The Party Gets Us Started | The Paranormal Action Squad | Episode 1

Paul, hurry up and buy
the goddamn thing. It’s just a fanny pack. Two gum pockets?
Mm, soft, fake leather. Ooh, zipper. You gonna wear it
or ( bleep ) it? Let’s roll, buddy. Eddie, you can’t just
choose a fanny pack. It chooses you. Boom, how’s it look? If your goal is
to never have sex again,
it looks perfect. ( phone beeps ) Pad, what’s up? Paranormal emergency. Home infestation.
Extreme caution. Be aware of–
oh, snap. Gates of hell. Warning. Warning. Crashed again? Man. I just got this phone,
like, nine years ago. Come on, dude!
Let’s ( bleep ) up some ghosts.( crash, woman screams,
baby cries )
Please hurry.
Before they destroy my house. We need to determine
the paranormal threat level. What activity
are you witnessing? Young, punk-ass ghosts
and zombies and demons, they’re playing the loud
hippity hoppity music and hitting cuckoo smoke
in the crazy pipe. Don’t worry, Miss Hanlon. We make the living dead
dead again. That’s our money-back
guarantee. But we do require
cash up front. Calculating ectoplasmic readings
in selected coordinates. Miss Hanlon’s residence
is a code-nine emergency. All right! I’m ready to kill
some ghosts, baby. No, Vanoss, you’re not ready. You missed two
of my paranormal workshops. Aw, come on, guys. Can I at least come watch? We’re an elite team, Vanoss. Everyone on this mission
is top-notch, ready, and on their game. Orb, come on. Let’s go! Ugh. Don’t yell.
Head hurts. Oh, dear.
What in the devil
is that thing? That’s orb. She’s our
super-intuitive mystic.She will help us recognize
the detailed makeup
and the modus operandi
of your paranormals.
Rough night. If you have sex with someone
till they die, it’s not murder, right? Let’s go! We gotta move. ( whirring ) ( whirring continues ) ( whirring starts, stops ) ( whirring continues, stops ) ( tires screech ) ( electronic music playing ) That noise. I think it’s causing seizures. Pad, assessment. Paranormal
communal gathering.Indicators show danger levels
are dope.
Rising to lit.Pump, pump, pump, pump,
pump it up! And fast approaching fleek. Wow, dudes. Haven’t you ever
been to a party before? Duh. Yeah. I have been to hundreds…
of them. Oh, really? Our first party, Eddie. This is rather exciting. We weren’t officially
invited, Paul, so don’t do anything
that’s gonna embarrass us. ( music stops )♪ “L” is for lovers… ♪Man:
Get me outta here!
Man #2:
This sucks so bad!
( people yelling )Shit. Who needs parties? I have just as much fun
drinking, dancing, and laughing all by myself. And to be clear, meeting up
to play D and D was considered a party, so I’m a party animal. Hey, dudes.
What’s the trip haps? He’s asking how you’re doing.
He likes you guys. Doesn’t matter.
We’ll wrap this freak show
up in about five minutes. Well, you can do that,
or you can join my party, brah. Wait a second.
You are inviting… us? Yeah, brah. – To this party?
– Yeah, brah. – Myself and this man?
– Yeah, brah. Name’s Cookie P.P. Me and my friend Kinkstra have been checking
you out and, uh, we’re wondering if you guys
are down to party.( electronic music continues )Yo, raise ’em up! Up! Whoo! Whoo! Yeah! We’re all friends. They love us! We told them to shake
their groove thang,
and they just did it! They just shook it! My booty is on fire, and my crotchal area
is chafing like the dickens. These are our people. This is our party. That ghost hottie,
she just asked me for sex. Whoa, whoa, whoa, Eddie,
be careful. Wear a condom. You don’t wanna
get haunted penis. Yeah, my dad got that
in the Navy. ( growls ) Eddie, it’s sasquatch.
Be cool, dude. No, no, no, no, no. You know what?
( bleep ) sasquatch. Right now I’m just hangin’
with a side of bangin’. ( whispering )
Please help us. Please help us. Man, what’s the trip haps
with Z Bone Two? Who, ZB-2? Nah, that’s just his sense
of humor, man. Classic boner. Please help us. Okay then,
but what was that? Oh, she’s just trippin’. You know
how Kinkstra gets. – Help us.
– Please help us. – Help!
Help us please.Okay, clearly
they are in danger. Pad, assessment. Multicultural mix of youth stuck in an ectoplasmic
party loop. Yo, these kids
been kickin’ it nonstop for, like, 3,000 years. And they haven’t
run out of beer. That blows my mind. How cool is that, P dog? This party train
just started rolling. No, Eddie, take a close
look at them. Look at their faces. They are suffering. Their souls are stuck
in this party and they want us to end it. Paul, no, sit.
Heel. ( electronic music stops ) Oh, boy.
Don’t mess with the DJ’s shit. Epic party fail. What the hell’s going on? ( roars ) It’s so horrifying,
yet beautiful. Uh, Paul, you’ve angered
the Canaanite Lord
of the Covenant. Paul:The evil demon
of the Lough Derg underworld.
The markings are very clear. Eddie, remain perfectly still. You are a stone.
Don’t– Aah! – ( snarls )
– Aah! Okay, genius,
what do we do? Uh, uh, medicine cabinet. We’ll make a repellant. Look for ointments.
Any kind of acid. And a salve
with a pH 2 or above. What do you got? Uh, I got some Poligrip
and a, uh, wooden leg. ( laughs ) Eat wooden leg, bitch! What are you doing? I’m going to create an electro
anti-neural plasm discharger. I’ll stab him.
It’ll disrupt his central
nervous system, and– Kill it with that thing
before I shove it up your ass. Quick, Eddie,
take an action shot. I’m gonna send it
to the Nobel committee. Aah! Gah! Hell’s bells! I think we got
our Christmas card, Paul. Death is imminent. Soon your souls
will leave this Earth and join the eternal party where you won’t stop
and you can’t quit. And you won’t stop! And you can’t quit
the bang, bang, boogiest beats. Stop! Why are you doing this
to my friends? Why end a party
when it’s ballin’? They’re having the time
of their afterlives. But they are asking
for help. Sorry I keep my beats fat. So fat they can’t fight
their desire to party. ( laughs ) He’s right. I wanna stay.
They were fat. No, Eddie, these kids
are counting on us to end it. That’s it. My music. We’ve done it before.
We can do it again. ( roars ) ( laughs ) Vanoss to the rescue! Oh, it’s Vanoss.
Thank God.♪ “L” is for lovers ♪You take the “L”
out of love and it’s over…
No! Aah! ( cheers and applause ) All right, everybody,
party’s over. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here. Wait, they’re just leaving? No, no, no, don’t go! Spin Diesel, I still owe you
a shot of Jäger. Miggity Mike,
come on, hold up. We need to smoke more
of that green dude. Kinkstra, we had a thing. You showed me your ghost boobs. They liked us, Paul. Those ghosts liked us. Comparative calculations
indicate that they were just using you
for their transition. The bond was not authentic. Pad, seriously? Pull back on the info
once in a while. You killed Eddie’s chubby. So wait,
they just played me? That ain’t true,
Paul, right? You saw how they were. Eddie, you climbed
to the top of party mountain. And, sure, you fell down
and broke all your boogie bones, but you had a good time,
right? Yeah, the party was a blast. I just wish they liked
me for me. Kinkstra,
why are you ba– Thank you, Eddie.I’ll always remember you.Aw,
would you look at that. Hold up, Paul.
I got you, man. I got you. Just a little quick fix remix on my totally
legally downloaded,
non-Torrented software, and, bam! One, two, three, let’s go!( electronic music playing )
“L” is for lovers
You take the “L”
out of love and it’s over…
Well, there you have it. All ghosts,
demons, devils, gone. When we say
we’re gonna do a job, we get it done. Oh, my dear God! And, by the way,
we’re not liable. Read the fine print. ( groans )This season
on “Paranormal Action Squad”…
Paranormal disturbance
detected. It’s ( bleep ) ghost
( bleep ) kickin’ time. ( bleep ), I gotta
get a catchphrase. ( groans ) – What’s happening?
– It’s the shape shifter! ( crash ) Paul, come on,
back me up! Somebody do something! This is your
worst nightmare. I’m good as long
as there’s no clowns– ( screams ) I just peed myself. – Sasquatch.
– Body blow! Mm, your mouth
is softer and sweeter
than I could’ve imagined. That’s, uh,
not my mouth.( thunder crashes )( music playing )

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