working on my
album, and I booked a ticket– this story has a lot of valleys
and peaks, so just stay with me. I booked a ticket to Miami. Because I’m like, “I’m going
to Miami to turn up.” So I get to Miami, And I knew some girls who were
some party girls and they do all the parties. And this girl called me; she
said, Come to this party. Are you in Miami? ‘Cause I told her I was going
to Miami. She said, Yeah, she said come
to this party. Yeah, I said, “Where’s it at?” She said, It’s in the Bahamas. So I was like– after some
convincing, I went. And these girls, um,
let’s just call ’em, um… Britney and Amber. They were white girls. I know those sound like white
girl names. But I’m trying to throw the
scent off. You know what I’m saying? So Britney and Amber, they
invited me to this party, but they said, “Listen, if you
come, you just gotta follow
the rules.” So I was like, “What is this,
some, like, ‘Eyes Wide Shut’
type shit here?” [laughter]
Okay. So I fly to Bahamas
and I get off, and they tell me
that I need to come to the Peter [bleep] residence. Now, Peter [bleep] is, like,
a textile super rich billionaire. You understand what I’m saying?
This is a billionaire dude. And so at first when I first
get to the island, nobody wants to take me there. They say no one’s allowed on
the [bleep] property. I finally convince a driver to
take me there. He drops me off in front, and I get picked up by one of Peter [bleep]’s
representatives. He comes in a golf cart to
the front of the gates. The gates was all opulent
and decadent like, “Lifestyles of the Rich
and Famous.” And I felt like I was in an Ian
Fleming/James Bond situation. You know what I’m saying? And the guy picks me up–
and the guy who picks me up is asking me about hip-hop, and I’m like, “Yeah, I rap. He’s like, “Yeah, I only listen
to Frank Sinatra.” You know what I’m saying? And so immediately I’m starting
to feel like, maybe I’m not
in the right place, you know? And there’s, like, spider
monkeys. I’m saying spider monkeys
because that sounds official. I don’t know what kind of
monkeys they was. But there was monkeys, you know
what I’m saying? There was peacocks and all
types of wildlife. It was like a two-day,
three-day long thing. I’m staying in this treehouse, and it’s beautiful.
It’s beautiful. I had never seen nothing
like this. And I ordered some food, and
the guy that brings my food is a Norwegian guy
who says to me, You know what, Kweli, I saw you
perform with Black Star in Norway back in the day. And the show that he mentioned
was the first time I had ever been to Norway. It was me, Hi-Tek, Mos Def, in some bar in Norway. It was a small bar– it was smaller than this bar
we in now. And there was, like, four
people in there. I remember, it was like,
four people in this bar, and this kid in the Bahamas
is like, I saw you perform at that bar in Norway. And I’m like, wow, okay. What are you doing here? He’s “I been working here for
Peter [bleep]. And, you know, I was like,
“Okay, wow. It made me feel good, because this is, again, at
the beginning of my career. So then the girls come and I’m
hanging out with the girls. And Britney and Amber and all
they friends and a bunch of other girls. They finally explain to me
what’s happening, and they say, We work for
Peter [bleep], and because we know
all the party people, our job is to invite people
here for parties that he has. And this is his birthday party
and it’s gonna be a huge party, and you’re gonna be here for
the next few days; it’s gonna be fun.
And I say, Okay, great. They say, One rule, you cannot speak to
Peter [bleep], all right? ‘Cause they got me fucked up. They think I’m one of them,
you know what I’m saying? When in my mind, I’m like, “I’m
Talib Kweli,” You know what I’m saying? I’ma speak to whoever the fuck
I feel like speaking to when I feel like speaking. So me and the girls
have a big argument, because they feel like I’m
about to mess up they whole situation. Because I’m just being arrogant
about who I am. And so we’re about to have
a dinner, and we find out that he’s gonna
have a special guest performer for his birthday party and
the special guest performer is Lionel Richie.
All right? Right? “Dancing on the Ceiling”
Lionel Richie, like… So… We get to the dinner, and we’re
all mingling about, and I had a seat down at
the table with the girls. The table was long. I’m all the
way down here with the girls I came with,
and then Peter [bleep], and his guests are all the way
at the front of the table. And I’m just, I’m playing my
role, I’m playing the position. But Lionel Richie actually
shows up, all right? He shows up, and I get
introduced to Lionel Richie and I could tell that Lionel
Richie doesn’t know me, has never heard of me, but
because I’m the only other black male at this event, he acts like he knows me. He gives me the black male
brother salute. You know what I’m saying? I get the whole love like I
know Lionel Richie. So now I’m hanging out with
Lionel Richie, and we know similar people in
the music business. I start talking to him. And he says, Come sit with me. So now I’m sitting at the head
of the table with Lionel Richie,
and I’m looking at them girls like,
“See, I told you. I’ma speak when I– I’m me. I’m not just here with y’all. I’m here on my own
reconnaissance. I might be your guest, but I’m
also me. You know what I’m saying? So we have this beautiful,
opulent, wonderful dinner. And, you know, I’m always the
hookup. I’m always the plug. I don’t know if y’all know, but
I smoke pot. And I won’t say that I smoked
weed with Lionel Richie. But after the dinner, we were
all hanging out. And you know, I’m hanging out
with Lionel Richie. I put my pops on the phone
with Lionel Richie because I grew up listening to
the Commodores. You understand what I’m saying? Like, Lionel Richie is,
for my family, was a huge, huge part
of my upbringing. So Lionel Richie’s telling me
Commodores stories; he’s telling me Michael Jackson
stories. I put my father on the phone
with Lionel Richie. And I’m feeling good,
and because Lionel Richie, meeting him, reminded me
of my childhood, I went back to my room
in the treehouse and I’m with all these girls, and it’s like, me–
and remember, it was just like, the dude whose party it was, Lionel Richie, his wife,
and me. I’m the only dude there. And it’s me and all these
girls, and I’m like, okay, it is time
for rapper adult fun. God damn it. I’ma have a great time tonight. But we get into this
conversation about family and I’m explaining to them
how much it means for me to meet Lionel Richie, and I talk about my father
and how I called my father and I was so proud that I could
put my father on the phone with one of his heroes,
Lionel Richie, and what my kids mean to me. And one of the girls– I don’t remember if it was
Britney or Amber. One of the girls, all of
a sudden at that moment, remembered that she had a kid. [laughter] And she’s like, You know what? I haven’t seen my kid in so
long. And I’m out here partying and I’m out here–my kid. And she started crying
and getting really upset about the fact that she
personally didn’t feel like she was doing enough
for her child. And now, like, the whole
romantic sexual vibe was just… No more adult fun,
all right? So we end up getting in this
whole conversation about the importance of family, and then I went to sleep,
all right? So I wake up the next morning, and I’m still supposed to be
there another day, but when I wake up the next
morning, I wake up to a commotion
and I hear yelling and arguing, and I go downstairs and the kid
from Norway, the Norwegian kid, was arguing with his boss. And the argument was about
the fact he had told him that he wanted that day off because it was
his wife’s birthday. But they told him that he had
to work that day. And he’s like, You know what,
you treat me like shit, you don’t take care of me, you
don’t care about my family, you know what, fuck y’all.
I’m out. And the kid quits
right in front of me. And in that moment, I think
about everything I saw the night before and all
the decadence and all the– everything that I thought that
I wanted to be part of, but when I saw that
the only person there that knew who I was
as an artist, the only person there
who was invested in me as a person and
as an artist he couldn’t even stand to be
there no more. He was leaving,
and when he was leaving, something snapped in my
and I’m like, You know what, as fun as this looks,
this is clearly not my scene. And you know what, maybe
I need to leave too. And I got in the car with that
Norwegian kid, and I went to
the airport and I left. Now, I might have missed out
on a lot of fun. You know what I’m saying? But the lesson that I took
from that is, your day-ones is your A-ones, and you should rock with
the people who rock with you. And if you find yourself
in a situation where you’re rocking with
people who don’t really rock with you, find that one
person that rock with you and maybe leave with them. Peace, y’all. [cheers and applause]– Talib Kweli!

About the author


  1. the spoken arts are amazing. rhythm being an essential and transferable skill of comedy and mc'ing makes talib not a bad comedian. I saw him in Chicago at UIC he rocked on some rafter in the middle of the day, around 2002.

  2. Fantastically spoken Talib. Because you never know who has how long on this spinning ball. My parents and only child are all dead. So, be there for those that respect you, that love you and have your back. Because those are the people that matter. A good time can always be had, but you or your loved ones might not always be there. Stand up for those that deserve it. You have my complete respect. Now, I need to explore your music, I've been wrapped up in classic and hard rock lately, but I have time to indulge in yours so it's time to send my money your way for a bit. Peace and love.

  3. Janet gives lap dances at her shows, guess you.can say she goes to strip club to study.

    wish he said, didn't smoke with Lionel but he was dancing on the ceiling.

    If you are invited to a party and the host don't want to be spoken to, then the blame is yours for showing up

  4. Has anyone else tried listening to this and picturing Peter Dinklage as the Peter _ referenced? Changes the whole vibe. 😂

  5. Talib kweli is so under rated as a rapper and love black star I’ve listened to them forever as long as I can remember before anybody knew who talib or mos def was I introduced there music to a lot of people in the late 90s. I think 97 or so

  6. Black people at a place where there are nothing but black people: looks at each other sideways. Black people at an event where there are mostly white people: "Ayeee bro"

  7. …this negro is sitting on this stage crowing about his "consciousness" as a rapper. Make no mistake, this negro is not hip hop. He is the wyt friendly negro/rapper that poses absolutely no threat anyone or anything. 🤕

  8. I love you talib you are a really great guy and we go waaaaaaay back Brooklyn I'll be here for your journey always thank you

  9. Hip hop's lyrical story teller is one bad ass comedic story teller too. God damn! This shit made me laugh. The comedy is all in the details "I say spider monkey cuz it sounds official, but I don't know what kinda monkey they was" – brilliant!

  10. Brother you are bad at this sit Your microphone spiting ass down. Every time you said something I was like fuck in hell we’re gonna have to throw the microphone LOL away

  11. THANK YOU for sharing this story. That's a beautiful message. Makes me wish more people thought about family BEFORE they have kids. But still that's a heartwarming thing to say to the world at large.

  12. Struggling artist trying to scrape together money for equipment. If you can spare even a dollar it’ll be appreciated. Send at cash app $Dreamsinaction thank you again.

  13. He is not a comedian just has some cool stories there is a difference every one has cool stories not everyone can tell jokes

  14. Looking for more This Is Not Happening? Check out comedians’ wildest drug stories here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD7nPL1U-R5pl-EsIsmgZTuS0t3Tm6EV8

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