The Fuckboy – A Bachelor Parody

(dramatic music) – From the creators of The Bachelor, The Bachelor: Winter Games, and The Bachelor: Volcano Nation, comes yet another Bachelor spin-off. I’m your host, Trist Garrickson, and this is The Fuckboy. (upbeat music) – ‘Sup guys, I’m Zane. I’m 23-years-old, I live in Murray Hill. Oh, and I’m not looking for
anything serious right now. I love lax, going out with the boys, nudes, pretty much any white rapper. I work in finance, but over
the weekends, I’m a DJ. Follow me at DJSkinZaddy. (chuckling) You know where it is. (upbeat music) – [Trist] Each week, 16
ridiculously eligible women, who can do much better, will compete for The
Fuckboy’s limited attention. – Hi, I’m Lauren S., and I think I’ve got what
it takes to fix The Fuckboy. – I’m Lauren K. and I’m
a dental psychologist slash social media influencer. – I’m Lauren F., I just recently just got out
of a long-term relationship and my standards are extremely low. Is this Kool-Aid? – I’m Lauren G., and I’m from Nazi, Texas. – Hi, I’m Lauren B., and I have
to win or I’ll kill myself. – I’m Lauren P. – I’m Lauren D. – I’m Lauren T. – I’m Lauren 33. – Hi, I’m Ashley W. I went to Harvard, and I have a double masters
in Women’s Studies and I’m so sorry. Guys, can I just quickly get a snack? Just like something to eat. You said there would be, like, a buffet. – I just wanted to prove to people that I, you know, can find love with a man. Not a woman. – I think my definition of
happiness comes from within. You can’t wait for a boy
to give you happiness, but at the same time, that’s all you have. (laughing) You know?
(laughing) – I’m from Pennsylvania and I’m starving. (laughing) I didn’t eat, I didn’t eat before I came. – I think after having a
long-term relationship, you look to yourself, and you think, what else can I do to cause myself pain? – I was at a music festival,
Coachella, are you familiar? – I’m looking for someone who
can dance with me, you know? Like, I love a dancer and do you dance? – Like a banana or a– (director mumbling) Can you get me something? – [Trist] Tune in every
Saturday at 3:00 a.m. on ABC, and watch as the women
attempt to date The Fuckboy. (suspenseful music) (knocking) – What are you doing here? – You invited me. – Come on in. Just be quiet, all right,
my roommate’s sleeping. – [TV] You’re both two heroes. (Zane laughing) – [Rick] Good job, Morty. – Damn, Morty. – [Morty] Thanks, Rick. – What did you call me? – No, nothing. – [Trist] This season, tensions will rise. – I didn’t want to say anything, but I don’t think Ashley W.
is here for the right reasons. – What do you mean? – She wants to invite you
to brunch and introduce you to her camp friends. – Oh my god. Well thank you for
telling me this, Lauren Z. So tell me about yourself, Lauren G. – I’ve been waiting for the
right moment to tell you this, but when I was six, my
parents got divorced and– – When I was young, my
dad wasn’t around a lot. (sad piano music) You know, all the other kids’ dads would pick them up from school, take them on hunting trips, and teach them how to play catch, but mine was never there. And then one day, he really wasn’t there. He just packed up and left. – After the divorce, my dad
and I started fighting and– – Daddy issues, nice. (clapping) (upbeat music) (phone ringing) What’s up, babe? Yeah, right now? Yeah, I’m on my way. (Zane chuckling) – Wait, where is he going? – Who’s babe? – She’s not even on this show! – If he’s gone, can we go eat now? – Heartbreak like you’ve
never seen before. Welcome to the elimination ceremony. I’m Trist Garrickson. Zane couldn’t be here tonight. He forgot he already had
plans with his buddy, Mike. (dramatic music) Ladies, if you’re ready,
please pull out your phones. (phones beeping) (dramatic music) Ladies, I’m sorry. If you did not receive a
text, you’ve been ghosted. Please take a moment
and say your goodbyes. (ladies giggling and whimpering) – Keep in touch, ladies. – He just mad ’cause he
can’t handle a plus size cookie lion. (laughing) (crying) – [Trist] Our most drama-filled season– – No, I’m good!
– Since the past 36 seasons. – I’m so fat! (vocalizing) (crying) – [Trist] In the end two women will remain but only one will be chosen. This is the final elimination ceremony. (phone beeping) – I’m free! I’m free! (screaming) Hello, Domino’s? Yes, I’d like a large extra
pepperoni pizza, extra pizza. – Lauren H.? – X, Lauren X. as in CrossFit. – In the combined 45 minutes that we’ve spent together
over the past three days, I remembered most of our conversations. That truly says something ’cause I’ve been hungover
this entire time. (giggling) So, Lauren T.- – X. – Will you go to a wedding with me? – Yeah! (dramatic music) – Cool, yeah. It’s next weekend. I’ll text you. – Coming to ABC this fall. Trist Garrickson, out. (upbeat guitar music)

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