Ways To Win At Thanksgiving Dinner: Whine About It


– I’m so full. But I can’t stop now. ♫ Wine about it ♫ Wine about it ♫ Wine about it ♫ Whine about it ♫ Hey everyone, my name is Matt Bellassai and this is Whine About It, a weekly video series where
I get drunk at my desk and complain about stuff. And on this very special holiday edition, our topic is “Ways to Win
at Thanksgiving Dinner”. Because Thanksgiving is
more than just a holiday, it is a test of spirit. And I’m not about to lose this shit. So let’s drink. (upbeat music) Can’t spill on my fancy sweater. I paid $40 for this
sweater. Can’t ruin it. Oh, boy. Alright, first. Thanksgiving rule #1. If you stop eating after
one plate, you are losing. The food on your plate should be one mountainous heap of glory, and if you stop at one food
mountain, you’ve given up. You think the pilgrims
stopped at one food mountain? They didn’t. The pilgrims didn’t stop for anything. They probably should have, because they killed a bunch of people. Second, Thanksgivin’ is
not a time for chewing. Thanksgiving is a time for
dippin’ everything in gravy, and just sliding it right down there. Everyone’s always like “Matt,
why don’t you slow down? We can hear you struggling to breathe.” This turkey didn’t sacrifice
his life for me to slow down. This turkey sacrificed his life so that I could take his left leg, dip it in some sweet mashed potatoes, and then shove it right past my tonsils. I don’t have to take it
slow. Just go right in. Next, every time your drunk, racist uncle mentions Donald Trump, take one big deep breath, and then scream. Violently. Into the soft comfort of
a warm butter potato roll. Racist uncles can’t ruin your Thanksgiving if you’re screamin’ into
a warm butter potato roll. Donald Trump can’t find you there, either. Just scream it out,
that’s what I always say. Also, every time someone mentions that they’re having a (bleep) baby, or getting married, or
they got a job promotion, take a big old shot of gravy. ‘Cause I’d rather my
arteries clog up right now, than to listen to a list of your shit accomplishments
for a single second. Guess what I did this year. (bleep) nothin’. You hear me bragging about it? I’m not here to hear about your shit life. I’m here to eat until I
can’t see colors anymore. Next! Unless a salad is creamy,
buttery, and cheese-based, it has no place getting
stuffed in this gullet. Givin’ someone a salad on Thanksgiving is like punchin’ a baby,
right in its baby face. It may make you feel good, but
there’s a time and a place. This is Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving is a time
for family, and friends, and swallowing foods that are made up of at least 50% mayonnaise. Not for your (bleep)
salad. I’ll tell you that. Also, every time someone asks
if you’re dating anybody, just meow like a hungry cat. They’re always like “Matt, how’s work? How’s your apartment?
Are you seeing anybody?” I’m always like… (meows) Next! Do not, under any circumstances,
announce to the internet, that you think your cousin is hot. If you’re thinking about
announcing, to the internet, that you think your cousin is hot, log off, take a good, hard,
long look in the mirror, and then never procreate with anybody. Related to you or otherwise. Next. Thanksgiving is the only time of the year where it is acceptable to wear gym shorts. Because eating is the only
sport worth sweating for. I walk in that feast and
I’m ready to throw down. And get wrecked. Also remember, anything is a
napkin if you try hard enough. Alright? It’ll come to
you. When you need it. Finally, if anybody stops you from having the best Thanksgiving of your life, you just be like one of those floats in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Fat, happy, and blissfully unaware of all the crazy mother(bleep)ers
screamin’ around you. That’s how I spend my Thanksgiving. Just floatin’ around all the food. Just floatin’ around, stuffin’ my face while everybody screams. That’s how I do it. Alright, everybody. Thank you for watching this week. As always, you can find
our videos every week at whineaboutit.tumblr.com, and my page, which is
facebook.com/buzzfeedmatt. And you can find our videos
on YouTube at BuzzFeed Video. And that’s everything, that’s all of it, thank you for watching, have
a (bleep) happy turkey day. Gobble, gobble. ♫ Whine about it ♫ Whine about it ♫ (coughs) Eating lunch before this was a bad idea.

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Comments

  1. This one I will not be watching, I got 8 seconds in and realized I could not handle the gross eating noises.
    Like, what the hell Buzzfeed, it's pretty common knowledge that EVERYONE finds that sort of thing unpleasant.

  2. OMG Yes! The baby and everyone's getting married thing. That was me yesterday with my family. I didn't drown myself in gravy but I did drown myself in whipped cream.

  3. I just turned 21, and I definitely drank wine while watching this.
    "Also, every time someone asks if you're dating anybody, just meow like a hungry cat"

  4. I finished eating before most of the other people, so I said "So what do you guys think about those Syrian refugees?" Then, after about 10 seconds of listening to the mess I had made, I left the table. There was my dad, talking about how he loves Donald Trump, and my brother talking about gun control, and my grandpa yelling about getting along with family. damn

  5. I did not take enough advantage of Thanksgiving bc I didn't want to get called fat. but I took home my leftovers, damn it. no one judges me in my home.

  6. I actually started crying when I saw it but did you know that you are nominated for a People's Choice Award? Congratulations

  7. Aaaah, the slow chew. When you've eaten more than you can handle, but your still determined to finish the food on your plate if it kills you. Classic.

  8. my favorite part about this is the fact that he has a framed picture of fetus zayn on his desk and a mini harry styles cut out behind it

  9. You paid 40 dollars for a sweater that looks like the sweater version of that "Can you Tell What color This Dress Is??" Dress

  10. But what if your family's food is nasty. Like the turkeys dry, the mash potatoes are horrible like where is the milk?! The gravy is nasty like it takes like unseasoned slime. The only good thing is pumpkin pie and the filling is store bought.

  11. Exactly how I feel about family reunions, as I'd only go for food 🍲 and that's it, not to hear about their accomplishments or nothing, just food.

  12. *lol – ok parts of this made me laugh out loud :p the video editing was ludicrously ADHD and jumpy seizure trigger-fingeringly manic (10,000 frame-edit points in a single 5-minute video? really?) but this guy is kinda cool…..reminds me of me in a way =D hahaha

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