Venmo CEO: We’re Fun! | CH Shorts


– Hi America. My name is Rob Shelf and I’m the CEO of Venmo,
the simple fun money app that enables quick and easy
payments between friends while providing the full experience of a social media platform. Venmo started out as the dream
of two engineering students. What if you could like
a financial transaction? What if you could friend
request your landlord? What if you could comment on a work colleagues electricity bill? This exciting idea was roundly rejected by the vast majority of our user base who foolishly chose to ignore all the fun, social aspects of Venmo
that we worked so hard on. Guys! We’re in the middle of a take. Can we just lock it up? What’s goin’ on? No, I read it correctly.
I’m calling them foolish. Because Venmo is fun and you’d have to be
stupid to not realize that. It’s fun! With Facebook quickly unraveling democracy and Twitter full to bursting with Nazi’s, why not head over to Venmo and make us the new home of social media. Post your heart out! With the understanding that every post must be accompanied by
a financial transaction of some sort. Is that what’s messing us
up? That you can’t just post? It has to be accompanied
by an exchange of money? No…no that rules, that kick’s (ass). It’s the (beep) users,
man. They suck. They suck! They suck. I’m good. I’m good. They suck. Of course the board knows I’m doing this! What do you think? I’m the CEO of the… Oh! Is that them on the phone? Hi Walter, hello. I can hear you’re upset. So what I’m to understand is that once we are extremely profitable the company has
accomplished its objective. You do feel that way. Well I find that boring. I don’t think that’s cool and I think cool is something that is a
form of currency as well. Don’t yell. The reason I was brought onto this company is that I understand young people. I know what’s hip. I know
what’s on. I know what’s lit. I know what’s fleek. That’s why I’m here. You’re young. You’re young.
You’re an intern right? – Yeah.
– You on soc? You on soc med? You on the soc med? – Mmhmm, mmhmm, yeah. – Cool! What’s your finance app? What do you use for finance? – Uh… – [Rob] What do you
use for finance? Hello? – Uh…Square… – Square? Square cash? You’re fired. You didn’t see it before
but she’s very hostile. With Venmo Platinum you’ll
be able to socialize with only the most active Venmo users. Celebrities, improv coaches, drug dealers. And with such features
as scheduled payments, verification, and actually
being able to tell whether or not you’re
paying the right person. The future of Venmo is more
than golden, it’s platinum. But you can only get it if you routinely get 20 likes on a post! How hard is that? I’m not asking you to part
the (beep) Red Sea, here! I’m asking for some engaging content that we can license into a franchise of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson films! (laughs) I mean, Facebook is full of
Russian bots and 911 truthers! Twitter is (beep) pledge
week at the Reichstag! The planets have aligned
for Venmo’s big day and we’re blowing it because of you. You guys know you can
put whatever you want in the comments, right? You don’t have to say
it’s the actual thing that you’re paying for. Instead of a cab… Write blow job. Ha ha ha ha ha that’s comedy, okay? Something is one thing,
but through comedy you just you say blow job and it’s funny. (beep) What do you mean people are naturally shy and antisocial when they’re discussing their personal finances? You sound (beep) stupid! (yelling) You could be in a movie with The Rock! Do you want that? Or do you want to live a stupid
life where nothing happens? Coulda been you. (beep)

About the author

Comments

  1. Venmo: it’s all the lack of personal privacy of Facebook with all the infuriating transactions of PayPal in one app you’ll never want to use!

  2. Hey man how do you get this message from mom I can do my homework do I need you guys and get to work this morning I have to get my family and get my family

  3. What do you mean people are naturally shy and antisocial when discussing their personal finances?! YOU SOUND FXXKING STUPID!!

  4. "I was actually paying for a cab, but I think it will improve my social life if I tell people that I was exploiting someone's poverty/mental illness/outright enslavement so I could use their body for an orgasm!"

    Perfect, I see no reason why that wouldn't make you popular.

  5. I like the little detail at the end with the movie poster, that the names of the actors aren’t above the actors themselves… you know cause in actual real movie posters the name almost never lines up with the actor

  6. "I know what's lit, I know what's fleek, that's why I'm here"
    Do you think this goes through Nick Cannon's mind everyday?

  7. I would pay good fucking money (through Venmo) to see the chain of events that goes from this to a movie with the Rock

  8. om surprised the actual companies haven't tried to sue you guys for defamation charges, like trump tried with SNL

  9. My friend makes me use it to pay back for my ticket when we go to the movies. It's a pretty dumb app since I can see all the transactions of people on my contact list

  10. LOL I thought this was a made up company but then I googled it and still can't believe somebody actually thought this would work

  11. Brennan and the camera operator need to be together all the dang time. For every funny thing Brennan did that camera person was freaking on it lol

  12. My only experience with Venmo is having my bank account information stolen, then having money siphoned out via Venmo.

  13. I know these are parodies, but do they incorporate the actual CEO's temperament in them? Like, does the Venmo CEO actually talk and act like this in real life? XD

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *